(A/N: Draconichero: In modern RPGs there is nothing more standard than the light-based hero of justice. The Real Brick: They stand tall in modest armor and kick ass and take names. Draconichero: Artix Von Krieger, Head of the Paladin Order. The Real Brick: And Garen Crownguard, the Might of Demacia. Draconichero: I'm Draconichero. The Real Brick: I'm The Real Brick. Draconichero: And today we pit against each other two heroes of unparalleled heroics to find out in a fight to the finish just WHO WOULD WIIIIIIN!)

Disclaimer: Artix belongs to Artix Entertainment. Garen belongs to Riot Games.

The Fighters

Fighter A

Artix Von Krieger is the Head of the Paladin Order of Lore. He is a master of puns and a kind hearted hero that Battleon needs. He's also obsessed with slaying undead and subsequently necromancers. Too bad the status quo of death is always full in the Adventure Quest world. 5,000 years ago, Artix also fought to save a planet full of zombies caused by a Resident-Evil type virus, but as reality has been rebooted since then, we will be using the modern Artix and the modern statues of the Paladin Order, namely the one from Adventure Quest.

Artix's skills include Bless Weapon, a skill that imbues any weapon with the light element, increases damage and accuracy. He has Holy Rage, a skill that sends him flying at his opponent, fists extended with enough force to barrel them over. He also has Holy Light, a magic attack that can blast his foes with tremendous bursts of light based energy. But none of those are even close to Artix's greatest attack: Holy Might.

Holy Might is an ability where Artix grows in size and then wallops his foe for 6 times what he's normally capable of strength wise. The attack costs very little in the grand scheme of things, permitting its use to at least 24 times to a character with max intelligence and full MP. It is used by every member of the Paladin Order and Artix is no exception.

For equipment, Artix carries his trusty battle axe, a holy weapon that's super sharp, capable of felling a dracolich with relative ease. Artix uses this weapon in conjunction with the Nemesis Bastion, a tall wall shield that protects the user from ice attacks with sick spikes on the edges of it. For armor, Artix uses the Paladin issue Holy Armor, but probably modified the elemental attributes since his protects him from light based attacks when the standard issue protects from darkness. Either way, be you a force of good or a force of darkness, few can stand against the Head of the Paladin Order.

Artix has led the order against massive armies of undead, always is around for important war events, has resisted being turned into a zombie by Warlich and slayed a dracolich and hundreds of undead, all on his own. Many have faced him and to this day Artix has never actually fallen in combat. He only seeks one thing: to drive the forces of darkness as far away from innocents as possible.

"WELL FOUGHT! Now just a few thousand undead left to go!"

Fighter B

Garen Crownguard is a general in the Demacian army. He is their pride and their hope. He follows the Demacian code not to make excuses, flee or surrender. He is known for his loud battle cries and heavy shoulder pads. He is also one of the heaviest tanks in the League of Legends.

For a fair assessment though, since items are not very prominent in Adventure Quest, Garen will only be using his standard equipment and abilities. This means no runes, masteries or store bought items. Despite this, Garen is still a powerhouse, capable of powering through legions of minions and facing down other champions with just his own might.

His weapon of choice is his trusty, non-descript Zweihander. It is a long ass sword capable of cutting through foes better than a Claymore, a weapon that can bust through three necks in one swing. He can use this sword one-handed and even hold it in reverse grip when spinning around like a helicopter propeller. His trusty shoulder pads might also be big and bulky, but they're not that tough to cut through. Garen's rival, Katarina, managed to slice cleanly through them with her blades, though since Garen showed no bleeding after that, it's clear his armor is thicker than any dagger could hope to pierce. Garen wears leather armor and chain mail, further supported by him being one of the faster base champions in the league. Garen can also box well with the rest of them, able to punch minions down just as well as swinging his big ass sword.

Garen's skills include his Decisive Strike, his spinning Judgment attack, his ultimate Demacian Justice, and his own inner Courage. Judgment is a simple spinning attack where Garen spins around, striking foes multiple times for three seconds. He spins so fast that he looks like a blur while unleashing it. Courage passively increases his armor and magic resistance and it also, when he bolsters it, allows him to ignore thirty percent of all incoming damage. Decisive Strike momentarily increases Garen's speed, allowing him to chase foes. It also causes his next attack, if he strikes within 4.5 seconds to deal additional damage and silence them, preventing them from using any skills for two and a half seconds. But all of these pale in comparison to Garen's greatest attack: Demacian Justice.

Garen's ultimate is a single target blade of doom that drops down from the sky and smashes straight through his target in a single second. It also causes the earth beneath the target to rupture immensely. Garen's Demacian Justice deals more damage the more health an opponent is missing. For opponents with low health, this is a guaranteed instant kill.

Garen is a proud warrior. He fights for Demacia with loyalty so great Jeremiah Gottwald would be proud. In the face of his enemy, Noxus, Garen will stop at nothing to see the empire crumble.

"The easiest way to kill a man is to slice through the one next to him!"

The Setup

It was a beautiful day in Battleon, like all days in Battleon. Unlike most days in Battleon though, today's adventure was not focused around its Chosen. Today, it was Artix's turn to undergo an adventure. To that end, he sought the help of his best friend, Warlic.

"You have any magic or the like that can help me fight someone that is my equal?" Artix asked. "I need to train to get stronger so I can slay more undead per day. I keep falling behind my status quo."

The gray haired mage sighed. "Oh, Artix, you and your obsession. However, you're in luck. I have just the thing." Warlic opened a portal. "This portal will take you to another world where there are many champions worthy of testing your mettle Artix. Train against them and grow stronger."

"Thank you, Walric," the brown haired paladin responded. "Although…how do I get back?"

"Well…I'll figure something out. Who knows, maybe you'll find undead to slay on the other side."

Taking a deep, excited breath, Artix unsheathed his axe and charged into the portal. Warlic sighed.

"Well, at the very least I should start working on the return trip portal before he gets himself killed."

When Artix exited out of the portal he happened to crash right into a Demacian fruit stand, slashing right through it. Without stopping he ran through town and out into the great wilderness, shouting as loud as he could.

Word eventually reached the ears of Garen Crownguard, who was set upon Artix to stop him from disturbing the peace. He found Artix laying a firm smack down with his axe to small horde of undead that just so happened to have popped up out of nowhere.

"Are you the crazy paladin that's been disturbing Demacian peace?"

"Greetings, friend," Artix said with a smile. "My name is Artix von Krieger, Head of the Paladin Order of Lore."

"Your kind words will not sway my blade villain. Steel your weapon and prepare yourself for some Demacian brand justice!"

"I don't think your blade is quite nearly hot enough for that." His pun was lost on the angry soldier. "Okay then, tough crowd. Then, I believe there's only one thing to say at a time like this: FIGHT!"

The Battle

Artix and Garen ran at each other with their weapons at the ready. Garen's swift strike came in at a diagonal, but Artix blocked it with his shield and attacked the general with his axe. Garen pulled back and the attack barely grazed his armor. Garen swung at Artix with a fearsome overhead swing, but Artix dodged to the side and held up his weapon to the sky.

"Holy Light!"

The magic attack blasted Garen with intense solar rays as Artix lunged in for a fiercer blow with his axe. Garen stopped it though and with his massive strength flung Artix away.

"I will not falter!" Garen shouted, spinning rapidly as he attempted to cut into Artix with the full bulk of his body.

Artix blocked with his shield, but Garen's powerful strikes put a heavy strain on the protective gear. Artix then took a cheap shot with the spikes on the edge of the shield at Garen's shoulder, but the spikes couldn't even reach through his armor to penetrate skin.

With Artix's shield stuck in his shoulder, Garen grabbed Artix's wrist and flung the crazy paladin off him before charging him down with a shoulder bash. Artix recovered quickly and prepared his weapon, but Garen took a leaping charge at Artix, both hands on his sword.

"Whoa!" Artix exclaimed, jumping back and out of the way. He then took a sweeping strike with his axe into Garen's shoulder, slicing the shoulder pad clean in half, but Garen's quick thinking allowed for little more than that. "Now that's what I call taking a chip off your shoulder."

Garen was not amused. He steeled himself and let out a fearsome battle cry. "DEMACIA!" Charging forward, Garen attacked Artix with his blade, cutting through Artix's armor like butter and hitting deep into his shoulder as Artix pulled back from the strike.

With his Paladin magic, Artix healed the wound and struck forward at Garen's stomach, but the man's immense courage had Artix only clashing against his trusty Zweihander. Artix's pushed, his greatest efforts not enough to slice through Garen's Zweihander, even with his super sharp axe.

"All right then, try this on for size," Artix smirked. "Holy Might!" Artix grew to a time and a half his size as did his axe. With both hands on his weapon, Artix took a powerful swing forward with both of his hands. Garen's blade held up to Artix's powerful blow, but only so much.

Artix pulled up and struck overhead again with both hands on his axe, but Garen let Artix cut into his still protected shoulder.

Shouting loudly, Garen took a gravity defying leap and with his blade slashed into Artix's shoulder. The paladin suddenly returned to normal size and felt dizzy.

What was that just now? It felt like all my magic was silenced for a moment. Artix then realized Garen's ability. Wait! He can use silence status effects? Artix winced. Aw crap.

Garen charged at Artix again, blade poised to strike, but Artix's weapon suddenly flashed and Artix held it up with both hands in front of his face as little blasts of light pelted Garen in the chest and face.

Despite the damage, Garen continued his advance on Artix. "Stay resolute!" When he reached the head of the Paladin order, he took another powerful leap. Artix didn't have time to get out of the way and was forced to block with his shield. Garen turned Artix's shield into an arts and crafts project with the way it was now in pieces.

"Damn, guess his justice is greater than Nemesis'," Artix chuckled. "Oh well," he grabbed a sword from out of hammer space and held it in his off hand. "Mom always said I should train both hands. I'm no assassin, but hey, I should at least get the dust off this thing every once in a while." He then charged straight at Garen.

The Winnah

Using his longsword to clash against Garen's Zweihander, Artix took his axe and sliced Garen's cheek, but this didn't seem to affect the larger man much. With his next swing, Garen snapped Artix's longsword like a twig.

"Well, should've gotten the warranty from Yulgar on that one," Artix said as Garen attacked him again and again, forcing the paladin on his best defensive.

With parries, blocks and quick wit, Artix deftly dodged Garen's mighty, slow blows.

"Holy Rage!" Artix shouted divebombing straight into Garen and bowling him over. Artix recovered to his feet and then his weapon glowed. "Bless Weapon!" He struck down at Garen's chest with his axe, but Garen seemed to take the strike to the chest rather well. Garen gripped his sword and with his feet, kicked Artix off of him.

Garen stood standing with indomitable courage and shouted, "DEMACIA!" yet again.

"You know you take the words 'Patriotic Fervor' to whole new level," Artix commented only for Garen to swing down fiercely with his blade. He barely missed Artix as he slashed right through Artix's chest plate with his physical might alone. "Nothing for it then, Holy Might!" Using his overwhelming strength and size, Artix began to put Garen on the defensive.

With blow after blow, Garen could do nothing except blow Artix's intense strikes. With a sweeping slash of his axe, Artix sent Garen flying several dozen feet and into the woods. Artix returned to normal size and shouted. "Holy Light!" Burning the tree in front of him, hoping he could get a clear view of where Garen landed, but found nothing. Artix sighed, "Into the woods then, I guess."

Artix wandered into the forest seeing all the tall grass everywhere. He was completely unaware that Garen was employing his favorite strategy: Battle Regiment of Ultimate Soldier Heroism.

"Hmm, where did he go?" Artix wondered, look around at all the tall grass. He turned his back to Garen. "Is he in this Bru—"

"DEMACIAAAAA!" Garen shouted, leaping at Artix with a furious battle cry. Artix barely had enough time to turn around and block as Garen's blade cut into his Axe.

"H-Holy Might!" Artix shouted, employing his more powerful form and with a mighty kick sent Garen back into the brush. "Holy Light!" The solar energy blasted the brush and set it ablaze. It slowly began igniting the whole forest.

"Hold fast!" Garen shouted, if only to himself as he went toe to toe with the larger sized Artix. His blade crossed with Artix's axe, doing his best to try and wait until Artix was out of mana to employ such a technique.

With another foot stomp and swing, Artix brought his axe down on Garen's blade shattering both weapons.

Artix returned to normal size temporarily. "Holy Rage!" He flung himself at Garen, but Garen was ready this time and caught Artix by the waist before flinging him at a tree. Garen then picked up his broken sword and bashed Artix in the face with the pommel, but Artix dodged out of the way. Garen threw the remains of the broken weapon at Artix, but Artix deflected it aside with this hand.

Garen and Artix then grappled each other around the shoulders, butting heads like rams. Garen and Artix were trying to push the other back, but each one could only gain a few feet before the other one pushed them back.

"Looks light we're about even. Just as one of us starts to gain an advantage we're brought down to Earth."

Garen was in no mood for puns. "If you put more effort into your training than you do your witticisms, perhaps you'd actually have a victory by now."

"Ha! Puns are my bread and butter. Me not having them is expecting vampires to sparkle in sunlight." Artix then withdrew his arms from Garen as he recalled one time when that actually did happen during Mogloween. "…wait."

Garen promptly punched him in the face, knocking Aritx on his ass. Artix promptly got back to his feet just as Garen was rushing at him. The two men punched each other in the face.

"I haven't been punched like I drank a gallon of Moglinberry juice."

Garen ignored Artix's quip and swung his arms out like a clothesline. "I shall not falter!" Artix got slugged by the first incoming arm of Garen's and got thrown back out of the forest, where upon he found his half destroyed sword.

"This might come in handy," he said, picking it up. Artix watched Garen come rushing at him like a charging bull.

He focused his magic leyline, preparing a healing spell. If I can just prepare my full healing magic, I can end this.

Time seemed to slow down as Artix channeled his magic, preparing the magic. His progress was steadily climbing as Garen came charging in. 88% 90. Garen drew back his fist.

And it was glowing yellow "DECISIVE STRIKE!"

98% 99.

Garen's fist swung in.

100.

"Full—"

PUNCH!

Garen decked Artix in the face so hard, blood shot from his nose. He also broke Artix's blade a second time. It was dislodged from Artix's hands as he went flying. Artix began to get up, knowing that he was unable to access his magic.

Without even hesitating Garen grabbed Artix's blade, stomped forward and shouted. "JUSTICEEEE!"

The blade of judgment came raining down from the sky as Artix stood up, weaponless. He had half a second before his magic would return, but he decided to go for the incantation anyway.

"Full—"

WHAM!

The Demacian Blade of Justice slammed into Artix, the cataclysmic eruption of energy tore through the aether like a nuclear explosion.

And yet, Artix remained alive. Garen had failed to kill him and he had about a sliver of health remaining.

However, as Artix made to get up and open his mouth to cast his full heal, something went sailing through the air. It was the piece of blade Garen had sliced off before. The might demacian general had thrown it straight through Artix's torso.

"Well, that heartly seems fair," Artix said as he fell to the ground and died. Thankfully, all he had to do was owe death a favor and he'd be back killing undead in no time.

Unaware of this, Garen then shouted proudly to the heavens so loudly that the ghosts of his ancestors heard him. The might of demacia was grand indeed, too grand to be defeated by a hurricane of puns.

END

(A/N: I don't need a one-liner. Artix did it for me. This was a close one. While Artix's armor and strength, thanks to his Holy Might, gave him a distinct advantage overall, Garen trumped him by having a longer ranged weapon, more vitality and more standard bulk. True, Artix could fully heal himself given enough time, but Garen's Q is a perfect counter measure. A distinct strike from that would be enough to shut down Aritx. And, a quick enough Garen would easily be able to follow up with Demacian Justice before his opponent could recover if they were weak enough to be destroyed. Garen is also much faster than Artix, despite his bulky armor. And while Artix is a known undead slaying machine, Garen cleaves through whole humans and clashes with other heroes regularly. True, Artix had the Nemesis Bastion shield, but unless a shield is indestructible, it may as well not be there at all. Artix…no, you know what, fuck the pun. We've had enough of those this battle. The winner is Garen Crownguard)

NEXT TIME ON WHO WOULD WIN!

She was designed to kill anti-god weapons. Only a single man captures her attention. The rest of the world can just die! She is the 13th primary field.

Her opponent was designed with a single mission: protect subject W-00. She is Subject W-07, codename: Cinderella!

Two combat androids…er, gynoids, step into the ring to find out who is deadlier: the killer or the protector.