A/N: it's been sort of a rule for me that I never write for the shows I watch. Just for made up people in my own head. I'm definitely terrified about posting this because I know I'll never do Kate Beckett or any of the Castle characters justice- but I had way too much coffee last night and between Tumblr & rewatching 3x24.. some terrible fangirl deep inside my brain said "Do it." and I listened. It's more of a set up for what's running through my head than a one-shot, but I think I might leave it as a standalone. I have never, ever finished a single story I've started.
tl;dr- I'm a reader, not a writer- but the fangirl from deep within is making me give it a go. Please let me know what you think? Besides the fact that I love commas too much. I'm already begging your forgiveness o.o
She'd glanced down at the podium for a mere moment, taken a steadying breath while stringing her next words together. It was just a moment. But suddenly, Castle was crying out her name. Kate could see him lunging across the grandstand as her eyes shift to the right. Just as rapidly, she feels a pinch in her chest that knocks her unsteady; feels her knees shudder beneath her. What? Kate's brow knits in confusion at first, brain frozen by shock.
It happens in a span of seconds. She's flying backward, people are screaming. Castle's tackling her, and somewhere amidst the nanoseconds as they tumult with physics her brain comes back to life- realizes it'd heard the hissing pop of a rifle.
She's been shot.
She's been shot.
She's been shot.
Whether it's because she's actually recognized it happened or it's just how slow her nervous system is reacting, pain begins radiating through her. Blooms from near dead center on her chest like she's the first day of spring. Every nerve ending screams, heaves with death. She can't breathe; the oxygen comes into her lungs already on fire and cremates her from the inside out. She can't breathe, and she can barely move. Can't even register it's the blue sky she's looking at until Castle blocks it from view.
Castle. His eyes snap down and then back to her face.
His face would break the news to her if her body hadn't already. This is bad. He looks stricken, petrified. Kate vaguely hears Esposito in the background, shouting. ("Beckett'sdown, Beckett'sDOWN!")
"Kate," he whispers, still nearly disbelieving. Castle doesn't seem to know where to put his hands; he wants to stop the bleeding, he wants to help her breathe, he wants to cradle Kate's struggling body to him and save her life. One hand slips behind her head, the other clutches at her side.
His face swims above her, distorted by tears. She's crying. She can't help it. Her mouth is open, but she can't push the words through her larynx. She's desperate, fighting. Is this really happening? One barely audible noise rallies from her. It's probably the closest she's ever come to whimpering- Kate Beckett does not whimper.
"Shhh," Castle soothes. It'd be more reassuring if he weren't crying, if his hands weren't shaking with panic. If she weren't seized by the tremors of death. He must know what she's thinking, because his next words are pleading. "Kate. Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me, please. Stay with me, okay?"
Kate tries to rein in the fear that's rampant in her eyes- horror at the fact that this is really how her life is ending. Terrified with all the things she hasn't done, all the words she never said. She tries to nod at his words as a tear rolls away from her. Like she has a choice. She knows she doesn't- but he's so earnestly beseeching, begs with such sincerity that maybe she does. And even if she doesn't, Kate can at least give him this comfort in return. She wants to stay. Her eyes are locked with his- they can't look away from each other. Castle doesn't want to miss a moment, a breath, a blink. Kate is wild to convey what she cannot say.
She almost feels out of her own body, isn't sure if she's feeling any part of it. A floating feeling? Yeah, that seems right. It's some kind of weightless, nearly tingling experience. The pressure in Kate's lungs is the only thing weighing her down- if she could just relax and exhale, it would all drift away. No, her brain snarls. Castle.
She battles to stay with him, to keep him in focus. She's slipping away and they both know it. Castle realizes it when her gaze lowers and falls to the side, like she's looking at the sky beyond him. Like she's being called away. God, he can't breathe. He has to keep her here, in the moment. Doesn't want her to leave him without knowing.
"Kate," he begs, all agony. Her eyes travel miles back to his. "I love you. I love you, Kate." For a moment, he lets himself believe he's healed her. I love you. It echoes within her, she feels those words spreading comfort across what little awareness she maintains. I love you, Kate. The corner of her mouth almost turns up. Through the tortured look on her beautiful face, beneath the fright and shock in her expressive eyes, he almost sees pleasure. Almost.
It's a ghost of his imagination as Castle watches her eyes roll back, feels her body go loose under him. Feels the heavy weight of her head rolling back when the little control she was exerting disappears.
He can't feel anything after that. Doesn't feel Lanie pushing him away to start chest compressions; doesn't feel guilt for stranding his mother, Alexis and their driver when he roars away with the car; doesn't feel the bruising pain of his seat belt as he whips the car through Manhattan traffic; can't feel the utter desolation welling at the reality of having lost her when he finds out she flat lineed before making it through hospital doors.
It was dark. Kate couldn't see a thing, couldn't feel a thing when she reached out around her. She fumbled through the darkness, searching. Searching for what? Kate isn't even sure how she came to be here. Wherever. God, she was having intense chest pains. Was she having a heart attack? Impossible. She's too young and too healthy for that. Where the hell is she? Did somebody take her hostage? Drug her? Better keep moving, look for something- anything- to tell her what's going on.
She's not sure how long she moves through the dark, but eventually Kate's outstretched hand meets a wall. She feels along the wall- brick and mortar- for a few paces, stops. Her chest feels like it's on fire, her head is pounding.
An eerie feeling creeps into her, unsettling her further as she tries to remember what happened. Where was Castle? Hadn't they just been together..?
"I love you. I love you, Kate." The words he'd spoken felt like a sunburst through an all-encompassing storm. The shadow that encroached on her vision, that had wrapped her in seeming oblivion, exploded. Daylight embraced her all at once.
No, not daylight. There is no sun. It isn't light, so much as it's just no longer black.
Kate glances all around, curious. Suspicious. Confused. Another person catches her eye- not far, not close. Neither threatening, nor inviting. But she recognizes the figure. Her heart stops. Or would have, if a bullet hadn't blown a hole through it and done the job. Oh, right.
"Mom?"
At her mother's answering smile, the ache which lingered for twelve years under the apex of Kate's previously beating heart vanishes.