A/N: I don't know where this came from... It just can to me as I was rereading Ella's and my RP: Revenge. And, well, I couldn't just let it slip away. P As to who the speaker is? Guess! XD

James Potter: A Study

What if I were to tell you that everyone who kisses James Potter falls in love with him?

Would you say I'm full of it?

Don't be so quick to judge. Oh no, I shall prove it to you!

Exhibit A: James may be fun and sporty, but ultimately not only is he a jerk, but he is also a dork. I mean, Siriusly! Look at those lame-o dinky glasses! And you'd think a guy as well-off as he is could afford a hairbrush! And he has a golden snitch collection. Complete with Seeker dolls. And NO, they are NOT "action figures". They are DOLLS. Like GIRLS play with. That's right. James is a GIRL.

But really, he's so lame that there's no way he could actually accumulate such a fan base. To have so many girls (and the occasional guy) crush on one guy is simply unbelievable and strictly impossible, especially for one with his status of dorkdom.

Exhibit B: James can do amazing magic when he's motivated to. Take, for example, the time he learned to become an animagus (difficult for one his age to accomplish)!

I have formed a theory. I remember some years ago, James became obsessed with brewing the perfect love potion. Nothing said to him would deter him from completing it. Suddenly, he stopped. There was no word of it ever again. We all assumed that he had simply failed and became depressed. All was forgotten. But now, I think differently. Now, it's as clear as daylight. He must have succeeded! He must have or he would have kept trying! …He's a stubborn idiot like that.

Exhibit C: James has always had perfect teeth. A brilliant smile. But for some reason, he now only chews on one side of his mouth. Also, it takes him longer, by about 37 seconds, to brush his teeth than it did before! When I pointed this out, he simply made an accusation in regards to my sanity and then changed the subject. Sure proof that I was on to something!

Now, witches and wizards, ladies and losers, I'd like to group all my evidence together to prove to you, once and for all, that James is a loser!…

Oh! I mean, um, I'd like to prove to you that "everyone who kisses James falls in love with him." Right.

It's so simple, really. In the back of his last left molar, James has stored a small amount of love potion that he replaces every night. When he kisses someone, it releases itself and the person is stuck with him as the apple of their eye.

Because of this, James goes out of his way to kiss as many people as possible. And when a key amount of people are in love and have become dedicated fans, the masses follow. Even if they don't understand. This is the secret to his popularity.

This also explains why James is so full of himself. It's because that potion is in his mouth, leaking, everyday. James, ever the narcissist, is also in love with… himself.

And so, thank you for listening, one and all. Now you know why everybody loves James Potter. That dorky jerk.