Barnicus, a.k.a Barney, had just conquered yet another dwarf maiden when he came upon Robin the coveted hobbit beauty that had been adopted by some hippie dwarf's.

"Yo Robin! I'd sit in your nest."

She ignored him, hips swaying, with her neatly combed feet marking a sure path away from him. Barnicus tugged on his short blond beard thinking about how he could totally get better dwarf babes even though she was a top notch potato in the hobbit world.

"Hey Barney!" Theodore, a.k.a. Ted, called from across the Iron Hill Plaza.

Barney ran over to Ted, "Number thirty seven!" Barney yelled. They high fived.

"You've slept with thirty seven dwarves? Not even sure if I've seen that many in my lifetime," Ted replied looking at his hand as if it had betrayed him.

"They live deep beneath the forge," Barney said nonchalantly.

Ted started walking and Barney followed. "Sounds sketchy. Was that Robin you were talking to?"

"Yeah, just keeping up appearances with the ladies," Barney replied.

Ted grabbed Barney's shoulder and whispered, "I've hear she's into blue French horn guys, if you know what I mean."

"What's that?"

"Elves man. She's into sexy giants with leaves in their hair."

"Ew, what a waste."

"I know right," Ted agreed.

The Rum Club was having a meeting this week in Boulder Hall and Barney and Ted couldn't miss another meeting.
"Hurry up bro," Barney said taking the stairs two at a time.

They made it through the iron doors right as the meeting began. Lillian, a.k.a Lily, and Marshall waved them over to a table they had saved near the middle of the room. Basically Rum Club consisted of drinking and brawls. It was very popular in the dwarven community.

The party was already well on its way to being a bomb diggity time when the iron doors creaked open and another slipped in. The room froze in a rippling effect from door to bar as they realized who had just poked their nose in. It was Robin the hobbit.

"Get out of here! You're not wanted," a young Gimli called.

Suddenly, as was the dwarvish nature, there was an uproar of people telling the hobbit to get out of Rum club.

"You're too short!"

"Get some!"

"Betcha she can't even hold her liquor!"

"SHUT UP!"

The room hushed as Robin took a step forward.

"I challenge your best drinker to a contest of wills."

Silence, then a whisper spread throughout the room. "Him? She can't possibly challenge him, let alone any of us. Don't let her! Don't let him accept!"

There was a scrape of a bench as someone stood. "I accept."

"And your name?" Robin asked.

"Bombur."