Saying Goodbye
She signed her name slowly, then stared at it, as though seeing the name for the first time, and not connecting it with herself. Then, carefully, she set the pencil down.
The man in the suit took the paper. "Ah yes, thank you, Miss Inverse. That will be all." Lina nodded numbly, not even looking up. The official cleared his throat, as though waiting for a response, then awkwardly turned and left. Lina didn't move, even after the door clicked shut behind her, though she registered the sound.
After a few moments Lina blinked and shook her head, coming a little way out of her trance. Looking up, she slowly reached out her hand and placed it on the cold fingers of the corpse. They'd called her in to identify the body-they always did, though how they always seemed to know where to find her was a mystery to her. She sighed, and looked at the man-or rather, the broken husk of something that had once been one of her dearest friends-and had to close her eyes against the tidal wave of sorrow and despair she felt. "Oh, Zelgadis!" she whispered brokenly. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I couldn't be there. Oh, gods!" she choked, then brought her hands to her face, curled herself into the fetal position, and sobbed like a child.
Ten years! Ten long years! How far they had fallen now, from the days when every dawn was a bright beginning, when no challenge was insurmountable, when love was new and life still seemed worth the living! . . . How far she had fallen. It had begun with Sylphiel's mundane, perfectly ordinary death from a fever, five years ago now. With her death, though they hadn't noticed at first, the charmed luck that had seemed to guard all their lives had gone. They had been invincible until then, but no more. For a while the luck had held, but the magic of it was gone. After that, it had only been a matter of time.
Phil had been the first to fall, eighteen months after Sylphiel's death. Then had been Naga, then Filia, and Martina and Zangulus as well. Each death had struck at Lina like a blow. The inner circle of her companions-she, Amelia, Gourry, and Zel-had held longer, but then Amelia's death had shattered that too. Gourry had been killed a year and a half ago, defending Lina to the last. Lina and Zelgadis had been together ever since, and out of their tragedies they had finally come to fall in love. But while that had made things better for a time, their love had been desperate as well as tender, and with this last tearing away, Lina was alone.
"Alone alonealone . . . ." She found herself repeating the word aloud, and she raked her nails down her own face to make herself stop. She gasped, and closed her eyes. "I'm so scared, Zel," she whispered aloud, as though the spirit of her beloved might somehow hear her. Tears leaked out from under her closed lids and flowed in a river down her cheeks, but her voice was strangely steady. "I can't go on like this, I can't be alone. Please . . . ." She wasn't sure what she was asking.
On the boundaries of the world, Xellos Metallium watched her, with a most unusual expression on his face. In fact, an ignorant observer might have called it sorrow, or perhaps even regret, while someone who knew him better would have been too dumbfounded to call it anything at all. Xellos heard Lina speak, and watched her weep, and he closed his own eyes as he heard her plea to her dead lover. If only Lina had turned to him, not to the chimera . . . he could have protected her, and never have left her alone like this. But Xellos couldn't quite hate Zelgadis for loving Lina-couldn't hate her first husband, Gourry, for it either. He was trapped in that same web himself. "Damn," Xellos whispered, then teleported to Lina. "Sleep now," he told her gently, and spelled her into unconsciousness and peace, however temporary.
In her sleep, Lina dreamed that she was once more on the road, at an inn, laughing and talking with her companions. They were all there: Amelia and Zel, Gourry and Sylphiel, Filia, Naga, Prince Phil and even Xellos, all joking and eating, for once all friendly. As she looked around, Lina's eyes met Xellos', and suddenly she knew that she was not . . . precisely . . . dreaming. She was on some other plane, and her friends really were there. As though at a signal, the conversation came to a halt, and they all turned to her. Suddenly Lina found them all looking at her, smiling, just as she remembered them best, all their gazes brimming with love and joy.
"Oh, guys," Lina choked out, but she herself was filled with a bittersweet happiness, and found herself smiling. "You all came! But how . . .?"
Zelgadis, smiling warmly, reached out and laid his hand over hers, and on her other side, Gourry put an arm around her shoulders. "We care about you, Lina," the big swordsman said.
"And we would never leave you totally alone," Zel agreed, still smiling. Lina noted, irrelevantly, that Zelgadis was still a chimera. As though he knew what she was thinking, Zelgadis chuckled, and his smile deepened.
Lina swallowed as she looked around at the faces of her beloved friends. Then suddenly she looked around at the other patrons of the inn, only just then realizing that they too were all people she'd known, who had died calling her friend. Zolf was there, and Radimus, and Zangulus the bounty-hunter-cum-prince, who tipped his hat respectfully and grinned at Gourry. Even both Rezos were there, open-eyed and gently smiling, and in a corner Lina was certain she saw Roudy Gabriev and his beloved Melaroon. Lina felt tears coming to her eyes again. "Am I dead too?" she whispered.
Zelgadis shook his head, smile gone now. "No, I'm afraid not."
"Then . . . this is . . . good-bye forever?"
Everyone shook their heads. "Never good-bye, Miss Lina," said Amelia, "only 'until next time.' " She smiled. "You know we'll meet again."
They all nodded, and Lina felt herself enveloped in warmth and love. "Oh, guys...." she said again.
One by one, then, they all smiled at her, squeezed her hand and said a few words, then filed out into the night. Those at the table lingered for a while longer, and they talked of old times, while Lina bathed in the friendship and love that surrounded her, drinking it in to warm her.
Filia was the first at the table to leave, followed by Sylphiel, then Phil. Naga lingered for a few more minutes, and then with a giggle and a hug she too was gone.
Amelia was the first of Lina's closest friends to depart. The petite princess hugged Lina tightly. "Never give up, Miss Lina!" she whispered, then took her cloak, kissed the others, and went out. Lina found that the light in the tavern had diminished, as though each of her friends took a little illumination with them when they left. But the light and warmth inside Lina remained, a calm, enveloping peace of mind, heart, and soul so great that she couldn't help but smile, even as her eyes stung with unshed tears.
Gourry held her for a long, long time before he left, understanding her need now as he always had in life. "Do you . . . mind about Zelgadis?" she asked him hesitantly.
He chuckled. "Of course not," he said into her hair. "I made him promise long ago to look after you if anything happened to me. As far as I'm concerned, he kept that promise." She clung to him, drinking in the warmth of his body and presence. "I'll see you again, Lina." He kissed the top of her head. "I've got to go now, but you know I'll always love you, 'k?" He smiled.
Lina no longer felt the urge to cry. She smiled back at Gourry, and squeezed his hands, and let him go. "I know. I love you too." Then he was gone as well.
Zelgadis was the last to leave. They stood in the doorway of the now nearly-darkened inn. Lina looked up at him, only their hands touching now, for they needed nothing else. "Do you really have to leave?" she asked, a bit of her loneliness coming back now.
He smiled at her, a little sadly. "I do. It is only because of your need, and his magic, that we were all able to come here in the first place." Zelgadis nodded over Lina's shoulder.
Lina turned, and for the first time she realized with a shock that Xellos was still there, the only other person left in the inn. "You . . . you did this?"
He nodded solemnly and pledged them with his glass. He had an odd, almost yearning expression on his face.
"But why?" Lina asked. Xellos just shrugged, and sipped at his wine.
Meanwhile, Zelgadis turned to go. He touched her face, then gave her one last, lingering kiss, gentle as the brush of a butterfly's wing. "I'll be waiting for you, Lina," he whispered. "But don't rush the journey any. You know I'll always be with you."
Lina kissed his palms. "Zelgadis my love, thank you," she whispered back. "I'll never forget you, I swear it . . . and I won't mourn anymore."
"Good." Zelgadis and Xellos exchanged a long, speaking look, then Zelgadis nodded once, and was gone into the night, cloak billowing out around him as the door shut behind him.
Lina sighed and leaned against the door for a moment. "Good-bye, my friends," she whispered, "and thank you very much." She looked around. The inn was now dark except for the corner in which Xellos still sat, eyes closed, sipping a glass of red wine. That odd expression was still on his face.
Lina walked over to him and bent down to look into his face. "Thank you, Xellos," she said solemnly.
He set down his glass, opened his eyes, and looked at her. "You're welcome, Lina, but you need to wake up now. If you stay in this place much longer, you'll be trapped out of your body as a ghost. Do you want that?"
Lina shook her head emphatically.
Xellos stood, grasping his staff in one hand and her arm in the other. "Well, then, you'd better come. . . . Wake up, Lina!"
". . . Wake up, Lina!"
The voice booted Lina out of sleep, the inn room fading away. She was momentarily confused to find that she was no longer in the morgue, then she realized that she was in a sitting room, and Xellos' was the voice that had awakened her. Yawning, Lina rubbed her eyes and sat up. "Where am I?" she asked the Mazoku, who was sitting on the arm of the couch on which she had slept.
He shrugged. "My place. Did you have a nice nap?"
Something in his tone alerted her. She looked closely at him, saw the knowledge of her un-dream in his open eyes, and nodded with a smile. "Yes I did, Xellos," she said. "-Thanks to you."
He shook his head. "I couldn't stand to see the mighty Lina Inverse's spirit broken," he said.
Lina's eyes narrowed searchingly, but she could find no trace of mockery in his face or voice. Lina stood, stretched, and sighed. Her sorrow and despair were gone, as was the crushing weight she had been bearing. She felt light and free, and happier than she had in a long, long time. The warmth she had experienced in the tavern of her un-dreaming dream lingered, an almost palpable glow, and a great peace, and she knew that the ghosts that had haunted her had been dispelled at last. Then, turning suddenly back to Xellos, she narrowed her eyes again. "You've done a great good, Xellos," she said, puzzled. "If you had come to me in my despair and offered to make me a Mazoku, I would have accepted, just to get away from the pain, and I think you knew it. So why did you bring me back, out of despair? Why help me, when it goes against everything you are?"
Xellos was quiet for a long time. "Several reasons," he said quietly at last, voice serious. "One, because as I said, I couldn't stand to see your spirit broken that way. Also, you wouldn't be the same as a Mazoku. It's the fire of your emotions-your joy, and yes, your sorrow-that make you who you are. And that's what I've always liked about you. You are . . . a secret even I have not yet been able to unravel." He paused. ". . . And I think after so long you know exactly how I feel about you," he finished, with taut cheerfulness, "so there's no reason to go into that."
Lina felt a slow flush spreading across her cheeks. The subject of Xellos' affection for her had long been unspoken knowledge between them. Lina had carefully avoided the topic for many years. Now, though, it scarcely seemed worth the effort. Lina thought back to the dream, and the speaking look Zelgadis and Xellos had exchanged. She cocked her head, seeing Xellos for the first time in a whole new light. Sensing her scrutiny, he looked up and met her eyes, then glanced away, an expression of chagrin upon his face.
Slowly, deliberately, Lina crossed the floor. With equal deliberateness, she bent down to look him straight in the face, studying what she saw in his eyes, her gaze penetrating all his defenses in the way that only love can. His mouth set in a bitter twist, Xellos locked eyes with her, and let her read him.
Something in Lina's face softened suddenly. Laying her hands on each side of his face, she said softly, "I can't believe that in all these years, I never really saw you standing there."
He reached up and grasped her hands in his own. "I know."
Gently then, she leaned forward and laid a kiss on his mouth. At the contact, both their worlds shifted in an instant and realigned.
When she released him, they stared at each other in awe for a moment, then he smiled softly and whispered with a mischievous wink, "Welcome home, Lina Inverse."
The End
*sniff sniff* Awww . . . that's so SWEET!!!! *BAWWWWWW* *choke choke* Okay, enough of that . . . *sniffle sniffle* Boy, I was depressed when I wrote this . . .Oh well . . . Thanks for reading, and please review! ^_^
~Xellina-san~
She signed her name slowly, then stared at it, as though seeing the name for the first time, and not connecting it with herself. Then, carefully, she set the pencil down.
The man in the suit took the paper. "Ah yes, thank you, Miss Inverse. That will be all." Lina nodded numbly, not even looking up. The official cleared his throat, as though waiting for a response, then awkwardly turned and left. Lina didn't move, even after the door clicked shut behind her, though she registered the sound.
After a few moments Lina blinked and shook her head, coming a little way out of her trance. Looking up, she slowly reached out her hand and placed it on the cold fingers of the corpse. They'd called her in to identify the body-they always did, though how they always seemed to know where to find her was a mystery to her. She sighed, and looked at the man-or rather, the broken husk of something that had once been one of her dearest friends-and had to close her eyes against the tidal wave of sorrow and despair she felt. "Oh, Zelgadis!" she whispered brokenly. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I couldn't be there. Oh, gods!" she choked, then brought her hands to her face, curled herself into the fetal position, and sobbed like a child.
Ten years! Ten long years! How far they had fallen now, from the days when every dawn was a bright beginning, when no challenge was insurmountable, when love was new and life still seemed worth the living! . . . How far she had fallen. It had begun with Sylphiel's mundane, perfectly ordinary death from a fever, five years ago now. With her death, though they hadn't noticed at first, the charmed luck that had seemed to guard all their lives had gone. They had been invincible until then, but no more. For a while the luck had held, but the magic of it was gone. After that, it had only been a matter of time.
Phil had been the first to fall, eighteen months after Sylphiel's death. Then had been Naga, then Filia, and Martina and Zangulus as well. Each death had struck at Lina like a blow. The inner circle of her companions-she, Amelia, Gourry, and Zel-had held longer, but then Amelia's death had shattered that too. Gourry had been killed a year and a half ago, defending Lina to the last. Lina and Zelgadis had been together ever since, and out of their tragedies they had finally come to fall in love. But while that had made things better for a time, their love had been desperate as well as tender, and with this last tearing away, Lina was alone.
"Alone alonealone . . . ." She found herself repeating the word aloud, and she raked her nails down her own face to make herself stop. She gasped, and closed her eyes. "I'm so scared, Zel," she whispered aloud, as though the spirit of her beloved might somehow hear her. Tears leaked out from under her closed lids and flowed in a river down her cheeks, but her voice was strangely steady. "I can't go on like this, I can't be alone. Please . . . ." She wasn't sure what she was asking.
On the boundaries of the world, Xellos Metallium watched her, with a most unusual expression on his face. In fact, an ignorant observer might have called it sorrow, or perhaps even regret, while someone who knew him better would have been too dumbfounded to call it anything at all. Xellos heard Lina speak, and watched her weep, and he closed his own eyes as he heard her plea to her dead lover. If only Lina had turned to him, not to the chimera . . . he could have protected her, and never have left her alone like this. But Xellos couldn't quite hate Zelgadis for loving Lina-couldn't hate her first husband, Gourry, for it either. He was trapped in that same web himself. "Damn," Xellos whispered, then teleported to Lina. "Sleep now," he told her gently, and spelled her into unconsciousness and peace, however temporary.
In her sleep, Lina dreamed that she was once more on the road, at an inn, laughing and talking with her companions. They were all there: Amelia and Zel, Gourry and Sylphiel, Filia, Naga, Prince Phil and even Xellos, all joking and eating, for once all friendly. As she looked around, Lina's eyes met Xellos', and suddenly she knew that she was not . . . precisely . . . dreaming. She was on some other plane, and her friends really were there. As though at a signal, the conversation came to a halt, and they all turned to her. Suddenly Lina found them all looking at her, smiling, just as she remembered them best, all their gazes brimming with love and joy.
"Oh, guys," Lina choked out, but she herself was filled with a bittersweet happiness, and found herself smiling. "You all came! But how . . .?"
Zelgadis, smiling warmly, reached out and laid his hand over hers, and on her other side, Gourry put an arm around her shoulders. "We care about you, Lina," the big swordsman said.
"And we would never leave you totally alone," Zel agreed, still smiling. Lina noted, irrelevantly, that Zelgadis was still a chimera. As though he knew what she was thinking, Zelgadis chuckled, and his smile deepened.
Lina swallowed as she looked around at the faces of her beloved friends. Then suddenly she looked around at the other patrons of the inn, only just then realizing that they too were all people she'd known, who had died calling her friend. Zolf was there, and Radimus, and Zangulus the bounty-hunter-cum-prince, who tipped his hat respectfully and grinned at Gourry. Even both Rezos were there, open-eyed and gently smiling, and in a corner Lina was certain she saw Roudy Gabriev and his beloved Melaroon. Lina felt tears coming to her eyes again. "Am I dead too?" she whispered.
Zelgadis shook his head, smile gone now. "No, I'm afraid not."
"Then . . . this is . . . good-bye forever?"
Everyone shook their heads. "Never good-bye, Miss Lina," said Amelia, "only 'until next time.' " She smiled. "You know we'll meet again."
They all nodded, and Lina felt herself enveloped in warmth and love. "Oh, guys...." she said again.
One by one, then, they all smiled at her, squeezed her hand and said a few words, then filed out into the night. Those at the table lingered for a while longer, and they talked of old times, while Lina bathed in the friendship and love that surrounded her, drinking it in to warm her.
Filia was the first at the table to leave, followed by Sylphiel, then Phil. Naga lingered for a few more minutes, and then with a giggle and a hug she too was gone.
Amelia was the first of Lina's closest friends to depart. The petite princess hugged Lina tightly. "Never give up, Miss Lina!" she whispered, then took her cloak, kissed the others, and went out. Lina found that the light in the tavern had diminished, as though each of her friends took a little illumination with them when they left. But the light and warmth inside Lina remained, a calm, enveloping peace of mind, heart, and soul so great that she couldn't help but smile, even as her eyes stung with unshed tears.
Gourry held her for a long, long time before he left, understanding her need now as he always had in life. "Do you . . . mind about Zelgadis?" she asked him hesitantly.
He chuckled. "Of course not," he said into her hair. "I made him promise long ago to look after you if anything happened to me. As far as I'm concerned, he kept that promise." She clung to him, drinking in the warmth of his body and presence. "I'll see you again, Lina." He kissed the top of her head. "I've got to go now, but you know I'll always love you, 'k?" He smiled.
Lina no longer felt the urge to cry. She smiled back at Gourry, and squeezed his hands, and let him go. "I know. I love you too." Then he was gone as well.
Zelgadis was the last to leave. They stood in the doorway of the now nearly-darkened inn. Lina looked up at him, only their hands touching now, for they needed nothing else. "Do you really have to leave?" she asked, a bit of her loneliness coming back now.
He smiled at her, a little sadly. "I do. It is only because of your need, and his magic, that we were all able to come here in the first place." Zelgadis nodded over Lina's shoulder.
Lina turned, and for the first time she realized with a shock that Xellos was still there, the only other person left in the inn. "You . . . you did this?"
He nodded solemnly and pledged them with his glass. He had an odd, almost yearning expression on his face.
"But why?" Lina asked. Xellos just shrugged, and sipped at his wine.
Meanwhile, Zelgadis turned to go. He touched her face, then gave her one last, lingering kiss, gentle as the brush of a butterfly's wing. "I'll be waiting for you, Lina," he whispered. "But don't rush the journey any. You know I'll always be with you."
Lina kissed his palms. "Zelgadis my love, thank you," she whispered back. "I'll never forget you, I swear it . . . and I won't mourn anymore."
"Good." Zelgadis and Xellos exchanged a long, speaking look, then Zelgadis nodded once, and was gone into the night, cloak billowing out around him as the door shut behind him.
Lina sighed and leaned against the door for a moment. "Good-bye, my friends," she whispered, "and thank you very much." She looked around. The inn was now dark except for the corner in which Xellos still sat, eyes closed, sipping a glass of red wine. That odd expression was still on his face.
Lina walked over to him and bent down to look into his face. "Thank you, Xellos," she said solemnly.
He set down his glass, opened his eyes, and looked at her. "You're welcome, Lina, but you need to wake up now. If you stay in this place much longer, you'll be trapped out of your body as a ghost. Do you want that?"
Lina shook her head emphatically.
Xellos stood, grasping his staff in one hand and her arm in the other. "Well, then, you'd better come. . . . Wake up, Lina!"
". . . Wake up, Lina!"
The voice booted Lina out of sleep, the inn room fading away. She was momentarily confused to find that she was no longer in the morgue, then she realized that she was in a sitting room, and Xellos' was the voice that had awakened her. Yawning, Lina rubbed her eyes and sat up. "Where am I?" she asked the Mazoku, who was sitting on the arm of the couch on which she had slept.
He shrugged. "My place. Did you have a nice nap?"
Something in his tone alerted her. She looked closely at him, saw the knowledge of her un-dream in his open eyes, and nodded with a smile. "Yes I did, Xellos," she said. "-Thanks to you."
He shook his head. "I couldn't stand to see the mighty Lina Inverse's spirit broken," he said.
Lina's eyes narrowed searchingly, but she could find no trace of mockery in his face or voice. Lina stood, stretched, and sighed. Her sorrow and despair were gone, as was the crushing weight she had been bearing. She felt light and free, and happier than she had in a long, long time. The warmth she had experienced in the tavern of her un-dreaming dream lingered, an almost palpable glow, and a great peace, and she knew that the ghosts that had haunted her had been dispelled at last. Then, turning suddenly back to Xellos, she narrowed her eyes again. "You've done a great good, Xellos," she said, puzzled. "If you had come to me in my despair and offered to make me a Mazoku, I would have accepted, just to get away from the pain, and I think you knew it. So why did you bring me back, out of despair? Why help me, when it goes against everything you are?"
Xellos was quiet for a long time. "Several reasons," he said quietly at last, voice serious. "One, because as I said, I couldn't stand to see your spirit broken that way. Also, you wouldn't be the same as a Mazoku. It's the fire of your emotions-your joy, and yes, your sorrow-that make you who you are. And that's what I've always liked about you. You are . . . a secret even I have not yet been able to unravel." He paused. ". . . And I think after so long you know exactly how I feel about you," he finished, with taut cheerfulness, "so there's no reason to go into that."
Lina felt a slow flush spreading across her cheeks. The subject of Xellos' affection for her had long been unspoken knowledge between them. Lina had carefully avoided the topic for many years. Now, though, it scarcely seemed worth the effort. Lina thought back to the dream, and the speaking look Zelgadis and Xellos had exchanged. She cocked her head, seeing Xellos for the first time in a whole new light. Sensing her scrutiny, he looked up and met her eyes, then glanced away, an expression of chagrin upon his face.
Slowly, deliberately, Lina crossed the floor. With equal deliberateness, she bent down to look him straight in the face, studying what she saw in his eyes, her gaze penetrating all his defenses in the way that only love can. His mouth set in a bitter twist, Xellos locked eyes with her, and let her read him.
Something in Lina's face softened suddenly. Laying her hands on each side of his face, she said softly, "I can't believe that in all these years, I never really saw you standing there."
He reached up and grasped her hands in his own. "I know."
Gently then, she leaned forward and laid a kiss on his mouth. At the contact, both their worlds shifted in an instant and realigned.
When she released him, they stared at each other in awe for a moment, then he smiled softly and whispered with a mischievous wink, "Welcome home, Lina Inverse."
The End
*sniff sniff* Awww . . . that's so SWEET!!!! *BAWWWWWW* *choke choke* Okay, enough of that . . . *sniffle sniffle* Boy, I was depressed when I wrote this . . .Oh well . . . Thanks for reading, and please review! ^_^
~Xellina-san~