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Zutara from Mai's perspective. A lot of people who write about Mai in Zutara stories often paint an unflattering picture of her. So I decided to write something that would give a fairer depiction of her. I have always liked Mai's character, but she just never seemed to fit with Zuko to me.
I know about you. We always know about you. Wives always know about their husbands' infidelity even if it is only a passing suspicion, only a waft of a strange perfume that we do not wear or a strand of hair on their shirts that is not ours. We know and sometimes we say something and sometimes we do not. I have chosen not to because as much as I should I cannot bring myself to hate him for this. I merely hate you. It is unreasonable, childish, and immature. After all, he is the one who betrayed me not you. He is the one who made vows to honor and cherish me not you. But then again, it is not you who smiles at me in the morning over breakfast. It not you who looks at me from across a room and can unthaw the ice that I have always worn around my heart. And it is not you who he comes back to every day. It is not you who he comes to when the world has rejected him. Besides, I think I am entitled to be a little unreasonable for once in my life.
I will not pretend to not notice the nights when his figure is absent from our bed. I will not pretend that I do not lie there and wonder if he kisses you the same way he kisses me or if he gives you those rare unguarded smiles that he once shared only with me. And I also will not pretend that we were ever friends. We weren't. We never were and never will be. You owe me no loyalty, and I owe no forgiveness.
We stood on two different sides, two different worlds, two different lives. I grew up the perfect courtier's daughter. Every morning as servants dressed me and prepared my hair, my mother would pound the lessons of grace into my head, trying to mold me into the perfect young girl. You grew up in a wild icy world that I cannot even imagine, living without things that I took for granted. While I was living in a prison of silence and self-control, you were traveling the world with the newly discovered Avatar. We are two different creatures. Perhaps, that is why we can both exist in the same man's heart.
My mother once told that when a man looks in the mirror he sees two spirits staring back at him, who he is and who he wishes to be. I have never believed that more then I do now. He is like that. He is something forged by two different lives. One that I was apart of, and one that I cannot even begin to understand the allure of. I think that is why he goes to you after dinner sometimes when he says he must secret himself away in his private palace to think on things properly. You fulfill that need in him to be emerged in that second unnatural world that he can never be apart. We serve two different purposes and are the loves of two different men sharing the same skin.
How I would love to give into those passions and moods that I've heard you are prone to. I would like nothing better to when he comes to me after he is with you to scream and cry and throw things at him. What a sweet release it would be to demand that he give you up and be only mine like he was years ago. But I cannot do that. There is a kingdom that must be run, treaties to be signed, nobles to woo, and a careful balance to be maintained, and I handle it all while he is infatuated with you.
And I think that I am a little afraid that if I were to make such a bold order that he would not choose me. You are the wave that comes to shore only to recede again and have men chasing hopelessly after you, lost among the clear blue waters. You are a shadow. You are a secret. You are a lie. I am the truth, the reality. I am ground beneath his feet, the roof over his head, and the anchor that holds him in place on your storm tossed seas. In the end, it is the simple matter that I am here and you are not.
Rather short by my standards, but I kind of like the way it turned out. This is meant to be kind of a silent monologue from Mai's POV view towards Katara. The tone is more formal than usual for Mai because I picture her as older, in her 20s, and speaking in a way more appropriate for her station. Also, I intentionally made it to where she never used their names as kind of defense strategy to detach herself from the situation. I would love any advice, reviews, or critiques you have.