I don't get scared easily. For example, guns don't scare me. Knives, illness, cholesterol, it doesn't really scare me. But people do. Not people, you know? Not those people who buy the persona I've set up. I fear none, but one man.
The day I came into work and started working with him, I could feel his gaze pierce me, burning a hole through my flesh, eating it away inch by inch, hoping I would break. But I didn't, years and years of self preservation saw to that. I was so scared I almost pissed my pants to be honest. I've always been a good man, doing what I love for a living, saving people from themselves, from others, from darkness.
I almost succombed to the darkness myself once or twice. Too much to think about I think, mixed with alcohol. But I went on, I'm still alive. And I'm scared. He sees right through me, he knows everything about me. He wants me, and that scares me. Because I'm damaged. He doesn't know what he's getting, even I don't know that. And he just keeps pushing me. Pushing and pushing and pushing, waiting for me to break, to show weakness. And I know it'll happen soon, actually, it's happening right now.
I can't seem to stop shaking. I'm one of the good guys, I know that, he told me I was, and that scared me. I believed him. I believe every single word that comes out of his mouth, every kiss he steals from me takes my breath away, every time I touch him, or he touches me, my head starts to spin. And that scares me too. I promised myself never to let someone take over my life like this. To be independant. To never trust anyone but myself. And now? Now I'm laying in a bed by my partner, thinking about my feelings. The way I shut them out, my feelings that is, the way I pushed them aside, determined I wasn't meant to be happy.
And I am happy. And even THAT scares the hell out of me, it freaks me out completely, it makes my heart hurt worse than ever and this time I am breaking. Breaking completely. I trust him with my life. With my fears. With me. He knows already, that I've been breaking down. He keeps wearing me down.
I feel strong arms wrap around me and let myself sink into the embrace, sobbing and sobbing, telling him everything I've thought, everything I've ever felt. And he just cradles me like a child, rocking us both back and forth, murmuring things in my ear.
"It's okay Jethro, I'm right here, I love you so much, you know that, right?" he asks me. And yes, yes I know that.
"I know" I sob.
I don't know how long he's been cradling me, but I can hear myself speak as I drift into sleep.
"I love you Tony"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AN: Short and sweet oneshot. Oh YEAH! Now THAT's character depth! Now gimme a review or I'll do something drastic. like letting Shepard be director of te NCIS. Or putting Ziva instead of Kate in my stories.. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!... just kidding, I'm innocent. PLEASE leave a review? It helps me get through another shitty day :)
Disclaimer: All hail DPB. I harmed noone, please don't sue me? PLEASE?????