"Love fades mine has."
Thun. Thun. Thun.
All what I heard was the study beat of my heart.
The silence that surrounded us was suffocating. His words pained me, so much. It felt like a bullet shot right trough my heart, without any mercy. My head was a mess and my heart was breaking. Everything was getting out of control. How possible can I responded to something like that? Slowly, I forced myself to count my breaths so I could try of getting my control back. Bevor I knew what came over me I heard myself saying "Its okay." And surprisingly it really was. Sure it hurt like hell but I can't force anyone to love me. My eyes went finally up to his face. I saw so much pain was written in his eyes. What the true source was, I couldn't possibly say. I stared a little longer at him before I continued, still with my eyes locked to his. "Of course I can't say that I am happy about you falling out of love with me... You have been through hell and back, but I thought that maybe..." I stumbled about my owns words. "Maybe we would find a way. Together.
Because you need to know that I don't hate you for what you did. I forgive you comrade."
Hot tears rolled down my cheeks as I laid myself bare in front of Dimitri. He wanted to say something but I held my hand up firmly to stopp him.
"I love you Dimitri. I always will. And bevor I leave this church you have to know, that despite everything I don't regret anything. I would do it all again, if it bring you back to me. Even as just a friend. Perhaps you find someone to love to have children with, like you always wanted too. You are free to go know. To start the life you always wanted. So yeah, I don't regret anything." Even if it meant breaking my heart in the progress, I added silently. I felt the tears burning in my eyes, begged to be freed. But I held them back. Sadly, I smiled up to him. During my speech his face hadn't changed, but his eyes. Got the spoke more than hundred words ever could. I knew it pained him to hear those words but I had to say them.
"Roza" His voice husked from unshared tears. "I..." But his words failed him. I shook my head, tears still streaming down. "It's okay Dimitri, it really his."
My whole body was shaking as I slowly got up. With a shaking hand, reached for his cheek and caressed it carefully. God, I loved this man so fucking much. My whole body was aching. It was the last time I would ever be this close to him. With the last power I held over myself I spoke "Don't think you will get rid of me, comrade. If friendship is everything you can give, then I can live with that, if it allows me to be still a part in your life.
See you around, comrade." A tear rolled down my cheek which I wiped instantly away. With a sad smile I turned around and let the love of my life behind.
A small part of me wished he would stop me, but I knew he wouldn't. I hated myself for the foolish thought. As I left the church, all feelings I could barely hold back, came crushing down at me. Destroying me. Completely. Tears streamed uncontrollably down my face know. I held nothing back. My world was falling apart and there was nothing I could do about it. Like the wall that was breaking in my head, which kept the darkness out. But I didn't care anymore. So I let everything falling apart around me.
And welcomed the darkness in me.
A/N: I own nothing. Currently an one shot, maybe I make more out of it later.