Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Harry Potter or anything related or I wouldn't be writing fan fiction.

Chapter 1: Not quite the end

He woke, not knowing where he was or even if he still actually existed. Emerging from the unknown state in which he found himself, he realized – his wits only just catching up with him – that he must be dead.

Suddenly it all came back to him.

Sharp blades cutting into his

Hot, sticky liquid rolling down his neck

Spasms of unendurable pain spreading slowly throughout his body

The boy

The wretched boy, looking at him with an expression of utmost shock, horror and disgust

Memories leaving him as he fulfilled the last of his promises to Dumbledore

Bright green eyes,her eyes staring into his

And then darkness, nothing but darkness.

Yes, he, Severus Snape, was dead. Finally dead.

Reaching this conclusion, he became curious and decided to look around. His surroundings were quite blank, he found himself floating in the middle of some misty, white nothingness. Everything around him was still and he felt an odd, yet not unwelcome, calmness take over him. Although this did ease him slightly, he couldn't help feeling depressed.

How could it be, that after contemplating this very moment for most of his not- so-happy life, he now felt so miserable? He had even been on the verge of bringing death upon himself (and would've succeeded if it weren't for that meddlesome old man), but now it felt like there had been so much more left to do, things to experience, and it was only now that he regretted all the time he wasted brooding in self pity and bitter thoughts, when he could've spent it so much more pleasantly actually living life. But there was nothing left to do now. It was all over.

"Severus" came a gentle voice from behind him, startling him out of his tortured thoughts…

oxoxoxo

It was a warm morning at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and Hermione Granger was crying. Brilliant sun was shining down on them but she felt oddly cold and shaky.

Professor Snape's funeral was being held today and she was feeling unaccountably depressed. She didn't very well know why, well of course the injustice of it all was obvious the professor had had such a difficult life, constantly spying and lying for the Order, probably putting his life at risk far too frequently, and yet he never got any recognition for it, most of the order didn't like him at all and she doubted even Dumbledore had cared for him much.

Now everyone considered him quite a hero, the Ministry was even granting him a funeral with many honors Order of Merlin, First Class, to begin with. But what good was it now? He was dead, gone forever. While he was alive no one had even cared, they had all assumed things about him that could not have been farther from the truth. Even she had thought he had really been a heartless death-eater-in-disguise that showed his true colors the night he murdered Professor Dumbledore.

She felt quite foolish and a bit guilty for having believed this, she should've known Professor Dumbledore knew perfectly well what he was doing, he trusted Snape completely and the professor had proved himself loyal many times before, saving Harry's life at least once. And still it had never occurred to her that it was all planed between them, and much less that Snape only did all this because he was in love with Harry's dead mother.

Although Professor Snape in love was still a concept she had trouble grasping.

It had not been easy to convince the ministry of Snape's true loyalties and stop them from just magically vanishing his body like they did with the other death eaters, after all he had murdered the most loved of Hogwarts' headmasters, but after Harry had shown the memories to the Minister of Magic himself, there wasn't much to debate, naturally there had still been those in the wizingamot who doubted this was true (especially Dolores Umbrige, who was still working at the ministry in spite of all of Kingsley's efforts to have her dismissed) but eventually they had reached a verdict to give the Professor a proper burial, in Hogwarts, which did nothing to lift Hermione's spirits as it constantly reminded her of Dumbledore's funeral.

She had never been particularly fond of her potions master, but still she felt it was a calamity that he didn't survive to live as a free, clean man. After all that had happened it felt so wrong that he wouldn't be able to enjoy a relatively normal and peaceful life. Just the thought of it made her feel miserable. It was so unfair, so bloody unfair she couldn't take it. And so, bitter tears rolled silently down her cheeks as Ron clumsily tried to comfort her.

oxoxoxo

His head jerked up at the mention of his name and it took him a moment to take in what he saw. Lily Potter was standing before him, looking more radiant that he ever could have imagined.

With a smile on her beautiful face she spoke "Hello Sev, it's very nice to finally see you again."

Severus couldn't believe what was happening, she was there after all this time perhaps it wasn't so terrible to be dead after all. "I'm sorry" was the first thing he managed to say after a long silence, for it was this what his heart had been aching to say for so long now. "I'm sorry for everything… I regret… I never…" he trailed off; somehow he couldn't manage to finish his sentence.

"Don't" she said kindly in that soothing voice she possessed "don't apologize, I've been watching you, all you've done, all you've sacrificed and I can't say how proud I am. I know you regret what you did and I forgive you, but please, you must forgive yourself."

Severus stood there frozen, he could not speak, he couldn't even move. Mesmerized by what Lily had just said to him, it seemed too beautiful to be true; he could only watch her. And that he did for a long time until by some mad impulse he lifted his hand, and slowly, almost cautiously, he caressed her cheek tenderly with his thumb "Lily I love you" and suddenly he felt hot tears streaming down his face.

It seemed like a long time that they stood there, Severus holding onto Lily crying like a child and feeling his miseries dissipate just by being near her.

"We need to talk" said Lily after a while when Severus had calmed down "I have come to tell you something very important." She looked into the depths of his eyes and Severus understood that whatever she meant to say it was serious.

"What could be important now I'm dead, nothing matters anymore." he couldn't keep the bitter tone out of his voice.

"Well, first of all you're not dead." Severus had every intention of interrupting her. "You are not dead" she repeated "you're very deeply asleep, your body was paralyzed by the snake's venom, but it did not kill you."

There was a short silence while Severus tried to process what she had said but it didn't seem to make any sense "I do not understand."

"I believe you are quite near death, at least your body is, and this is why I can present myself to you now. You have a very strong and well trained mind, more powerful than most, and the venom was not able to penetrate it. You can live if you will yourself to do so. Your body does not show signs of life, but I assure you, you are still alive. And you must go back, there are many things awaiting you."

"Go back? But I don't want to, I want to stay here… with you." He was aware of how childish he sounded, and despised himself for it, but it had always been that way with Lily, he was always exposed.

A sad smile took over her expression at this "Sev, I belong with James, even if you chose to stay I'm afraid you will hardly ever see me here without him."

The rational part of Severus knew this would happen, Lily had chosen Potter and there was no way of undoing it. He remembered how he had felt only moments ago about wanting to live and realized she was right; he could not stay here, there was no reason to do so, and if they had finally defeated the Dark Lord, he might possibly have a chance at an actual life. He did not know why he was feeling so strangely optimistic- perhaps it was being with Lily that gave him that absurd feeling of hope and peace- but he decided he would act on it just this once.

She smiled as if she had read his mind and this was the last thing he saw before waking up

A/N: This is my first attempt at writing so please let me know what you think!