This is my entry for the SOA fanfic central's 'The Lost Boy' contest which I couldn't resist entering. I had hell keeping this thing short but I hope you like it

If you're interested in more Juice/Lindsey they have their own fic titled 'Monster' which isn't very similar to this one but well, if you're looking for Juice love after his tragic death then there ya go.

Breathe Easy

I took a long pull off of my cigarette, peeking out of the drapes hanging in Wendy's apartment to look out at the street. All of those people were just walking around like it was another day. Another normal, vanilla day. They had no idea what happened beneath their noses. No fucking idea.

They didn't know that Charming was holding place for a club of murderers, drug runners, and all around criminals. Well they did, but not exactly. I smashed out the cigarette into the empty water bottle I'd been carrying around the apartment with me on one of my many strolls around. I had to keep moving. I couldn't just lay there and panic.

It was tempting. Inside of my head I was freaking out full throttle. Jax said I'd betrayed him but I hadn't meant to. I wouldn't have ever purposely told Nero anything. Not after I'd just earned my way back in but of course, I was on the outs again. I was always on the outs begging to get back in, to just… be with the others.

A soft knock drew my attention back to the present. I reached into the waistband of my dark wash jeans as I crept closer to the door to peer out of the peephole. Good. I slid it back in as I flipped the deadbolt and undid the chain letting my visitor into the door as quickly as I could before shutting the world back out again.

Lindsey smiled at me sweetly hauling the two bags of groceries to the kitchen counter. "I tried to hurry but I wanted to make sure no one was around first."

I nodded trailing after the brunette beauty, inhaling the scent of her perfume like it was a drug. "All clear I guess?"

"I'm here, aren't I?" she replied leaning back into me when I crept up behind her wrapping my arms around her middle. "I'm getting worried Juice."

"Don't. I'll take care of everything once we get out of here." I assured her kissing her on the cheek.

Lindsey felt small and yet solid in my arms when she turned around so that we were face to face. "I got everything you asked for. I didn't say anything to anyone at Diosa either."

"Good." I said softly pushing her dark hair away from her porcelain face. "You sure you want to do this? With me?"

She smiled again, her nose crinkling with the movements. "I'm sure, for the hundredth time. Are you thinking about backing out on me?"

It'd crossed my mind a time or two since her last visit here. I was tempted to call Chibs and beg him to meet with me to see what I could do to earn my way back in. I knew deep down that there wasn't anything I could redeem myself with. I'd made too many mistakes intentional or not. Now it was time to pay the reaper or run.

"No. I want to do this. I just… I feel like I'm doing something wrong by taking you with me. Pulling you away from your friends, your job." I explained gazing down at her. "Your family."

Lindsey's hands grasped two handfuls of my plain black shirt. "You're not doing anything wrong. It'd be wrong to leave me behind. I love you."

I knew that of course. I'd known since the night at Diosa when she'd stayed up with me without a minutes rest for herself while I'd vomited and mumbled. I'd been tempting fate all over again and she'd been there. She saved me from myself. "I love you too babe, I just… I don't know. I'm dragging you into all of this."

"No you're not. I got myself into this with you. I'm a big girl Juice, I can make my own decisions. And I'm deciding to leave with you."

She was as stubborn as she was pretty, I'd found that out the morning after I'd woken up with her sponging my forehead off as I came back down from my oxy high. We'd been attached to each other since that night. It seemed like years ago but it'd really only been a few weeks. I was thankful every time I saw her that I hadn't mentioned her to anyone else. The only people who knew she'd been here were Gemma and Wendy.

I didn't deserve Lindsey or anyone for that matter. I'd taken other lives, why should I get to have someone willing to risk their own for me? She was the most virtuous escort I'd ever met in my entire life. "I was thinking, we'd go tonight. Late of course. But leave before Gemma or Wendy even know I'm gone."

Lindsey nodded in agreement pulling me closer by my shirt leaning up on her tip toes to brush her lips against mine. "Whatever you say. I'll go whenever you want me to. Just don't.. don't keep hassling me about it."

"I won't." I promised kissing her again this time with a little more force. "We should start getting ready though."

We went through my things that I'd stuffed into a duffel bag the night I ran from the club, the same night I'd found Tara's lifeless body in Jax's kitchen floor. I'd been horrified to walk in on Gemma slumped over crying with blood everywhere. Literally everywhere. The walls, the counters, the dishwashers, Gemma's hands…..

And then my hands. I'd shot Eli point blank and didn't bat an eye over it. A normal person would have felt bad about it, but I didn't. It was because of him that everything had been set in motion. Because he'd blackmailed me and threatened me with my one major lie to the club that I could never redeem myself for. I was black and I'd known it when I patched in.

The idea of having a close knit family and brotherhood had overwhelmed me from mentioning it. My papers said I was Hispanic, so what did it matter anyways? To an MC, a lot. I'd been so stupid to think no one would ever know. I had experience in hacking, I should have known that anything out there about someone could be found no matter how hard they tried to hide it. You could never get away from your past.

Unless you severed off all ties like I was doing now.

I threw all of my SAMCRO shirts and reaper emblems into a trash bag to get rid of. I couldn't wear the reaper again. I was stuck with the tats until I could find someone I trusted enough to cover them or remove them completely from my body. My hair was mostly grown back out with my head tats just barely visible through the fuzz. Facial hair was coming in decently.

Lindsey motioned me closer towards her from her spot on top of Wendy's bed rifling through her own bags she'd stuffed with clothes and odd and ends. "I brought this… for your tats."

Tattoo cover up kit the little compact read. "I don't think that's going to work. I'll just have to wear long sleeves and hoodies until we're far enough away."

"How far is far enough?" She asked me stuffing it into the bag anyways. "And how are we getting there exactly?"

"You'll know when we get there. And we're taking a train until we have to swap over to something else. Pack warm stuff." I advised her wisely not wanting to give her too many details just yet. "You can't come back."

"I know that." Lindsey shrugged zipping up her bag. "I'm okay with it. Stop second guessing me. I want to be with you, is that so hard to believe?"

"Yes," I answered her honestly because no one ever had wanted to be with me before.

I'd always struggled to fit in wherever I went. In grade school I'd been the dorky kid the others made fun of because he liked science and didn't wear Nikes. Middle school was worse, I'd had not a single friend. Then high school was hell. I'd dropped out to start in on my computer skills more avidly and found I had a knack for hacking.

And that made this so much harder to hide. New York wasn't an option or anywhere close by because I'd burned bridges there too. Mexico was too obvious of a place as was Canada. I'd be staying in the U.S, just not the continental. We were going to Alaska.

Outside, I could make out the rumble of a bike nearby and instantly felt a coldness grip my heart. "You sure no one knows about us?"

"Positive baby." Lindsey told me pulling her hair up into a ponytail to tuck underneath a beanie cap. "Not a soul knows. And I kept glancing behind me on the way to make sure I wasn't followed over just in case. Its just you and me."

I walked to the bedroom window to peek out. No one. I was just being nervous for nothing. I went back to the closet pulling my club backpack out from its hiding place. My kutte. I pulled it out slowly savoring the feel of the worn leather underneath my fingers. It smelled like the club. It had an aura of danger and anarchism just looking at it.

I touched the men of mayhem patch over with my index finger remembering the day I'd earned it. I'd been in that minefield watching Kozik get blown to bits and pieces wondering it hadn't been me. Why had we lost so many brothers in vain? To protect ourselves against a cartel that we should have never gotten into business with in the first place.

Clay had given it to me after telling me not every man was cut out for that patch. It'd been both a sad and happy moment for me knowing that he was proud of me. He'd called me son for the first time in my life. Hell, it'd been the first time for anyone to call me that. He'd known my screw ups and had laid things out in a way only he could. "We all choose which rules to follow."

The bottom rocker was nostalgic as well. I remembered Chibs slapping it down on the table in front of me with a grin saying "Don't you dare forget what that means. You earned that patch brother." Now since then, I'd earned it two more times on top of the original time.

Both times had me feeling torn apart inside. Helping set up the only man that had ever taken a fatherly interest in me, then killing an innocent woman to save my club. For nothing. She'd died for nothing because I'd slipped and told Nero what I'd done when the guilt got to me. Nothing could compare to the guilt I still carried over Miles though. That had been my biggest mistake and regret.

"Are you keeping it?" Lindsey's soft voice asked standing up above me from where my crouched down spot on the closet floor.

I shook my head feeling the let down of it sink in. "I can't. They want me dead, they're going to want the kutte back. I don't deserve to wear it anyways. I'm a rat bastard."

"You did what you thought was right in every situation. You're a good man." She reached down rubbing the top of my shoulder. "A good man would question the things he's done, a bad one doesn't give a damn."

Well said I thought to myself stuffing the kutte back into its backpack leaving it where it sat. I looked over at the clock seeing the time. "Lets go."

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

The train station in Stockton was busier than I would have thought it'd be for midnight on a Wednesday. People were pushing this way and that in a rush to catch their ride out of town. I'd went to the window after reading over the schedule and bought us each a ticket to Boston, from there we'd hop another train to take us further north. It'd be one hell of a journey but it'd be worth it, if my plan would just work.

Lindsey was tougher than I'd given her credit for. She didn't question a single thing I told her, and nodded in agreement when I'd told her if anything happened, not to come back to Charming. They'd know she'd helped me if they came after me and I didn't even want to think about what that might mean for the pretty girl that was sitting beside me.

"How much longer?" she asked me ducking her head in close to mine so that our cheeks were touching each others in the cool night air.

"Half hour." I checked my heavy watch before giving her a peck on the cheek. "Then its just you and me babe."

Lindsey pecked me back reaching up to smudge the lipstick back off of my face when I pulled a look at her. "I'm going to run to the bathroom real quick."

I frowned standing up to go with her. "I don't wanna miss the train."

"We won't. I'll be fast, promise." She smiled warmly as she stood up straightening her scarf out that hung around her neck. "Don't be so paranoid Sanchez."

I couldn't help but grin back hearing her use our new fake last name. We weren't married technically but it seemed more fitting if we pretended we were to go along with the story we were going to feed anyone that dug into our past once we were away.

I watched her back disappear around the corner to the bathrooms then let out a double lungful of air in a whoosh. This was it, I was leaving my home. There'd been a time when I couldn't even wrap my head around the idea of leaving this place now I was racing against time to. I was already scared someone would spot me out and mention it the club. I'd been in hiding forever and it'd added to my paranoia.

Turning my neck side to side, I stretched out the kinks in my muscle trying to relax some. In precisely 16 minutes I'd be able to let my guard down somewhat. If I could just make it a bit longer….

13 minutes. What was taking her so long?

Frowning, I ventured towards the bathrooms at a lazy pace keeping a sharp eye out for her. She was the type to get distracted easily so it wouldn't shock me to find her at the vending area trying to grab something for the long ride. But she wasn't there either.

10 minutes to go. I whirled back around searching desperately now with a panic. I'd lost her already. I was rushing by the waiting area when I heard her voice "Juice!"

And there she was, wide eyed and afraid because she wasn't alone. Chibs stood by her with my backpack slung over his shoulder. He nodded towards me in a greeting. "Trying to cut out of town for some reason Juicy boy?"

I swallowed trying to read his body language. He wasn't giving anything away. "Let her go Chibs. She wasn't involved in anything, she was just.. Going with me."

"Aye, I gathered that after watching her make her trips back and forth from Wendy's place over to yours more than once." He released his grip on her arm staring me down. "Not a very good lookout, is she?"

"Don't hurt her. Its me you want, that the club wants." I motioned for her to move away.

"You were leaving without your kutte." Chibs remarked opening the bag up and withdrawing the leather from inside of it. "There a reason why?"

I met his eyes refusing to crack under pressure for once in my life. "Its not mine anymore. I don't need it where I'm going."

Chibs shook it out unfolding it. "I cared for you brother. Loved you. You betrayed us."

"No, no I didn't. Its not what you guys think Chibs." I tried to explain quickly glancing at the huge overhead clock. I had 5 minutes. "I never meant any of it. I thought I was helping."

His eyes shone glassy in the bright lights of the station. "I tried to help you Juice."

"I know." my head hung low. "If you're going to kill me then do it. I'm not afraid anymore. I did this even if Jax will never understand, I never meant to hurt any of you. I love you , every last one of you."

"Go."

My head jerked up thinking I'd misheard him. "You're letting me leave?"

"Get out of here before I change my mind. Get out of here and don't come back." Chibs threw the kutte at me with a slap against my chest. "Take it and go."

3 minutes. "Chibs, I-"

"Go!"

Lindsey grabbed my wrist pulling me with all of her might. "We have to go. Hurry."

I was dumbfounded as my feet moved along the grubby station floor taking me to the train. It wasn't even until after we boarded and I was looking through the window out at my favorite brother that I realized…. I could breathe easy.