Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi owns Inuyasha manga, anime, characters, storyline, etc... The only thing I own is my love for the characters.
I know a lot of you liked the first one so I hope you can laugh here too.
Dear Little Brother Part 2
To My Dear Darling Son and Spawn of Hades,
It is with a heavy heart that I leave you, my dear Inuyasha, in the care of that worthless brother of yours until my return come six moons from now. I should hope you're in good health and clean diapers when I next see you. The duties of your king are never ending. I wish there were a way someone else could handle these issues but alas if I were to leave this to your elder brother, we'd be looking upon the next coming of hell. When I return I expect a welcoming kiss as well as a detailed story about how you've fared until my next letter.
o0o0o0o
To you Sesshomaru, the seed that was planted with the force of a hailstorm and delivered like the hideous appearance of testes… learn to respect your father in his withering age. I'm old. I'm feeble. Do you not care for my aching heart? I've found out through a very reliable source that my personal paintings were confiscated out of spite. I've done nothing to gain such cruelty from you and demand you return your mother and aunt's portraits to me immediately… or shall I bring up an old tune about that picture of human children hidden in the dust
….quite a disturbing image indeed.
….Molester of the innocent.
Signed The King of the West.
Dear Papa,
Papa, hey, hey, hey! Yasha be extra good like Papa say. Yasha miss Papa lots but Yasha is big boy so Yasha no cry. Yasha make poo poo in potty. Sesshy clean up and put in Papa pillow. I say Sesshy, why you put poopy in Papa bed? Sesshy say Papa like smelly poo poo. Yasha no like smelly poo poo.
Oops Papa I forget! Yasha spell ABCs today! I say A.B.C.D.G.K.P. P.Q.M…Yasha forget. But Yasha miss Papa whole bunches. Papa bring Yasha yummy sweet sweets ok?
Yasha go make poo poo now. Bye Papa!
Wuv Yasha.
Dear Father,
You my dear king are the disgusting filth beneath my boot. How dare you go about spreading such uncouth rumors that I wander the lands looking for the next child to violate? Don't lump me in your miserable lot because you're the one who supports his sexual throes with mere pictures. Am I to suffer from your own selfish acts just because I want to protect my mother's virtue from your…dear god I dare not even imagine what it is you do in that room of yours. Disgusting indeed.
No matter. Just as you seem to enjoy all sorts of repulsive activities, feel free to wallow in the gift left to marinate under your bed spread. I feel deep pity for the next fool who walks into that room. His very skin shall melt off his bone, for the odor is so potent, there won't be a single living soul within a hundred stones.
Feel the love of both your sons dear father.
Signed Sesshomaru.
Dear Sons of Mine,
Inuyasha, you are without a doubt proven to me that you shall be a worthy warrior when you come of age. If what the documents states are true, you've managed to wipe out the entire west wing of the palace with a mere diaper. I'm not sure whether to be impressed or worried but nonetheless you do your king and father proud. I congratulate you on learning your letters. Your teacher has told me you've matched all your animals to each word and colored within the lines. My, my how smart you are indeed. And did I hear that you went potty all by yourself yesterday? Fine work my son! You are due for a great reward. However, do make sure the next time you want to mark your territory to keep it in the latrine.
Your father can't always walk in sodden boots. They make for very uncomfortable travel.
o0o0o0o
Now, as for you, you Satanic Newt from the Underworld, also known as Sesshomaru,
By the grace of Kami above you will meet the sharp end of my bullwhip so help me! You wicked, deceitful, blasted vermin. I am beyond appalled that you would cause such trouble for your father because of childish jealousy. The entire west end of the castle has been evacuated because they'd thought we were under attack by the swamp beasts. Now I'm stuck doing another treaty to prevent chaotic battle with those slimy cretins and you know how their hides rip my nostrils to shreds.
I am your father who cares deeply for his absent mates. You daft fool, if it weren't for my sexual throes you'd still be swimming in the lock of wrinkled containment to this day. You should be grateful. No matter, I'll fix all those troubles as soon as I come home. Be prepared for that rear end to be my beacon home. You won't know pain until it's spelled in red.
Signed Your Angry King.
Dear Papa,
Papa…. Yasha no like you. Sesshy say you spank his hinny because he give you present. Yasha will no like Papa ever, ever, ever again if spank Sesshy. Yasha no want Sesshy hinny to be ouchie. Why Papa be meanie? Yasha no like Papa be meanie. Yasha make Papa say sowwy and Sesshy no get spanking. That make Yasha sad and cwy. Do you want Yasha to cwy Papa? Papa say he wuv Yasha lots and lots. If Papa wuv Yasha then Papa no spank Sesshy hinny. Ok Papa?
Wuv Yasha.
Dear Retired King,
Which is exactly what you will be if you dare to lay a finger on my person. Take whatever actions you will, but please, I employ you to back it up with some degree of sanity. You will have no excuses what so ever happens if you decide to continue after one warning.
Spank your elder son will you? Ha, I'll see to it you have a good reason to complain for that old age. You think I'm disrespectful father? Oh no my King, if that whip so much as aims in my direction, there will be calamity. Ice will rain from the heavens, fire will spring forth from my eyes and my blade will taste flesh. There'll be unworldly shame brought upon our name like no other ever done.
Not only will you do battle with your first born but you'll also have the hatred of your second who cares for his elder brother's hind quarters as much as I. Now I must ask, would you really want to reap those consequences?
Think my old, feeble King. Your mind may be forgetful at times, but I dare say, I hardly think you've gone senile—spank me? My word, even as I write to you I laugh at such a notion.
Signed Sesshomaru.
Dear Innocently Manipulated Inuyasha,
My son, how could you leave me with a threat? You would honestly hate your dear father for disciplining your brother? Inuyasha how could you? I weep at the thought of that sweet, angelic face never lighting at the sight of me again. And you would question my love for you? I love you as much as the day you were placed in my arms years ago….yes as much as I loathe to admit it, I love that despicable cur as well. However, he is in dire need of some talking too.
You've won this round sweet Inuyasha. I will not harm his bottom in exchange that you continue to love me as you do. It's only a couple more moons until I'm home little one. I promise to read you a bedtime story and feed you your favorite snacks soon.
o0o0o0o
Dear…Sesshomaru,
Congratulations on hitting a new low boy. To think you'd take it so far as to manipulate our shared weakness into saving the country from a deadly combat. Very well, I will consider this feud, a voided matter. I am fed up with this constant back and forth that seems to go on as far as the sky. From here onward, I declare a truce. As a family we should at the very least cooperate for the sake of peace and least of all, to prevent a behavioral influence on your brother. Give it some thought until my return.
Signed Your Father and King.
Dear Father,
Forgive my skepticism but I can't believe a single word of what I just read. You honestly want me to believe you're willing to bring our verbal feud to an end after, years and years of gritted irritation? I apologize, but seeing is much more believable. To be honest…I've become worried. You call for a truce?
Some would think it noble, I think it as hidden trickery.
I will continue to look over my shoulder for some time until I see that you've upheld your word.
Signed Sesshomaru.
Dear Sesshy,
Sesshy, Guess what? Yasha go potty all by Yasha self today. Yasha potty lots and lots. Yasha wee wee like Papa says because Papa say Yasha is a big boy. Papa say if Yasha wee wee on stuffs it be Yasha's stuffs. So Sesshy bed is allll Yasha's now. Sesshy fluffy fluff fluff is allll Yasha's now. Do Sesshy want shoes? Yasha wee wee in them too.
Yah! Yasha get pretty stuffs.
Signed Yasha.
Dear Little Brother,
Inuyasha, you my lovely little brother are not at fault for my chambers being in a soggy disarray. Unfortunately because you've soiled majority of my belongings, neither of us are entitled to have them. Father on the other hand, since it was he and his false declaration of peace, encouraging you to urinate on everything, can kindly have it all to his bedroom with a sample of my excretions too.
Signed Sesshomaru.
Dear Father,
A truce has been written in gold. Look for it on your pillow.
Signed Sesshomaru.
P.S. In the words of Inuyasha, all your stuff now belongs to me.
Dear Sesshomaru,
A declaration of war has been sketched on your wall in brown, courtesy of Inuyasha and myself. Look for it on your hair brush too.
Signed Your Loving Father.
P.S. In my own words boy, you can have it.
Dear Papa and Sesshy,
…. Yasha gotta go potty.
Signed Yasha.
A/N: Thanks for reading. Please review your thoughts.