Just so you know, I was very bored at this moment. I just wanted to write weird, but funny stories about Naruto. This will be good. I have a table of contents ready for the author's note at the end of the first story. Enjoy!
A Collection Of Strange Tales Concerning Naruto
Story 1 - Fraken-Naru.
Announcer:
Hello, and welcome to the showing of Fraken-Naru, a tale told by many, but only correctly told by one, that one being us. This story may cause some of the following: Heart attack, stroke, trauma, cravings for coffee from Barnes & Noble, and slight confusion. If you should experience any of these, you should immediately inform your doctor, and stop reading this program. If you should accidentally get a splinter in your finger, you should take it out and put a band-aid on it. Now, I must leave, because I am in urgent of a bathroom. In fact, I have just wet myself, and must wash off and change clothes. Thank you.
On to the story:
There once was an underprivileged teenage boy who lived all by himself in a big, huge building somewhere in Kalamazoo, that no one seemed to notice. His name was Sasuke Uchiha, and he was very lonely. So he decided to make a friend. But Sasuke had a bad life, and didn't know what a friend was like. So he made the next best thing, without knowing. He made a ferocious, blood-seeking, heart-wrenching, teeth-grinding, evil, little… teenage boy! Now, Sasuke, being the teenager he was, didn't know how to do this. So, he turned on the TV, and watched one of his favorite programs to help him. "Hello, children, and welcome to your favorite TV program with Aunt Jamima. Today, we're gonna learn how to make us a horrifying teenager that will win your heart. First, you need the following ingredients," and Sasuke wrote all this down as she said it, "a tablespoon of seasalt, a lock of real hair, any kind of meat, a drop of blood, and gentile." Sasuke thought for a second before the program continued. "Now, what you're gonna need in specific is up to you. If you wanna make a blonde teenage girl, you need blonde hair, a woman's gentile, and two more drops of blood." Sasuke pondered this. "So, if I'm going to make a boy, I'll need a dick. But where in the world can I get a dick, if I don't wanna use mine?" That's when Itachi entered the room at the worst possible time.
After quite a while, Sasuke had all the ingredients he needed and he was almost prepared. "Okay, now how do I.. make him live? I know! A surge of power!" Sasuke set the teenage body on his dining room table, and ran downstairs to the basement. He took out the shockers his mom got him for his anger management classes(which, by the way, the anger management classes weren't very effective.) He took the clamps, and clamped them each on the boy's nipples, then he took out the surge box thing, and, uh, surged it. BUZZZZZZZZ!!! The teenage boy came to life before Sasuke's eyes. The boy moved on the table, and sat in an upright position. Sasuke actually did it. Sasuke created a teenage boy. This made Sasuke laugh with joy. But Sasuke didn't know how to laugh with joy, so instead, he laughed evilly! There was then a small whimper. "Huh?" Sasuke said. "Huuuuh?" came from a cute and curious voice, confusedly. "Oh, it's you." Sasuke put down the box, and came closer, the boy's eyes on him with every movement. "I'm Sasuke. Saaa-sss-kay," he told the boy, in a slow, loving tone, using hand movements with each of his words. "Saasskay.. Sasuke.." the boy said. Sasuke nodded, showing him he was right. "Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke!! SasukeSasukeSasukeSasukeSasukeSasukeSasukeSasukeSauke!!!!!" he repeated over and over again. "SasukeSasuke-" "Okay!" The boy stood up. "Okay!" he yelled back. "Don't.. Repeat… After me." The boy stayed silent. "What's your name?" "Ummmm…. Name?" the boy whined, confused. "You don't have a name?" "No name!" the boy cried at Sasuke. "Okay… can I name you?" "Name. Yes!" "Okay… what about…" Sasuke looked at his bookshelf. He saw various stories, with names he could use. "Fraken…" He paused, and looked at the boy. The he looked back at the bookshelf. "..naru..." "Fraken-naru!!" "Um, okay…" There was a short pause. It took a second for Sasuke to realize something vital. Well, two things. One- "Fraken-naru" had six scars on his face, each placed perfectly from the other, like whiskers. Two- Fraken-naru… was still naked. "Oh god!" Sasuke yelled, blushing. "Oh go-od!!" Fraken-naru repeated. Sasuke shook his head. "Come with me," he said as he took the boy's hand. He took Fraken-naru into his room. Sasuke opened his closet. "Look. Clothes." "Clothes! Cloooothes~!!!" Fraken-naru cried cutely at Sasuke. "You wear clothes. You put them on." "Put on clothes. Wear clothes," he said. "Yes. Here," Sasuke said as he took out a black T-shirt, and some orange pants. Fraken-naru didn't take them. "Here," Sasuke offered again. "What?" Sasuke shook his head. He put the T-shirt on his bed, and helped Fraken-naru into the pants. "There. You're wearing clothes." "I'm wearing clothes!!" Fraken-naru yelled, up-beatedly. "Okay, here's a shirt," Sasuke said, as he took the T-shirt again, and put it on the boy. "There." "Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerre!!!!!" Fraken-naru yelled in Sasuke's ear. "Maybe you should calm down…" Sasuke proposed. "Calm! Down!" Fraken-Naru yelled once again. This time he started crying, cutely, but Sasuke became worried. "Wha-what's the matter?" "Ma-aatter!!" Fraken-naru cried, his breath hitching. "Ummm… are you hungry or something?" "Hun-gry!" He cried. "Okay, I'll get you something to eat." Sasuke took hold of Fraken-naru's wrist and dragged him into the kitchen(not literally.) Sasuke raided his fridge for something yummy and edible. He pulled out some ramen that he was going to cook for later on tonight, but considering all his other food was either gross or expired. He put it in the microwave, let it cook, then pulled it out. "Here," he handed Fraken-naru the full ramen cup. Fraken-naru took it and stood there, sniffling. "Well? Eat it. You said you were hungry." Fraken-naru looked straight at Sasuke. "Eat?" he chirped adorably. "Uhh…" Sasuke took out some chopsticks, dug them into the ramen, and offered them to Fraken-naru. "Eat. Go 'aaaaaahh'." "Aaaaaahh…" cooed Fraken-naru. Sasuke then proceeded to stuff the ramen noodles into the boy's mouth. "Chew, swallow." Fraken-naru- being as unskilled as he was- went straight to swallowing, before chewing the mouthful of ramen, thus, beginning to choke. Sasuke- watching this- immediately set down the ramen he was feeding the boy, and took Fraken-naru in his arms, trying to thrust the ramen up from his throat. And when that didn't work- Fraken-naru was now drowning in tears- Sasuke chose CPR over losing the cute little guy. He laid Fraken-naru on the floor, slapped his hand down on Fraken-naru's chest, and closed the gap between their mouths. And he continued to do that until Fraken-naru whined, fifteen minutes later. Sasuke noticed how long it was supposed to take- 5 minutes- and tried not to think about the other 10 minutes he supplied. "Yuh-uh-um- Ah-are you…. Okay?" Sasuke stuttered out. "Okay. Fraken-naru… is.. Okay." Sasuke was a little surprised Fraken-naru managed to make a full senctence- whether it be third-person or not.
Fraken-naru was laying out in the backyard. When- suddenly- Sasuke came outside and laid down next to him.
"I f-cking love you."
Fraken-naru inched away, a little taken back. "Mmhmm. I do too?" "Mmmm.." "Mmm…" "So…" "So… yeah." "What do we…. Do?" "Each other?" Fraken-naru laughed. "Uh.. Why don't we…. Slow down there.." "Okay… what about…. Oh, I know… let's make out." Fraken-naru smirked at him. "Okay.." And, thus, Sasuke and Fraken-naru made out in the backyard, and it was really hot.
"Wake up! Sasuke! WAKE UP!!!"
"Huh!? Wh-wha…?" Sasuke turned to see his middle-school friend, Naruto. "Hello! School, anyone? We gotta go! Come on." Sasuke was a little bummed to see that it was only a dream. All of it. A dream. But, in the midst of 5th an 6th period that day at school, Sasuke managed to give Naruto one heck of a kiss. And this all happened on a Tuesday…
End.
LMAO! So, how'd you like the first story? I'm gonna write more soon! Until then, make sure to check up on my stuff! Tee-hee!