The Day the Earl Massacred Christmas
It was 2 days before Christmas and all through the castle, not a creature was stirring, except for Allen, he was eating. Faraway on o hill somewhere, lived a not-so-jolly Earl and his Noah…people. Anyway, they were sitting down having a nice family dinner when the Earl burst through the door dressed in a big purple Santa costume. He sat down his large sack and said to his family, "I want you all to deliver these to all the children in the world before Christmas." His family stared at him in confusion.
"What for?" Tyki finally asked. The Earl laughed and told him to open one of the disturbingly brightly colored boxes in the bag. Tyki refused to because he knew the Earl too well. Jasdero was the one to give in. He picked up a box and held it in his hands.
"I will open this disturbingly brightly colored box to see what is inside." Once he opened it, an Akuma popped out and ate his face. The family watched in awe as the Earl laughed maniacally. They all agreed that the Akuma presents was a good idea and set off to deliver the disturbingly brightly colored boxes to all the children in the world.
Meanwhile, at the Order, everyone was getting ready for a big Christmas celebration. Jerry was cooking lots of food, which Allen was eating so they had to throw him out, Komui was sleeping and Kanda was sitting in a corner whishing everyone would die. After being thrown out for the 3rd time, Allen gave up and went to his room. When he opened the door, there was a disturbingly brightly colored box in the middle of the room. He stared at it for a moment then picked it up.
"What the hell?" He opened his door and threw it out. Moments later, Lavi passed by and spotted the box.
"Ooh! A present!" He opened it and an Akuma popped out and began eating his face. To see what all the ruckus was, Allen again opened his door to see Lavi getting his face eaten by an Akuma. At once, he destroyed it.
"What the crap was that?" Lavi yelled in surprise. Allen shrugged and they went to report the incident to Komui.
"A disturbingly brightly colored box?" asked Komui.
"Yes. Once opened, an Akuma came out and ate Lavi's face." Allen explained to him.
"I see…" After pondering for a moment, Komui was about to say something when Lenalee ran in and reported another Akuma present.
"What are we to do about this?" They all wondered.
At that very same time, many children were receiving the presents Akumas.
"Look mommy! An early present!" A small child ran to the disturbingly brightly colored box. He opened it an and an Akuma popped out and ate his face, His mother screamed and fainted. This was happening in many households and the Order was getting endless reports of these present Akumas.
"This makes just as much sense as Allen's appetite." Lavi rubbed the back of his head.
"We need to do something!" Lenalee exclaimed, "Or thousands of innocent children will have their faces eaten by Akuma hiding in disturbingly brightly colored boxes!"
While the exorcists wondered about this, the Noah continued delivering present Akumas.
"This is the best idea ever! Soon all the children will be non-faces." The Earl rubbed his hands together and cackled. He stood over the roof of a house and waited for the childish scream that never came. Baffled, the Earl peered down into the chimney. Suddenly, Kanda jumped out and waved his sword at the Earl.
"Ah! Exorcist!" The Earl yelled in despair and fell off the roof.
"What are you planning, Earl?" Kanda jumped down off the roof and stood before the Earl. The Earl, not excepting defeat, put out his umbrella and floated away.
"You will never stop me!" He yelled down, "soon, all the children will be non-faces!" Kanda glared at the Earl then remorsefully returned to the Order to tell Komui.
"Non…faces?" Komui stared in disbelief at Kanda.
"That's what he said." He claimed. Komui decided to send the exorcists to solve this problem.
"We have to break into people's houses and steal the present Akumas?"
"Is that not what I just said, Sprout?"
"Why you-!" Allen and Kanda's rant got cut short by Lenalee.
"Quiet you two! It takes concentration to break into a house!" She yelled and kicked the door down of a random house.
"Wow. Really?" Allen remarked as they walked in. They looked around for a bit and split up. When they got back together, nobody had found anything. Except for Allen, he found a pizza.
"Allen…that pizza has fangs." Lavi pointed out. They all stared at it before it got all Pac-man on his face. They tried to pry it off but nothing worked. Then Lenalee found a cup of pens and threw it at the Akuma but it jumped out of the way and Allen got a face full of pen.
"Oops…sorry." Lenalee chuckled. Now they were faced with another problem. The Pizza Akuma. But of course, none of them thought to use their anti-Akuma weapons. That's when Kanda jumped in and sliced it in half.
"Oh yeah…why didn't we do that?" Lavi smacked himself in the face with his palm.
"I don't know. Why didn't you?" Kanda was getting angry, this whole business was starting to annoy him. Just then, Allen spotted the disturbingly brightly colored box.
"There it is! Burn it! BURN IT!" He pointed rapidly at the box. Lavi smashed it with his hammer and paused before turning to Allen
"Jeered calm down. It's just a box."
"An evil box with a hidden Akuma!"
"…true." After destroying the Akuma, they went on to the other houses, breaking the doors down and destroying the Akuma.
They were walking down the street when Allen felt Timcanpy flinch on his shoulder. Turning around to see what was the matter, he sprang back 3 steps and exclaimed with a clatter…CAT!!!
With a squeak and a squawk, Timcanpy fluttered down from his shoulder. Now facing the cat, he took one step at a time as the cat did the same.
As Lavi came around the corner, he exclaimed at the sight, "That's just like the Texas showdown I saw on TV last night!"
Now that being said, we go back to Little T as he stared the cat down with his non-existing eyes a-glitter. The gang watched, terrified as he grew 10 times his size and…swallowed the cat whole. As he shrunk back down, Allen and crew slowly walked back the way they had come.
Now to this day, no one knows what the Earl had planned, but disturbingly brightly colored boxes had been banned from the order. If anyone learned anything from this, it was that golems could hold a very nasty grudge...against what you ask? I have no idea I'm just a crazy fan-fic writer!