Title: The Late Letter
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. They belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, etc.
Author: Kegcider gkegroup@ntlworld.com (Feedback please, please, beg, grovel)
Summary: A letter arrives for Joyce. Set after The Body.
Archives: Anyone that wants it. Just let me know
Buffy closed the door softly, then leant back on it heavily with a sigh. She'd thought being the Slayer was bad enough. Being a Slayer and for all intents a mother was a hundred times worse. Today it had been Dawn's principal, thank God that Snyder had gone; three vampires, another close brush with Glory and a meeting with the lawyers about the trust fund.
"Vampires, highlight of the day." Buffy mused. Things have really gotten that bad?
Sighing again, Buffy pushed herself away from the door and walked over to the pile of mail on the sideboard. She'd been in too much of a rush this morning to even consider looking at them, but they had to be dealt with. They'd probably be bills.
Moving to the couch, Buffy sat down heavily and began to sort through the letters.
Junk mail, junk mail, junk mail, letter, junk mail, electricity bill, junk mail, letter.
Buffy took the electicity bill and put it on the side for paying tomorrow. Then she sat back on the couch and examined the letters.
Aunt Gemma and Uncle Frasier, nice to hear from them for the first time in at least twelve years Buffy thought a little bitterly as she put that letter aside.
When Buffy opened the other letter, she caught her breath. She was tempted to screw it up and throw it away, but she found herself unable to stop reading.
Hi Mrs Summers,
I hope you don't mind me writing this, but I just wanted to say sorry. I know that probably doesn't mean much, but I just had to say it, you know. I don't know how much Buffy told you about all the shit I pulled, if she hasn't said much yet, I'll leave most of it up to her, but the important bit is that I swapped bodies with her that night. When the police took me away, they didn't. They took Buffy. I was still with you.
The conversation we had that night, well, it means a lot to me that you tried to defend me, that you'd even try to understand me. When you said that you thought I was unhappy it started to make me think. I hadn't thought about being unhappy, or happy or anything really in so long. Pretty much all I'd been feeling for weeks, not counting the coma, was angry.
Since I've been in here, I've been seeing the counsellor every week. I can't tell him much about things because if I told him the truth he'd think I was even more crazy than I am, but it's helped some anyway. I've now worked out a bit better why. You probably know that I did everything I could to make Buffy's life total hell, everything I did was fixed on her. There were two reasons for that. I was jealous of her for a start, she had everything I'd never had. Friends that gave a damn. A life outside slaying, she had school, parties, even a boyfriend. And then she had you. My Mom never gave a damn about me, except for how much she could get out of my deadbeat loser dad in alimony. She always told me how much she'd given up for me and how much it'd had ruined her life. I was out saving the world, and every time I got home, she'd just let me know how useless I was.
When I met you, and saw how you cared about Buffy, and how you dealt with the Slayer stuff, I could hardly believe it. I never thought a Mom could be so good.
I wanted everything Buffy had, and for a while I about had it. When I was patrolling with her, and hanging with the gang, it felt like I actually belonged for a while. Spending Christmas with you and Dawn was pretty much a high point of my life and the first time I ever had a real family, even if I was only borrowing one.
Buffy was the best friend I'd ever had as well. It all went to shit when it happened. Buffy probably told you, but I'll tell you anyway. We were fighting off a gang of vampires, it was a fairly tough fight and I was really getting into the swing of things when the Deputy Mayor comes straight in. I thought he was a vampire, I really did, but when I staked him there was no dust, just blood. Me and Buffy both freaked and ran away.
All night I thought about him being there. I just wanted the whole thing to have not happened, so I could get on with saving the world, but part of me knew it wouldn't. I'd never been so scared before. Then when I next saw Buffy all she could do was tell me how much trouble I was in, how much I'd screwed up. I'd hidden the body because I wanted the problem to just go away. So did Buffy but she thought the problem was me. I know now that Buffy was just as scared as I was, but at the time I couldn't believe how much she'd betrayed me. I thought we were partners, but all she wanted was to get away from me. I'd never really felt that lonely before. Back when I was with my Mom, I hadn't had anything to compare it with, but after being with the gang here, it... well it really sucked.
Because I by myself again, I figured I'd see what the Mayor was offering. Slaying doesn't pay, and I needed some money to get away and I thought I'd be able to get something out of the Mayor before too long. Came as a hell of a surprise when it turned out that I liked him, and that he liked me. It was an even bigger surprise when he started to treat me like family. It got so that I'd do pretty much anything he asked because I didn't want to let him down you know, he was counting on me. I'd let enough people down before. Did you know that I let my Watcher get killed? I wasn't fast enough getting back from a patrol and she was already dead. I swore I'd never let anyone down that cared about me again. Buffy and the rest of you didn't care, but the Mayor did so I had to do my best for him.
But I let him down in the end. He'd arranged it so that I'd have to fight Buffy, but I couldn't beat her. I think deep down, I didn't really want to. He died because I wasn't good enough, wasn't strong enough. I found that out just after I woke up. I also found out that Buffy had moved on from Angel onto some damn farmboy. She tried to kill me for him, and he doesn't even matter anymore.
I was so angry back then. I think I was even angry enough that I might have really hurt you. When I look back, that's one of the things that scares me the most. The things I did make me feel sick, and I'll always regret them, but the thing that really causes the nightmares is that I hadn't finished. I might have done anything.
While I was in Buffy's body, I went to the Bronze with Willow and her friend Tara. I was pretending to be Buffy so when Willow saw a vampire I went out and slayed it like old times. I'd missed being a hero, I hadn't even realised it. The next day I was all set to run away, I was at the airport and everything, but when it came on the TV about the vampires in the church I figured I'd have one last go at being a Slayer before I gave it up entirely.
Buffy was at the church as well, so we fight again and she wins again and gets her body back, so I leave as fast as I can run. I get to LA and meet Angel and pretty much all Hell breaks loose. By the time I'm finished, I've hurt someone else. Really badly and I don't really know why. It was personal, he'd tried to send me to England for execution, but that wasn't the real reason. I didn't have any real reason, it just all went shit.
Angel tried to help though. I was feeling pretty suicidal then, there just didn't seem to be any point in anything anymore. Angel convinced me that it was worth keeping going, and that I would be able to feel better about things eventually, maybe even make things right.
Just after that we were both attacked by a demon. We killed it but I was so shocked by it being there. Angel held me while I shook and then Buffy turned up. She thought I was after Angel, I'd probably have figured the same thing. It blew up and it ended up with them hitting each other. I wasn't even doing anything, just being there and I was hurting them again.
The Watchers turned up with machine guns to try and kill me, but Buffy helped keep me safe. She went up against them for me, not ten minutes after she'd threatened to kill me, she's saving my life again. I didn't really know what to do, but Buffy had told Angel that I had to go to jail, so I decided to give her idea a shot.
I think she was right. In here I've had a chance to think and sort things out, without really worrying about anything. Sure the guards can be a bit rough, and some of the others in here make me look sane, but it's nothing I can't handle. But I don't have to worry about money, food, the motel bill or slaying or anything. It's the first time in so long that I've not been scared. I'm scared about getting out, but that's not for a while yet.
Anyway, I just wanted to say sorry and to thank you for trying to help me, and for not giving up on me, it means so much. I know you're scared for Buffy with all her Slayer stuff, but you don't have to be scared of me anymore, I swear I'll never try and hurt her again. I wish I was able to tell her this, but I used up all my chances with her a long time ago.
Goodbye, it was really great knowing you. I wish I could have been around longer.
Faith
Buffy put the letter down on the coffee table slowly. She'd always thought her mom was special, but she didn't realise how much other people thought she was too. Even Faith. Buffy had avoided thinking about Faith for a long while. But now she couldn't hold off any longer.
She knew that her Mom had never given up on Faith, despite everything that had happened. Buffy also knew that her Mom would want Faith to be alright, and that she'd want Buffy to help her be alright - although she'd never have asked. Faith had been in prison for over a year and in all that time there had been no contact between the Chosen Two.
Buffy frowned as she remembered the night Faith had given herself up, the night when Faith had tried to apologise. Faith was ready to try to make things right so of course Buffy had found it necessary to add a little death threat to the conversation, and she knew in her heart that she'd meant it. She shuddered a little as she thought of what would have happened if Angel hadn't been there.
Flashing back to the night she'd first fought with Faith and meant it, she remembered what she'd told her. "I realize this is gonna sound funny coming from someone that just spent a lot of time kicking your face... but you can trust me... I'm on your side." They'd been fighting for so long since then, but for most of the time Buffy had wanted to bring Faith back on side, waiting for a chance to get through to her, but when the chance finally came, she'd just given in to the anger.
Buffy got up and made her way to her bedroom. Tomorrow, she decided. Tomorrow she would go see Faith, apologise for the death threat, see if Faith had anything to say and see if they could finally begin to move beyond their past.
The end for now...