A/N: Lol guys, I'm back, but I went to writing Tafe and I can write now, obviously LOL. I know you guys will love my story, I spent the last hour planning the whole thing out, which is a long time...well longer than usual for me AHAHAHAHA. I'm sorry that some of the characters are a bit out of character, but I like them better like this because they're more realistic. I feel that the non-canon characters add another level of depth to my literature, so if you don't like it you obviously haven't been to writing Tafe like me.
Harry Potter stepped onto the platform with his trunk and Hedwig, his delightful owl. The Flying Yellow school bus was almost ready to depart; the train was out of order because of funding cuts from the Ministry of Magic. This meant that school fees were sky high, and poor Ronald Weasley could not afford to attend anymore, and Harry did not want to spare any of his great fortune to help his good friend. He was saving up for a holiday to Barbados. But that was OK, because no-one really liked Ron anyway. Except Hermione, who wasn't doing a very good job of keeping her feelings for him a secret.
Harry caught a glimpse of himself in the bus window. He'd never liked what he saw in the mirror, even though the Dursleys constantly reassured that he was fine just the way he was. All Harry saw was a scrawny, specky little freak, with hair that would never sit right even with the amount of hair gel he loaded onto his mop every morning. Every day Harry wished he looked like the other boys; why couldn't he have luscious locks, and perfect skin like Draco Malfoy? At least Harry would always be The Chosen One, and that was worth more than any luscious locks Draco Malfoy could ever grow.
Several people said hi to Harry, but he ignored them, because he didn't have time to talk to those plebians; the bus was leaving in two minutes. He could see Hagrid loading people's trunks into the luggage compartment. He watched Hagrid take up the driver's seat, and toot the horn.
"Everyone please take their assigned seats, except Ron Weasley, as we have not received your tuition payment" Hagrid announced, but Ron got on anyway, because he had no way of getting home.
As the bus rolled down the road, Harry asked "Hey Haggazz, are you even qualified to drive a bus?"
"Of course I am, you ninny" Hagrid replied, as he took a sip from his flask of firewhisky. "Dumbledore let me borrow his license-"
"My mum said I shouldn't get in a vehicle with someone who'd been drinking" Ron interrupted.
"SHUT UP, RON" Called the entire bus. Ron slunk back into his seat in disappointment. When will anyone listen to me, he thought. Harry chuckled to himself. What an idiot, he thought, and then went to find a seat.
Harry sat next to Hermione, his best friend, who was already planning the Senior ball; a duty that was given out to all Head Girls at the beginning of the school year. Harry didn't want to disturb her while she was concentrating, so he took out his Nokia and logged onto Facebook. He had one new notification - a FarmVille request from Ron. Harry rolled his eyes as he ignored Ron's request; Ron was so pathetic.
"You're so pathetic, Ron!" cried Harry.
"As I was saying" Hagrid continued "I got my license from Dumbledore, but I'm using it as practical experience for my double degree in Professional Mattress Jumping and Bus Driving from wizard TAFE"
Harry was impressed, and replied "Wow, Hagrid, it's good to know that you're finally getting your life back on track, after... you know-"
Hagrid lifted his robes to reveal a machete tucked into the waistband of his pants. "Never mention that again, boy, do you understand me?!" he threatened.
Harry backed off slowly, even though he was sitting down. He curled up into the foetal position; he didn't like being threatened. It came from a bad experience as a child after a dog growled at him for taking its toy.
"Will you stop being so dramatic?" said Hermione. "I'm trying to concentrate. Anyway, while you're here, I need your opinion. Should the theme for the ball be Cowboys and Indians or Disney movies?"
"I like the Little Mermaid, because she has red hair like me," Ron interjected.
"Alright, Cowboys and Indians it is," Harry decided.
Hagrid slammed his foot on the brakes suddenly. Harry's coffee went all over Ron, and Ron screamed in pain, but nobody cared. They were at Hogwarts, finally. The tall dark turrets could be seen in the distance. The students dismounted the bus, with Ron still screaming, and collected their luggage, which had been magically ejected from the bus. This was a wizard school, after all.
Harry couldn't wait to see Professor Dumbledore, the elderly headmaster. He had missed him terribly over the summer. Dumbledore always gave the best advice. Just last year, he told Harry that his style icon was Keira Knightly, and that he should always stick to pastel colours because they suit his petite frame. He was so wise.
"Listen up, everybody," Hagrid announced. "Because of the budget cuts, we had no money to feed the thestrals, so they ran away. Unfortunately, this means that we will have to walk up to the school. Everybody choose a partner and hold hands!"
Ron held his hand out eagerly for Harry, but Harry just gave him a disgusted look and took Hermione's hand.
"Okay, Ron, since you don't have a partner, you'll have to hold hands with me," Hagrid concluded, but he didn't look too happy about it. He wondered when the last time Ron washed his hands was.
The convoy began the long trek up to the castle. Ron was so unfit that Hagrid had to give him a piggyback five minutes in. Hermione eyed Hagrid with jealousy; if only Ron would wrap his perfectly sculpted legs around her and press his warm body against her back. Hermione snapped like a snapper out of her daydream as soon as they reached the castle, just as Hagrid dumped Ron like a sack of potatoes onto the concrete. Ron most likely broke his arm, but nobody really cared enough to check.
"What a clumsy oaf" Said Harry, as he pointed and laughed at Ron's misfortune. Hagrid laughed, and patted young Harry on the head.
"Just like your father" Hagrid wept. Harry felt uncomfortable at Hagrid's mood swings; he made a mental note to mention this to the school psychologist at his next appointment. Harry didn't mind this so much; Dumbledore had taken up the post ever since Trelawny had a mental breakdown, and was forced into early retirement. But he still had her on facebook; he liked her funny statuses.
Harry followed the others into the great hall; Ron was still unconscious, but Harry wasn't worried. Ron could make his way there when he regained consciousness. The tables were set out for the start of term feast, but this year there was a fifth table for the sorority and fraternity groups; they were the only thing bringing money into the school. Hermione was the president of the Accio sorority, so she left Harry to go give the members a pep talk. Harry deeply regretted not joining Draco's fraternity last year; now he was left alone with Ron, who was now conscious, and excited about the meager amount of food on the tables. It was more food than he'd seen all summer.
Harry sat down at the Gryffindor table between two Puerto Ricans, so that Ron wouldn't sit near him; Ron was a proud white supremacist. McGonagall then appeared with the sorting hat, trailed by a bunch of nervous looking first years who Harry pointed and laughed at. Ron started laughing too, but Harry punched him in the face; plebs aren't allowed to laugh, he thought, and continued watching the sorting.
The sorting hat opened its mouth, and started to sing:
It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters I don't know about you but im feeling 22 It seems like one of those nights I don't know about you but im feeling 22 I don't know about you, 22, 22 It feels like one of those nights I don't know about you but im feeling 22 Dancing like 22, yeah, 22, yeah yeah It feels like one of those nights
And make fun of our exes, uh uh uh uh
It feels like a perfect night for breakfast at midnight
To fall in love with strangers uh uh uh uh
Yeaaaah
We're happy free confused and lonely at the same time
It's miserable and magical oh yeah
Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines, it's time uh uh
Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you
You don't know about me but I bet you want to
Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22, 22
This place is too crowded too many cool kids
It seems like one of those nights
We ditch the whole scene and end up dreaming instead of sleeping
Yeaaaah
We're happy free confused and lonely in the best way
It's miserable and magical oh yeah
Tonight's the night when we forget about the heartbreaks, it's time uh uh
Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you
You don't know about me but I bet you want to
Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22, 22
We ditch the whole scene
It feels like one of those nights
We won't be sleeping
It feels like one of those nights
You look like bad news I gotta have you, I gotta have you
Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you
You don't know about me but I bet you want to
Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22, 22
We ditch the whole scene
It feels like one of those nights
We won't be sleeping
It feels like one of those nights
You look like bad news I gotta have you, I gotta have you
By the end of the song, miraculously, all the first years were sorted.
"Time for bed!" Yelled Dumbledore.
"But it's only 3pm" said Ron.
Dumbledore looked him straight in the eye, pointed at him, and said:
"Shut up, Mr. Weasley"
And with that, they were dismissed. Harry couldn't wait for his counseling session the next morning; he had so much to tell Dumbledore.