You never realise what you have till it's gone. I found that out the hard way. Caroline Forbes, she had never been anything but understanding since I had killed that girl and awakened the monster inside of me. Caroline was the only one who was there for me, Mason and my father were dead. Caroline was there the first full moon which I changed, she was down there to the very last minute, even though she was a vampire and one bite from me would have killed her. She was stubborn and wouldn't leave even when I told her to.

Then I had to go and ruin everything we had built up, the friendship everything, and it was all because another were wolf, who knew my uncle, came to town, Jules. She had fed me all these stories about Caroline, about her not being the only vampire in town. That she was the one who killed my uncle. Some of the lies she fed turned out to be false, but there were a few that were true. Jules had fed me all these lies about Caroline to make me angry, to question the friendship that I had with her. In the end it was Jules who won out and the friendship the two of us had was shattered in to million tiny shards. I didn't know they were going to kidnap her and torture her to tell the truth about something she didn't know anything about.

I had the chance to patch things up between her, I was given one chance and I ruined it. I stood by and watched everything they did to her, even when she was about to be shot I didn't try to stop them. I couldn't I didn't know what to do. Whether I was to betray my pack, people like me, or help my only real friend that knew everything about me. In the end my choice was what tipped everything over the edge, my choice to do nothing but watch, torn between who to choose.

I had tried to tell Caroline that I was sorry, I was confused… that I didn't know what to do, but she wouldn't take any of it. I guess in a way I didn't blame her. I mean she could have died and I did nothing to put a stop to it, stop to what was happening to her.

Now when I see her, see how happy she is with her life with Stefan I can't help but feel a pang of pain in my chest. I could have been a part of her life; I could've been where Stefan is. The one to make her laugh and smile, to be there when she cries and tell her that everything is going to be okay. It's too late for that she's happy with her new found love with Stefan and I don't want to ruin her happiness. Not again.

Even though my heart still belongs to her I will never be anything more than a friend to her, in a way I am happy with that because at least I still get to be around her, but another part of me, the beast within, would find the greatest pleasure in taking a steak and driving it through the male vampire's heart when no one expected it and take Caroline all for myself. Then I remember he has been good to both Caroline and I, and I can't bring myself to physically hurting him. Instead I live with the face that I will never be Caroline's other half, and I guess that's alright.