A/N: Thanks to my kick-ass betas Suki59 and LindsayK. It's a fangirl moment to have them beta for me, especially for my very first time. I couldn't think of two better ladies to help me pop my fanfic writing cherry. And props to LindsayK for coming up with Eric's ringtone. I momentarily thought of using Jace Everett's "Bad Things," then remembered how much it pissed me off that CH mentioned it in DitF. LOL. And to LaniLani26, whose fic was the first I ever beta'd and who was the very first to read this. *MUWAH*
Charlaine Harris owns Sookie, Eric, Pam (I love you!), Amelia and Octavia. Nora Ephron and Rob Reiner (aka Meat Head) own Harry and Sally. I own my own little piece of their heaven, aka, when I realized I wanted to spend the rest of MY life with my hubs, because I, of course, thought of that very famous line.
Heart's Dead Desire
Sookie finally realizes her true feelings for Eric. Post-DitF. Weekly One-Shot Challenge Week 10, 2010.
"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." ~ When Harry Met Sally
The shrill ringing of a cell phone jolted Sookie out of a deep sleep. She pulled herself out from under one of Eric's dead-weight arms and groaned when she saw it was only 6:45 a.m.
"Hello," she croaked with a groggy morning voice.
Amelia's bright and sunny voice answered, "Hey roomie! Did I wake ya?"
Since it was Amelia, Sookie held back another groan, especially considering why Amelia was calling.
"Hey 'Meals, you gals getting on the road?" Sookie asked.
"Yep, just about to head out and pick up Octavia, but I wanted to double check that you still wanted to go through with this before we started the trek up to Bon Temps."
Sookie looked over at a "sleeping" Eric and took a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm … I'm sure," she replied.
"Yeah, you sure sound sure," Amelia laughed.
Sookie hmfphed at her best friend. "I'm sure. I'll never know if what I feel is real unless I go through with this. You said he won't feel anything right? It's just temporary as long as we exchange blood again afterwards, right?"
"Yep, that's what Octavia says. Ok, roomie, I'm gonna hit the road then. We'll see you around lunchtime. Hope you're serving up something good," Amelia laughed.
If only Sookie really felt as sure as Amelia sounded chipper.
"See you soon," Sookie said before ending the call. She looked over at Eric again. He looks so sweet and innocent when he's dead for the day, she thought. Sookie set the alarm on her phone for 9 a.m. and crawled back into Eric's embrace.
^v^ ~ ^v^ ~ ^v^
Sookie awoke to a new sound coming from her phone, the chirp of the alarm. She sighed herself awake and crawled out from under Eric's arm for a second time this morning. Butterflies started cropping up in her belly, but she ignored them and got up to tend to her human needs. Thoughts bombarded her as she brushed her teeth.
What if it really is just the bond? What do I do then? If we break up, won't I still have to see him? I'm sure I'll have to read for him anyway. Will I be able to still see him after breaking up? It took so long to gain even a modicum of normalcy around Bill. Hell, it took him saving my life. Or what if Eric wants nothing to do with me anymore? What if I never see him again? Won't that be worse? I missed him so much when he distanced himself when Appius was here. Wait, what am I doing? If it IS just the bond, I won't miss him if we break up. The bond will be gone. Right, that's it. Everything will be fine. Better than fine. I won't miss him at all.
Sookie finished up in the bathroom and returned to the bedroom, stopping to stare at Eric's partially covered naked form. Oh, but I will miss that award winning ass. She giggled and grabbed one of his glorious cheeks, then sighed. Woman up, Stackhouse. This is for the best. Then Eric's words, "This is best. This is right," floated through her head briefly, but she pushed them aside, wrote a quick note for Eric reminding him her girlfriends were visiting her overnight, and then set out for Bon Temps to get ready for the "witching hour" of arrival.
^v^ ~ ^v^ ~ ^v^
Sookie was just popping the finished chicken fried steak into the oven to keep warm when the doorbell rang. Amelia nearly jumped on Sookie with the biggest bear hug imaginable.
"I missed you, Sook," Amelia cried into her shoulder and then pulled back to wipe away a few tears.
Sookie had thought she had gotten over Amelia's move back to New Orleans, but having her here reminded her just how much she missed her right back. She turned for Octavia's less enthusiastic, although still warm, hug hello.
"Well, my witchy friends, lunch is ready. How was the drive?"
The three women chatted through lunch with Octavia and Amelia filling in Sookie on all the changes in New Orleans. In return, Sookie told the tale of Appius and Alexei, and Dermot and Claude. As they cleaned up their dishes, Octavia finally brought up the breaking of the bond.
"If you don't mind my asking, Sookie, why not have Claude or Dermot break the bond? Fairy magic is known to be much more powerful than ours."
"Well, honestly, not only is Dermot only half fairy, but he's still not completely right in the head, even after Claude and I broke whatever spell was cast on him. And Claude's magic has diminished after living among the humans for so long. So why not have you two try it, since I trust you more than I do them, ya know?"
Amelia piped in, "Won't they be around though, Sook? Won't they wonder what we're up to?"
"Oh, Dermot moved in to Claude's place in Monroe. I'm all by my lonesome here now. Well, when Eric's not here, that is," Sookie replied.
"So, Sookie, you really are sure you want to do this?" Octavia asked. "It will be temporary, as far as it will only take one exchange to renew the bond. But it will still be painful."
"Painful? I thought Eric wouldn't feel anything?" Sookie replied with a slightly manic tone to her voice.
"Oh, no, Eric won't feel it. In fact, he will still feel you, just like he did before the bond became mutual in Rhodes. But it will be painful for you. You won't feel him anymore. You'll feel the loss of his life force buzzing through you."
Amelia and Octavia stared at Sookie expectantly.
Sookie sighed in relief. "As long as it won't hurt Eric, I want to go through with it."
"Alright then," Octavia said. "Amelia, let's start getting everything together."
^v^ ~ ^v^ ~ ^v^
It was close to 2 p.m. when they had finished cleaning up lunch and Amelia and Octavia had started getting everything ready for the bond-breaking spell. It took the witches just over four hours to get everything in place, and just after 6 p.m., Octavia and Amelia got the show on the road, so to speak. Sookie looked nervously at the sky out the window. The May sun was on the descent, with maybe another hour before sunset. Sookie began to worry about Eric waking before they were done.
"Don't worry, Sook, Eric's not gonna feel a thing anyway. Right, Octavia?" Amelia asked of her mentor.
"No, it should be fine. But let's get started just to be safe," Octavia replied.
This did not exactly comfort Sookie, but, In for a penny, in for a pound, she thought.
Out in the front yard, Octavia and Amelia circled Sookie and chanted lord only knows what. Sookie giggled. It's a good thing I trust these women. I don't want to end up running naked down the road to Eric's house. Oh wait, that would mean I consider him my heart's desire, right? Oh, hell, what am I doing? And then the chanting stopped.
"Sookie, do you feel anything?" Amelia asked.
"No, not really," she replied cautiously.
But then she did. Sookie felt a stabbing pain in her chest, like her heart was being ripped from her. No, not just ripped. Torn in two. No, ten. And then ripped out piece by ever loving piece. Slowly. Achingly.
Sookie dropped to her knees and doubled over with her hands over her heart. She wretched, but nothing came up. It went on like that for close to an hour. And then it stopped.
Sookie removed her hands from her chest and placed them on the ground. She waited a few minutes before using them to help her off her knees. She stood shakily. Octavia and Amelia looked on.
"Sook?" Amelia asked tentatively.
Sookie took a deep breath, about to answer, when "Sex Is Not the Enemy" by Garbage started blaring from her ass.
"Shit!" Sookie grabbed her cell phone from her back jeans' pocket. "I thought he wouldn't know?"
Octavia and Amelia replied at the same time, "He shouldn't!"
Sookie took another deep breath, then another, and then answered the phone. "Eric," she said breathlessly, despite the supposed calming inhales she had taken.
"Lover, what are you up to?" Eric asked. "I awoke to the strangest feelings from you. Pain, guilt, sadness. What exactly are you and the witches doing tonight?"
Sookie panicked for a second, and then realized if he could still feel her then he wouldn't know exactly what she was up to. "We're watching chick flicks, Eric. Lots of leaking and ice cream." Sookie hoped he would buy it.
"Then I'm definitely glad I decided against paying you ladies a visit," he replied. "I'm headed to Fangtasia, lover, but do call me if you decide to watch Die Hard or Terminator," he chuckled.
"Will do, Eric. Although it's not very likely," Sookie laughed as she replied. "Goodnight."
"Oh, it can't be a good night, lover, when I won't be going to rest after a few rounds of feeling your body writhing beneath mine."
Sookie inhaled sharply as she felt several twinges south of her belly button.
"I'm sure you'll get by, Eric. Sleep tight, don't let the fangbangers bite," Sookie giggled as she ended the call.
She was just getting her blush under control when she looked up and saw Amelia and Octavia staring at her.
"What?" she asked.
The two witches looked at each other, exchanged some eyebrow raises, and looked back at Sookie.
"What?" Sookie reiterated.
"How do you feel," asked Octavia.
"Now that I'm done wretching? Ok, I guess." Sookie thought about it some, and went to probe the bond. It wasn't there. Nothing. Nada. Just her. "I guess I feel kinda empty. Like something's missing."
"Duh," Amelia responded. "The bond is missing. So, how do you feel? Ya know, about Eric?"
"Well, after talking to him just now, I miss him and," Sookie blushed. "And I wish he was here, or maybe that I was there, since you're both here," she laughed. "I don't know, I think I need some time to decipher everything."
"Well, how about we don't make a liar out of ya, darlin', and actually watch one of those chicky flicks you mentioned to your man," suggested Octavia.
"Good idea," added Amelia, and the three ladies went inside.
^v^ ~ ^v^ ~ ^v^
"I love this movie," Amelia sighed. "Harry and Sally were the complete opposite of friends in the beginning, and then the very best of friends, and then lovers, and then, well," Amelia tapered off her musings.
"Then what, Ames?" Sookie asked.
"Well, it reminds me of you and Eric a bit, I guess. You've been through it all, ya know?"
"Um, yeah, I'm well aware we've been through a lot," Sookie countered.
The two best friends returned their attention to the TV as Octavia snored lightly from Gran's favorite chair. However, only Sookie's eyes returned to the screen. Her mind, her attention, went elsewhere, thinking of all the things she had been through with Eric.
Even in the beginning, he staked Long Shadow for me. He sent me that hideous flower in the hospital after René. He helped heal me from the maenad's attack. He took care of me in Dallas after the Fellowship debacle. He came to the orgy with me and protected me a second time from the maenad.
In Jackson he was there for me when I was staked. He took care of me after the incident with Bill in the trunk. And he took on all those Weres at my house after Jackson.
He helped Tara for me with her situation with Mickey. Well, he got me to tell him stuff from that, but still. He came to save me from Twining; even if the town of Bon Temps had beaten him to it, he still came.
Eric was there at the hospital in New Orleans. He forced Bill to tell me everything; as much as it hurt me then, I'm glad of it now. He tracked me through New Orleans when the Weres took me and Quinn. He tried to protect me from the Arkansas contingent at Sophie-Anne's.
And then there's Rhodes. Eric saved me from Andre. There was no way to know Andre would end up dead. What if I was stuck bonded to Andre? And what about how I felt in Rhodes? I immediately went to save him when the building started exploding. He's right, I would have hurt if he died.
But wait, we were bonded by then. It was that, right? Or was it residual feelings from when he was cursed? No, but everything I'm thinking of doesn't even take into account the time when he was cursed.
And then, just dancing with him in Fangtasia after Sam was shot. I wore the cranberry coat he bought me. His gifts are always so thoughtful - the coat, the driveway, the phone. The phone. He had come to my house when his whole area was under attack. My house. Why? He's told me he loves me a number of times now; maybe it's not just the bond for him. There was so much there even before Rhodes.
The Fairy War. He felt everything, suffered with me. God, I hate Victor. No, don't go off on that tangent, Stackhouse. Stay with your thoughts about Eric.
An abrupt sound brought Sookie out of her revelry. Just beside her on the couch, Amelia had begun to snore even louder than Octavia. Sookie actually did turn her attention back to the TV screen. Harry was running through the streets of New York City on New Year's Eve. He finally gets to Sally and declares, "I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
With that, Sookie turned off the TV, covered Amelia and Octavia with her Gran's "hideous" afghans, and headed off to bed.
^v^ ~ ^v^ ~ ^v^
Sleep was elusive. Sookie tossed and turned, dreamed (of being with Eric) and had nightmares (of not being with Eric). When she finally woke, it was not to the smell of coffee, but the smell of a chicken and mushroom casserole. She unknowingly pressed her right hand to her heart. She felt empty. Sad. Forlorn. Eric. She did not feel Eric. And she missed it. Missed him. What the fuck have I done? No bond and she still missed him, wanted him. She had never gotten ready for the day so quickly, except it wasn't day. It was evening already. She bounded out to the kitchen where Amelia and Octavia sat at the table spooning themselves some dinner.
"Sook, you're finally up!" Amelia exclaimed.
"Sookie, how are you feeling," Octavia asked tentatively.
"Oh my God, it's 6 p.m.! How could you let me sleep so long?"
"We tried to wake you, Sook," Amelia explained. "You were bashing around in your bed, groaning for hours, and not in the good way. We kept checking on you, but you just wouldn't wake up. Those were some fitful dreams, hon."
"You're telling me," Sookie replied. She took a deep breath. "You were right, 'Meals, you were right. It wasn't the bond. Not one bit. I've got to go see Eric."
"Are you sure, dear," Octavia asked.
At virtually the same time, Amelia gloated, "Told ya so!"
Sookie actually smiled, at them both. "Yes, I'm sure, and yes, you were right. I believe I just admitted to that, Ames."
And with that, Sookie grabbed an apple from the bowl on the counter top and was out the door in what seemed like vampire speed to the two witches.
"Looks like our work here is done," Amelia said to Octavia.
"So it seems. We don't have to get on the road tonight, do we?" Octavia laughed. "It's a five hour drive!"
Amelia giggled, "No, I doubt Sookie is coming back here tonight anyway. We'll leave in the morning."
^v^ ~ ^v^ ~ ^v^
Sookie pulled up at Fangtasia with a new, heavier set of butterflies rolling through not just her tummy, but it seemed through her blood, as well. She did a lot of thinking on the hour drive from Bon Temps to Shreveport. But now she was nervous. She loved Eric. She knew that with all her heart. HER heart. Bond-influence-free. And she knew now that she DID want to spend the rest of her life with Eric. She wanted their pledging to mean more than just political protection. She wanted the real deal. With him. For good. Forever. And not just her forever. For his forever. Eventually his forever, anyway.
She stepped out of her beat up car, damaged from saving Eric and De Castro. She looked down at herself. Crap! she thought. T-shirt, jeans and converse is SO not the outfit to wear when you proclaim your love and renew a bond. But Harry didn't care about what he was wearing when he went to Sally, so Sookie slammed the car door and headed towards Pam at the entrance to Fangtasia.
"Sookie. To what do we owe the … ahem, pleasure … of your appearance tonight?" asked Pam in only the way Pam would ask while belittling you.
"Hey, Pam. Is Eric here tonight?"
"Why would you need to ask? Surely you can feel that he's here enthralling the vermin?"
"Of course!" Sookie blushed slightly out of guilt. "Well, I'll just go in then."
"Of course," Pam replied with a raised eyebrow and let Sookie through, much to the discontent of the fangbangers lined up waiting to get in and drool over HER Eric. That's right, he's mine! Sookie thought right back at the nasty girls thinking evil thoughts right at her.
Eric, of course, could sense that Sookie was there. They locked eyes immediately upon her entrance. She walked determinedly up to his "throne," stepped onto the stage and leaned down to whisper in his ear.
"We need to talk," she said.
"Lover, what a pleasant surprise. We can go to my office."
Eric stood and led the way.
Sookie closed the door behind her and remained leaning against it as Eric walked over to the chair behind his desk.
"Sookie, what has you feeling so guilty still? The, what did you call them, chick flicks, are over, yes?"
In for a penny, she thought. "Eric, I had the bond severed."
"You what?" Eric cut her off. "I felt nothing of the sort! I feel you now! What are you talking about?"
"Calm down! I had it, well, temporarily closed down, on my end. So I could sort through my feelings."
Eric had a pained look on his face, or, that's what it looked like to Sookie. It was just a flicker and without the bond, she wasn't really sure.
Eric stared at her. "So that's why your witches are visiting? You are that unsure of me, Sookie?"
"No, I was that unsure of me," she replied.
"You know what can happen when witches …."
It was Sookie's turn to cut him off. "I trust them, Eric. And just shut up for a minute. It's worked out in your favor, you big a-hole!"
That got Eric to stifle for a second.
Sookie continued, "Only I can't feel the bond. Once we exchange blood just one more time, it will be back in full force. I just had to know. I had to be sure. I was thinking about the future and couldn't possibly make a decision without being sure."
"A decision about what, lover?" Eric asked, but just then he had an idea of what she would question that would have her need to be so sure. He smirked, just for a second. Thankfully, Sookie didn't catch it.
"A decision about us. About going forward. I was thinking about what happens as I age. I know I've asked you to never turn me, but then I thought about what life would look like 50 years down the road." She paused. "And I thought of some scenarios, but I had to be sure about my true feelings before I made a decision about something big like that."
If Eric had a heartbeat, it would have stopped for a moment. "Are you speaking of what I think you are?"
"Yes, Eric. I am. I love you. I realized, without the bond, mind you, that if you died I wouldn't want to go on. I'd want to meet the sun, so to speak. And then I thought, if you felt that way about me, I wouldn't want you to meet the sun. And the only answer to that scenario, lest we want to end up like Romeo and Juliet – and no thank you to that – was if you turned me."
Sookie's words hung out there for several minutes. Eric was afraid to speak, afraid that he was imagining this. He had fantasized about this. Many, many times.
"So, I needed to put the bond on hold to figure out how I really felt."
"Sookie, I told you that the bond doesn't make you feel things."
"I know. I know that now." Several tears cascaded down her cheeks.
Eric stepped from behind his desk and was before her in front of the door with his vampire speed.
"Lover," he whispered.
Sookie looked up at Eric as a big, solitary red tear drop trailed down his cheek. She strained her neck up and nabbed the tear with her tongue. She felt a slight twinge within herself. The bond sparked a bit, but needed more to fully reconnect.
"Not right now, though, Eric. I don't want to be turned just yet. I still want some human time. Just a bit." She kissed him, timidly at first, then passionately. She parted his lips and delved her tongue into his mouth. They warred for dominance with their lips, tongues.
Eric moaned and pulled a way from their kiss. "Oh, lover, you have made me the happiest vampire on Earth tonight. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I'd like to thank your witches for breaking our bond," he laughed. "But please, don't break it again. In fact, let's set about fixing it right now." He leered at her and waggled an eyebrow.
"Oh Eric, yes, let's," said Sookie. She pulled him back to her and moaned into his mouth for the mother of all kisses, knowing that sooner rather than later the rest of their lives would start.
oOo – FIN - oOo