Summary: Harry has amnesia in his sixth year and must remember everyone, while at the same time random events are popping up as fast as the cupcakes in Snape's office. Sizzle Stick not included. Celebrity guests stars are. Parody R&R
Chapter One Amnesia and Adjectives
A/N: if you're looking for something that makes sense at all and goes along with the story line, you're sorely mistaken. Lupin's back to teach…Herbology? And Sirius is teaching DADA, alongside his old teachers like McGonagall and Binns, who, incidentally, has been fired as well. Things make no sense, but generally don't need to. Please read and review. Should have a long run, even if it's not reviewed at all. If you don't like this type of thing, don't read it.
Harry Potter was getting ready to go to Ron Weasley's house. Ron Weasley was busy drinking sugar through a Sizzle Stick and calling Harry on the fellytone. Ron kept calling it a telephone and Harry had to correct him numerous times until Hermione told them, "Honestly, it's called a pellydome, you two!"
Uncle Vernon picked up the pellydome when it wouldn't stop ringing. "HELLO?" he said, angrily. "WHO. IS. THIS? WHO. ARE. YOU. CALLING. FOR? TELL. ME. NOW," he yelled.
"This is Ronald Weasley, Sizzle Stick extraordinaire, may I speak to Harry Potter, goose of the house?" Ron asked. "He has been selected for a special Pez Dispenser survey."
"SURE. LET. ME. GET. HIM," Uncle Vernon replied, calmly. "HARRY. THE. PHONE. FOR. YOU."
Rushing down the stairs Harry slipped and fell on Dudley who had turned into a giant puddle. Harry sniggered and entered the kitchen, taking the fellytone from his Uncle. "Hello?" he said, looking out the window at Ms. Figg who was as much of a Muggle as could be, as she fought off Dementors outside, a cat by her side.
"This is Ron Weasley, is this Harry Potter, goose of the house? I have a special survey for him," Ron replied.
"Ah, yes," Harry said, "although ever since this summer's perfume fiasco I've been turtle of the house, Ron."
"Oh, in that case you can just come over to my house so we can eat marshmallow tape hair spray bottles," Ron replied, throwing his Sizzle Stick into the sky, where it hit Mad-Eye Moody, who promptly screamed and filed a complaint against Cedric Diggory, who was busy climbing a ladder to pick empty nail polish bottles from the orchard his mother had started. The Sizzle Stick flew through the air and landed in Hermione's hair where she was vacationing in Iraq. Jumping away from a road side bomb Hermione threw the Sizzle Stick once more into the air. It came to the Department of Ministries where Sirius Black had untangled himself from a curtain. It bounced off of a brain and flew to Harry's house where it hit him over the head. "See you then," Ron said, hanging up the phone. Harry said nothing back. He was knocked out, on the floor.
Harry woke up in the Burrow. "Where am I?" he said, sitting up quickly.
"Oh, shit, you woke up," Ginny Weasley said. She quickly hid the scissors and massive amount of untidy black hair behind her back. "Er, that is, holy fucking shit, it's Harry fucking Potter." She then ran, screaming, out of the room, only to trip on the ferret in the hallway.
"Morning Harry," Ron said, cheerily. He entered the room and then screamed. "OH MY GOD, A SPIDER!" A tiny spider was crawling on the wall. "GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!" Ron ran in circles around the room.
"Who are you?" Harry asked, confused.
"Your best friend, Ronald Weasley," Ron said, eating a mozzarella stick.
"That's lovely, but seriously, where am I, and who are you?" Harry asked. "On second thought, who am I?" He held a purple razor to his wrist.
"Don't turn emo, Harry, I'm here to help!" A tiny fairy popped into the room, wearing a ballerina outfit and lollipop earrings, with no hair and lime green and brown wings. "The Anti-Establishment Fairy! I also double as Tooth Fairy."
"What the fuck?" Harry said. He kicked the fairy and it went flying. It hit Mad-Eye Moody who blamed Susan Bones for the whole mishap and sent her and Justin Finch-Fletchy to Azkaban for twenty million years.
"You must have amnesia, Harry," Ron said, looking absurd. He was wearing a tall hat with rainbows, unicorns, seashells, moose, hair products and radios on it. "New trend," he said, pointing to his pink hot pants.
"What's amnesia? Is that like…pudding? I like pudding, right?" Harry asked.
"Yes, you do, as well as butter and marshmallow tape hair spray bottles," Ron replied. "You're Harry Potter, the Boy Who Was Alive When He Was Born As Well As Surviving An Attack One Year Later In Life, But Tragically Losing His Parents And Forced To Live With A Dim-Witted Family, Although He's Pretty Cool Now, Except For He's Not." Ron proceeded to tell Harry what had happened in their first, second, third, fourth and fifth years. He told him about Hogwarts.
"So, you're Ron Weasley. What's an adjective to describe you?' Harry asked Ron.
"Er, how about freckle-faced?" Ron said.
"Okay, and this…Hermione girl?"
"Bushy."
"What about me?"
"Huh. That's a hard one. Lucky."
"And the Malfoy kid?"
"Draco, right. Let's try asshole."
"The big guy."
"Hagrid, er, well. Attached. To dangerous creatures, that is."
"Dumble—bumble?"
Ron giggled. "Beard."
"Is that all I need to know?" Harry asked.
"No. Ginny. Obsessed. Fred and George, Twins. They're practically one person anyway. Snape. Cupcakes. McGonagall. Hat. Lupin. Moon. Sirius. Curtain. Tonks. Hair. Huh. That one could discribe Hermione as well. That's about everyone, actually, at least, that matters," Ron said.
"Mmm. DVD flavored cookies," Harry said.
A/N: Believe me, I don't get it either. I would appreciate any reviews, as aforementioned. And, yes, because I know you want to know, they will be eating random things the entire story. Oh, and, I know everyone isn't waiting for it, Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint make an appearance.