Unsaid Promises
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Chapter 1
The wind whipped the dead leaves that lay on the ground into a frenzy, stirring them to swirl around the knight's feet as they stood on the parapet of the fort, leaning over the wall. Lost in thought, the knight did not notice that the torches behind her back were flaring to life, lighting the way for the night watch.
The stillness of the night was almost eerie, not even the wind on the top levels of fort stirred. Dying off as suddenly as it had come, leaving the flags of Steadfast limp in its wake. The coldness sunk into her bones, reminding her that autumn was nearly ending and that snow would soon mingle with the leaves on the ground. The thought of death and frost made her shiver.
Sighing, Keladry of Mindelan straightened her back and shifted her stance. She noted without looking that the soldiers on duty had arranged themselves evenly along the northern wall, giving her the space her posture demanded. The thoughts that tumbled through her head fought for control- the rational trying to override the fear and worry.
The last rays of the sun had sunk below the horizon hours ago but the lone knight continued to gaze west.
To the river.
To Scanra.
To the enemy.
Tomorrow she would lead her men to danger. Death was a possibility. Glory was not impossible, but nonetheless unpredictable. Danger was the only surety she could offer to those under her command. Strangers who may or may not trust her, but followed her despite it. They were men she had only met hours ago, who she had never known to exist until introductions and orders had been given.
They had known of her. Her name had resonated off the walls in the mess hall. Her name had been whispered at tables of friends and comrades in arms. Her name was one held in reverence and contempt- sometimes at the same time. In her men's eyes, they were being led by a legend.
To danger.
To death.
To the enemy.
Beyond the horizon, where the sun had dipped while she had been lost in thought, the Scanran army waited. Scouts had confirmed a battlefront that stretched for leagues in either direction. At sunrise, they would march on Fort Steadfast and fight for control of the borderline that Tortall had maintained for the last year. If they broke through, Giantkiller would be next, followed by everything between the Vassa River and Corus.
The only option was to ensure that Scanra's soldiers died on the field below where Kel now stood. Kel and her men had been given their orders- to cut off any retreat. Escaping wasn't even an option for the enemy. They could fight and die, or they could run and die, but Tortall was no longer in the mood for peace.
Footsteps on the parapet withdrew Kel from her thoughts before they could begin an internal debate that raged inside her. She remained in her position, leaning against the stone and staring as though she was watching the enemy bed down for their last night. The touch of someone's hand on her shoulder didn't surprise her.
He always knew where to find her.
"You're hiding" he chastised gently, following her gaze into the pitch black of the night.
"I'm thinking" she corrected softly, careful to keep her voice low.
"Liar. You're hiding because you know people will die tomorrow and despite what your head knows, your heart is already telling you it will be your fault." He rested his head against the stone and watched her shoulders tense with the truth.
She thought about her answer carefully, knowing that he would read the truth behind every word. Every pronunciation. He had learned that while her face could remain like stone, her voice gave her away.
"Have you ever noticed, each time we go into battle, we try to leave as few loose ends behind as possible? We try to make sure nothing is left undone, and yet there is always something. We forget to write a letter, or tell someone where our will is or decide we are not brave enough to tell that one person what's on our minds." She paused and felt him murmur his answer behind her ear. "Tomorrow is what songs are written about, ballads sung.
"As Pages we were taught that this is the moment where every ounce of skill and knowledge come into play. Anyone who dies tomorrow will die the death they hoped to achieve. Glory, honor, courage. And yet, we will all die knowing we left something undone."
He shifted behind her uneasily. He hated the reality of what the danger to her was. He hated how she was being so carefree with her acknowledgement that she could die tomorrow. More likely than other time he had fought with her, tomorrow could be the day it all ended. And things would be left undone. Unsaid.
"You will not die tomorrow. If I have to kill every Scanran who decides to head your way, I will" he whispered harshly, still determined to keep their conversation private.
She laughed. A single note that hung in the quiet night. It echoed along the walls.
"What good is it to me if you die trying to keep them away. It won't stop the guilt, Dom. Nothing stops the guilt. It lingers underneath, layering as more is added. I lead men to their deaths, to their surprised and unplanned endings. With things left unsaid." She twisted her vision away from the blank blackness of the river and looked up into his blue eyes.
The change in focus was sudden and black spots continued to dance as her vision adjusted. The silent wind played with his hair, twisting the strands into tiny elf knots that she longed to pull her fingers through. She felt the warmth of his hand as he placed it on the stone ledge beside hers. Her fingers curled in retaliation to her feelings.
"You cannot blame yourself for the lives they leave behind. They follow you willingly to a fate they know. The only thing left in your control is your life, Kel."
She ducked her head at his words and looked past him to the flickering torch. Her thoughts tumbled and warred inside her head. Looking up she considered the one thing left undone. Unsaid.
Her will was in her travel bags, packed neatly by her assigned bed in the room she had been given two days ago. Neal knew where it was. He also knew where the letters were, hidden inside the sealed envelope that held her last wishes. One letter to each of the people she hoped to see again.
The only thing left undone was standing in front of her. She had done this before. She had ridden into battle, knowing she may not come back. She had faced enemies, knowing they could beat her. Each time she had considered telling him and each time she decided against it. But this time was different. This time she embraced the realization of her position in the battle and knew the odds.
Reaching up she tugged a piece of his hair out of his face, smoothing it back with a watery smile. He looked surprised at first and then moved his hand to cup hers against his face.
"If something happens tomorrow, I want you to take care of Neal. I want you to make sure he doesn't blame himself- if I even make it to the infirmary. I want you to promise you will someday settle down with a girl who makes you her whole life- when you're ready to leave all this. Neal may be my best friend, but so are you." A flush lit up her cheeks, even in the dark, as she blushed.
"You sound like a mother sending her son off to war, not a commander who will be fighting with me" Dom joked but his smile didn't reach his eyes. Is that all she wanted to say? Be careful? Look after Neal?
Her eyes flashed in the dark and he realized that she hadn't thought his joke was funny. Dom felt guilty knowing that he had probably just ended her thoughts prematurely.
"Just don't do something stupid" she muttered, stepping around him to leave.
He grabbed her hand and she stared at it for a moment before meeting his eyes.
"Promise me you'll come back" he insisted.
She seemed so sure that tomorrow would be her death. That she and her men would fail. He needed to know she would come back to him. He wasn't as brave as her. He couldn't bring himself to tell her what he planned to leave unsaid. That she was beyond his best friend. That she was the reason he gladly followed her to war and across countries and to death's door. She would be the only reason for him to come back tomorrow.
She looked surprised for a moment, searching his eyes for something he had become practiced at hiding from her. She caught it for a second- and then gone.
"I can't promise you that. If I could make that promise to anyone, it would be you. But I can't." Untangling her hand from his grip, she slipped down the stairs to her room.
He watched her before the blackness of the spiraling steps swallowed her and he was left with no where to look but the darkness of the future.
To the west.
To the river.
To the enemy.
A/N: So I had gotten a few requests from reviewers during the writing of Flirting With Consequence that asked for a oneshot, or story, on how Dom and Kel got together since it's vaguely mentioned in Flirting, and here is the beginning. I was trying to get over some writers block and this came easily in place of what I wanted so I wrote it out. It's not quite a oneshot, but it won't be near to how long my other stories have been. Review and I'll keep it going.
-Jez