To Build A Heart
Summary: Tino Vainamoinen tends to avoid big social gatherings like his best friend Lukas' birthday party; especially when Lukas' on-off boyfriend is around and Tino doesn't know anyone else there. However this time he spots a stranger standing alone and Tino feels he should start a conversation. How was he to know that this man, Berwald Oxenstierna, is a gifted carpenter whose beautiful works would take Tino's breath away? How was he to know that Berwald has a heart problem that means his life could end any day? And how was he to know that Berwald would fall deeply, irrevocably, and completely in love with him?
Pairing: SuFin (with other random background pairings)
Warnings: Language, slash pairings, severe feels, fatal medical conditions, more feels, drunk Denmark (because that obviously warrants a warning in itself XD), and significant waits between chapters.
Enjoy~!
Chapter one: Unexpected
Tino Vainamoinen didn't like going to large parties like this.
He really didn't.
He stood alone, in the hallway of his best friend's house, clutching a beer bottle he hadn't drunk from in his hands, leaning awkwardly against the wall, feeling extremely sorry for himself and wishing hopelessly that he could be somewhere different.
"Come on Tino, it'll be fun! You've skipped out on Luke's birthday party for years! You need to come along. Put your work to one side for once and have some fun! You spend too much time at that school!"
"Shut up Andersen, that's Tino's job you're talking about. Look Tino, no more excuses, just come to my house at six tomorrow."
"Yeah! Or Ice, Luke and I will go Viking on your ass!"
"What?! No we won't!"
"...I'm disowning you as Viking buddy, Luke."
"Oh for God's sake Andy, I told you to shut up! Right, uh, Tino, ignore the Dane, just come tomorrow, okay?"
"Well...I...oh, fine then..."
And so Tino, pressured by the demands of his friends, had found himself showing up at Lukas' house, nervously clutching a pack of beers (which were noticeably pounced on immediately by Andersen), and after having been able to hear the insanely loud music thumping through the building from the opposite end of the street, wishing he'd come up with an excuse as to why he couldn't come.
It was a very small house - tiny really - with only a few rooms, but that night it was completely packed out with people in varying degrees of intoxication.
Lukas had pulled an uncertain, desperately back-pedalling Tino inside and given him a brief introduction to a small number of the enormous crowd of people crammed into his house - all of who's names instantly vanished from Tino's mind.
And after that Tino had spent the whole time stuck to the wall as if superglued, refusing to touch his drink after an already clearly intoxicated Andersen had slipped something innocently clear but smelling strongly of alcohol into it when he'd thought Tino was preoccupied declining a dance from a severely overexcited Pole nobody was entirely sure of the gender of. The wall Tino remained stuck to was the only safe zone - anywhere else was seen as the 'dance floor' - and Tino really, really did not want to dance.
And so after perhaps half a tortuous hour of painfully loud music and countless pleas for him to get up and dance later, Tino had escaped into Lukas' hallway, where the music was only a fraction quieter, but at least there was nobody there to grab his shoulders and attempt to drag him onto the 'dance floor'. At least there was no dance floor.
Tino raised his drink to his lips, then remembered it had most likely been spiked and set it down gingerly on the window ledge behind him. He sighed. He would go home that moment, but he could see the ominous silhouette of two guys making out fiercely on the porch and Tino really did not want to find out who it was.
Suddenly the door to the living room - the designated party room - was opened, a burst of deafening music spilling out in a burst of thumping bass and shrill electric guitar. And a figure made its way cautiously out through the door, as if apprehensive as to what they would find. Tino realised with a jolt that the figure was a man, much taller than himself, pale skinned but with cheeks flushed from the heat in the other room, and who was, despite the unamused, slightly irritated, bored expression on his face, undeniably attractive. A pair of thin wire glasses were set precariously upon his nose, behind which bright, ice blue eyes stared out warily. His hair was blonde and slightly spiky, illuminated in the hallway's lights, and he wore dark navy jeans and a blue shirt, with a stiff collar that he adjusted uncomfortably as he stepped into the hall.
He turned to close the door behind him, then turned back and his eyes locked onto Tino's.
And immediately Tino knew, that instant, right that second, that it would be a moment he wouldn't forget for the rest of his life.
The man opened his mouth slightly, but whatever words he'd been planning to say faded into nothing and he closed it again. He was clutching a pint glass half full of a deep amber liquid tightly to his chest, and he tapped his fingers gently against it as he broke the eye contact and made his way over to lean cautiously against the wall, almost decisively not meeting Tino's eyes, several feet away from him down the hall, unspoken words stretching awkwardly between them.
Tino realised they were too far away to engage in a conversation but too close to ignore each other. He coughed uneasily and the man started.
There was an uncomfortable silence, then Tino lifted his drink from the windowsill behind him and before he knew what he was doing, he had walked over to the stranger and stopped uncertainly in front of him. The man looked quizzically at him and clutched his own drink closer to his chest.
"Uh, hi," Tino said. What was he doing?!
The man peered curiously - and almost shyly - at Tino. "Hello?" he responded. A gruff accent coloured his vowels as he spoke and as Tino realised he didn't have anything else to say, he started to panic.
"Uh...hi..." he repeated, desperately trying to think of something else to say and failing.
An amused smile flickered across the man's face. "Hi. 're you lost?"
Tino stumbled over the words he had been trying to form, and took a long drink from the bottle to try and calm him down; instantly regretting it. It was disgusting. He gulped and tried to make his mouth work again. "Um, I-I don't think so- I mean...I just...you looked a bit lonely and I wanted to, er, talk to someone and - gosh, this drink is disgusting - and I'm not sure I even know what it is, and - uh - I thought I should talk to you - which is, um, weird because I don't actually know you, uh, do I? I mean, I'm awfully sorry if I actually do know you - I didn't mean to forget you! I'm sure you're very nice! But, er, I thought I should come talk to you anyway - and I'm not really the sort of person who does that really, I mean - oh no, I'm talking too much!" Tino cut himself off abruptly.
The man just looked like he was about to laugh.
"I just...I mean..." Tino bit his lip and there was a pause. "Hi."
The man's expression was a mixture of confusion and amusement.
Tino carried on. "I-uh-I'm Tino Vainamoinen. And I'm sorry I talk too much, I just - I guess I tend to when I'm a bit nervous, and oh - I'm not nervous; I don't mean - oh, I'm doing it again."
There was a long pause, then Tino went red. "Just...hi," he mumbled. He started to panic and took a step backwards, but his foot caught on thin air and he tripped over, having to grab onto a particularly ugly plant pot at the side of the hallway to try and stop his fall. He straightened up, embarrassed, glanced at the plant pot and then made a face. Tino really did not think much of Lukas' decorating decisions.
Lukas was 22, and earned a steady but small living at the local bakery - but really Tino knew, much as the Norwegian tried to hide it, that the only way he was able to live in this manner at all was because of the generous support from his parents. So while Tino lived in a minuscule flat apartment, Lukas could afford to live alone, in the centre of Milton Keynes. Although it rarely seemed as if he did live alone - Andersen was round there so often it wouldn't have made much of a difference at all if he had moved in.
Bright red, Tino looked back at the man, who looked on the verge of laughing. But he still managed to fix Tino with an expression reminiscent of slightly amused bewilderment.
Tino took his hand slowly off the plant pot and grimaced at it again.
"Horrible, 'sn't it?" the man said, an amused smile on his face.
"Mmm. Just a bit," Tino said. He took another sip from the bottle and made a face. "Oh, that really does not taste good..."
The man actually laughed, and Tino's heart skipped.
"What're ye drinking?" the man asked. Tino brought the bottle up to his face and examined the label.
"Urm, I'm not actually sure," he admitted, biting his lip.
The man leaned forward, peered at the label, and made a face. "Nasty Danish stuff," he commented. Tino giggled and then bit his lip to cut himself off. But the man seemed to be smiling at him.
Silence fell again.
And then after a moment the man proffered his hand to Tino, which Tino shook hesitantly and more than a little nervously.
"Hi," the man said, and Tino grinned up at him, blushing. "It's nice t'meet you Tino. M'name's Berwald. Berwald Oxenstierna."
An hour later Tino was starting to feel like he'd actually made a friend.
Berwald, with his slightly intimidating appearance and his icy eyes and his way of looking at Tino through his wire glasses that made Tino blush and want to take a step closer at the same time, was possibly the most kind-hearted, genuinely sweet person he had ever met.
He seemed honestly interested in whatever Tino had to say, and though he didn't often smile, when he did, he did it with conviction and it changed his features so absolutely it made him look like a different person.
And if that were possible, it made him even more handsome, Tino thought quietly, and he blushed.
"So, er, how d'ye know Lukas?" Berwald asked, waking Tino from his thoughts.
"Uh, oh, well, I went to school with him. I pretty much grew up with him, really. I think we banded together as the foreign kids at school who were learning English as a second language. And then of course a few months ago Lukas got that job at Oliver Adams and met Andersen and this whole group of friends just sort of appeared around us, dragging in a whole load of people I'd never met before," Tino explained, facial expression betraying his slight social awkwardness. Berwald smiled.
"So y'moved t'England when you were a child?" he asked.
"Yeah. I'm Finnish, you see. My parents decided to move here when I was eight, so yeah... Are you...?"
Tino wanted to ask if Berwald was foreign - he was pretty sure he was, but he didn't know how to without seeming...well, rude.
Berwald smiled at him, obviously understanding what he meant. "'m Swedish. Moved here a coupl'a years back, when I was 24."
"Oh, Swedish!" the words burst out before Tino could stop them. He bit his lip. "Sorry, I...I just wondered where your accent was from."
Berwald's face split into a grin. "Not m'ny people manage to guess c'rrectly."
"I guess with all the..." Tino's hesitated awkwardly. "Muppets...and the...Swedish chef and..." He realised his hands were making a sort of snipping motion as if imitating the Swedish chef and blushed. "Hurty mcflirty schnipp schnapp... Bosh bosh bosh..."
Berwald stared at him for a moment and then burst out laughing.
Tino grinned, slightly embarrassed. He hastily slid his hands in his pockets and looked up at Berwald again, who carried on laughing. And after a while Tino found himself joining in.
Berwald looked beautiful when he laughed.
Tino blushed at the sudden thought, but as he looked up shyly into Berwald's clear blue eyes, and Berwald smiled back, he suddenly felt the embarrassment ebbing away.
And feeling suddenly emboldened, some sort of warmth rushing unbidden into his heart, he found himself subconsciously leaning onto his tiptoes, stretching up to Berwald, and Berwald's smile didn't fade, but changed somehow, and he was leaning down slightly, towards Tino, and-
"I love this song!" someone screeched, throwing open the door to the hallway and illuminating Tino and Berwald in sudden flashing electric light.
Tino went red and staggered backwards. "Wha-?"
"Lukas?" Berwald asked.
A very clearly inebriated Lukas stumbled into the hallway, a bright grin lighting his features. It was immediately apparent he was drunk. He never smiled this much when sober. Lukas' hair was tousled and messy, his shirt rumpled, and his feet unsteady. But he was obviously too far gone to care.
"Oh, Tino! Hi Tino! Tino hi! I was wondering where you went! And then Andy gave me another one of these vodka thingies and I forgot! Haha, imagine that! They're really good, you should try one before Andy drinks them all. So you found Bertie? Awesome! Hey, did you know that he's gay? Just like you! Like pretty much all of us! You know, we should start a club or something, I think half the gay population of Milton Keynes is in my house at the same time right now! Hey, why's the floor moving? Go away floor, I never liked you anyway. Oh, whatever. This is my favourite song, you two have to come dance together! That would be so cute! Oh, this is the best party ever!" Lukas cried, gesticulating wildly with a bottle of brightly coloured alcohol in his hand, and vanishing back inside the living room, leaving the door swinging behind him.
Tino and Berwald exchanged a nervous glance, then burst out laughing.
"Uh... I've never seen him like that b'fore..." Berwald said, grinning.
"He's only ever like that when he's drunk..." Tino answered. "Last time he was this drunk it was because he and Andersen had drunk their way through 10 bottles of vodka and then came to the firm conclusion that they were mermaids. They decided that if they stuck their heads in the punch bowl, their legs would turn into tails. I think Andy would have been the first person to drown happy if Iceland hadn't intervened."
Berwald looked taken aback for a moment, then started laughing again. "Oh, Tino..."
Tino felt heat creeping into his cheeks, though he didn't know why. He coughed nervously and looked up into Berwald's eyes. "So, er..."
"How 'bout that dance?" Berwald asked.
Tino blinked at him. "I...what?"
Berwald reddened. "S'rry, I didn't mean to, I mean, uh-"
"No, I'd like that," Tino interrupted, before he'd planned on saying anything.
Now it was Berwald's turn to blink at Tino. "Ye... Y'would?"
Tino nodded, throat drying. There was a beat, then a slow, perfect smile spread over Berwald's features.
"Well... Uhm, let's go then...?" he asked, and Tino smiled shyly at him. They both turned, and headed towards the living room door, Tino's hand accidentally brushing against Berwald's leg as they did so. Tino blushed but if Berwald noticed, he didn't comment.
Tino pushed open the door and immediately cringed as the music hit him like a tidal wave. To him the song sounded exactly like every other that evening, but it seemed Lukas and Andersen, who were dancing spectacularly badly across the other side of the room, were loving it.
Berwald grinned at Tino's rabbit-in-the-headlights expression. "Y'alright?"
"I don't really dance..." Tino murmured, but his words were lost in the music. He tried again. "It's just...I can't dance to this music. I mean-"
"We c'n wait for a slower song," Berwald breathed in his ear. Tino jumped slightly at the closeness, but relaxed as Berwald leant back and gave him a soft smile, Tino's heart soaring suddenly and unexpectedly.
He didn't trust himself to speak so just nodded, starting forward into the room.
Berwald was instantly by his side, and without a word - not that any words would have been possible with that deafening music - they made their way over to where Lukas and Andersen were dancing. Or at least trying to dance.
Andersen turned round, spotted them, and waved enthusiastically, slopping half of the liquid in the bottle over Lukas, who scowled, swore, giggled, and hiccoughed all at the same time.
"Tino!" Andersen yelled. "Who have you found?"
Tino stammered out an uncertain "Uh-"
But Berwald answered for him. "M'name's Berwald."
"He lives near me," Lukas announced. "I invited him!"
"That'll be because it's your party," someone shouted over the music: Iceland, who seemed to have appeared from nowhere in a thin white shirt and such tight black jeans it was a wonder he could move anywhere at all.
"Nice to meet you, Berwald," Iceland said. "I'm Iceland."
"Likewise!" Andersen hollered, raising his drink in greeting and splashing even more of it over Lukas. "Except my name's Andy! And his real name is Abel, not Iceland!"
"Shut up Andersen, you're drunk," Iceland said.
"No, he's like this sober," Tino said, and Iceland grinned at him. Tino felt his hand brush against something warm and realised with a jolt it was Berwald's own.
The thumping beat finally started to quieten and fade, and in the momentary breath of silence between the songs Tino could hear his own heart thumping loudly against his skin. He swallowed. This was ridiculous. He'd known Berwald for about an hour.
So why was his pulse racing, and his thoughts wild and uncoordinated, and his palms sweaty?
"Where did the beat go?" Lukas asked, in a rather confused and disorientated voice. He held up his beer bottle and hiccoughed loudly. "God bless Saudi Arabia. Wait, no, that's not it-"
"Time for a slow song!" Andersen hollered at no one in particular.
Iceland grinned. "Leave this to me," he said, darting over to the corner of the room. A large sound system had been set up there - Tino assumed Iceland, as a part-time DJ, had organised this. And just as another, equally loud and repetitive song started, it stopped and Iceland spoke softly into a microphone.
"Okay, I'm going to turn the volume down just a little bit now. So everyone grab the nearest person and get slow-dancing!"
And a song Tino had never heard before started to play.
It was a simple piano intro, sweet but promising, and as it built up and a woman started to sing, Tino felt a smile spread across his face. He turned to Berwald, who smiled shyly back, and then without realising what he was doing, Tino reached forward and Berwald clasped his hand in his.
You are the avalanche
One world away
My make-believing while I'm wide awake.
In the corner of his eye Tino noticed Lukas ambling by, clutching his nearly empty beer bottle and absently murmuring "But I don't have anything against Saudi Arabia... God can bless them too if he really wants..." in a rather disorientated voice.
Tino laughed out loud and turned back to Berwald, who smiled gently at him. And then, without needing to say anything, Tino took a step closer, Berwald put a hand on his waist - making Tino's heart jump - and after a brief pause, they started to move.
The music swelled and rolled, falling in perfect waves as Tino looked up into Berwald's eyes, the blue of them burning into him, evoking a previously unknown, but no less thrilling emotion in his chest. His heart fluttered and everything around him started to fade away until all he knew was this perfect moment, one of Berwald's hands on his waist, the other entwined with Tino's, their eyes locked together, slowly turning in time to the music, Tino's heart soaring.
My salvation, my, my.
My salvation, my, my.
Berwald's hand shifted at the waistband of Tino's jeans, and Tino smiled at him. Returning the smile, Berwald squeezed Tino's hand and his heart jumped suddenly.
This moment was... It was beautiful. Tino had never known anything like it before. It was heart-racing, thrilling, exciting, but at the same time calm, simple, perfect. Berwald was so close, and Tino realised he wanted to be even closer.
I never meant to fall for you
But I was buried underneath, and all that I could see was white.
Tino could feel Berwald's heart beating, and his own heart too, slightly out-of time with one another, but still synchronised in the simplicity of the moment.
And them suddenly, the music rose, cresting into a blissful unison of sound. Tino felt his heart swell, his and Berwald's fingers entwining tighter, feeling like he could fly. And the music rose higher, fell slightly, then rose again, waves of it's blissful completion washing over Tino. And suddenly he realised that if this was how he felt after just a couple of hours, how might he feel in a week, a month, a year?
My salvation, my, my
My salvation, my, my
My salvation, my, my
My salvation...my...my...
And the music faded away into nothing.
Berwald shifted, and looked right into Tino's eyes. And suddenly there was nothing but the two of them, Berwald's blue eyes fixing him to the spot, his strong arms around him, his breath falling gently on Tino's forehead, and this perfect, beautiful moment.
Tino hoped Berwald felt the same.
And as the music started up again - one of those horrible, monotonous, fast ones that Lukas like so much, but the spell between Berwald and Tino wasn't broken, Berwald leaned closer, and smiled softly at him, a gentle warmth spreading from his eyes.
And somehow Tino knew that Berwald did.
To be continued...
A.N
Lol when I tried to write 'ignore the Dane' I pressed a couple of wrong keys and the autocorrect changed it into 'knife the Dane' XD Lol, my phone's spellchecker amuses me sometimes. Just thought I would let you know...
Yeah.
Haha...
Anyway.
Hi! My name is Charli Petidei! And welcome to my SuFin fic, 'To Build A Heart'!
Welcome back to those of you who have been following my other fics - and a cheerful hello to any of you who don't know me yet! Hi! *Waves* I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!
This is probably my favourite fic in my Hetalia AU. (To any newcomers - all my Hetalia fics are entwined together in one AU, stories intercrossing - for example Lukas and Andersen's story is told in another of my fics; and a whole shipload of other Hetalia pairings have their own fics too, all connected to one another). I absolutely love this fic to pieces and it is my baby :D My pretty little baby. I wrote a short version with a similar plotline (though with different characters and events) for a GCSE creative writing English assignment in February, and was given full marks for it. A*! And my teacher didn't even comment on the face that it is clearly a gay love story :D
Anyway, the teacher loved it, so I decided to rewrite it as a much longer version, change it into a fanfiction, and upload it here :) Hope you enjoy!
And, er, um, warning. I'd hang onto your feels if I were you. This fic is rather feelsy. Maybe not so much in this chapter, but later on, definitely :3 sorry bout that m'dears. It is a bipolar fic, swinging from stupidly cracky to über feelsy.
Anyway, and now it's time for the big, much awaited (lol, not) song reveal!
Unlike all my other Centreverse fics, this song has not one, not two, but three songs attached to it! Dum da-da-dum!
Firstly, there is of course the trademark Gabrielle Aplin song! And the particular one attached to 'To Build A Heart' is my favourite on her album 'English Rain'. And yes, it is the one that Tino and Bertie danced to in this first chapter! It is called... 'Salvation'. Link! watch?v=fna1_76SpwA. It's beautiful! If you find it a little boring at first, stick with it. On this clip, if you find yourself bored, skip to 2:49. The bridge of the song is pure Perfection. With a capital P.
Okay.
And then I have the Cinematic Orchestra's amazing 'To Build A Home'. You may notice this is where I got inspiration for the title of this fic from :3 yeah - link is watch?v=cG2bTlOcLnE. It's gorgeous and I feel that if you really think about the lyrics, it is exactly what this fic is about.
And finally...
Is the song 'Timshel', by the amazing Mumford & Sons, from their album 'Sigh No More' (which I have and listen to on repeat almost every single day). The song is beautiful - and it never fails to make me tear up. Link watch?v=jOHV7ZJZkTw ta daaa!
Anyway. This A.N is starting to cross the borderline into 'spam' territory so I'll leave you alone now.
Thank you for reading, next chapter will get posted at some point! Reviews are always beautiful!
To my regular readers (you guys are awesome, by the way :D *hugs you all*) - next fic updated will be...well...how does 'One For Sorrow, Two For Joy' sound? It feels like it's about time for some lovely Spamano drama!
Anyway, love you all, as usual! Thanks for reading!
Keep dreaming,
Charli xxx