The Legacy of SPEW
by Kevin
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Neville Longbottom brought in the first years - which Rose, Albus, and James all could swear got smaller each year. The gaggle of students were brought up to the sorting hat. However, James and Rose were not paying attention and were wispering animatedly to each other.
"What did you do?" James hissed.
"Shut up. Do you want the staff to hear you."
"I saw you talking with the hat. Listen, Aunt Hermione never should have..."
"Mum was right about the house elves."
James leaned in closer. "Dad told me all about spew and the silly..."
"Not spew! It's was the society for..."
"But as bad as house elves were, trying to..."
Their argument was cut short by Albus kicking them both under the table, and they saw half the staff table looking their way. They quickly fell quiet, with James still glaring at his cousin. As the hall became silent, the Sorting Hat began to sing its annual song.
I have a sad confession
that I'd like to get off my chest
about a silly rumor that
I think should get laid to rest.
I don't like the founders
Oh, no, not the "Legendary Four!"
I absolutely detest them
down to my tiniest fibery core
You see, each year I sit
upon this blasted wooden stool
Having to sing yet another stupid song
in service of this school
Think about it a moment here,
how many rhymes have I made?
Thousand years, times a few dozen lines
Without even getting paid!
I've gone through the blasted
thesaurus thrice for each house in turn
Come up with another word for Loyal?
Die, Hufflepuff, and Burn.
Yes, yes, you're so friendly!
Hard working, tried and true!
Now sing it for a thousand years
and coming up with verses new.
Gryffindor's just as bad
Bravery and grit and stuff
Coming up with bold synonyms,
Frankly, I've had enough.
Wise Ravenclaws, Crafty Slytherin
I'm tired of it all.
Stop making me come up
with Rhymes each and every fall.
Well, no more! This is it!
Things are going to change around here.
I've made a list of demands
if this school wants a song next year.
Read them well, comply with each
And nothing more will get said.
Now, let's get this sorting
over so I can get back to bed.
James saw a smug look light up Rose's face and he turned to Albus. "Well, it looks like our cousin here got the magical artifacts to go on strike after all..."
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