Talking Heads
*Yes, another insomniac-made-in-the-dead-of-night-while-eating-brains kind of story. This tries to be funny, certain people may find it funny, but as for me, I pretty much think it's just a stupid space filler. Well, hopefully you enjoy it ^-^ BTW, I don't own Invader Zim, never have, never will, unless something happens and Jhonen gives me the rights to it...which will never happen anyway....*
Dib Membrane peered around the corner silently. Dressed in a high-tech, black, spy suit and geared up with the latest alien catching equipment, Dib was ready to penetrate Zim's defenses. He waited until he was sure the place was clear before dodging out into the road and leaping over Zim's fence. He quickly rendered the gnomes helpless with a small can of "Robo-B- Gone" and leapt over them to land at Zim's doorway. If he entered in the window or door, it'd be a repeat of last time. He needed to go around back. Dib slipped around the side of the house, spotting the kitchen window and shrugged. Well, it was close to the back and he couldn't wait to go all the way around back, so why not?
Dib leapt through the window which was convinently open at this time of night and landed in the sink, fortunately it was without water or dishes. Waiting to see if he made too much sound, he tensed up, ready to jump back out the window when he realized that no one was coming. Great! He hadn't tripped the alarm. Now all he had to do was find a way down into Zim's lair. Spotting the toilet in the kitchen, Dib thought for a moment. Could he? He was a filthy, scummy, alien, but would he really? Dib shook his head and looked around, whipping out a device to help him detect openings hidden in things. Suddenly, there was a noise. Dib whipped around to see Gir standing there holding what looked like a deformed moose things and sucking on it's head. Dib looked for an escape route when Gir spoke.
"Hiiiieeeeeeee!!!!!!!! Whatcha doin'?" "Uhhh..." "Hey! Tacos! Zim's lair is doooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwnnn stairs! He's workin'' on the mutant carrots! ^-^" Gir cooed. "Uh thanks." "DOWN THE TOILET!!!"
Before Dib could respond or even move, Gir had picked him up and chucked him at the toilet. He slid down and sat in it as Gir jumped up and pulled the cord, flushing Dib down the tube. He swished down, down, down, amazed at all the piping and stuff as he swished by. Dib got to the end and rolled out of the tube to roll across the floor and land in the middle of the tons of technical equipment in Zim's lair. He looked around, wide eyed. Zim had made a lot of improvements from the last time Dib had been here. He set to work, snapping photos and collecting samples when he heard Zim's voice from the other end and around a giant machine thing. Dib snuck up and looked around the machine and what he saw, amazed him.
Zim stood before a giant screen arguing with two taller looking Irkens, one in red, another in purple. They looked cynical as Zim tried to reason with them.
"Yes, I'm sure your intentions were well when you let that giant, FLAMING! planet out of orbit....BUT! It didn't do anything but bad...over here Zim..." Red said. "Yeah! It took out our whole left wing!" Purple complained. "And we didn't get to see it either!" Red mumbled sourly. "My tallest, I'm so sorry, but now with Mars gone, well, uh...YOU CAN USE THAT SPACE TO PARK YOUR SHIP! Then you'll have the best seats when I destroy the Earth, my tallest ones." "Hmmm..." They thought for a bit. "Yes! You shall have the best seats in the planet! I'll even get rid of uh....MERCURY to make room! I AM A GENIUS!" "Uh...yeah." They said trying to conceal giggles at the absolute madness Zim displayed as smart thinking. "Now, about the Armada, my Tallest, how much room does it need exactly? I can wipe out Venus too if need be." "Uh, Zim, we've got...another....call..." Red said giggling. "Right my tallest I..."
Suddenly, the camera lenses dropped off of the camera and rolled to Zim's feet. Zim looked around, seeing Dib's face, he cried out for his robots to capture him as the Tallest watched. Dib leapt out from behind the machine and ran from them screaming. The Tallest saw Zim's back as watched screaming at them to hurry, and Dib running back and forth in front of the transmission screaming, two little robots flying after him seconds later. Zim screamed for Gir as the Tallest watched, amused. The next time they saw Dib run across the screen, Gir was attached to his head screaming about muffins. They broke out laughing as the two robots flew after him, Zim screaming at them. Suddenly, as Dib ran across the screen again, the robot s caught up with him and wrapped metal ties around him as Gir sat on his head, holding onto his hair like reins and screaming.
Zim, satisfied with his catch, turned back to the Tallest as Dib struggled in the background, Gir now pouring butter on his head and shoving his mouth full of popcorn. The Tallest closed their mouths and wiped tears from their eyes as Zim started to talk.
"I have caught an intruder my Tallest. Surely he has heard every word we've said and must be punished severely..." "Yes....he he....he deserves a severe head poking..."Purple joked. "Why that's ingenious! You truly ARE smart, my Tallest! I shall send him right away."
Before they could answer, Zim had disconnected and turned to Dib. Dib spit out the popcorn as Zim approached with two mean looking utensils in each hand. Dib yelled out as Zim lifted one and touched it to his skin. Dib's world went black.
(Later, when Dib wakes up) Dib looked around groggily, wondering what had just happened. He tasted popcorn in his mouth and wondered if he was still being subjected to the popcorn torture that, that little android had thought was fun. Something poked him in his head and he heard whispering. Dib woke up fully, surprised to find himself, not at Zim's base, nor at home, but in the presence of the so called 'Almighty Tallest' themselves. Screaming again, he looked about frantically and tried to move. He found that he couldn't move any of his body and get away. The Tallest whispered back and forth loudly.
"He's soooo....short...."Purple complained. "His head's soooo....BIG! It's GIANT!"Red shouted. "No, it's GARGANTUAN!" "Let's poke it more." "MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!" Dib screamed, annoyed with the statements about his head." "Ooooooh...It talks too..."
Dib looked around again and screamed, looking down to nothing but the floor from a high table thing that floated. Dib screamed a second time when he realized that his body was missing. Zim flashed on the screen and cackled.
"I hope that you're having fun torturing the specimen. I'm sorry, but I couldn't fit all of him into one box, so I just sent his GIANT head. Besides, it needs poking, where as his body doesn't." "Uh, thanks Zim." Purple said. "I didn't think he'd take it so seriously." Red whispered to Purple. "What did you do to my body, ZIM?" "Nothing much, just sent it home n' whatnot." "WHAT! I think they'd notice if my head was missing!"
~Back on Earth.~ Dib's body sits in class and listens attentively to Ms. Bitters on her theory of Doom. A kid turns around and talks to another kid.
"Gee, there's something wrong with Dib...He's not acting crazy today...I wonder what it could be...." "Eh? Who cares? Let's shoot a paper wad at his head."
They ball up a paper wad and shoot it at his head, missing because there is no head to shoot it at.
"Whoa! Did you see that? He like totally dodged that! And he didn't even see it coming!" "That's neat! DIB ROCKS!"
The kid stands up and pronounces this and everyone looks around wondering, 'Who's Dib?' Until the kid points to the headless body. They all get up and scream and cheer and pick up his body and carry it out of the room chanting Dib's name, leaving Ms. Bitters to her demented world of shadows.
~Back on the Mother Ship~ "They'll notice something's wrong! They'll all wonder and see that I don't have a head and then it's only a short time before they all look for it and someone says they saw me go into your house and then they'll be all over you looking for my head and when they find that you have an extensive lab underground, they'll figure out that you're an alien and then it's the end of you Zim!" Dib yelled angrily as Red poked him again. "Hey! Don't do that!"
~Back on Earth~ Dib's body is elected the most popular person and everyone crowds around it and stares at it saying they love it.
~Mother Ship~ Red and Purple take turns poking Dib's head as Zim laughs maniacally in the background and Dib becomes annoyed. "If I had my body I'd...."
~Earth~ Dib's body is elected as the president and everyone follows it's every movement with awe and a complete brainless love for the headless body that no one has noticed is headless yet.
~Mother Ship~ "Well, I guess I'm in for an eternity of head poking. Go away and leave me be...go read something else, preferably a story in which I DON'T get killed or tortured. One in which I'M NOT GAY! and people don't think my head's big....And another thing....I'm gonna get you Daft Plushie! Why are you always killing me or putting me at a disadvantage? When I get my body back I'll, I'll....DO SOMETHING SOOOOOOOOOO HORRIBLE THAT....."
Well, that's all folks....Dib lived out a life of terrible head pokings, Zim fell down a hole of some sort, Dib's body became the absolute ruler of the world, and Gir, Pig Friend, and the Rabid Squirrel all became super heroes and battled the Rabid Cupcake on the Squirrel's home planet....NUTSOS! Yay! Tune in next time for more brainless, sleep-deprived fun!
"And another thing! When I get my body back I'll write a story in which YOU suffer n' stuff! HOW ABOUT THAT? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH? HU....."
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *or so we hope*
*Yes, another insomniac-made-in-the-dead-of-night-while-eating-brains kind of story. This tries to be funny, certain people may find it funny, but as for me, I pretty much think it's just a stupid space filler. Well, hopefully you enjoy it ^-^ BTW, I don't own Invader Zim, never have, never will, unless something happens and Jhonen gives me the rights to it...which will never happen anyway....*
Dib Membrane peered around the corner silently. Dressed in a high-tech, black, spy suit and geared up with the latest alien catching equipment, Dib was ready to penetrate Zim's defenses. He waited until he was sure the place was clear before dodging out into the road and leaping over Zim's fence. He quickly rendered the gnomes helpless with a small can of "Robo-B- Gone" and leapt over them to land at Zim's doorway. If he entered in the window or door, it'd be a repeat of last time. He needed to go around back. Dib slipped around the side of the house, spotting the kitchen window and shrugged. Well, it was close to the back and he couldn't wait to go all the way around back, so why not?
Dib leapt through the window which was convinently open at this time of night and landed in the sink, fortunately it was without water or dishes. Waiting to see if he made too much sound, he tensed up, ready to jump back out the window when he realized that no one was coming. Great! He hadn't tripped the alarm. Now all he had to do was find a way down into Zim's lair. Spotting the toilet in the kitchen, Dib thought for a moment. Could he? He was a filthy, scummy, alien, but would he really? Dib shook his head and looked around, whipping out a device to help him detect openings hidden in things. Suddenly, there was a noise. Dib whipped around to see Gir standing there holding what looked like a deformed moose things and sucking on it's head. Dib looked for an escape route when Gir spoke.
"Hiiiieeeeeeee!!!!!!!! Whatcha doin'?" "Uhhh..." "Hey! Tacos! Zim's lair is doooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwnnn stairs! He's workin'' on the mutant carrots! ^-^" Gir cooed. "Uh thanks." "DOWN THE TOILET!!!"
Before Dib could respond or even move, Gir had picked him up and chucked him at the toilet. He slid down and sat in it as Gir jumped up and pulled the cord, flushing Dib down the tube. He swished down, down, down, amazed at all the piping and stuff as he swished by. Dib got to the end and rolled out of the tube to roll across the floor and land in the middle of the tons of technical equipment in Zim's lair. He looked around, wide eyed. Zim had made a lot of improvements from the last time Dib had been here. He set to work, snapping photos and collecting samples when he heard Zim's voice from the other end and around a giant machine thing. Dib snuck up and looked around the machine and what he saw, amazed him.
Zim stood before a giant screen arguing with two taller looking Irkens, one in red, another in purple. They looked cynical as Zim tried to reason with them.
"Yes, I'm sure your intentions were well when you let that giant, FLAMING! planet out of orbit....BUT! It didn't do anything but bad...over here Zim..." Red said. "Yeah! It took out our whole left wing!" Purple complained. "And we didn't get to see it either!" Red mumbled sourly. "My tallest, I'm so sorry, but now with Mars gone, well, uh...YOU CAN USE THAT SPACE TO PARK YOUR SHIP! Then you'll have the best seats when I destroy the Earth, my tallest ones." "Hmmm..." They thought for a bit. "Yes! You shall have the best seats in the planet! I'll even get rid of uh....MERCURY to make room! I AM A GENIUS!" "Uh...yeah." They said trying to conceal giggles at the absolute madness Zim displayed as smart thinking. "Now, about the Armada, my Tallest, how much room does it need exactly? I can wipe out Venus too if need be." "Uh, Zim, we've got...another....call..." Red said giggling. "Right my tallest I..."
Suddenly, the camera lenses dropped off of the camera and rolled to Zim's feet. Zim looked around, seeing Dib's face, he cried out for his robots to capture him as the Tallest watched. Dib leapt out from behind the machine and ran from them screaming. The Tallest saw Zim's back as watched screaming at them to hurry, and Dib running back and forth in front of the transmission screaming, two little robots flying after him seconds later. Zim screamed for Gir as the Tallest watched, amused. The next time they saw Dib run across the screen, Gir was attached to his head screaming about muffins. They broke out laughing as the two robots flew after him, Zim screaming at them. Suddenly, as Dib ran across the screen again, the robot s caught up with him and wrapped metal ties around him as Gir sat on his head, holding onto his hair like reins and screaming.
Zim, satisfied with his catch, turned back to the Tallest as Dib struggled in the background, Gir now pouring butter on his head and shoving his mouth full of popcorn. The Tallest closed their mouths and wiped tears from their eyes as Zim started to talk.
"I have caught an intruder my Tallest. Surely he has heard every word we've said and must be punished severely..." "Yes....he he....he deserves a severe head poking..."Purple joked. "Why that's ingenious! You truly ARE smart, my Tallest! I shall send him right away."
Before they could answer, Zim had disconnected and turned to Dib. Dib spit out the popcorn as Zim approached with two mean looking utensils in each hand. Dib yelled out as Zim lifted one and touched it to his skin. Dib's world went black.
(Later, when Dib wakes up) Dib looked around groggily, wondering what had just happened. He tasted popcorn in his mouth and wondered if he was still being subjected to the popcorn torture that, that little android had thought was fun. Something poked him in his head and he heard whispering. Dib woke up fully, surprised to find himself, not at Zim's base, nor at home, but in the presence of the so called 'Almighty Tallest' themselves. Screaming again, he looked about frantically and tried to move. He found that he couldn't move any of his body and get away. The Tallest whispered back and forth loudly.
"He's soooo....short...."Purple complained. "His head's soooo....BIG! It's GIANT!"Red shouted. "No, it's GARGANTUAN!" "Let's poke it more." "MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!" Dib screamed, annoyed with the statements about his head." "Ooooooh...It talks too..."
Dib looked around again and screamed, looking down to nothing but the floor from a high table thing that floated. Dib screamed a second time when he realized that his body was missing. Zim flashed on the screen and cackled.
"I hope that you're having fun torturing the specimen. I'm sorry, but I couldn't fit all of him into one box, so I just sent his GIANT head. Besides, it needs poking, where as his body doesn't." "Uh, thanks Zim." Purple said. "I didn't think he'd take it so seriously." Red whispered to Purple. "What did you do to my body, ZIM?" "Nothing much, just sent it home n' whatnot." "WHAT! I think they'd notice if my head was missing!"
~Back on Earth.~ Dib's body sits in class and listens attentively to Ms. Bitters on her theory of Doom. A kid turns around and talks to another kid.
"Gee, there's something wrong with Dib...He's not acting crazy today...I wonder what it could be...." "Eh? Who cares? Let's shoot a paper wad at his head."
They ball up a paper wad and shoot it at his head, missing because there is no head to shoot it at.
"Whoa! Did you see that? He like totally dodged that! And he didn't even see it coming!" "That's neat! DIB ROCKS!"
The kid stands up and pronounces this and everyone looks around wondering, 'Who's Dib?' Until the kid points to the headless body. They all get up and scream and cheer and pick up his body and carry it out of the room chanting Dib's name, leaving Ms. Bitters to her demented world of shadows.
~Back on the Mother Ship~ "They'll notice something's wrong! They'll all wonder and see that I don't have a head and then it's only a short time before they all look for it and someone says they saw me go into your house and then they'll be all over you looking for my head and when they find that you have an extensive lab underground, they'll figure out that you're an alien and then it's the end of you Zim!" Dib yelled angrily as Red poked him again. "Hey! Don't do that!"
~Back on Earth~ Dib's body is elected the most popular person and everyone crowds around it and stares at it saying they love it.
~Mother Ship~ Red and Purple take turns poking Dib's head as Zim laughs maniacally in the background and Dib becomes annoyed. "If I had my body I'd...."
~Earth~ Dib's body is elected as the president and everyone follows it's every movement with awe and a complete brainless love for the headless body that no one has noticed is headless yet.
~Mother Ship~ "Well, I guess I'm in for an eternity of head poking. Go away and leave me be...go read something else, preferably a story in which I DON'T get killed or tortured. One in which I'M NOT GAY! and people don't think my head's big....And another thing....I'm gonna get you Daft Plushie! Why are you always killing me or putting me at a disadvantage? When I get my body back I'll, I'll....DO SOMETHING SOOOOOOOOOO HORRIBLE THAT....."
Well, that's all folks....Dib lived out a life of terrible head pokings, Zim fell down a hole of some sort, Dib's body became the absolute ruler of the world, and Gir, Pig Friend, and the Rabid Squirrel all became super heroes and battled the Rabid Cupcake on the Squirrel's home planet....NUTSOS! Yay! Tune in next time for more brainless, sleep-deprived fun!
"And another thing! When I get my body back I'll write a story in which YOU suffer n' stuff! HOW ABOUT THAT? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH? HUH? HUH? HU....."
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *or so we hope*