"Welcome to The Unpredictable Game Show! The game show where the rules, hosts and the way you play change every time!!" The overly cheerful announcer, Mumbo Jumbo (A bumbling magician villain from Teen Titans) announced gaily, announcer role in full swing.
Before him at one of two counter-type contestant stands stood Genin Cell 7 of Konoha- Hatake Kakashi- Jonin (Elite ninja), Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, and Haruno Sakura, Kakashi's Genin (Junior ninja) students. As Mumbo hummed to himself, twirling his wand, the four ninja examined their surroundings.
Finally, Sakura turned on Mumbo. "Who are you?" She demanded angrily.
"I am…" Mumbo twirled flamboyantly for dramatic effect, "MUMBO JUMBO!!!"
"What does that mean?" Sakura snapped. "That isn't your name, is it?"
"Yes. My name is Mumbo Jumbo, and in Magicianarestophileze, the language of magicians, it means…" Mumbo took in a deep breath and proudly declared, "SUPREME MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE!!!"
"Yeah right," Sasuke grumped.
"Hey, Hey, Master!!!" Naruto yelled. "When do we get ramen?"
"Ramen? Ramen, you say!?" Mumbo stroked his chin. "Well…mumbo jumbo!!!" And Sasuke's head turned into ramen.
Sakura screamed and fainted. Kakashi glanced at Sasuke, down at Sakura and shrugged. She'd get over it. So would Sasuke.
Naruto looked sick. "If that wasn't Sasuke's head, I would eat it."
Kakashi shook his head, trying to decide whether to laugh, be angry or just read his book. "Why are we here?" He asked Mumbo.
"Why do you think? To play…" Mumbo glanced out at the audience, "The unpredictable game show!!"
The audience cheered, as audiences will do.
"S-s-saaaaasuke!!" Sakura murmured, waking up. She glanced down at him and shrieked, rocking back and forth on her heels, hands pressed to her heart.
"The poor child looks faint!" Mumbo cried, "What have you been feeding her……" Mumbo frowned. "You there, with the white hair!"
"Eh?" Kakashi glanced up from the latest book in the Make-out series, 'Make-out Tactics'.
"What have you been feeding her!?"
Kakashi shrugged.
"Was it bad judgment on the master's part? Or… was it sabotage, from… the competition!?" Mumbo cried, waving his wand dramatically. "Mumbo jumbo!"
In a puff of overly-dramatic smoke, four figures appeared.
All four were dressed like ninja, but much like Cell 7, each one had a rather distinct style, though each had full-body suits, and the first two had full-face masks. The first wore a white outfit with red trim and a red dragon prowling on his back, the second black everywhere, even having silver eyepieces that covered his baby blues. The third had a blue and yellow outfit and was looking back and forth. His was brown. Like Sakura, the fourth ninja was the only Female of the group. She also wore Blue and Yellow, with long brown hair tied back.
She frowned. "Where are we?"
Mumbo smiled grandly. "the Unpredictable Game show! You contestants have been selected to compete against these formidable opponents!"
The ninja in white frowned. "Why does that one in the middle have noodles for a head?"
Mumbo glanced at Sasuke and waved a hand. "That isn't important, but for formality's sake… mumbo jumbo!"
And Sasuke's head was returned to it's normal form.
Sakura fainted again, this time in relief.
"Okay, Mr. Freaky suit, why are we here?" The other female ninja demanded, "And how come those people have nametags and we don't!?"
"Ah, yes- wait, you don't? Mumbo jumbo!" Mumbo once again gestured dramatically.
The girl glanced down and grinned at her nametag reading 'Jinx'.
The brown-haired guy glanced down at the name 'Kamakura' printed on his tag and punched the air in a gesture of excitement.
The black ninja glanced down at his nametag reading 'Snake Eyes' and nodded.
The white ninja sighed as he saw his. "Only 'Storm Shadow'? I was hoping for 'the most beautiful man this side of heaven'," he said, sarcasm obvious in his tone.
"That title would be reserved for me," Mumbo interjected. "And now… Round ONE!!"
The audience cheered.
Mumbo bowed dramatically, then turned to the contestants. "All right. In round one, all contestants will be required to answer a question correctly, no second guessing and no sputtering. If you fail to answer the question, you shall be forced to take part in a penalty, and will have to answer another question. Does everyone understand?"
Both sides nodded.
"Good. You there, do a jumping jack!" Mumbo pointed to Sasuke.
"What?" He asked.
"No, silly, I'm the one asking the question!" Mumbo shot back. "Do a jumping jack!"
"Um, Okay," Sasuke muttered and did a jumping jack.
"That's correct!" Mumbo cried, waving his arms and grinning at the audience. "Didn't he do a great job? Give him a hand!"
A giant glove fell from the ceiling and landed on the Genin.
"Thank you," Mumbo said to the ceiling, and turned to Storm Shadow, the white-and-red ninja. "You there," He said, "What is the square root of nothing?"
"Neither positive nor negative," Storm Shadow replied calmly.
"Correct!" Mumbo cried. "That's amazing! I thought I'd stumped you!" He turned back to Cell 7.
"What kind of answer was that?" Sakura demanded. "He didn't actually answer the question!"
"But he did. And he didn't stutter, or second-guess himself. So he must be right…" Mumbo sighed. "I don't know the square root of nothing, so I'll just take his word for it."
"This is stupid!" Sakura snorted.
"Not stupid, Unpredictable!" Mumbo replied. "And it's time for your question. How many ostriches does it take to cross the Gobi desert?"
"As many as you need," Sakura replied smugly.
"That's incorrect, I'm sorry." Mumbo said. " the correct answer is: none! They'd all hide from you! But look on the bright side, I get to give you a penalty!"
Sakura blinked. "How is that the bright side?"
"I get to have fun!" Mumbo replied, stoking his chin. "As for the penalty…I believe I will make you jump off of London bridge before it collapses."
Sakura blinked. "What!?"
"You're right, You're right, that's too easy." Mumbo nodded. "How about…" He glanced up with an evil smile. "The GATE OF DOOM!!!!" He stepped forward and led Sakura to a small archway. "Now," he said, "if you have the courage to step through the gate of doom, you can get back to your team. If you choose not to, you will fail and be sent home… immediately."
This is a test of the strength of my love for Sasuke! Sakura thought. I have to do this! And she bravely stepped through the archway.
Nothing happened. She frowned, and looked around in surprise. "Huh?" She said. "That's it?"
Mumbo nodded absently. "We haven't installed the tarantulas, rattlesnakes or mosquitoes yet. Good job. Get back to your team."
Sakura shrugged and walked back to her place.
"Next question goes once again to Sakura!" Mumbo cried. "Now, my dear," He said, "At what speed do you exit the actual time stream?"
"I don't know." Sakura said.
"That's correct!" Mumbo cried. "I don't know either. Good job!" He turned to Jinx. "And, my darling, how about you?"
"What about me?" Jinx demanded.
"Why do you wear your hair like that?" Mumbo asked.
"Because it looks good and keeps it out of my face," Jinx replied.
"Precisely," Mumbo said. "It makes you look dashing."
"Why, thank you," Jinx said.
"All right, on to the spiky little munchkin," Mumbo said, glancing at Naruto.
"What-!?" Naruto yelled. "Wait, a minute-!"
"We don't have a minute!! Tell me quickly, which way is the bathroom!?" Mumbo cried.
"That way," Naruto said, pointing off to the right.
"I hope you're right," Mumbo ejaculated, dashing offstage.
Kakashi sniggered at something in his book. Snake Eyes shuffled and glanced at his nametag, carefully straightening it slightly. Storm Shadow looked up at the ceiling while Sasuke finally pulled himself out from under the giant glove.
The sound of a Toilet flushing was heard and Mumbo ran back onstage with a bit of toilet paper stuck to his right foot. "You're correct," He cried dramatically, turning to Naruto. "Well done." glancing at Kamakura with a sinister-ish grin, he twirls dramatically and points his wand at the brown-haired young man. "Now, my boy," He says, "What is another way to say pie?"
"3.14159," Kamakura answered smugly.
"Ooh! Impressive! I didn't know it had a mathematical formula!" Mumbo cried. He turned to Kakashi. "Now then, good sir- why do you have white hair?"
"Born with it," Kakashi said simply still reading.
"All right, now for the question," Mumbo said.
"That wasn't the question?" Sakura asked.
"No. I was just curious," Mumbo replied. "Now, Kakashi… when were you born?"
"Before Sakura," Kakashi replied.
"Interesting," Mumbo said, stroking his chin. "Oh yes, I need to actually ask you a question, don't I?"
"You've asked him two!!" Sakura snapped.
"But he's just so curious!" Mumbo replied. "Kakashi, why does your name mean scarecrow?"
"Better that than potato," Kakashi replied. "Scarecrows have class."
"Ooh, you're just full of interesting answers! What's that book you're reading?"
Kakashi glanced up. "What, this thing? Make-out Paradise series. Book three."
"How incredible! Not a single stutter! Amazing!" Mumbo marveled. "What is two plus two?"
"Four." Kakashi mumbled, already back to reading.
"Eight times seven?"
"Fifty-six."
"The square root of nothing?"
"Neither positive nor negative." Kakashi said, then sniggered at a part in his book.
"Wow. This guy's good," Mumbo whispered to the audience. "Do you want to be host next week?" He asked Kakashi.
The Jonin shrugged.
"Great. I need to head off to Tijuana right after this anyway," Mumbo said. "I'll put a good word in for you with the producer."
He turned to Snake Eyes. "Can you run in circles?"
Snake Eyes nodded.
"Great, so can I!" He twirled in a circle and cackled. "Well, this wraps up round one, see you all again someday!" Mumbo glanced at the clock, frowned and waved his wand. "Mumbo jumbo!!" He grinned as the hands moved forward a half-hour. "We're out of time! For anyone just tuning in, this has been the Unpredictable Game Show, where the rules and hosts change every time! I'm Mumbo Jumbo, saying … goodnight!" He waved at the camera, winked, and waved his wand. "Mumbo jumbo!" He cried, and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. The audience cheered.
The lights dimmed and the Audience left while the contestants stood staring at each other. "So, um… how do we get home?" Naruto asked as the lights flicked off and they were left in utter darkness. He heard a few little phwif sounds, like a poof of smoke, but thought nothing of them. "Hello? Guys? How do we get home? Guys!?" He shouted. And then, with a flash of smoke, he was gone as well.
MY DISCLAIMER/Author Notes:
I don't own any of the characters that will ever appear anywhere in this thing and they might at times be slightly OOC, please don't be too hard on me- it takes awhile to get so many personalities straight. All that to say...I'm not perfect. I'm co-authoring this with Nebula 25, we tend to brainstorm together. Actually, my two main brainstormers are Nebula 25 and Asterisk78... though sometimes neither wish to be affiliated with me- I get hyper when I think too long.
Like now... Anyway, stay tuned!