Note: For those who have read, "Don't Think, Just Feel" you already know Maggie. These events take place after my story "Never My Love" If you haven't read that one, it would help you understand what is tarnation is going on in this one. I am sorry for the shock this may cause some of you. I was not altogether prepared for what Spencer does in this story. There will be more coming soon and for anyone who has read my other stories that follow "Never My Love" you will already know how some of this will turn out. Please let me know what you think.-J.

Maggie lay in bed listening to Spencer's breathing. He was finally asleep. It had been a rough day. She wondered if she had been this erratic after she had been raped. Pity those around her if she had, they wouldn't have known what was going on because she never told anyone what had happened to her. Next to her Spencer shifted and whimpered softly. Maggie held her breath and then relaxed as his breathing returned to regularity; no nightmare this time. The nightmares were the worst only because sometimes there was just no consoling him. If she was lucky, she could wake him at the start of the dream and then just hold him while he cried. It hurt her in a way she could scarcely comprehend to listen to his sobs as his breath heaved against her but at least in those times she could provide some level of comfort for him. It was the times when she couldn't wake him that really fractured her psyche; and other parts of her as well. Currently she was sporting two black eyes and a split lip from recent nights. Thankfully the swelling was minimal and she was able to cover the discoloration with make up. No one at work had figured it out yet and she was only hoping no one would. This wouldn't go on forever. Maggie yawned and felt the weight of her exhaustion hit full force. She was so on edge lately and not getting much sleep to boot. She looked over at Spencer one last time to reassure herself that he was sleeping soundly and only then she allowed herself to roll over and fall asleep.

Less than an hour later she was pulled from her slumber, literally, as in by her hair. She could hear and feel her pajamas rip as rough hands grabbed harshly for her breasts. Oh my God, she thought, someone broke in. Where's Spencer? He must be hurt or he would help me. She turned her head to face her attacker and the blood in her veins went ice cold. Spencer was on top of her; her beautiful, sweet, tender Spencer. She couldn't process this. It just couldn't be. He wouldn't hurt her. But he was. She dully felt that he was hard and jabbing at her side while her panties were unceremoniously pushed aside. She felt his fingers violently ramming into her. Her sense of self preservation took over. Maggie brought a knee up into his diaphragm knocking his wind away and causing him to withdraw his hand. She thrashed her arms connecting with the side of his head and he rolled from her with a yelp. In an instant Maggie was cowering in the corner wrapped in the quilt from the bed. This could not be happening. Frightened, she raised her eyes to see a physically deflated, in every way, Spencer sitting on the bed dumbfounded.

"Maggie, you hit me."

"Stay put or I will again."

"I don't understand."

"Neither do I Spencer but just stay there. Don't come any closer to me."

"Maggie what happened?"

At this point Spencer noticed he still had a piece of her pajama material clutched in one hand. He dropped the scrap as if it were on fire.

"No I couldn't have."

But the look on Maggie's face said that he had. Frantically he grabbed his clothes from the chair next to the bed.

"I'll go."

"You can't."

"I can't stay. Not after what I just did."

Maggie took a deep breath trying to stop her shaking. It didn't really work. When she spoke it was a quiet, almost mousy voice that escaped her mouth.

"Please wait for me downstairs. I want to talk to you but I don't feel safe here."

Spencer reacted to those words as if he'd been slapped. She didn't feel safe. She didn't feel safe with her boyfriend in her own bedroom. When did he become someone who made women feel unsafe? This was like being in an alternate reality and he didn't like it one bit. Spencer nodded. He left the room slowly. He didn't want to make any sudden moves and frighten her more. He was careful to leave as large a distance as possible between himself and where Maggie crouched.

Spencer sat in the living room feeling absolutely horrible. Barrett climbed onto his lap and began to rub at him.

"I don't deserve your kindness, Barrett."

Spencer's voice cracked. Damn it! He couldn't let himself cry; he didn't have the right. His head was throbbing where she hit him. Well, he did deserve it. Spencer looked up when he heard footsteps descending the stairs. Maggie had dressed in sweats. Even in sweats with her eyes blackened and her hair a mess, she was undoubtedly the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on; Alexa Lisbon be damned! Tears streaked her face and he wanted to die right there for being the one that caused them.

Spencer opened his mouth to speak but his words stuck in his throat when she raised a hand and shook her head. She had no emotion whatsoever behind her eyes. The light that was always there, even when she relived something painful was gone. Her beautiful emerald eyes were dull and nearly dead looking. Spencer felt sick to see the distance she was now putting between herself and her emotions. It physically hurt him to see the effort it took for her to find the courage to continue down the stairs once she caught sight of him.

"I'll be on the porch Spencer; I can't do this in here."

She couldn't even be inside with him. He had driven the woman he loved not only from her bedroom but from her own home as well. He was a monster, pure and simple. He waited for her to leave and then got up to follow.