Sanity

Most people would think I'm crazy if they knew my back story. I think Hanji is the only person that knows; even she thought I was insane. But she learned to live with it. Fuck, it was insane. Oh I forgot to mention, my name's Levi and I guess you could say that I'm a crazy asshole. You're probably really confused of what the hell I'm talking about. Well let's just say that I have this fucked up story about me and this certain brat…

It was around 5:30 in the morning when my alarm clock decided to release an annoying beeping noise. This was my usual routine: wake up at 5:30, take a shower, make breakfast, wake up my roommate Hanji, and leave for school. I don't think I've mentioned this yet, but I go to Sina University. It's a pretty well civilized school. Obviously there are bunches of annoying brats, but I learned to live with it. I'm learning about psychology at SU. The way humans interacted and the way the mind thinks have always intrigued me. This was my 3rd year learning about psychology.

Getting off the bed, I slam my hand on my alarm clock. Once I walked out of my tiny bedroom, I made my way to the washroom. I've always enjoyed taking showers. The feeling of removing dirt and grime off of my body just makes me feel better. As I stripped myself of my boxers and T-shirt I looked at my reflection in the mirror. To be honest I'm well built. That's one of the few things I liked about myself. Ever since I was little I was always self conscious. I blame my father because of that. Finally jumping into the shower, I turned the water the hottest I could possibly make it without burning myself. This always left me bright pink afterwards; another thing in my daily routine. Stepping out of the shower I wrapped my brown towel tightly around my waist. That's when I heard the sound of glass shattering. Quickly running to the kitchen, I saw Hanji surrounded by large shards of glass. She had a couple of cuts on her hands but they seemed minor.
"What the flying fuck were you doing?"

"Sorry Levi, I just wanted to help out for once."

"Hanji! You know how clumsy you are! That's why I never let you in the goddamn kitchen!" Great! I just woke up and I already have to deal with this type of shit. "Just go to the bathroom and wash your hands. I'll clean this fucking mess."

"Thanks Levi!" And with that I saw her trot into the bathroom just like I ordered her to do. Even though Hanji is clumsy as fuck and is insane, she is incredibly intelligent. It's hard to believe at first, but it is true.

Grabbing the broom I whipped away the glass and threw it into the trash. The next thing was to get bleach to remove the blood off the white tiles. Once I was satisfied with my cleaning (wearing gloves) I went back to my room to finally get on some clothes. I picked out a black T-shirt, dark wash skinny jeans which make my ass look fantastic, and a dark grey leather jacket to wear today. My closet usually consists of dark clothes. I was never really fond of bright colors. I guess it reflects my personality, since I'm quit the dark person. I also blame my father for that. I blame my father for most things about me, for example, my personality. He was one of those abusive fathers that most children didn't have. During your childhood it's supposed to be filled with laughter, joy... happiness. I wish I had one of those. Since my father had abused me (emotionally and physically) I wanted to study psychology. To know that a monster like that existed on the planet, I wanted to learn everything about the human mind.

When I was done getting ready, I walked back into the kitchen to make Hanji and I some breakfast. Hanji was sitting on the living room couch watching the news. "Hanji, what are you watching?" I asked monotone. She turned around to face me. Excitement was plastered all over her face. It was to the point that it creeped the shit out of me.

"There's a serial killer in town!" Hanji exclaimed.

A serial killer?

"And why the hell are you so excited. It's creepy," I replied.

"Well what do you think? It gives me something to research about!" There it was, Hanji's classic smile. I remember the first I saw it. God, I'll never forget that memory.

"Hanji, I'm certain that the information about this 'serial killer' is not available to the public."

"I know, but why not learn about how the mind of a serial killer works."

"Are you planning to become a killer, Hanji!?"

"Oh no no no! It's called learning something new, sweetie." She smiled again.

"Don't call me that."

"To bad… sweetie." She turned around to face the television again. I rolled my eyes.

"Anyways, what have they learned about this guy?" My curiosity was slowly building up.

"Well... so far they have only found 4 missing people. One of them was found the other day in the back of a bar. You know the bar called the Wall?"

"The one Petra, Aurou, Gunther, Eld and I always go too"

"Ya well some guy's body was there. There were no traces of any kind to find out who this murder is though. Apparently it's so gory they can't show pictures to the public. They do suspect that this guy has killed more people."

"I see. By the way what do you want for breakfast?"

"Oh! Can you make your classic omelettes? Please!" Hanji held that last word a second longer then she need to.

"Fine"

Getting out ingredients to make breakfast, I thought about the killer. I didn't understand why people would do such a crime. They must be so fucked up in the head. This was something I was also interested in researching. Maybe I'll ask about it in class, I thought to myself. Probably not. These kinds of subjects are better to research at home.

After Hanji and I were done eating breakfast, we headed out the door to our first class. My first class was on behavior disorders. This was one of my favourite classes since here I could learn what was running in my father's head when he thought it would be okay to abuse me. The teacher was actually one of my old childhood friends named Irvin Smith. He was the only one who knew about my father besides Hanji. Irvin was actually my first crush. We dated in high school but then he left me a year later. I never knew why. Luckily we were still able to be close friends. Since he's my teacher now, we don't hang out as much as we used to because teacher-students relationships are not legal. Nobody ever follows that rule though. Sometimes at night you could catch students and teachers making out in the abandoned halls. Lots of people here at SU have seen this but never mentioned it to the school board.

After 10 minutes of walking, I reached the building for the psychology department. I continued to walk down the halls till I reached my classroom. No one was in the room except Irvin. Checking my watch, it read 8:10. I was 20 minutes early for class. Irvin noticed me in the room, greeting me with his perfect smile. "Hello Levi."

"Hello"

"What brings you this early to class?"

"Nothing." I lied

"Levi. There's something up and I know it. What is it?"

"Have you watched the news lately?"

"Of course, why?"

"You saw how there is this serial killer in town right?"

"Ah yes, the one that killed that man in the back of the bar you always go to."

"I was just curious on what creates a serial killer or something along the lines."

"There are several reasons. One of those could be psychopathy. A trait of psychopathy is abnormalities in the brain. Brain scans have revealed that psychopathy in criminals is associated with decreased connectivity with the amygdale and the ventromedial prefrontal cortex. When this happens between these two regions, processing negative stimuli in the amygdale does not translate any strong negative emotions. People with psychopathy never feel nervous or embarrassed when they are caught doing something bad and they don't feel bad or sad if someone else is suffering. These people are not in the state of mind to suffer from emotion.

"Now there are limitations in this study though. That study measures criminal psychopaths, but not all psychopaths are criminals. Psychopaths are usually just manipulative, aggressive and impulsive. Those features are far from criminal activities. There are many other studies on psychopathy but most of them are also very limited.

"Social factors also have its role with psycopathy. For example, early childhood abuse or neglect usually leads to PTSD or a phobia-" at the moment Irvin mentioned child abuse, something inside of me snapped. Whenever people mention it, many horrific memories flash through my head. It still felt as if all of it had just happened yesterday "-mostly anxiety disorders trigger this disconnection or disfunction between the amygdale and the ventromedial prefrontal cortex. Scientists cannot exclude that those situations may be a large factor in psychopathy. Many serial killers usually have regular happy childhoods.

"Now, with psychotics, most gruesome crimes are committed by psychotics, not psychopaths. Both of these are different kinds of mental disorders. Psychosis is a complete loss in one's sense of reality. Both psychopaths and psychotics have some traits in common for example blunt emotions, but they're different in terms when it comes to being in touch with reality. Psychotics are also calculating and manipulative but they also suffer from hallucinations and delusions. Some will hear voices of strangers in their head or have elaborate false theories about the world. Many of these people are also schizophrenic and are diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I could go on but class is about to start."

I turned around to see that most of my classmates were already in class giving me a puzzled face. Fuck, time flies by fast. I swore that only five minutes have passed. Thanking Irvin, I walked to the back of the class where I sat. Petra sat beside me in this class. Once I took my seat she quickly turned to face me. "Levi, what was that all about with Mr. Smith?" A look of curiosity burned in her golden eyes.

"I just asked a question, does it fucking matter?"

"He was talking about serial killers! It kinda matters," she said.

"I was curious, end of discussion." With that I looked away from the worried girl. Class had finally started. I didn't pay attention to today's lesson. Too many things were running through my mind at that time.

Leaving class I felt someone tug on my arm. Turning around I saw petra. "Since you didn't really pay attention in class I took notes for you." She gave me the pile of paper with today's lesson on it. I grabbed it out of her hand and looked through it. Petra was a very sweet girl. She was one of the few people I called my friend, and I don't really like having 'friends'.

"Thank you Petra." I continued to walk down the hall.

"Hey Levi! Do you want to get Starbucks with Auruo, Gunther, Eld and I? You haven't hung out with us in a while." I let out a deep sigh.

"I have a few essays that are due soon, so some other day." This time I walked as fast as I could so I could get out of these cramped hallways. Luckily I didn't have classes for the rest of the day so I headed into the library.

When I arrived at the library I found a quiet spot to sit so I could study and finish up some homework, which was due the next day. It was around 4 pm when I had finished my homework and did some studying (my previous class ended at 10:30). I was sitting the biography section of the library. Something caught my eye. I book that was on the verge of falling off the shelf had text printed over it saying "Serial Killers: the Method and Madness of Monsters". I walked over to the shelf and took the book. I wasn't the type to read bibliography books, but I thought I would give it a go. Sitting back down where I was before, I ran my hand over the cover. I flipped to the first page and started reading right away. After reading the first couple of pages I was hooked. The book mentioned about a lot of serial killers that I didn't know about, so I ended up moving to where the computers were so I could search them up and read the articles. It was around 7 that I had to stop reading since my body was demanding for food. I decided to go to the Wall to grab something to eat. Before leaving the library, I grabbed a few more books on serial killers (Inside the mind of serial killers: why they kill, Encyclopedia of serial killers, Green river, running red: the real story of the green river killer―America's deadliest serial murder, and the Night Stalker). Checking them out of the library, I made my way to the wall, which surprisingly was open even after the murder.

At the bar, I ended up eating a sandwich and also got a beer. I read the books as I enjoyed my dinner. I was certain I would be famished when I got home though. I finished of the shorter books (Inside the mind of serial killers: why they kill). It was around 10:30, which was when everyone started to get really drunk at the bar so I decided to leave. Stepping out of the bar, the crisp cool autumn air filled my lungs. Something inside of me was whispering to me. Go check out the crime, my mind told me. I wasn't one for doing illegal things, but I had to check it out. Without a further or due, I walked into the ally where the crime happened. A sign blocked the way reading "road closed". I walked passed it anyways. There was yellow tape around the crime scene. I stepped over the tape. The scene was pretty gruesome. The body obviously wasn't there, but white chalk traced the area where it would have been. Blood was splattered all over the wall. It smelled horrible; absolutely filthy.

"Tch... Disgusting" I muttered.

Bending down, I went to take a closer look. Hm... There were a couple of wood chips, which probably indicated that he was beaten with a bat or something. No, that couldn't have been the only thing used to kill him; There's too much blood. I continued to look around. There was a smashed beer bottle with blood all over it. I was able to read the label. The guy was drinking the same beer that I was earlier. The guy had pretty good taste in beer, I thought. I continued to investigate the area. There was nothing else. The police must have cleaned up everything else. Leaving the crime scene I continued to walk down the alley hoping to find some more clues.

When I reached the end of the Alley there was a yellow sticky note stuck on it. I got closer so I could read it. "Look behind you" I repeated what the note said. Turning around as the note said. There was nothing. What the hell, I said in my head. What kind of sick joke is this? Turning back around to face the wall of the alley, I felt a strong grip around my waist. A hand holding a cloth quickly came to my face. The intoxicating smell was making me feel queasy. I elbowed the person in the stomach with as much force I could muster. Luckily it was enough strength that the man let go of me. I rolled onto the ground coughing. Right when I was about to get up, I felt a strong blow on the back of my head. Everything went black.

..."Father I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'M SORRY!" The boy was tossed onto the hard ground. The dark figure hovered over the fragile boy. He grabbed the boy by his collared shirt, lifting him up. Slamming the kid onto the hard wall, a screeching sound ripped through the air.

"Don't you say you're sorry you lousy piece of shit!" The man slapped the boy's cheek. The sound of his hand hitting the boy's cheek echoed in the room. Hot tears streamed down his now bruised cheeks. The boy cried for mercy, begging for his life. That only earned him a painful punch in the stomach. He fell to the floor, coughing blood all over him. Another kick to his stomach made him vomit the little food he had in his stomach. The violence stopped. Looking up, the boy looked into his father's eyes that burned with disgust.

"Listen fucker-" he grabbed the boy by his hair pulling his face close to his own "-If you try leaving the house again I swear I'll kill your shitty ass!" And with that he threw the boy back on the ground. The man slammed the door shut behind him, locking it. Pulling his legs close to his body, he sobbed into his knees. The ghost-like fingers still lingered on his body. An ugly sob crawled out of his throat. He had nothing left of himself...