((First, this is not – I repeat: NOT – part of the Elements-series, as I've decided to call it. And I don't really ship this, although I do like to read Spones fics from time to time.

So, this is a one-shot, I did read through it but not all that thoroughly because I had half a mind not to post it at all. Takes place after All Our Yesterdays, if that isn't obvious (if it is, you're just as lost a cause as I am) and then jumps to a point between The Voyage Home and The Final Frontier.

So what happens if an almost-linguist non-native speaker tries to produce original flavour? This.))

Leonard wasn't one to watch his patients sleep. But if certain patients, after being safe and warm, decided to go into a state close to shock, he did. The features of the Vulcan were and pale, his breath even. The biobed indicated all was well, but he was out cold, so technical stuff be damned, something was very wrong. I don't like that. I don't think I ever did, and now I'm sure. The words echoed in Leonard's mind and made him shiver. For a moment he had thought Spock would kill him. And he was pretty sure, so had Spock. 'I never meant to …' He faltered. Hurt you? Annoy you? 'God, Spock, I didn't know I was actually getting under your skin.' But that was what he had wanted, to get under that thick hide to elicit some – any! – emotion. And now he had managed, it haunted him. He remembered how caring Spock had been when he had been close to death at the hands of those Vians. He should have stopped there, realising that Spock did feel. Because there was no logic in a touch telepath touching a man in agony.

Spock's eyelids fluttered, and Leonard tensed visibly. They hadn't spoken since they'd returned from the past. Jim had given him and Spock a few days to recover from their venture into a frozen wasteland, but the Vulcan had refused, claiming he was well. Yes, obviously. 'Spock?' he asked tentatively. Deciding to be bold, he reached over and slapped the Vulcan's cheek lightly. 'Spock!' An iron hand grabbed his wrist, dark eyes opened and fixed his. Spock released him as though he had been burned. 'You collapsed in the mess hall,' he told him conversationally. 'Until I know why you're staying here. And don't even try to argue.'

'I would not have been tempted to believe that you will listen to logic.' I don't like that. I don't think I ever did, and now I'm sure. Leonard took a deep breath.

'Talking about preferences, Spock. I don't like it if you talk down to me. I'm not some fool ensign, I'm a doctor. I consider myself quite able and certainly not stupid. Stop acting as though I were.' For a moment Leonard thought Spock would swipe his tirade away, but then he nodded.

'Fair enough, doctor.' Lost for words, Leonard fled.

ϡ

It had been a calm day. Nothing major had happened, except for an ensign who had managed to stick his fingers where no fingers should ever go and get electrocuted. But he'd live and he'd probably learned his lesson. Steeling himself, he entered the private room he had given Spock. He had caught himself before he could knock. He was not going to knock in his own sickbay.

The Vulcan was sitting, the computer turned towards him, when Leonard entered. 'I hope you're not working.'

'I was reading an article on xenobiology.'

'Spock, how are you feeling?' The Vulcan raised an eyebrow. 'Because frankly, I'm at a bit of a loss. You seemed fine, then you broke down, and now you seem fine again.'

'My opinion is that the sudden change of temperature to my quarters and then the mess hall was … a little much. I shall lower the temperature in my own room until I have readjusted.'

'Promise me that you'll let me know if you fee l queasy. I don't want you to hit your head or anything. It's way too special.' He felt heat rise in his face. Where had that come from? Spock didn't move. 'You can leave.' The Vulcan fixed him with a long, searching look.

'You do not have to pretend to like me. I shall not harm you. The madness that overcame me has passed.' The words cut in a place Leonard had thought he couldn't be hurt any more, and he was very sure Spock shouldn't have been the one to prove him wrong.

'I … my God, all I ever do is yell at you. I'm not pretending, don't you know? I'm your friend.' He remembered the many times he should have kept his mouth shut, the one time he should have spoken and had instead wished the wall good luck. 'Every time you land on a biobed I go insane with worry, not because I care about life in general, but because it's you. I don't … I can't imagine what life on this ship would be like without you.' At this, Spock's face had turned into a stony mask, and Leonard realised that he had said too much, revealed too much of what he really felt in his words. And a short time later Spock left for Gol.

ϡ

He was all but shaking. The court martial could have gone worse, he guessed, but still he had dreaded what Starfleet would do to all of them. In the end, he felt, it was unfair that only Jim should be punished. It wasn't like he'd had to drag them all after him to help Spock. In those moments, when they'd slipped out of the Klingon vessel into the water he had felt so young again. But now … he wasn't certain if he was ready for more. Returning to a quiet life in the country seemed like a better option. He made up his mind to tell Jim as much. He wasn't going to like it, but there it was. He was about to call him when the computer announced a visitor. 'Enter,' he said.

Inside stepped Spock in a Vulcan meditation robe, hands clasped behind his back, face unreadable. 'Good evening. What brings you?'

'Are you feeling well, doctor?' He smiled.

'Yes, yes, I'm good. And you? You seem to remember more.'

'I have recovered all my memories.' He took a deep breath. 'It seems we never get to say farewell.' Leonard frowned.

'What do you mean?'

'When I left for Gol, I said nothing to you. When I died, I could not.' Leonard shivered at the image of Spock in that chamber. It was not something he wanted to think about. 'I wondered if you were returning to the Enterprise.'

'I … don't really know.'

'Neither do I. I tried to find an answer, and it turns out that it depends on your decision.' Leonard smiled bitterly. Of course, he remembered everything, including the revelation that had driven him to try and kill all his emotions. He didn't want to be anywhere near Leonard, and he couldn't blame him.

'Well, in that case it seems you should return.' A flicker of emotion showed in Spock's eyes and he rose.

'Very well. I shall inform Jim that we are both coming back.' He was out of the room before Leonard had even processed his words.

'Yeah, sure, you do that,' he muttered at the closed door.

ϡ

It was a horrible dilemma. Spock had told him, more or less clearly, that he wanted to stay on the ship because of Leonard. He had also assumed Leonard had known that in advance. And yet … Maybe Spock leaving hadn't had anything to do with him after all, maybe it was something different. He was … and had been for a long time … terribly in love with the stubborn man. He cared for him on a level that was beyond friendship. But this was hardly the only thing on his mind. There were things he still wanted answered.

Spock opened at once, and for a moment Leonard wondered if he had been standing there. 'Did you know I was coming?' The Vulcan hesitated for a moment, then he nodded.

'I sensed that you wanted something.'

'Just add that statement to a growing list of things I don't get.' Spock indicated a sofa.

'Would you like a drink, doctor?' Leonard raised his eyebrows.

'No, thanks, though. I'd like to keep my head clear.'

'I have prepared tea for myself, if you prefer that. It is sufficient for both of us.' He smiled.

'Yeah, I'll take that.' Spock brought a second cup and poured them both a fair amount of the steaming liquid.

'I have sugar or milk, if you like.'

'No, I'll try it without anything first.' He tried to take a sip but decided that would have to wait if he didn't want to burn his throat. 'So how did you know I was there?' Spock steepled his hands before him.

'I noticed that there is a certain connection between our minds. A relic of the fal-tor-pan, I believe. I cannot hear your thoughts, but I notice when you think about me.' Well, that was bad, because he thought about Spock almost all the time.

'Damn.' That was rewarded by a raised eyebrow. 'Well. Is that something that needs to be corrected?'

'That depends.'

'On what?'

'In part on what you came to discuss. But it is not a matter of immediate importance either way. There will be time.'

'Spock … I wondered … why me? You knew what you were going to do when you left the bridge, didn't you? I mean … when you died.' Spock nodded. 'I should have thought you would have entrusted your soul to Jim, maybe even Scotty. But not me.'

'I realise that I harmed you. Usually I would have had more time to prepare you. I apologise.'

'I didn't want a bloody apology, I wanted a reason.'

'I chose you, because you and I are compatible. And because I thought you might … cherish the gift. I did not have any reason to believe that I would survive.' Heat crept into Leonard's face.

'You wanted that I have you with me? Why?'

'A misjudgement on my part. For that, too, I am sorry.' It was too much. Leonard rose and rushed over to Spock, squatting down next to him.

'No, don't be. You didn't misjudge.' He lowered his voice, realising that this might be a very wrong thing to say, but he couldn't help it, not any more. 'I'd sooner carry your essence with me and lose my mind over that than not have you at all. I … I felt you're alive, and I missed you, and I thought I was going insane because part of me felt you there. I know now that there was nothing wrong with me, not really, just that I really wasn't ready for this. Like, at all. But Spock, don't ever think that you were unwelcome. Don't you know better?'

'Dare I believe in what I sensed from you, Leonard, when we were one?' The doctor decided the moment for caution had long flown out of the window. He reached out and cupped Spock's cheek.

'What you sensed from me? If you read me right, you sensed love.' A cooler hand covered his own but didn't remove it, pressing it close. 'Don't run away from me again.' The Vulcan shook his head.

'I shall not run. But you must tell me something. What do you expect from this?' It was something Leonard had asked himself, long before his first failed admission to Spock.

'I expect … I expect love and friendship. I … damn it, maybe I'm really mad, but I think I can feel that in this touch. I expect a relationship that knows nothing of betrayal. I … don't know beyond that.' Spock raised an eyebrow, a quiet prompt for him to continue. 'I don't know if you have any interest in the physical element of love outside your time, but if that's the price I've got to pay, then so be it. I lived without anything of the sort for a long time. I know I can. I also don't know if I'll survive an encounter with a fevered Vulcan.' Spock placed a finger on his lips, silencing him effectively.

'You will have everything you expect, Leonard, and it seems more. I conclude from this that you are attracted to me. So am I to you. I do wish to … touch you and to feel you in every way I can. And I do not wish to wait until I need precisely that.' Leonard swallowed and involuntarily leaned closer. Spock's hand plucked his from his cheek and he held it in both of his. 'And I shall certainly never harm you. Do not imagine that I shall be violent towards you during pon farr. I will lose control and surrender myself entirely to your care. I will need you, physically, mentally, to help me live.' Leonard licked his lips.

'Spock … question … Do Vulcans kiss? I want to kiss you.' With superhuman strength, Spock lifted him from the floor to his lap and pressed his lips to his. His eyes closed on their own account at the touch. It was very chaste and warm and caring, and his head was spinning, trying to process this was actually happening. He drew back and looked at Spock, their eyes fixed. 'I am so sorry for all the grief I gave you,' he whispered. Spock shook his head.

'In the past four point two minutes you have given me so much more than I ever thought I would receive. I do not know why I ever thought your harsh words originated from true antipathy.' The Vulcan rested his forehead against Leonard's. 'Do you have any more questions? There is no room for secrecy between us.'

'Were you going to tell me?' Spock nodded.

'I was. On the ship. To be certain that you did not do what I did to you and run.'

'How daring.'

'Am I not?' Leonard grinned at the Vulcan.

'What is it with you and contractions, Spock? You know how to use them. I heard you do it.'

'I doubt that.'

'I know that. Twice. But you had a good excuse each time.' He shifted on the other man's lap and put an arm around him. 'I'm gonna get contractions out of you if it's the last thing I do, Spock.' The faint green blush on the Vulcan's cheeks was the best reward in the world.

((This happened because I thought about Spock and his language. I think about such things, because in the series I try to reproduce all three guys' speech mannerisms. Which is extremely different if you don't want to spell out dialect or pauses (the former, because I can't, the latter because … if done excessively … it gets … a bit … tough … to read). I mean, I point-blank refuse to use eye-dialect because it squicks me for some reason. And Kirk's odd pauses I sometimes do mark, if I remember to and where I think it's not completely pointless to do so.

Anyway. Spock is difficult, because he uses very high standard, no contractions, no prepositions at the end of a sentence and such. And since recently I have to use his POV as well, and since I'll have to do that more in the future, I gave this a lot of thought.

And then I think … hell, he does sometimes use contractions. Doesn't he? And I check out This Side of Paradise and All Our Yesterdays … and it turns out that yes, he does. There. Nowhere else (I think).

Yeah. That's what caused this. Spock using contractions. My first, maybe only ever Spones fic. Although there might be something with the mirrorverse at one time in the future. *cough*))