Hi, I haven't written in a while and I'm sorry for that. But here's something that I decided I should write because 1) I've never written anything about Cam/Maya 2) I've always shipped it so hard and I feel terrible for not writing anything sooner. So here's this oneshot that takes place after Cam's death. Enjoy…

I sat on the railing of the balcony at school, the same one I jumped from not too long ago to get out of hockey. My feet dangled off as I watched people walk by. They were all moving on with their lives; good for them. And, I meant that sincerely. If I had wanted people to feel bad, and for them to feel bad for me, I would've just told them the pain I was feeling, the thoughts that would only go away for short periods of time, or tell them how sometimes I got into these fits where I wasn't conscious much of myself and all I wanted to do was hurt myself. If I wanted them to feel bad, I wouldn't have killed myself.

I killed myself because I thought it'd be better if I was dead.

And I was still pretty positive that I was right about that.

I spent most of the school days like this. Watching everyone. As much as I hated these halls when I was alive, I loved them now. Everything about them was good to me. Maybe because I felt calm. No rushing to classes or worrying about grades. No picking and choosing my every word carefully to make sure I was socializing right. No having to decide on things I had to do, like hockey practice, over things I wanted to do, like hanging out with Maya. I didn't have to worry about any of it anymore, I was free and this was where I wanted to be when I wasn't watching my family back home in Kapuskasing. Until I forced myself to go away, to head to the place in the sky that I knew I couldn't stay away from for long.

I sometimes heard people whispering about me and talking about some apparent candle light vigil I must've missed in the days after my death where I appeared to be nowhere at all. Apparently, Maya was mad at me. Not shocking, I couldn't really do much right. But still, I was happy now because I knew she could move on and be happy, which was one thing I wanted for her from the first moment I met her. She was destined for greatness, and it's not like nobody knew it. Even the National Young Musicians Orchestra knew. She should've gone to that audition. She would've scored a spot in a heartbeat, and would've been on a path to living her dreams happily.

But, in the past couple of days, I was really starting to worry about Maya. She wasn't acting like herself. She was starting to be more show off-y and hoping everyone was looking at her and admiring her all the time. It was like that bad remake of Mean Girls. I didn't even think she picked up her cello in at least a week; I never caught her in the band room getting lost in her music anymore. Instead she was at lunch making sure all the guys were giving her attention. She was throwing away her future and if she didn't stop, I was afraid of what might happen to her.

The bell rang through the school, telling everyone to get to their period one class. As per usual as of lately, I watched as Maya lingered around and giggled before her and the people she was hanging around with parted ways.

I jumped from the railing, landing on my feet though not feeling the impact of the floor and my feet coming into contact. I didn't physically feel anything anymore, it was like they weren't really real and I could pass through them without thought, even though I couldn't or I think I'd fall through the ground and the earth. I guess it made sense, since I didn't actually exist anymore and everything else did.

I walked behind Maya, listening to her high heels click against the floor as she slowly made her was to the French room. "Maya, this isn't you," I told her, though my voice was caught in an abyss of nothingness and heard by no one else but me. She kept walking and I continued to follow her, "You're starting to scare me." She paused, but not because she heard me, but because she reached her destination and she had to fix her hair before she made her fashionably late entrance.

I sighed and followed her in, sitting on top of my old desk and watching her for the whole class period as she paid no attention to Madame Jean-Aux. "Maya, please do something," I heard myself whispering, watching as she snuck a peak at my empty seat then scribbled harder into her notebook. Emotionally, my hear clenched and I just wanted to hug her and tell her that everything would be okay, as long as she went back to being the old Maya, my Maya.

I left the room and wandered around, checking up on everyone else until period three. During period three, I went into the girl's room. Not because I wanted to sneak a peek or spy on people or anything, but because I knew Maya would wind up in there, fixing her makeup like she'd started doing when she first created this new her. I went in and leaned up against the back wall, opposite the large mirrors and hidden by an open stall door.

Out of habit, I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my Ice Hound's jacket. But, this time, I felt something, like actually felt it physically. I somehow knew what it was before I pulled it out. When I did take it out, I stared into the palm of my hand at the charm that I was going to give Maya to put on her bracelet for good luck on her National Younger Musicians Orchestra audition. I had bought it before I was going to meet her on the steps at lunch.

The charm was a silver cello, but on the back of the cello was a delicately placed, bright green four leaf clover, something I had thought was clever, because we both had lucky underwear with clovers on them.

I squeezed the charm in my hand and listened as the bathroom door swung open and the click of heels sounded in the enclosed space. After a few seconds I heard Maya dramatically sigh, so I slowly slipped out from behind the stall door and looked at her.

She was in front of the mirror and she had Hoot clutched in her hands. Hoot. She had him back. She was staring down at him hopelessly. "Why is this so hard?" She asked the stuffed animal breathily. "Why can't I just replace him?"

"Because this isn't the way to do it, M," I told her, talking to myself again because she'd never hear me. Never again.

But, to my complete surprise, she dropped Hoot like she was frightened and spun around and just stared. Stared…at me. Her eyes were wide with terror and she shook her head, "N-no." She hardly choked out the word.
Then, I realized she could see me and hear me. "You can see me?" I asked anyway, having to make sure this wasn't all in my head. She nodded and I started walking towards her, wondering if I'd be able to feel her like I could feel the charm.

"No. Stay back!" She cried.

I paused and looked at her. She looked afraid, and she was afraid of me. "Maya, I'm sorry I scared you, and I won't hurt you. Really." I still held the charm tight in my hand, "I come bearing gifts and maybe just a talk?"

She thought it over, the look on her face seeming like she was contemplating how sane she currently was. But, she nodded, maybe figuring that at this point she had nothing to lose, and I took it as a sign to proceed moving toward her. When I got close enough, I held out my hand and opened my palm, offering her the charm. "For you. For luck on your audition. Your once in a lifetime chance."

She stared at it, confused, "Oh," she looked up at me, then down at her feet, "I'm not doing that anymore." She tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and bit her lip in a nervous way that was always adorable. That was one thing that hadn't changed, proof that the old Maya was still somewhere underneath this cloak.

"Maya, you have to."

"I don't have to do anything," She snapped bitterly, then looked back at the charm, softening her voice, "Besides, it's too late now."

"It can't be, you're great. They'd be idiots to let you in." I moved my hand closer to her, "Please take it, and please don't let go of your music. It makes you, you, and it's always made you happy. All I want is for you to be happy."

"Then why did you leave?" She looked at me again, angrily. "I would've helped you! I would've been happy with you…" Her eyes were starting to water and her voice shook.

"I was a lost cause. Trust me, you're better without me," I closed my palm around the charm and took another step towards her. "You have a bright future, and I know you know it. I was just an obstacle, something to overcome and still come out on top, still prove you're strong and you can accomplish anything you set your mind to."

She nodded after a little while and wiped her eyes, "No use holding onto something that's already gone, right?"

It hurt but I nodded in return, "That's right," I held the charm out to her again, "Take it and just… Be the you that I knew, the Maya who keeps her head up and her stick on the ice."

I smiled as she reached for the charm.

She took it, her fingers brushing against my palm as she did. It was something we both felt and I knew it because when I looked up at her, she was looking back. The shock of the moment made us both smile. It was beautiful for a second, and felt almost like I never left. But, now I knew it was time to go, and the beautiful second faded quickly.

"Maya, I have to go. Forever."

She nodded, like she knew exactly what was happening. And, I had to smile because she'd definitely been watching too many movies. "Thank you," she said quietly, looking at the charm fondly.

"Oh, it was nothing."

"No, for everything," She took my hand with the hand that wasn't holding the charm, and looked up at me in a way I would bitterly miss. Her blue eyes gleamed with tears that were both happy and sad, the same blue eyes I'd miss peering into whenever she was near. The blue eyes that I'd never meant to hurt, only to help. "For believing in me, especially," she finished, smiling sadly and making my heart clench once more.

"It was still nothing," I answered quietly, still looking into her eyes, "But, can you do just one more thing for me, besides the whole not letting go of your music and just being you?"

She nodded and waited for me to go on.

"Don't forget about me."

She rolled her eyes jokingly, "Well, if you're going to be so demanding." She smiled and nodded again, "I'll never, ever forget about you." Tears began to freely stream down her face.

Then she leaned in and kissed me; our lips touching gently and all the passion that would be missed electrically coursing through us as something more vastly blossomed inside of me, and something slowly left her.

As the kiss went on, I faded away, going up and up.

And it was all okay because now I knew what being in love felt like and she knew how to let go.

And I'd be happy forever.

And there it is. Trying to kind of feel closure but it's hard ;-;. I hope you liked it and I hope it wasn't too terrible because I haven't written in a while. But, yeah. Please review and let me know what you thought of it?