Disclaimer: I, in no way, shape, or form own Hellsing
Order 14: Memories
You know, living forever isn't all it's cracked up to be. Watching friends… like Walter… wither away and die while you stay forever young. If you're not careful, the grief could drive you crazy. Sometimes I wonder if that's what happened to my master. After 102 years, I still get shivers down my spine when I hear his laugh, especially when he's killing someone. Unlike him, I still feel dreadful when I kill, whether it's a ghoul or a freak vampire created by humans. Some days, I feel envy for my master's indifference, the way he's untouched by the things he does. Other days I feel repulsed by it.
I now realize my master fooled me those many years ago. He knew I was still repulsed by drinking blood, any blood…including his, and therefore couldn't accept his offer of freedom. Year's later, when I came into my own and asked for my freedom, he denied me. He told me I had already made my choice. Oh, how I hated him then.
Integral didn't make it any easier. After Alucard churned her, we constantly competed against each other to see who was stronger.
98 years earlier
Seras focused on the target, using her enhanced vampire senses to hone in on it. She shot at it once, twice, three times. All three were direct hits to the heart in almost the exact same spot. Satisfaction coursed through her. Her aim was improving. Her concentration had been so great that she hadn't noticed someone was watching her.
"You're doing much better, Seras Victoria. But you haven't quite reached perfection yet," Integral Hellsing said as she stepped into Seras's line of vision. She smoothly pulled out her gun and fired three shots in rapid succession. All hit the exact same spot, dead center of where the heart would be. A small smile flitted across her face but was quickly subdued. Seras tightened her grip on her gun. Yet again Integral showed her up. She knew that if she tried to beat that, she would only mess up. So she instead switched the safety on her gun and left the firing range.
One week later
"Now, Police Girl, try it again," Alucard said with an edge of impatience. "You're going to continue until you get it right."
Seras tried to catch her breath but knew she wouldn't be able to for a long time. She glared at Alucard as he put more ammo into his 13mm Jackal. He then proceeded to shoot at her. That day he was teaching her how to use her vampiric speed to dodge bullets. This time she did a tad better and wasn't hit by any of the bullets, but she was still too slow for his liking. In a fit of agitation he started to truly shoot at her. Caught off guard, Seras was hit in the thigh and her left shoulder, inches from her heart. She fell to her knees and coughed up blood.
"You must always be prepared for an attack. A vampire isn't going to warn you that they're going to shoot you. Now, Do. It. AGAIN!"
"Master…. I…."
Alucard growled in disgust, turned away, and disappeared.
Later that night Seras caught sight of Alucard and Integral training in the yard. Unlike Seras, Integral was easily avoiding Alucard's bullets. Feeling slightly betrayed, Seras walked back to her room and closed the door. She flopped herself down onto the bed and pounded her innocent pillow a couple of times. \
That was the last time Alucard tried to teach me anything. He most likely considered me a lost cause. So I taught myself everything I now know. I have mastered up to power level two and can sustain power level one for several moments, even though it saps my strength.
Even though I am a child of darkness, I have always known I was meant to stay in the light. If I pass a beggar on the street, I give them whatever stray change I have. I make regular donations to several organizations, homeless shelters, and orphanages. I'm probably too giving for my own good.
Because of my good heart, my powers are a bit purer than my masters.
I have always wondered what makes me so much better than the vampires I kill. Is it because I only drink medical blood… because I don't kill people for sport…. or is it because I don't make people into ghouls just for the hell of it?
I know what Integral would say: 'They're freaks, what other reason do you need?' And Alucard wouldn't be any better: 'They are disgusting maggots that feed on the decaying flesh of the world. It is our job to exterminate this filth.'
I can't accept that… I won't accept that. And this denial is what put me in the position I'm in now….