. Trigger Warning for Self Harm Beware Of That.. Reviews are encouraged. :)
SANTANA'S POV;
Nothing could break Santana from the trance she was in, her teeth cut into her lip as her hand collided with Finn's face, gasps and hollers echoed the room but she felt as if they were coming from a thousand miles away. Not even Brittany's voice could pull her away, tears had finally escaped her eyes as she briefly made contact with Kurt who was perched behind Finn, he seemed to be the only one who hadn't budged, as if he knew what she was feeling. He did, of course he wasn't outed from the closet to the entire world he still knew what it felt like. The tears that fell along her face burned liked acid as she looked down at Finn and Rachel, Finn's hands were clasped to his face as Rachel engulfed him in her arms asking if he was okay. "Santana!" Shelby's voice radiated throughout the room along side Will's but nothing broke Santana from her raged blackout, but then it hit her, Mercedes' hand was touching her left arm wanting to pull her back then that familiar touch hit her backside, skin meeting skin, the familiar flame of passion coursing through her body. "San," the voice spoke barely above a whisper near her head causing her to snap out of the trance she was in, her eyes scanned the room that filled with a handful of seemingly shocked Cheerios and New Direction members, she glanced back to the one person she knew would hold her up the most, her eyes glanced to meet soft blue scared eyes, her heart sunk to her stomach as she felt more tears rush down her face.
No words were coming from her now parted lips, her breath was heavy, she glanced to see Shelby and Will finally moving to come towards her but that was when her body was put to it's test, she brushed passed Mercedes, Brittany, and the rest of the Troubletones, her body was moving but her mind was still stuck in the auditorium. It was until the blast of cold wind hit her body that was exposed from the dress she was wearing from the performance. She felt her breath hitch but it wasn't until she heard two awfully familiar voices gaining yards towards her did she finally snap from her daze. Quinn and Brittany's pitter patter from their heels echoed in her ears as she glanced back she could see the two blondes running down the hall to catch up with her. She couldn't face them right now, she couldn't bare to be near anyone. Santana kicked off her heels, her feet aching as they touched down to cold stone, she took off towards her house.
Lima was a small town, McKinley smack dab in the middle, her house was only a block and a half away, the sky was dimmed with dark clouds, a thin layer of sweat covering her body as she finally made it to her yard, Santana's dark eyes scanned the driveway, no one was home. She didn't have her bag which meant she had no keys, her mind flickered and she quickly made her way into the backyards, she watched the ground as her feet crunched at the dark green grass, her breath hitched as she walked up the steps of the back porch, she knelt next to the flower pot on the top step, her hands maneuvered the heavy pot to expose the hidden key, she quickly snatched it up and made her way to the door. Santana's vision was blurred by the tears the fogged into her eyes, she sniffled into the cold air as a breeze of wind caused her hair to escape the extremely loose pony tail, she managed to get the door open she heard her sob echo through the empty house.
Santana looked around the kitchen and noticed a note laid on top of the island, the Latina used the backside of her wrist to wiped her eyes as she walked coolly over to the marble counter top. It was from her mother, the familiar handwriting gave it away she scanned the note
Mija, your father and I have a doctors meeting in Puerto Rico and we will be gone for the next three weeks.
I hope the check I left in your room is enough to last for you to get food and other things you need.
If you need anything else call Abuela or use the credit card.
I love you, - Mami.
Santana felt another sob wrack over her body, "great now I'm truly alone." she laughed pathetically at herself as she clenched the paper in her fist. Santana ran around the house and up into her bedroom where she shut and locked the door, she didn't know why, the house was to herself, she was alone. Santana shimmied out of the dress and she made her way into the bathroom. she shut the door only to slide down the wood with her bare back she felt her body shake uncontrollably as she finally allowed the rest of the tears to poor down her face, she could hear the banging at the front door, it was faint. she whimpered as she crawled over to her cabinets and sink she ramaged throughout baskets of make up and toiletries. Finally she pulled the box of razor blades out, she let out another uncontrolled sob as she fell back against the wall as her hand shook violently. She fumbled until she finally felt the cold metal meet the skin on her fingers, it would take the pain away, wouldn't it? It would allow her to forget and not have to feel all this agonizing pain and torment.
Santana knew it was going to be a mistake but at this point she could no longer think, she could no longer feel or hear or see, she felt empty, lonely and uber cold as she hummed to herself. she reached up and yanked the towel off the racks that latched to the backside of the door, she draped it over her cold half naked body. "I'm so sorry." she whimpered as she guided the blade against the size of her wrist. The color of blood was the last thing she saw as her eyelids grew heavy and slammed shut on her. She just needed it all to stop.