The worst James and Lily Love Story EVER #2
By SuperGirl
A/N: Err I don't own anything still, sorry if I offended some of you on the first addition of this. However I really could care less. And another point I would like to make, in several of my other stories I do make fun of things, most popular of my stories currently is the Secret Marriage of the Potters. Which makes no sense unless you have read dozens of Harry/Hermione stories.
Part Two: The Wedding.
Big explanation of what Hogwarts is and who Harry Potter is (insert here) for those who stumbled across here by accident. And also a big explanation in case someone has lived in a cave and has no idea who or what Harry Potter is. Also that is really sad (insert in here).
Last Time…
"Oh no James!" cried Lily holding on to him. Just them the school nurse popped up from no where and woke James up and healed him up. He opened his eyes up and looked around confused. "Who are you?" he asked Lily.
"I'm Lily, your fiancée." He looked at her oddly. "Okay, are you sure?" he asked.
"Oh no he lost his memory." said Serious.
"You can't be Sirius!" said Remus.
"NO I am Sirius." said Serious.
There was a long pause fallowing this and everyone rolled there eyes at Serious. James sat up rubbing his head. "I have had trauma to my head and can't remember a thing, except for everything I knew prior to going to Hogwarts school of Witch-Craft and Wizardry. And my friends, but not my true love." said James glancing around. Lily started to cry some hearing this. James turned and looked at her oddly. "Your kind of fat." The he turned and looked at Serious and Remus holding hands.
"Blimy are you two wankers?" he asked his two friends. Remus and Serious blushed some still hand in hand. "Even though this is quiet awkward, I have to except you two being gay and not be weird-ed out at all, since umm…sorry this is quiet odd. However I will accept this and pretend not to be traumatized by this development and not throw-up. And be happy for you even though it just seems so very wrong with you being a play-boy who can't read and Remus being gay just because he is the quiet one, only because werewolves are quiet and anti-social who don't talk to girls or have friends, there losers." said James. He then turned and looked at Lily oddly. "Are you sure you're my fiancée?" Lily nodded as tears came up. "You look like a dork who doesn't have any friends and is fat. Unless they have a flower-ie names. And your fat too."
"I'm carrying you love-child."
"Oh sorry about the fat- comment then."
Just then Harry Potter and Dumbledore came back from smoking rocks. James looked at Harry oddly. "Who are you? Are you my twin?" he questioned Harry. Harry who was still currently smoking rocks blew smoke in James face and cracked up laughing with Dumbledore. James coughed some and looked at Lily. "Who's he?" he asked Lily.
"He's your son, from the future." she cried. James paused and looked around still out of it. "This is so weird it's like 'back to the future' the first one with Gandaolf!" he said pointing at Dumbledore. "What the hell?" said Dumbledore looking at Harry. "Do I look like that gray-wizard?" Harry nodded looking at his mom winking some. "You do or like Santa Clause!" Lily moved a bit closer to James and further from Harry who blew her kisses.
"Wait, did you just hit on my err… what's your name?" he asked Lily.
"It's Lily." she said looking up with her big green eyes.
"Err.. Okay." said James making a mental note. "You can't just go around hitting on your pregnant mom." said James to Harry.
"It's not like she could get more pregnant you know." said Harry blowing smoke into James' face from his bong laughing.
"Dude that is just wrong." said Serious looking at Remus who nodded. "Yeah, so why are you still here Harry?" asked Remus.
"I totally missed the 70's and Dumbledore kicks ass in the 70's." said Harry grinning.
Just then another bolder came from no-where and hit James on the head rendering him unconscious once again. Everyone GASPED out loud in cap-lock.
"I have better things to do." said Pomfre the nurse popping out from no where again. She then awoken James again from his head injury by smacking him hard in the back of his head. James snapped out of it quickly.
"I remember everything!" he said, James then turned and looked at Lily. "Let's run off to Vegas in the states to get married and take a Port-Key! And were going to do that in a hurry because the dark lord is after us because I am the heir of Griffindor even though it has not been verified, but none the less were targeted and Snape is also in love with you and hates me for nailing you and will take out his anger on our un-born love child when he grows up." he said. Lily was all happy hearing this then hugged James.
"Everything is the way it is suppose to be once gain." said Remus, and Serious nodded in agreement. "Yeah!" they said together in the most gay-like way they could even though it's never been verified there gay and everyone ends up with someone, but Peter.
"Let's sing together! VIVA!LASVEGAS!" said Serious as up-beat modern music started up.
"Or how about no!" said Harry threateningly and the music cut off. This caused a tear to form in Serious' eyes.
"Oh we all knew he was going to nail Lily in the end anyways." said Serious, Remus smiled at him nodding. "Even though we added in drama to make teenage-girls cry, we all knew he'd nail her, well more." said Remus.
"You look like you could pop anytime." said James looking at Lily's stomach.
"I'm holding in Harry until the end of July, so I can have my wedding in all." she said Smiling. "I'll be like 13 months along or something, I have to wait though. I'm magical so I can do that." she said blushing.
"Err… okay, so who do you want to be the brides-maid?" asked James to Lily.
"I thought Remus could be since Serious is the best-man and Peter could be the flower-girl."
"Okay, that is just gay." said Serious. "Even for us. Even though it has not been verified that we are."
"Oh we can have Dumbledore be the priest, since he has always been the one marrying people before and has nothing better to do." said James. Lily nodded some. "Oh I am so excited about this!" she said hugging James.
All of a sudden an owl came out from no where with a letter for Lily. Since Petunia who hates witches decided to write to Lily even though she had never care to before this moment and to add in drama and fit this in. She even sent it by Owl even though she hates Owls even though it has not be concluded she hates then nor has a fear of owls, but she does.
"You got a letter." said Serious pointing out the obvious. Lily took the letter and read it out-loud just so everyone could hear her personal note and add in more drama and heart break to the story, since everyone know Petunia hates Lily just so your hate Petunia more then we already do for abusing Harry which has not been verified either, but assumed.
"Dear Lily, evil death-eaters came and killed mom and dad. Even though I have no idea being Muggle what one is, but they did, even though they really did die of natural causes, I am going to blame you and the death-eaters; even though I don't know what one is. It's your fault being a witch. I hate you, I really do I blame you, never talk to me again, you're a freak since that is all I call you. You suck you Witch-freak! I hate you, freak. I hate you, just so you know I hate you and you're a freak. We already had the funeral so you can't come and I hate you because you're a freak. I didn't invite you because I hate you and you're a witch and a freak. Thought you should know I hate you, it's your fault! I want to get the point across I Petunia hate Lily. Signed- Petunia, you know your sister who married Vernon for his money and having no dreams of my own and all that crap. Mrs. Dork-sy. PS I hate you Lily and no one likes you cause you're a freak. Not even your friends with Flower-ie names who will not make an appearance in the wedding because no one likes you- Petunia, just incase you had me confused with someone else with a flower-ie name." Lily then cried and blamed herself. James hugged her and was all James-like to her sensitive. She was sad and broken hearted and cried. They had a moment and everyone cried but Peter, because he disappeared earlier again and no one questioned it or even noticed. Just then he reappeared all in black while everyone was sad.
"That sucks." said Peter appearing out from no-where wearing a black cloak with a skull on his face with a machete in his hand with blood on it.
"Where have you been?" asked Remus looking at Peter oddly. "No-where." he said taking off his skull-mask and hiding it with his machete. 'You traitor' everyone thought at the same time giving him glares, but didn't say it out loud.
"Lily's parents were killed because she's a Muggle-witch and she's all sad and then there is the wedding and Harry Potter is still in the past. Even though they died of natural-causes Petunia blames her and she's all sad now." said Serious catching Peter up to the current situation. "Oh and he has his memories back." he added in pointing to James.
"That's cool. So a wedding, sounds like fun." said Peter. "Will there be cake?"
"I don't think he should come." said Serious being Sirius. "I mean he's like a traitor in all, and he sucks he wasn't suppose to even be in the sequel at all. Or have any dialogue."
"That is a nice black-cloak." said Remus, Peter blushed some. "Oh my friend Lucius gave it to me and this cone-hat. It's my birthday." he said touching the top of his head. "I want one." said Serious who pouted.
Just then Dumbledore came buy having nothing better to do then bother the kids once again.
"So, Were-wolf boy and dog-boy I have this club." said Dumbledore puffing on his bong, even though he mentioned it in the first part, he's going to ask again.
"Is it like fight-club?" asked Serious a second time. "No it's not it's better it's like Boy-scouts with wands."
"I already asked that! In part one!" pointed out James and Lily who were still there since they hadn't left, wanted to point that out. There still there.
"Err, no it's not like fight-club at all." said Dumbledore blowing his smoke in there faces.
"Can I join?" asked Peter. Dumbledore looked over at him.
"Sure, even though you're a traitor you can join my club, I like your black clock and cone-hat. It's cool!" said Dumbledore. "All your missing is a skull-face mask." he added in.
"I already got one!" said Peter putting it on.
"Wicked." said Dumbledore puffing on his bong.
"Sorry to interrupt, but James and I want to get married and want a port-key to get married in Vegas in American then have a honey-moon in the states, you know since were English in all and this story is based in Britain we just want to go to America so we can talk all Gangster in all on our cell phones." said Lily smiling.
"Sure, I can even marry you since I have nothing better to do with my time then marry off my students. During the biggest war in the wizard world ever!" said Dumbledore. Just then Harry Potter came back in the scene looking a bit lost.
"Err… I am stuck in the past I broke Hermione's time thing." just then everyone gasped, and Harry held it up; but Dumbledore because he already knew of this and it was going to happen in all because he is like Gandolf, you know from Lord of the Rings, but a bad-ass. He knows all.
"No matter Harry, you can kill off James and replace him like in that movie 'Face off', but as his son. Or like that one old story about the kid who marries his mother who was raised by sheep herders something I had to read in high school." said Dumbledore.
"No that is okay." said Harry he then winked at Lily again and used his eye-brows suggestive like. Lily felt vomit coming up because that was just sick.
So Dumbledore reached in his pocket and took out a port-key. "I just happened to have this Port-Key in my pocket that goes to Las-Vegas in the states. Not that I have a gamboling addiction." said Dumbledore sitting down a big shinny key that said on it 'port key to Vegas'. "I perform weddings on the side dress up like Gandolf because I have a beard."
So everyone touched the port-key and went to America to Vegas. It was all swirl tornado like and then they were on the Vegas strip, it was quiet magical. There was lights, prostitutes and Elvis impersonators.
"Oh my god can we see Sigmund and Roy those lion tamers?" asked Remus.
"That's like gay." said Harry Potter everyone nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, but Serious and I are gay. Even though it has not been verified-" said Remus pointing out that fact.
"What about Tonks?" asked Harry. Remus glared some. "Mind you own business." he hissed at Harry. Serious looked at Remus with daggers.
Just then Lucius popped in from no where with Lord Voldemort with a big puff of smoke.
Then Lord Voldemort grabbed Lily who didn't run away even though she could have even pregnant she could have ran, but didn't.
"Okay what the hell are you doing here?" asked Harry Potter.
Voldemort shrugged his shoulders. "Apparently me and Lucius were in Vegas and we had nothing better to do then kidnap very pregnant Lily-Evans soon to be Potter. And take her away to my hide-out in the forbidden forest, hence the name 'forbidden'." said Voldemort .
"Err why?" asked James. Voldemort rolled his eyes some and hiss. "Because she is carrying the boy who will destroy me and the heir to Griffindor, even though it has never been established if in fact Harry was the heir of Griffindor, however I am just going to assume that and take her away from you since she is a defenseless girl who has a knack for being kidnapped by evil-doers. And I can do what I want. Even though she won't struggle." said Voldemort.
"Is that true Lily?" asked James.
"Apparently I have nothing else to do then be kidnapped on the day of my wedding." she cried. "And I need a man to save me being a helpless girl, I established this earlier in part one."
"That's pretty messed up. And how would he know everything?" said Harry Potter smoking on his bong. "If I wasn't stoned I would like save her since he is just standing there not moving. However I am smoking rocks and too busy and I know in the end you get married so why bother?"
"Wait what is he doing here? Your not even born yet!" Said Voldemort looking at Harry. "I don't know." replied Harry. "I can't remember-"
"It appears Voldemort that Harry has time traveled and got stuck here and has fallen in love with his pregnant mother who is carrying him, it's pretty messed up." said Lucius.
"That is sick." said Voldemort. "And totally back to the future with Michel J Fox, who was also in Teen Wolf, I also recommend. Though in the 1970s not out yet…"
"Oh hey Tom." said Dumbledore noticing that Voldemort was there. Voldemort looked at Dumbledore. "What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I'm here to perform there wedding since I have nothing better to do."
"That is weird." said Voldemort looking at Dumbledore who was lighting up another bong. "Okay well I'm off, so me and Lucius can man-handle Lily. I am starting to wonder if she enjoys being man-handled. I mean she is a cutter and hates her self why not?" he then grabbed Lily who squeaked and he and Lucius disappeared with smoke because wizards disappear with smoke and a pop!
"Noooooooooo!" cried James. "He took Lily!" he cried. "Again!"
"You could have saved her, you have time. He was standing there talking forever and you could have like walked there and took Lily back" pointed out Peter. Who was then smacked by Remus and Serious at the same time.
"We have to go save mom!" said Harry who then fell over laughing from falling down. "I went boom!"
"Maybe if we wait long enough she can save herself, like last time where she walked back." said Remus Serious shrugged. "Worth a shot."
"This sucks, me and Pothead, I mean Harry are going to go smoke rocks." said Dumbledore walking away with Harry. Both were lighting up there bongs again.
Remus looked around and found a piece of paper. "I have it! A map to the dark lord's hid-away." said Remus holding up a map with a giant X on it. "Lucius must have dropped it by accident because bad guys do things like that. Silly Death-eater."
"Let's go!" James said all excited in happy once again.
"How will we get there?" asked Peter.
"We'll like disappear with our wizard powers and appear there." said Serious. "I thought we told you not to talk Peter!" he said smacking him again.
Just then Lily appeared with a Pop.
"Lily!" cried James hugging her. "How did you escape?" asked James.
"Oh James it was the strangest thing, I happen to have this Monopoly card that read 'get out of jail free' so Tom, that is Voldemort in case you didn't know; was all, 'sure you can go.' and then I popped in here because I remembered I was a witch and had powers in all. Then I ran into my friends with flower-ie names, they all turned evil since Serious and Remus turned gay, but Debbie who is known as Sunflower so she fits in. Anyways now we can get married!" she jumped up and hugged James.
Just then Dumbledore came from no where with Harry Potter, again since it was time for the wedding. Dumbledore had a stick in his hand to look like Gandolf.
"Were here to marry you in crap like that." said Dumbledore dressed . Lily and James smiled and Remus and Serious were part of the wedding, but Peter couldn't be because he is like a traitor in all. So he had to sit in the isle and watch and Harry got to be the Flower-guy. Harry was happy because his parents were getting married even though he was in-love with his mother. That and he was given flowers and thought they were pretty.
So Lily and James then were in Vegas standing in front of Dumbledore who has nothing better to do with his time even though he is like the leader of the Order of the Phoenix and a school principle and works for the ministry then to marry students off and getting married. There son was there from the future and their friends and Peter who was still in his death-eater costume, but no one noticed.
"So Umm Potter you take… I forgot you name again since your like friend-less nerd."
"Lily Evans." Lily said. "I do have friends they all have flower-ie names." she said rolling her eyes.
"Liar, Yeah that's why they didn't come to your wedding, so Potter take fatty over here?" asked Dumbledore.
"Yes."
"Fatty take Potter here?"
"I'm not fat I'm Pregnant with his love-child."
"Sure that's what they all say."
"I do." Lily said smiling.
"So kiss your married now in all." said Dumbledore taking out hit on his bong once again.
So lily and James kisses and there were fire-works and it was magical because there magical and everyone there minus Peter because he sucks, but everyone else was moved by their love even the prostitutes who watched the wedding since they were married in the middle of the street. Bird appeared and a rainbow showed up in the sky because it was magical thing and when that happens stuff like that occurs, but not Leper-cons because that would be weird even though there was a rainbow. Serious cried some and Remus hugged him and everyone had someone, but Peter because he is just evil in all and sucks. Then James and Lily left there friends and old teacher to go to Hawaii for there honey-moon because they could and I said so even though there British. And they flew on an air-plane as well. Everyone cried in the audience because they were so happy, but Peter because he has no emotions and he is evil he was miss-sorted, even hats have a bad day.
"Well. I am off to go like kill stuff." said Peter who, put his mask on and Popped and disappeared. No one seemed to notice or hear him as he disappeared or cared because he is evil like all Slytherin with no heart.
"So um Harry what are you going to do now your parents are in Hawaii?" asked Serious.
"I don't know." said Harry who shrugged some. "I think I am stuck here in this time."
"That's so weird." said Serious, Remus nodded. "I might disappear when I am born though. Until then I think I might get high with Dumbledore again he is so cool when he is wasted, he thinks he is Gandolf from Lord of the Rings." said Harry disappearing with Dumbledore by via Port-key with a pop.
This left Serious and Remus the only two off and alone. "So what now?" asked Remus. Serious shrugged some.
"Usually at this point when were left alone were like on each other, but I don't want to." said Serious.
"Okay, that's good I don't want to be like the bitch or anything." there was a moment of silence.
"So you want to go bother Snape?" asked Serious Remus nodded and they popped away.
Just then they appeared in front of Snape who was in a room with pictures of Lily on the wall all stalker like and creepy with surveillance footage of her playing. Snape turned and looked at Remus and Serious who were there standing all of a sudden. "Why are you here?" asked Snape who was also in his death-eater clothing.
"Were here to bother you." said Serious who pushed Snape and said, "Bother." Snape knocked over and then stood up then Remus did the same also saying out loud. "Bother." pushing Snape once again down. "Hey stop!" cried Snape. "I'm a death-eater, you can't just go around pushing me." he said standing up.
"Bother."
Just then Dumbledore and Harry popped in. Snape stood up and looked at them really scared. "Why are you here?' Snape asked Dumbledore.
"I don't know." he replied.
"And who are you?" he asked Harry.
"I'm Harry Potter." he said pushing Snape. "Bother." he said as he pushed him.
"Hey stop it!" cried Snape. "I'm going to tell the dark lord on you!" he said standing up.
"Bother!" Serious said pushing Snape.
"This is wicked fun." said Dumbledore pushing Snape again. "Bother!"
"You guys can't be Sirius!" cried Snape.
"I am Sirius." said Serious.
The end of part 2...so what do you guys think? Am I missing any clichés? Oh So what do you guys think? I was told by someone who preview this installment they enjoyed this more then part 1. And again this was making fun of clichés. I am going to do a Christmas one.
SuperGirl xoxoxos