September 24, 2013

She glues her feet to the tarmac. Everything in her is screaming at her to run; not to run away this time, but to run to him. Yet she doesn't listen this time. She stands still, her body aching to move, both afraid to let go and afraid to move, though she thinks she should listen to her instincts, because they used to be good, once. All she can think about is that kiss... his lips on hers, his hands tangled in her hair, his emotions clear to her for the first time in over eight years.

The tears start to spill over the edge of her eyes and she can't help but laughing at herself as he flashes that famous smile of his; the one he saves just for her. She laughs because it would only be this man that would make her an emotional mess; only Anthony DiNozzo could do this to Ziva David.

She has lost it. He is gone and she has stayed. She can't help but think this is the biggest mistake of her life. She stayed in Israel once and that was a huge mistake, but this was worse. Ziva needs to figure out what life is out there for her, though. She needs to clear her head so someday she can give her heart away fully, but she wonders if she already has. She remembers the first time they ever met and is seeing it as she finally makes her way back to her car and sits down in the driver's seat without turning it on.

May 24, 2005

She steps out of the elevator and looks around. It is an annoying color, are her first thoughts. The walls are an odd shade of orange. The glow from the overhead skylight is terrible and distracting. The clutter of numerous desks is disorienting. But she recognizes the area she needs to be in. It was described to her by her father, but he got the information from her brother.

There is an area with four desks all facing inward toward each other. There is a man sitting at one of these desks. He is apparently talking to himself. Has he gone crazy with the death of his coworker?

He is handsome, she notices; very attractive. His brown hair is combed perfectly, despite the lack of sleep in his eyes. His eyes! They are a perfect shade of green, like leaves and grass and things that she doesn't often see in her home, which is in a desert. But his eyes are sad with loss, something that Ziva is familiar with. But there is a gentle twinkle in his eyes, even when they are filled with such sadness.

Ziva walks up to him and his eyes meet hers briefly. He jumps, caught talking to himself or his imagination, maybe, though she is unsure which at this point. He hits the phone and it buzzes. He hits it again. It stops buzzing. He is scrambling, trying to cover his tracks. His brilliant eyes find hers again and he looks like he can't gather himself in her presence, something she has seen before in men.

"I was just... uh... having... uh...," he falters. He can't find the words for what he was doing.

Ziva smiles a gentle and easy smile toward the poor man. Her hands are in the pockets of her cargo pants and her white tank top is showing a lot of her olive skin. His eye rake over her body, but he doesn't dare to let his eyes linger anywhere.

"Phone sex?" she offers, knowing that was not at all what he was doing. She is quietly chuckling to herself about this as his cheeks are painted a light shade of pink and a guilty look crosses his eyes.

"I was picturing my partner," he responds, his voice more even, more suave, more calm.

"Naked?" she asks and his cheeks grow a darker shade of pink and he is c,early unsure what to say now. "It is alright. I do it sometimes too."

"Who are you, anyway?" he asks, deciding that changing the subject is the best idea right now, his instincts telling him that if he let the thoughts of her continue, then he would be barking up the wrong tree.

Ziva pulls out her ID and shows him. "Ziva David," she says.

"Mossad? You're Israeli," he pointed out.

"That was a good connection you made there. Mossad and Israel. Very smart," she teases with a smile on her face, as she sits down at McGee's desk and puts her combat boots up on the desk in front of her.

"Why are you here?" he asks.

"I am here to see Special Agent Gibbs," she responds.

"I'm sorry, we got off on the wrong foot. I'm Special Agent DiNozzo. I can help you," Tony says. "Gibbs will be a couple of hours."

"I will wait, thank you," she says quietly with a smile on her face.

September 24, 2013

Ziva wipes the tears from her eyes and manages to get her breathing under control since she needs to make it back to that farmhouse in one piece. She promised him to be safe and she needs to keep that promise. She puts the keys into the ignition and turns it, so that the car roars to life.

The memory is very fresh in her mind. It is only suiting that she met him first and said goodbye to him last. She started with flirting and casual banter and ended with a passionate kiss and revealing something of her feelings for him. He is certainly loved, but Ziva has never heard such a large understatement in her life. He is so much more than loved and there is not a specific word to describe her feelings for the man that she just let walk away so apparently easily.

Ziva puts her foot on the break and shifts the car into reverse. She slowly and carefully backs the car out of the space and puts it in drive. She doesn't know how, but she already knows that Anthony DiNozzo is something that she needs to consider carefully, and quickly. She doesn't know if she can let go of him or if she's ready for a loss of that magnitude. And that would be a large loss, because he means so much more to her than she could possibly describe in words or thoughts. He was her everything. He was her reason for living and needing to change. He was her constant when everything else was ever-changing. He was the only person she could rely on for anything, no matter what it was she needed. He was, and she didn't admit it lightly, her soulmate, something she had long ago never considered believing in. So many things had changed, but he had always remained special to her.