Hello everyone! I should probably be working on my other story in progress, but I wanted to write a somewhat crack-fic, just for practice... or something. Well, who else would be a better contribution for a light-hearted story than Sir Awesome himself?

Anyways I think that's it, so enjoy!

Six to Eight Weeks Before

Gilbert flicked through the channels, quite bored despite himself. He had been watching TV for three hours and there was nothing decent to watch now that Children Eating Babies Unrated was over. He now had the choice between infomercials or some kind of charity thing.

Ugh, they are both extremely unawesome. Gilbert thought as he lazily turned to the infomercial channel.

The infomercial was just finishing up with some kind of make-up artist. Some model no one has ever heard of said that apparently some kind of fruit is supposed to make your skin look younger.

I think it's fairly obvious that my skin too awesome to have some plant babies smeared all over it... Okay, maybe I shouldn't watch Children Eats Babies anymore, thought Gilbert.

He watched in boredom until it ended, and waited for the next one to begin. This one will probably suck too. He thought to himself.

Or at least that is what he thought before the show came on.

Gilbert watched in extreme amazement as the salesman went through all the features that the product and attachments had to offer, which was both long and wide range, and it was with a guarantee as well. If he didn't like it, he could send it back, though Gilbert doubted that he would ever return something this...awesome, for lack of better wording.

To make a good thing even better, there were random bikini girls in the background, showcasing the product for no good reason, and it was all in sixteen easy payments of $39.95! Also, if he was in the first 500 callers, he would get a free glow stick!

Gilbert practically leaped from the couch, getting up from the horribly coloured grandma-type couch for the first time in over three hours, and frantically looked for a credit card. He just had the get that product; the glow stick was just an added bonus.

After five minutes of making a giant mess in attempted to find one, he located a business card size white and yellow piece of plastic. Perfect. He ran to the phone and dialed in the number that the infomercial must have said about eight times. He waited for a couple of rings until someone on the other end finally picked up.

"Hello, would you like to place your order?" Said a voice that particularly high-pitched and ear-grinding on the other end.

"HELL YEAH!" Practically screamed Gilbert. He was going to have some much fun with this thing.

"Uh, well yes. Name please?" Gilbert shuddered and the almost inhumane voice, and looked down at the card.

"Ludwig." So he was borrowing his brother credit card. So what? It was his fault for leaving it there when he went to a meeting, and wouldn't let Gilbert go or something equally as stupid.

"First and last name please."

"Oh, okay." Gilbert looked at the card again only to find that there was no last name. What the Fritz? What loser didn't have a last name? Everyone has a last name, especially on credit cards so that their older brothers can steal their money. Cross that thought. It should really be so that older brothers can use it for the common good of Prussia.

Well, time to improvise.

"Uhhh, Ludwig... Beilschmidt" Said Gilbert. There, he was lending his awesome last name to Ludwig, even though he doesn't deserve it. He should thank him later, preferably with beer.

The woman paused for a second. This loser was obviously using someone else's credit card, and faking the name on it. It was probably some teenager who was using his bimbo girlfriend father's money because he's too lazy and/or high to go out and get a job. On the other hand, it could be just really stupid kid.

Either way, she got paid per sale in her job, so she didn't really care one way or the other. It's someone else's problem

"Alright Ludwig Beilschmidt, credit card number please."

Present time

Gilbert looked attentively out the window facing the back of the couch, and his lower legs on the seat. It should come any day now. The nerve of some people making him wait was absolutely sickening. Awesome can't wait! To think that he would be could be doing lots of awesome fun stuff right now.

Hmmm maybe he should invest in a thesaurus for some synonyms on the word awesome. Nah, he was too awesome for that.

"Gilbert, what are you doing? You're acting like the dogs," said a deep voice behind them. Gilbert didn't bother to turn around, and instead decided to look at the German shepherd beside him. The dog in question was waggling his tail at high speed and panting.

"Umm, excuse me. For one thing, I don't have a long furry thing coming out of my ass, and two, I'd like to think I'm eating better quality food than him."

Gilbert turned toward the window again to see the mailman. Just who he wanted to see.

"Ahh he's here." He said, looking at the man, who was about twenty years of age, and had a large bag of letters, and parcels hopefully. Especially parcels for him.

"You were looking for the mailman all this time? Gott, you really are like the dogs." Said Ludwig, who had stood beside him, and lifted a blue curtain to see what he was looking at.

"Oh shut up, you schweinehund."

"Bruder, I think it is you who is schweinehund. You can't even bother to keep your room clean. It is very unorganized indeed. Also your whole personality needs discipline."

What an unawesome jerk. Now he asked for it.

"I seem to remember a time long ago. It was a fine autumn day, and I was just drowning in success at how amazingly I beat the crap out of someone, probably Austria or something. Anyway, you suddenly show up and ruin everything. You stumble over to me, with boogers running out of your nose going 'Bruder, bruder I just wet my bed. Can you clean it up for me?'" Prussia said, much louder than he needed to, complete with high pitched voice for Ludwig's part.

Ludwig, on the other hand, did a classic face-in-hands, wishing that once, just once, he could have a mature brother. Or at least move far away from him; and everything else. It sometimes felt that he was surrounded by idiots.

Gilbert smirked. "Actually, I think I recall the colour of the sheets you pissed on were about the same colour as your face right now."

Before Ludwig could say anything back, or die from embarrassment, there was some shuffling near the door, causing the dogs to go into a frenzy, and have Gilbert and Ludwig divert their attention. Gilbert excitedly jumped from the couch, practically running toward the door. He almost ran into it before he hastily opened it. Gilbert wouldn't be surprised if West would clean that door later, as if it had his germs on it or something.

Where did he go wrong with that boy?

He was greeted by the twenty year old postman who, when you looked at him close enough, was extremely geeky. Gilbert wouldn't be surprised if you could play the dots with all the freckles on his face.

"Is a Ludwig Beilschmidt available? I got a parcel waiting for him." Gilbert cringed. Even his voice was geeky.

"West? Why did West order even more bon-" Something clicked in his brain. Ohhhh, that Ludwig.

"You're looking at the awesome me," said Gilbert with a smirk. The man did not respond much, simply handing over a piece of paper to sign. Gilbert was somewhat insulted. Did he have any idea who he was? Well considering that he thought Gilbert was Ludwig, it was fairly obvious that he did not.

Gilbert signed the piece of paper, making sure to write it in the girliest handwriting he could muster, and even putting little hearts on the i's to go the extra mile. Now there was a hard copy of Ludwig's signature being girly. Of course, Ludwigs was quite a manly, elegant yet simple signature to sign his name, but Gilbert decided to change things up a bit.

The civilization of the future will thank him.

Will the paperwork completed, the mailman took the form, gave it an odd look, and handed Gilbert the parcel and the other mail of the day. He bid Gilbert a nice day and then started to walk off.

Gilbert on the other hand, slammed to door and hastily put the box to the ground. He ripped open the tape and the box itself, and practically dived into it, frantically searching and sending little white Styrofoam particles everywhere. Gilbert was not really paying attention to Ludwig anymore, but he supposed he was watching him as he carefully, well flung some wires and other more or less small things in random directions.

"Its here! It's finally here! It's - hey they forgot my glow stick! Those cheap bastards!" Gilbert grumbled. However, it was soon forgotten as he picked up the beauty of the machine. It was even somewhat shiny. Gilbert smiled with the power that flowed from the product to his hands. His new life began today.

Then a deep voice behind him ruined the moment.

"You bought a video recorder?"

And Chapter 1 is completed. Sorry for any typos, there is a show playing behind me, which makes it somewhat hard to concintrate. I did proof-read it, but there probably is some mistakes still.

Anyways, thanks for reading!

Hahahaha, Luddy wet his bed XD