For those dwarves who I rejected for this quest and for our historians I thought I should record my reasons for rejecting some of the applicants who wanted to come with me to find out long forgotten gold.
Sori: The name alone should tell you why he couldn't come. Can you imagine the confusion any time someone apologised?
Dili: He turned out to be a she, not a reason in itself for rejection but I caught her making untoward advances to Kili so she had to go.
Dali: Brother of the above and a dwarf who marches to the beat of a different drum. He also was making untoward advance to Kili. What is it about my nephew that attracts this kind of attention? Anyway that would have been too much of a distraction so he too was left behind.
Loxli: A noble dwarf with his own merry band and a superb archer to boot. Somehow I hated him on sight and it's my call so he's out.
Grumpy: Seems to have wondered in from an alternative universe – as one of my northern cousins put it – his face disnae fit.
Oli and Stan: This inseparable pair are a walking disaster area, when they are not falling over or bumping into things Oli is always accusing Stan of getting him into a fine mess., whereupon Stan bursts into tears.
Doli: The blond hair and lack of a beard should have given the game away from the start. Then all that business about being tall for a dwarf and the frankly unbelievable "My ears got caught in a threshing machine" explanation really gave the game away. Doli is actually an f…ing elf!
There you have it, the eight dwarves I decided not to take. Hi ho I mean hay ho!
Thorin Oakenshield Age 195 ½.