Author's Notes

A big thank you to Gem6 for the idea for this one. This is for Gem6 and Sammie (aka Dizzy Dreamer)

I haven't posted anything in a while, so I thought I'd put this up. It's nothing like what I normally write but, I thought a change would be nice. Please Read and Review.

- Confessions -

"John, there's something I need to tell you …"

I've been thinking about this for months now. About how I can tell him about my secret life, how he will react. Can I even trust him with this? Yes. I need to tell him, I can't keep living a lie like this.

I joined Sun Hill with the intentions of proving that Beech is corrupt, and getting him sent down, but now I realise that I'm in far too deep.

The first rule of undercover work is to not get involved personally. To stay detached from not only the suspect but everyone else as well.

That rule I have broke. When I fell in love with John, I comprised everything.

I tried to get out, I practically begged Hodges to get me out, but being the arrogant git he is, he wouldn't have any of it.

So now what do I do? I thought I could do this. Hell I even thought I'd be good at it. I never expected any of this to happen. I didn't plan on falling for one of my colleagues. God, when I get myself into a mess, I really get myself into a mess.

I pick up my mobile and dial John's number. It rings and rings. I am just about to cancel the call when he answers it.

"Hello?" comes his voice.

I can't do this.

"John, it's me," I answer, "I need to tell you something, can you come round."

I'm almost crying now.

"Sure, what's up? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine John, just come round, there's something I think you should know."

"Ok," he says.

He sounds confused. God I hate myself sometimes.

I cancel the call and pace up and down my living room, anxious for him to get here, yet terrified too.

He knocks on my at what feels like hours later, but is only 10 minutes.

I loose him in with shaky hands. Lets get this over with.

He follows me inside and I go straight to the kitchen.

If I'm gonna do this, I need a drink.

I pour warm tea into two mugs spilling half of it onto the floor in my nervousness.

"Claire, what's wrong? I've never seen you this scared before. What's happened?"

"Nothings happened, it's just …"

I stop and look into his eyes. He's gonna hate me.

Stealing myself I say, "John, I'm … CIB,"

He looks at me in shock, many emotions flashing across his face to fast to make out more that a few.

"W … What?" he manages to choke out.

"I'm CIB John, I was sent to Sun Hill to find evidence of corruption."

"Who, me?"

"No, Don Beech. I'm sorry John."

"So let me get this straight, you're telling me that my best mate his bent, and you've been sent in to catch him?"

"I never planned for things to go this way. If I could turn back time, I would never have done this, but, if I hadn't, then I never would have come to Sun Hill and I never would have met you."

"I can't deal with this right now," he says and as quick as he arrived he's gone.

I hope he'll come back, I can understand that he may need some time to come to terms with all this, but I need him here with me.

I really have messed things up this time and I can't see anyway out of it.

The End.