There was once a girl, and she was a chosen one.
This is what being chosen meant: death. Death to her family, death to her Watcher, death to her goddamn social life, you name it, it was dead. And she delivered it with grace until she couldn't face it anymore, and then she ran. She ran for days and days and weeks and weeks until she found a town far enough away that she could pretend, just for a second –
Pretend to forget.
She surrounded herself, for a mere moment, with friends – beautiful, happy people who had beautiful, happy lives, who made her feel beautiful, who made her feel. She never belonged, not really, but that was okay, because there were people who understood, there was Buffy, and Buffy understood, Buffy was the chosen one too, Buffy had been chosen before she ever was, and suddenly there were two of her:
1.
She fell in love the moment she saw her.
Darkness always loves the light. That is why they are always just-not-touching, an endless dance between lovers pushing back and forth and back and forth and back. And like all things, she fell in love recklessly and completely, no thought behind it, just pure emotion, stronger than anything she had ever felt before. She spent time with Buffy, fought with her, talked with her, danced with her, pulling her as close as she could. Words came easy and they came all wrong.
I love you never sounded the same out loud.
2.
Jealousy festered beneath as she watched from afar.
How was it fair, she thought, that someone could have all of the things she could not? How could a girl so like her have a family, friends, a watcher, even a boyfriend, all without ever seeing death once? How could she be so different that her?
She forgot that light and darkness could never touch, that the light destroyed the dark with just its presence. She forgot that she could tire out from this dance. She tried to pull without pushing and she tried to bend without breaking and all it meant was that she lost her.
1.
She wakes up a year later and there is no hope.
2.
She wakes up a year later and the only person who ever loved her is gone. She gets a taste of the light and it burns in her.
Mostly, it doesn't matter, because she is evil – she is evil – she is evil, and nobody told her she could be anything else. The only person who believed in her has given up, has chased her up and down her soul and seen only the black.
1.
Angel is like a walking reminder of every bad thing she's done and she is like a walking reminder of every person he's failed to save. She wants to change her ways. He wants to help her. The type of brotherhood that comes from true understanding of each other's struggles is rare and important.
She changes, slowly. She wants to change, at least, and that alone is change.
2.
She's willing to do anything to help him, but along the way she stops and wonders if she's doing it for the sake of their friendship or for the sake of something else. She helps him.
Then she leaves to help her.
3.
It's been so long and they're no longer the same, but Buffy is still as beautiful as the day they first met.
Her true love is gone. Soldier boy is gone. Spike is… Irrelevant, at this moment.
They have kissed before. Now, they kiss again.
Time and space seem to warp and it's different than it has ever been, different than it ever will be again.
It's okay. She will love Buffy even if Buffy doesn't love her. She can be whoever she wants to be, and she chooses to love the light.
She has faith in a better world, and she'll do what she can to make the light stay.
4.
Buffy loves her.