To say that Tadashi Yamaguchi was nervous was an understatement. He was overwhelmed, anxious, paranoid, etc. He had just finished wrapping his Christmas present to Kei Tsukishima, how he was going to be able to it to him without blushing or becoming a stuttering mess, he wasn't sure. He was going to do it, though, because this gift had been ridiculously difficult to retrieve. He still would have gotten it, though, even if meant losing an arm or a leg. Because he knew, for a fact that Tsukishima was going to love this present.
It had been an expensive one, too, but Yamaguchi had been wise to cut the price tag off before putting it in a box and wrapping it. He would be sure to shrug and lie, "I forgot," when Tsukishima tried to ask him how much it had cost. Presents shouldn't matter about how much they cost, but the thought behind them.
The thought behind his gift caused blush to rise on his cheeks, he covered his face out sheer embarrassment even though he was the only one in his room. He couldn't believe he'd gone through such trouble to get this gift for Tsukishima. . . On second thought, he could. His feelings for his best friend were just too strong for him to be in denial of why he got such an expensive and large gift.
The gift was a gigantic dinosaur plush that had cost him ¥7075.20. He had worked so hard at raising that amount of money, too. He'd worked part time at Coach Ukai's store for a solid three months, he still worked there but three months of savings went to this plush dinosaur. All because Hinata had mentioned that his little sister really wanted a dinosaur stuffed animal and he'd found a few adorable ones online.
This had caught Yamaguchi's attention, mainly because Tsukishima loved dinosaurs and had some dinosaur decorations in his room. When Hinata had shown him the pictures, Yamaguchi had planned that to be Tsukishima's Christmas present right then and there. That had been four months ago (it had taken him a month to work up the courage to apply for a job and go in for an interview, even if Coach Ukai knew him.)
He couldn't help the pride swelling up inside, he even puffed his chest out a bit. This was going to be the best Christmas present Tsukishima would ever receive, there was no doubt about that! He couldn't wait to give the present to Tsukishima. Picking up his cellphone, he sent a quick text to Tsukishima.
"Just finished wrapping your present :D"
He set the present on the floor and plopped onto his bed, sprawling out and letting a comfortable sigh escape his lips. He wondered how Tsukishima would react, no doubt the blond teen would react with the most stoic expression ever. Yamaguchi would be able to read the emotion in Tsukishima's eyes, though. He'd been getting good at that lately.
Not because he found Tsukishima's eyes a pretty shade of amber, no, not at all…
Covering his face with his hands, Yamaguchi failed at trying to stop the blush. He'd brought it on himself! Just like always, he was such a mess, so easily flustered in the simplest of ways. All Tsukishima had to do was stare at him for longer than necessary and Yamaguchi would become a stuttering mess. He hoped his head over heels crush wasn't as obvious as he thought it was.
He would go dig himself a hole, hide in it, and never come out if his feelings were as obvious as an open book. Which, the more he thought about it, they probably were. However, if Tsukishima ever took notice of how tenderly Yamaguchi looked at him, he either didn't care or just didn't let on that he was aware. That sort of calmed Yamaguchi down, but he was still nervous.
Not only was he going to give Tsukishima the best Christmas present ever, but… he planned on confessing to him, too. Whining, Yamaguchi let his hands fall to his side, he couldn't just keep pining after Tsukishima forever and ever. At some point in his life, Yamaguchi would have to confess his feelings.
Every time he pictured such scenario, his paranoia got the best of him. He would always imagine Tsukishima giving a look full of revulsion, walking away and never talking to him again. He knew that was ridiculous, though, because as far as he knew, Tsukishima had never looked at him like that. . . or at least he hoped. Tsukishima sometimes came across as cold-hearted, but Yamaguchi just knew that was because Tsukishima was just as socially awkward as he.
Deep down, somewhere, Yamaguchi knew that Tsukishima could be tender and loving. He had experienced Tsukishima's way of showing care first hand.
Like when Yamaguchi had forgotten an umbrella on a day it was supposed to rain, and Tsukishima let him borrow his umbrella when the parted ways when walking home from school. He had felt guilty after Tsukishima fell ill after that, but still looked back on that memory fondly. There was also the time when Tsukishima split half his lunch with Yamaguchi when he had forgotten his at home. Actually, that happened a lot more often than he liked to admit, not to mention the times when he would purposely go to school without a lunch just so Tsukishima and he could share. (Tsukishima had started packing extra lunches after the tenth time Yamaguchi had forgotten his lunch.)
He was about to keep reminiscing when his phone buzzed, heart jumping with excitement, Yamaguchi rolled over before unlocking his phone and reading the text.
"You didn't have to go through the trouble of getting me a present."
Smiling, Yamaguchi knew that Tsukishima's odd way of saying thank you so he tapped back a quick reply. Only to receive another text from Tsukishima.
"I'm still working on your present, but it should be finished tonight."
Yamaguchi's heart soared, he smiled at the fact that Tsukishima was getting him a present, too, though it wasn't all that shocking when he thought about.
"Yay! When should we meet to exchange gifts, oh and do you want to do it at your place or mine?"
Remembering that he was going to have family coming over for Christmas, Yamaguchi shook his head and sent another text.
"Actually, we should me at your house, I'm having family coming over soon."
"Okay, see you tomorrow, then?"
Yamaguchi's eyes widened to the size of the moon at Tsukishima's next text. Tomorrow!? Would he be prepared for that? No, no, certainly not. He would most definitely mess everything up, he hadn't even practiced what he was going to say!
…
Okay, so that was a lie, he totally practiced what he would say to Tsukishima when he confessed, but none of his made up scenarios ever turned out right! Never! What if he messed up and Tsukishima hated him forever, or worse, what if he scared Tsukishima off? If Tsukishima got upset over it, then that was okay… at least they could act like it had never happened, but that still wasn't a good outcome!
Why was having a crush so scary?
"So, tomorrow?"
Oh, God. Yamaguchi had been freaking out about confessing he hadn't even noticed it had already taken him ten minutes to send a reply. Tsukishima hated waiting too long for replies.
"Uh, yeah! That works!"
He truly wanted to say, "No, that won't work! It doesn't give me enough time to practice saying how much I like you and want to kiss you and want to take you out for dates. How does next Monday sound?" but he couldn't just say that. Well, it wasn't like he was actually saying it, but STILL! He couldn't very well send that message to Tsukishima and get a good night's sleep.
Not that he would be getting a good night's sleep anyway. . .
He would be way too worried about giving this present and also confessing to Tsukishima.
Yamaguchi sighed, maybe an idea would come to him in the middle of the night or his sleep. Just maybe.
Waking up the next morning, Yamaguchi's heart was already skipping beats like a broken metronome. He was excited and scared. Was he really going to get a confession out today? Or was he going to chicken out, yet again?
Taking off his pajama shirt and looking for a warm sweater to put on, he cringed as a memory of him trying and failing to confess resurfaced.
"So, why did you drag to the park in middle of the godforsaken heatwave?" Tsukishima grumbled, wiping sweat from his forehead.
"Um, well, I wanted to tell you something Tsukki…" Yamaguchi muttered. He didn't dare make eye contact, he knew if he did look into Tsukishima's pretty amber eyes, he would turn as red as a tomato.
"What is it, then? And why couldn't you tell me inside where it's at least a little cooler?" Tsukishima sighed.
"Uh, b-because, I-I…" Yamaguchi stood up straight, daring to look the blond teen right in the eye. Big mistake. "Because I wanted to get some ice-cream!" He lied, putting on a fake smile and started walking in the direction of the nearest ice-cream parlor.
"Oi! Yamaguchi, idiot, you dragged me out in this blistering weather for nothing," he heard his friend call from behind, but knew he was following anyway. Tsukishima always did have a soft spot for sweets.
"Well, at least you can cool back down with a frozen treat," Yamaguchi made his fake smile stretch into a big grin. "I'll even pay, since I bothered to bring you out in the horrible heat."
Shuddering from that memory, Yamaguchi wanted to smack himself. It was obvious he hadn't said what he wanted, and he knew that Tsukishima knew this. He was just lucky the ice-cream had been a good enough distraction to make him forget. Either that or push it aside for a good while.
Slipping out of his pajama pants, he put on a pair of jeans. Standing in front of the mirror, he smirked, he couldn't have chosen a better sweater to wear! It was one that Tsukishima had given him. One that had shrunk in the wash and was too small for him to wear. Funny enough, it was still quite large on Yamaguchi.
It had an adorable group of blue dinosaurs stitched into the soft green fabric. Truth be told, Yamaguchi had never been brave enough to wear the sweater before, but it was the only clean one left and he definitely wasn't stepping outside in a T-shirt, even he was going to have coat thrown over it. It was way too cold to wear a simple T-shirt.
The more he stared at himself in the mirror, the more he started to blush. He couldn't help but think how Tsukishima used to wear this very same sweater.
In all honesty, he was shocked the blond had given it to him! It had dinosaurs on it, and he loved dinosaurs! That thought alone made Yamaguchi into a flustered mess. Tsukishima had given him a sweater with dinosaurs on it, a sweater that very possibly could have been one of his favorites. Part of him wanted to know how Tsukishima was going to react, part of him didn't want to step foot outside is bedroom wearing this.
He was actually contemplating the thought of changing when he noticed his phone light up on the other side of the room. Padding over, he picked it up and gulped when he saw it was a text from his friend.
"So, you want to exchange gifts now, or later on today?"
It was literally now or never. If Yamaguchi didn't do this now, he probably wouldn't have the guts to do it later this evening. Typing in his answer, he slammed the send button with no remorse.
"Now works for me :) I'll be over in about 5-10 mins"
"Okay, see you then."
Biting his lip, Yamaguchi picked up the gigantic Christmas present off his bedroom floor and went downstairs. There he grabbed his coat, scarf, gloves and a warm hat. One would think he's over-bundling, but when he last checked the temperature on his phone, it said it was -9C° outside.
When he stepped outside, he couldn't help but let out a big puff of air, smiling as he watching it dissipate in the freezing air. A childlike gasp escaped him when he also noticed giant snowflakes falling delicately to the ground. Maybe he and Tsukishima could build a snowman later, or have a snowball fight. Or both. Either or sounded like loads of fun.
Walking in the direction of his friend's house, Yamaguchi relaxed to the sound of his footsteps crunching in the snow. A lot had fallen already, it was the perfect day to exchange Christmas presents with Tsukki.
In no time at all Yamaguchi found himself standing at the front door of the Tsukishima household. Before he could even lift a hand to ring the doorbell, Akiteru opened the door.
Yamaguchi blinked, caught off guard to see the older brother standing before him. "Whoa, that's a gigantic present," Akiteru muttered, then beamed, "Anyway, hello Yamaguchi! Come on in. Kei, you're friend is here!"
In no time at all, Tsukki was at the door, pushing his older brother out of the way to let Yamaguchi inside.
"What the hell-" Tsukishima started when he noticed the gigantic box in Yamaguchi's arms, "What did you get me? Why is it in such a big ass box?"
"Watch your language, sheesh, where's your Christmas spirit!" Akiteru cuffed his younger brother upside the head, but couldn't hold back his own curiosity about what could be in the large Christmas present. "I bet it's something awesome."
"That didn't cause you too much trouble, did it?" Tsukki narrowed his eyes as he took the box from Yamaguchi. "I'll be upstairs in my room, come up when you're done hanging your coat and things."
Yamaguchi nodded his head, shedding his coat quickly, along with the scarf and gloves. He hung his coat on one of the hooks by the front door, stuffing his gloves into the pockets, then stepped out of his snow covered shoes. Trekking up the stairs to Tsukki's room, Yamaguchi stopped at the top of the stairs, anxiety taking hold of his heart.
Today was the day when he was going to confess. He was going to reveal his feelings for Tsukishima Kei. He had to, or else he never would.
Gulping down the lump in his throat, Yamaguchi clutched his fists and trudged on to his friend's room.
"Took you long enough, it didn't look like you'd bundled up all that much to take so long." Tsukki muttered when Yamaguchi stepped into his room. He hadn't even turned around, he was too busy staring at the giant box that was his present. When he did turn around, however, his eyes widened and Yamaguchi could've sworn he saw a bit of blush rise to his cheeks. "You're wearing…" Tsukki started, then continued in a passing annoyed voice, "your beanie, still. Are you really that cold? I can bring a space heater in here, if you want."
Even though he had forgotten about his hat, Yamaguchi was sure he had been about to make a comment about what used to be Tsukishima's sweater. He wondered if that blush had been his imagination or real, part of wished it had been real, but if he was being honest, he was sure his eyes had played a trick on him.
"No, I'm fine, I had forgotten I was wearing this," Yamaguchi answered, taking the hat off and shaking his hair into place to try and rid himself of a horrible hat hair-do. He shoved the hat into his pocket, before walking up to stand beside the blond. He took noticed of a second present that was miniscule compared to the placed beside it. The wrapping was neatly done, while his had been rushed. "You wrap presents very nicely… Mine is-
"Yours is nice, too," Tsukishima cut him off, "Now what the hell kinda money did this cost you."
"I forget," Yamaguchi shrugged, and when he received a glare from the teen beside him, he raised in his hands in defense. "Hey, it's the thought that counts! Not money. Besides, you haven't even opened it yet. How do you know it's not a bunch of smaller boxes stuffed into one big box."
"I swear to God, Yamaguchi, if you did that-
"I didn't!" He started laughing at Tsukishima's exasperated expression, "I wouldn't do that to you, Tsukki." Wow... that sounded oddly... endearing, Yamaguchi blushed at the tone he'd spoken with in that last sentence. Was he really going to so obvious about his feelings toward his best friend and embarrass himself before he could even try to confess?
If Tsukishima noticed, he didn't show it, instead he plopped down onto his bed and propped his chin up with his hand. He narrowed his eyes at the gift, obviously trying to guess what it could be. Beaming, Yamaguchi knew he'd never guess it until opened the present.
Sitting down in front of the gift that Tsukishima was giving to him, Yamaguchi put on his own thinking face. What could it be? He only got one guess, those were the rules the two of them had come to terms with when they first started getting Christmas presents for each other. Yamaguchi smiled at the nostalgia creeping into his heart, looking up he met eyes with the teen sitting on the bed across from him.
Yamaguchi froze, why was Tsukishima staring at him, did he have something on his face? Had he said or done something weird? Pursing his lips, Yamaguchi stared back at the blond young man, waiting to see if he was going to say something.
"Tsukki…?"
Tsukki stiffened when he heard Yamaguchi timidly call his name.
"You okay, you were spacing out…"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Okay… so, what do you think your gift is?" Yamaguchi decided to change the subject.
"I don't know."
"Tsuuuukkiiii, you're supposed to guess!"
"Fine." Tsukishima huffed, though Yamaguchi knew better than to think he was annoyed, "Is it a bunch of boxes inside a bigger box?"
Yamaguchi pouted, glaring at his friend, "You can't guess what you already know about the present, try again."
"This guessing thing is stupid."
"C'mon, Tsukki, please?"
"Whatever, is it TV?" Tsukishima guessed.
"Obviously, because I have that kinda money laying around." Yamaguchi rolled his eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Nice, that means I get to open my present first."
"What!? No!" Yamaguchi gasped, but before he could try to stop his friend, Tsukki was already tearing through the wrapping paper and trying to open the cardboard box.
When he did get the box opened, Tsukishima froze. His eyes widening as he looked at what his Christmas was. Reaching into the box, he carefully tugged the plush out and held it up. The thing was as big as his torso! It was so soft, too. The big green eyes sparkled from the lighting in the room. The dinosaur plush was a stegosaurus, its body color was a pastel green while the spikes on its back were a bright yellow.
"So, do you like it?" Yamaguchi asked, no longer upset about Tsukki opening his present before he was supposed to.
Tsukishima clamped his jaw, which had formerly been agape, shut. He directed his eyes to the brunette sitting on his bedroom floor and then cast his gaze to the side. "... Shut up, Yamaguchi…" he muttered, clutching the dinosaur close to his side.
"You're welcome," Yamaguchi sang. "Now, it's my turn to guess!"
His gift was a box, too, but not nearly as big as the box he'd given to Tsukishima. It was a thin box, too. Picking it up, he gave it a gentle shake but was disappointed when it didn't make any sound. He scowled at the soft snicker that came from the teen sitting on the bed, but focused his attention on his gift again.
He was usually really good at guessing what his Christmas presents from Tsukishima were, but this year he wasn't so sure! Rubbing his chin, he pondered. What was something that Tsukki would definitely give him. Another sweater? No, it would be impossible to fold it up so small. Hmmm, oh! He knew the answer.
"Music! Did you put music on a CD for me?" Yamaguchi gasped, eyes brightening up as he turned towards his blond friend.
"I swear you snoop everywhere."
"Ha! I got it right! And for your information, I do not snoop."
Tearing the wrapping paper away, Yamaguchi's jaw fell just a little when he saw just how many CDs Tsukishima had put together for him. There were five in total. The first CD had "Tsukki's Favorites" scribbled in sharpie, Yamaguchi remembered asking him what his favorite songs were. His heart fluttered that Tsukishima was giving him a CD full of his favorites. The second had "Tsukki's Favorites Part 2." written across the top, Yamaguchi was startled to know that his friend had two CDs full of favorite songs. Impressive. The third CD made Yamaguchi's heart skip a beat, "Songs You Said You Like" Tsukki had let him listen to some of his songs sometimes. He couldn't believe the blond had been able to remember them all… The fourth CD made Yamaguchi feel even more warm and fuzzy inside, "Songs for Sleepless Nights". The fifth CD made him smile "Dance Playlist" he never would have guessed Tsukishima to be the dancing type, but he had been proven wrong long ago when he'd found him dancing to a catchy song.
"Thanks, Tsukki! I can't wait to start listening to these, I don't even know what I'll listen to first… there's so many!" Yamaguchi exclaimed as he put the CDs back in order.
"I know you've been interested in my music for awhile, so it isn't really that big of a deal…"
Silence fell between the two. It was a normal, comfy kind of silence, Yamaguchi was used to this, being friends with Tsukishima he was used to a lot of quiet. However, today was a little different. He wanted to confess his feelings. If silence fell between them, then he would start to feel overwhelmed and never be able to reveal his crush on Tsukishima.
Taking a deep breath, Yamaguchi prepared himself to confess. "Ts-Tsukki… I, um…" oh, he was so not ready for this, not at all, "I really want to go outside and play in the snow."
Well. That wasn't at all what he meant to say, but he was glad he hadn't actually said what he meant to say.
"All right, just let me bundle up," was his friend's quick answer. "I'll be down in a bit, what do you want to do?"
"Build a snowman?" Yamaguchi, proposed, mentally smacking himself across the face. Why?! Why couldn't he just say those three words? I. Like. You! Why did it have to be so difficult and nerve-wracking?
Getting up, Yamaguchi hurried downstairs, trying his best to hide the tears forming in his eyes. He was never going to get his true feelings across to Tsukki. Never, ever in a million years. He just didn't have the courage, he was too timid. Too scared of what Tsukishima's reaction would be. He wanted to let him know how he felt about him, but if that meant losing him as a friend he didn't want to risk it.
So, to save their friendship, Yamaguchi swore to never try and confess his feelings again. No matter how much he wanted to convey his feelings, no matter how painful it was to stay in the shadows, or whisper the mere words of "I like you, Tsukki." He wasn't going to do it, not now, not ever.
Wiping his tears on his sleeve, Yamaguchi took a deep breath, trying to come to terms with his decision. He would have to hurry, too. Tsukki was going to be out of his room and the down the stairs any minute now.
Just tell him.
No. It'll ruin everything, I can't.
You don't know that though… what if he likes you back.
He doesn't! He'll-
Yamaguchi was yanked from his internal conflict when he heard Tsukishima's bedroom creak open. Hurrying to the front door, he shoved his shoes on and quickly shrugged on his coat. He didn't want to have to explain to the blond why he hadn't bundled up, yet. He was just getting his gloves one when Tsukishima joined him at the front door to put his shoes on.
"What kind of snowman?"
"Huh?"
"It's not rocket science, Yamaguchi, what kind of snowman should we build?"
"Oh, how about just the basic?"
"No, that's dull."
"Ok… well, then we can just wing it?"
"Sure."
When they stepped outside, both of them immediately shivered. They walked out into the snow, until they found the perfect spot to make a snowman. Yamaguchi started rolling up the base, while Tsukishima focused on the middle. They would finish the top piece together.
Despite trying to distract himself with making the base of the snowman, Yamaguchi's thoughts still drifted towards the idea of confessing. It was getting ridiculous, really. He needed to do it, he'd been crushing on his best friend for as long as he could remember. They'd been friends so long, he wasn't sure when his crush has started, nor when he realized his feelings.
However, when he did realize his feelings, it was like he couldn't go back to being oblivious. Everything, literally, everything Tsukishima did, Yamaguchi found adorable. Whenever Tsukki was listening to music and he would get so immersed that he would accidentally hum a few parts without realizing, or even nod his head to the beat. Something as simple as just looking in Yamaguchi's direction sent his heart racing.
What he noticed first, though, was obviously Tsukishima's looks. From the blond hair that looked so soft it could be a fluffy little cloud, to the striking amber eyes, to the clothes he was wearing. Hell, Tsukki looked adorable in his winter coat, earmuffs, gloves, and beanie.
Yamaguchi was so consumed by his thoughts of Tsukki that he didn't notice the said blond was standing in front of him until it was too late. Yamaguchi yelped as he smacked his forehead against Tsukishima's knees.
The teen towering over him was startled by this and lost his balance. He came crashing down on Yamaguchi and the two ended up in a messing of thrashing limbs. Somehow, in the mess of the two rolling about, limbs flailing in the snow, Yamaguchi ended up sitting on top of Tsukishima.
The two of them lay there like that, neither not sure what to do.
Yamaguchi's eyes widened as he took in Tsukki laying beneath him. He pursed his lips together, eyes tracing every inch of his face. The way his amber eyes widened, blond eyebrows rising higher and higher with every second that ticked by, this his jaw started to slowly fall open and his lips forming a shock 'o'. Yamaguchi's eyes froze on Tsukishima's lips, he couldn't tear himself away.
They look so soft, and kissable.
Very kissable, actually.
Yamaguchi brought a hand up to Tsukishima's face, cupping his cheek and rubbing gentle circles in the soft skin with his thumb. He could see the blush rising on Tsukki's face, he could feel his own blush on his, or was that just the cold air getting to them?
He flinched when Tsukishima brought both hands up to cup his face, but quickly relaxed. He liked how his hands felt against his face, the calluses from volleyball were rough, but not so much that it bothered him.
Swallowing his fear, Yamaguchi began to inch himself closer to Tsukishima's face, going slow to test the waters. If Tsukki showed even an ounce of discomfort, Yamaguchi would stop immediately. But know signs of discomfort came, he was maybe a centimeter away from kissing this boy and still, no sign of rejection.
So, he kissed him.
He pressed his lips gently against Tsukishima's and then pulled back. The kiss hadn't even been much of a kiss, but that didn't matter to Yamaguchi. His heart was singing. He was about to lean even further away, but was dragged back down for another kiss by the blond below him.
He squeaked in delighted surprise at the way Tsukishima's lips moved against his. He gasped softly when he felt the other give a soft nip at his bottom lip, reeling back as blush darkened his cheeks. The smirk on Tsukishima's face proved that he had meant that in every way possible.
"Ts-Tsukki!" Yamaguchi, gasped, covering his face with his hands. He let himself topple sideways into the snow and then rolled onto his back, his legs resting against Tsukishima's stomach. He allowed his hands to fall away from his face, capturing the hand of the boy lying in the snow with him instead. "I've wanted to do that for so long." he admitted to the sky.
"Me, too." came the reply beside him.
Yamaguchi groaned, "I can't believe I actually did that..."
"Me, neither. I'm glad you did, though..." Tsukki added, "Seeing you wearing my old sweater brought me near my breaking point."
Yamaguchi gasped, "Tsukki!" and tossed snow at the teen beside him. Despite his reaction, he couldn't hold back his giggles.
"Merry Christmas, Yamaguchi."
"Merry Christmas, Tsukki."
The amount of times I had to use their names is ridiculous ohmygod. I never realized how difficult it is to write a gay fic. Hopefully I get better at it...
I hope whoever reads this enjoys it, because I spent more time on this than I'd like to admit. Tsukkiyama has ruined me ; ;
If you enjoyed this, please leave a review! It lets me know what you guys liked and it it's actually very motivational for a writer! I may post more in the future depending on how people like it :)