For the wonderful and lovely shana-rosee, who I just so happen to be both her S/T Fandom Blogger Secret Santa AND Fic Exchange Secret Santa! What a coincidence! This is for you girl! Enjoy!
Prompt: Sybil and Tom are trapped together and end up having a heart to heart.
o o o
"Fecking engine," Tom grumbled as he slid out from under the front of the Renault.
"Tom! Sybbie's nearby," Sybil quietly chided as she walked away from the dirt road to the field of flowers where their little girl had been roaming around.
Tom's nice grey jacket was haphazardly thrown into the backseat, along with his red tie. His shirtsleeves were rolled to his elbows and the first few buttons of his shirt were undone, exposing some of his chest hair.
Sybil, Tom and their daughter Sybbie were driving back from Scotland, having spent the week near the MacClaire's estate for a small vacation. Sybil had gotten the rare week off of her nursing duties from the hospital, due to the Downton Hospital being overstaffed with training nurses at the moment.
Although Sybbie stamped her tiny foot and wailed to her mamma and da about missing Nan, Auntie Marin, Auntie Orlaith, Uncle Kieran, and Uncle Niall, a trip to Ireland was out of the question. Tom would always be a wanted man in Ireland if he were to go back while Ireland was under British rule. They would have to wait to go back home to their small flat in the heart of Dublin. They would have gone to Liverpool to stay with Kieran, but he packed his bags and left for Ireland, taking Tom's place in the struggle for freedom. For now, a trip to Scotland was the best the three Bransons could do.
The trip up went smoothly with no major problems, but on the way back to Downton, the Renault's engine started to puff black smoke and loud popping noises were coming from under the car. Tom immediately pulled over and all three quickly got out. As Tom lifted the hood, a black cloud surrounded his head, choking him and causing him to fall back into cleaner air. After twenty minutes, all the effort and attention directed to fixing the car was in vain. Tom's knowledge as a former chauffeur had its limits. Fixing a broken gear box that needed to replaced rather than fixed was one of them. The Bransons were stranded.
"Where are we?" Sybil asked.
Tom scratched the back of his head and looked down the road.
"We passed Penrith sometime ago, so we much be close to Richmond. I can see a town up ahead. We can walk if you don't mind."
Sybil sighed. She sat down on the running board, not caring if her coat became stained with mud. She stared at Sybbie sitting in the grass, pulling handfuls of blades out and throwing them in the wind, laughing as they blew away.
"It's not me you have to worry about. It's our daughter. She couldn't sleep in the car so she'll be tired on our way into town," She commented.
Tom leaned back on the door the car and rubbed Sybil's shoulder with his hand.
"That's fine. I'll carry her."
Tom slid down the car and sat next to her. Miles from anyone they knew, Tom wrapped an arm around her shoulders and leaned his head on hers, watching their daughter roll around in the grass.
"Our little girl is getting big," Tom said quietly as he smiled.
"It seemed like only yesterday I was cradling her in my arms."
"And soon she will be raising hell, just like her mother did."
Sybil turned to Tom, catching his eye.
"And…"
Tom smiled and kissed Sybil on the cheek.
"…her father too."
The Bransons sat quietly, getting a quick rest before their walk into town. After ten minutes of relative quiet, Sybil called Sybbie over, noticing that she was starting to move slower and becoming more and more silent. As their daughter walked over to them, she yawned and started to rub her eyes. She tapped Tom on his knee.
"Da? Sybbie up."
"Of course love."
Tom picked her up and hugged her to him. Sybbie laid her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his middle.
"Better?"
"Go…raibh…" she mumbled as sleep took her.
Tom laughed and kissed her on the cheek as she fell asleep in her da's arms.
Sybil stood up and ruffled Tom's hair, smiling at Tom and Sybbie.
"We should go and find someone in town who can help us."
. . .
Arm in arm, the walk was quiet, both Sybil and Tom keeping to their thoughts.
Their marriage had been absolutely wonderful. They were happily in love. They had a rambunctious daughter. They had a roof over their heads and secure jobs, Sybil at the hospital and Tom as the estate manager. But it was not with out its faults. They argued and fought like any other married couple, but to Sybil, lately it seemed as if Tom was immensely disappointed with her. He was keeping his feelings from her, so much so, that they had not made love in the last five months.
It had been more than a year since she had given birth to Sybbie. They had been intimate many times ever since, but five months ago, it stopped and Sybil couldn't figure out why. Nothing had changed and they weren't expecting another child, despite the false alarm. Sybil rationalized that it must have been her. It had been a year, but her body didn't go back to the way it was before she gave birth. She felt even worse after Mary gave birth. After only three months, Mary fit in all her old dresses, even without a corset. Sybil could only manage to fit in one of her old dresses comfortably, thankfully it was her favorite black and gold dress. Her cheeks burned when, before dinner one night, Tom commented that she should get more dresses if the others didn't fit. She was horrified and decided to eat dinner in their room.
Taking advantage of the silence, Sybil decided to bring the subject up, fearing that he would confirm her suspicions.
"Tom, if I've…if I've disappointed you in any way, you would tell me. Right?"
"Of course love."
Sybil contemplated dropping the subject, but it ate her up inside and she couldn't ignore it any longer.
"Have I been?" Sybil asked quietly.
"Been what?"
"Disappointing you?"
Tom stopped and turned to Sybil, Sybbie still fast asleep in his arms.
"No, Sybil. Never."
Sybil bit her lip and lowered her eyes.
"It's only just…When I…Oh, forget I ever said anything. Let's keep walking."
Sybil took a step forward, but Tom held her back with their linked arms.
"Sybil, I'll always tell you the truth. I learned my lesson and I won't hide anything from you ever again. Tell me what's wrong."
Sybil sighed and pursed her lips to the side, deciding how delicately she should tell him.
"After I gave birth, my body hasn't quite recovered."
Tom raised his eyebrows and shook his head.
"I don't understand."
Sybil stepped back and tugged her arm out of his. She held a cheek in her hand, feeling as it grew hotter and hotter. She shrugged her shoulders and let her hands free to talk along with her tongue.
"I don't look the same anymore. I've got lines on my hips and a scar on my belly…"
She put her hands on her waist and squeezed as she looked down at the way her fingertips sink into her soft sides.
"…My waist hasn't shrunk back to normal and my breasts are sagging. My thighs are thicker and have you seen this?"
She bunched up her dress until it was pulled tight across her rump. She have her bottom a tap and it shook a little.
"It's never moved like that before!" She cried out.
Tom was speechless. To be honest, he didn't think she cared, so he didn't either. She gave birth to their daughter. From having an abundance of cousins back in Ireland, he knew that a woman's body changed after giving birth and that it was natural if a woman didn't look the same before and after a pregnancy. He thought she looked more beautiful and radiant than ever. Tom swallowed and said the words he thought she wanted to hear.
"I honestly don't see anything Sybil. You look the same to me."
"Of course you wouldn't notice!"
Sybil crossed her arms as Tom ran a hand though his hair, knowing he had made a mistake. He found it difficult to find the exact words that would voice his opinion and not make him sound like a flippant husband.
"I don't care about all that Sybil. I love you. You carried our child, of course your body will be different. A child changes you, inside and out."
"But don't you see? You do care."
He shook his head and rubbed Sybbie's back to lull her back to sleep. She stirred, but fell back into her quiet slumber. Tom lowered his voice, making sure they didn't wake up their daughter.
"Honestly Sybil, I don't. I don't love you for…" Tom waved his free hand in the air, "…all of this. I love what's in here."
Tom stepped forward and placed his hand on her heart. He kissed her forehead as she stood there, arms still crossed, but loosening their grip around her.
"I know you Sybil. You're a kind, strong willed, and clever woman. That's the Sybil I know and love."
Tom leaned in for a kiss, but she pulled away and took another step back, putting distance between them.
"Then why haven't we made love in the last five months?"
Tom's blood ran cold.
'Four months and twenty-two days to be exact, but who's counting?' he thought immediately.
He stood there in silence, mouth hanging open with no explanation coming. Sybil furiously put her hands on her hips and stood her ground.
"SEE! I knew it Tom Branson!"
Tom remembered the pregnancy scare. He drew a breath in to calm himself down to explain why he decided it was best to stop making love to each other.
"I haven't made love to you because I love you too much."
Sybil wrinkled her eyebrows.
"What? That doesn't make sense."
He looked at the little life sleeping on his shoulder and kissed her sandy colored, curly hair topped head. Tom rocked back and forth as he met his wife's eyes once again.
"I can't risk it. Not when your life is what hangs in the balance."
"Tom- "
"You'll never know how much it scared me, knowing I might have lost you after you gave birth to Sybbie. It was my fault you fell pregnant. And when you thought you were pregnant a few months ago, I panicked. I couldn't put you through that ever again. I almost lost you love. I don't want to know what it feels like to truly lose you. Damnit, living in a world without you scares me. I can't risk it Sybil."
Tom bared his soul once again to Sybil. He felt unbelievably vulnerable and wished she would say something.
Sybil came in close and started to stroke his cheek, no doubt stained with his tears by now.
"Darling, we didn't know. It's not your fault. It's no ones fault, really. It's the way things happened."
She smirked and said, "Don't forget Tom, we are married."
Tom set his jaw.
"We are but it's my duty to protect our family from harm."
Sybil directed his gaze to hers.
"You alone can't make decisions about what's best for our family. We must do it together. This isn't the way to do it. "
"Then what is?"
"We live life as normal."
"But what if-"
Sybil shook her head and brought her fingers to his lips, silencing him. She lowered her voice, trying to reassure him.
"If we expect another child, we'll already know the warning signs. We'll have to be vigilant and swift. But until that time comes, we'll raise Sybbie, hope to go back to Ireland, and try to make our dreams become a reality. It's terrifying for me as well, the thought of losing you. I almost did once during the War, so I know a little bit of what you went through. Death, war, and prison seem like different fates, but to the one who loses the one they love to one of those, they might as well be one in the same, at least to me they were. When you told me you had been called up, I knew my time with you was short. And when you told me you were going to protest, I knew I had even less time because I was still going to lose you no matter what the circumstances were. I knew I wouldn't be able to visit you or send you letters. If you went to prison, I would never see you again and it would be as if you had never been in my life. You would have been dead, in a sense, and I couldn't handle losing you."
Tom folded her into his arms as they shared a hug with their daughter sleeping soundly between them. A quiet "I'm sorry" was murmured and all was forgiven in the middle of a road on their way to a small sleepy town in the distance. Sybil pulled her head back and looked at her husband.
"I know you're afraid of the future, but so am I. Look at me love. We can do this Tom. I know we can because we are Bransons. And Bransons never give up."