A/N: This story is my submission for the Valentine's Day fanfic challenge from RTN… I went a little bit on the dark side with this one even though I prefer writing light and fun liason; but that's what the prompt dictated and I followed and simply wrote whatever came to my mind… LOL… I hope I did this right! This is my gift to all my fellow liason fans (As well as Liz and Jason fans) for this Valentine's Day. Please review!
I did not come up with the brilliance that is Liason but it is with pleasure that I borrow them for my little story…
~ Tears on a Letter ~
"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does.
Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up."
James Baldwin.
When Jason Morgan opened his door that night, he couldn't believe his eyes. The last face he would have expected to see that day was one of a person he had long ago associated with pain and heartache. He had struggled with himself and fought tooth and nail to forget that face. But he couldn't. It had haunted him, like a ghost, a bad memory; never allowing him to move on. It had haunted him but he never thought he would find himself again face to face with these unforgettable features.
He had heard a faint knock on his door, so quiet he could have easily missed it. But thanks to his sharp senses, Jason had heard it and had walked decisively to his penthouse door grabbing his handgun on his way. You could never be too sure in his line of work.
But it wasn't what you would call a usual threat that he found himself facing as the door swung opened. Well maybe it was; the person that stood in front of him was his principal weakness, someone who could, and had, in a few words brought the powerful Jason Morgan to his knees.
But what was she doing there?
Jason was way too familiar with the figure that appeared in his doorway, there had been a time when he knew every inch of this body by heart. He still remembered. He shut the door closed right after his brain had identified the person standing on his doormat. Protection mechanism perhaps. The sudden door slap made the woman jolt.
"Jason wait!" The familiar feminine voice called out from the other side of the door.
He didn't answer, he couldn't answer. There was nothing left to tell. Everything had been said and done. Reminiscing events that had happened two years ago was pointless. Jason couldn't answer, but he couldn't move either. He stayed immobile, forehead resting on the cold wooden door.
"I know I must be the last person you were expecting to see tonight but I needed to talk to you."
Silence remained her only reply.
"I know you can hear me Jason; I can hear you breathing."
The young man held his breath, foolishly believing that if she couldn't hear him anymore she would go away.
"I knew that you probably wouldn't want to see me and maybe I was stupid to come over today but I had to, I couldn't stay away anymore. I had to come to you. I always come to you especially in the hardest times." The woman's trembling voice caused Jason's heart to clench.
She paused, hoping the door would magically open at these words. "I wrote you a note. Just in case you wouldn't be here. I know how busy your work can get sometimes. I remember. Um… I'm just glad you're ok."
Silence. A green envelope slid under the wooded door and landed at Jason's feet.
The blond man picked it up and stared at the letter for at least a minute wondering if he should read these words. A part of him wanted to; so he could understand what had prompted such an unexpected visit and maybe he would get answers to the questions that had tortured him for so long. But another part of him, the part that had worked so hard to leave behind the memories wanted to light a fire only to see the words go in flames, never to be read.
That later part lost the battle and very fast, without thinking, Jason saw his hands eagerly tear off the sealed envelope. The blond man was now holding two pages of handwritten words; some were crossed over, others washed away by dried tear drops. Words written by the hand of the woman he never could stop loving.
Jason,
If you are reading this letter, it means that I wasn't able to see you today. Maybe it's for the best, as I won't have to face your eyes when I say the things I am about to say. Those eyes of yours, they always were the last of me; I could get lost in their deep blue, their intensity when you stared at me.
But I'm not here to write about how good we were together. I think we both know what we left behind. What I decided to leave behind. It's been about two years now and I still can't make peace with my decision. You probably must think I am foolish to even be telling you these things when it was my choice to leave you and you are absolutely right, but I wanted you to understand what happened. I said things to you that day, things that I will regret for the rest of my life because I didn't mean half of it. I know I probably hurt you beyond repair but it was important for me to reach out and talk to you.
I'm not sure if you knew, but during the six months we spent together, my relationship with my family really deteriorated. I would come home to you and act like I just had lunch with my mother and that she was sending her regards. Or that I went shopping with my sister and that we blabbed all along about what a great boyfriend you were; but I lied. You used to ask me why my parents never came to visit and I would tell you they didn't want to bother us. I only pretended everything was fine with my family because I know you and I knew you would feel guilty over it. So I pretended everything was great while they hated that I was "throwing my life away" like they said, being a "mob mole". They called me "delusional", "crazy" and even worse, never forgetting to remind me that I would end up getting killed. They accused me of being in this relationship just to play stubborn and to spite them, when it really had nothing to do with them; all I ever cared about was you because I loved you.
They made it really difficult for me because I hated lying to you over it, so I simply started to see them less and less. But they couldn't accept that, they thought you were stealing me away from them. They had a whole fantasy of how you manipulated me and made me hate them, when they were the only ones responsible for me slowly getting away. Even my brother, who I thought understood me, joined in and took their side. It was me against all of them, and they would repeat to me over and over that you were no good, that you were acting like the kind boyfriend now but only because you wanted me under your thumb and once I would completely cut ties with them, you would turn into the monster that you really were and my life would become a nightmare. They said that if I stayed then I would deserve everything I would get.
You used to tell me I was the strongest woman you ever met, but I wasn't. I'm ashamed to say I ended up believing them. After months of fighting the horrible things they said about you, I gave in. God I wish I hadn't. Maybe it was the fear. Yes, it had to be the fear; the fear that maybe there was an ounce of truth in everything they were saying. I was so young and insecure, and you already were that very powerful man. For god's sake you are in the mob! I ended up thinking that maybe I was turning into one of these stupid women who would make excuses about their boyfriends no matter what they did or didn't do. I've had friends lose themselves in these kinds of relationships and end up being miserable. I thought that maybe if I got out now, if I left you, I would avoid the pain that would certainly come to me. Little would I know it would be the most painful thing for me to ever do.
I am not here to make excuses, it was my decision ultimately and I struggled with it. I could have told them to all go to hell but instead I took the safe road. I thought that I would protect my heart but I crushed it and yours. I've been so unhappy since I left you; your touch, your voice, you… I knew you wouldn't understand my decision so I had to hurt you so much that you would stop loving me and then maybe I would too. So I said all these horrible things to you that they used to say about you and told you I didn't love you and that I never did. That all I ever cared about was your money and that it wasn't worth dying for. I left you and I turned to another man. It must have been the worst betrayal of all. But I had to, or you wouldn't have given up, you would have never believed me; so I went back to Lucky. He, who was supposed to be my safe choice, ended up being my worst mistake.
My parents were ecstatic when I chose to be with him right after we broke up. I was finally following their sacred plan. I would date their long time friend's son then we would marry, officially uniting the two families. They were so happy that I started to believe I made the right choice. I lied to myself Jason. God only knows how much I lied. And I thought it was for the best. I really did and to an extent I believed my own lies; which was the saddest part of all.
I've since broken up with him; he turned out not being what I thought he would be. Every bad thing they described you would become was what Lucky ended up being. An abusing manipulating jerk, who needed his ego stroked 24/7. Thank god I still had enough self respect left to get out. Of course my mother would constantly tell me that I was being too difficult and that Lucky loved me and was the right choice. I don't know what it was, but he had them completely hypnotized, believing he was the best thing that could have happened to their daughter. When he proposed, I pictured myself trapped in an unhappy marriage for the rest of my life and I freaked out, or wised up I don't know, but I told him I didn't want to see him ever again. This time when I said these words I really meant it.
You know, sometimes I wish I could just go back in time, and rewrite every line. Knowing what I know now, everything would have been different. But I can't feel sorry for myself. I put myself in this situation and to an extent I am glad I went through what I did with Lucky. I grew up Jason. It was a hard way of learning but I finally know who I can trust and who I can't. I know that blood ties do not mean anything without love and respect.
My Grams died five days ago. She was the only one who actually cared about me; the only one who truly was on my side. Loosing her was like loosing a part of me as she would always be there to guide me. I still can't believe she won't be here to listen to my rants or to hold me when I cry, that she just won't be here when I need her. It sounds kind of selfish, I know. But I always was a selfish person Jason. That's why I walked out on you all this time ago; I thought about myself and only what I felt mattered. I didn't even consider you and your feelings and for that I am sorry.
Grams left me a letter, one in which she apologized, for not supporting me and protecting me from my parents. At first I was completely thrown and had no idea what she was talking about. But she wrote that she could never forgive herself for letting them manipulate me into breaking up with you and dating Lucky only because he was Luke Spencer's son. You can imagine my shock when I read this. I felt like a complete fool and you deserved to know this.
Sorry, I didn't mean to write so much. My thoughts are so scattered I should probably rewrite this letter. I understand if you couldn't read past the couple first paragraphs; but I sincerely hope you did. I am not asking you to forgive me, only to understand, because after all this time I finally understood. It cost me a lot but I did. The day I left you, I told you that being with you would be a danger to my heart and you asked me to remember that love shouldn't be safe. I think I finally understand the meaning of it.
Thank you for reading my words.
I wish you all the best Jason, always.
Elizabeth.
*****
The only thing Elizabeth could hear anymore was her footsteps echoing loudly in the poorly lit streets. She had left Harbor View Towers behind and probably every chance of ever seeing Jason again with it. Maybe the whole thing was a terrible mistake and she should have left things the way they were; but Elizabeth had to at least reach out to him. She hated herself for what she did to the man she loved.
He hadn't wanted to see her; to simply hear her. Who could blame him after the way she had treated him? Elizabeth didn't know if he would at least read the letter; the ball was now in his court and she had no idea what he would choose to do with it. Come to her is what the young woman dreamed he would decide. Come to her and tell her that he forgives her and wants to put these horrible times behind and be with her again.
She fiercely hit her forehead with the palm of her hand in an attempt to chase the ludicrous thought out of her mind. Elizabeth knew better than to hope for the impossible. And besides, it wasn't why she had gone to Jason that night. She had lost Audrey and now she was alone. The only person that still meant something to her in this world was Jason and he wouldn't even bare the simple sight of her. This simple thought brought burning tears to her sapphire eyes. She didn't go to him for forgiveness but to explain why she had broken his heart.
Elizabeth walked, and walked, aimlessly for what could have been minutes or hours. She had lost track of time, lost in her thoughts, reflecting on her messed up life. She only stopped walking when she came face to face with the calm water at the docks. It was only then that she realized she had walked all this distance alone; it was late and probably very unsafe for a young woman to be wandering around the dark streets of Port Charles at this hour. But she didn't care.
Elizabeth stood numb, emptily gazing at the deep water, where two ships were disappearing in the horizon. A cold breeze caused her chestnut curls to flutter in the night and her face to cringe.
"You shouldn't be here."
The deep masculine voice startled Elizabeth who in first instinct feared for her life. But it was not fear that she felt when she jumped around and saw Jason standing still a few feet away.
"Oh god! Jason." She said relieved. "I… I… How did you know I was here?"
"I didn't." the young man walked towards her and stood by her side facing away, towards the dancing dark water. Looking straight in her eyes was too difficult, not after everything that had gone down.
Elizabeth imitated the taller man and quietly observed the last ship fading in the distance. She wanted to talk to him, to tell him everything that was going through her mind but simply didn't know where to start. He was there, standing next to her. She would have given everything for him to be that close to her again. But nothing would come out of her mouth; so she stood, lips sealed, wondering if he had read the letter.
After what had seemed like a very long minute, he broke the silence.
"I am sorry for your grand mother. I know how much she meant to you."
He had read it. She now knew it. But what had he thought of it? Why was he there?
"Jason, I am so sorry for all the pain I've cost you." She said her voice heavy with sorrow, still facing away. "You must think I'm crazy, or a complete idiot for daring to come to see you after so long, to bring back long forgotten memories. But I had to talk to you. I didn't mean to rub the past in your face, I only wanted to explain. You deserved to know what really happened so I…"
The blond man interrupted her. Elizabeth always rambled on when she was nervous.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"What?" She asked unsure of what Jason meant.
"Everything that was going on with your family; why didn't you just tell me?"
"Why, why? I don't know why!" She burst out. "If I had these answers we wouldn't be here right now! God Jason, I guess at first I didn't want you to worry about me. You already had so much on your plate, so many people who counted on you. The last thing I wanted was to be another burden."
Facing the truth was proven harder that she would have thought. "So yes, I lied! I thought that they would get used to the fact that I was in love with you and they would back off." She chuckled in aggravation. "I was wrong."
"You could always come to me, you knew that."
"I know… I know… but you know me. The pressure to conform and to please my parents got to me. I would have done anything not to disappoint them, and I did. I sacrificed the only good thing that ever happened to me."
Elizabeth distanced herself from the man who hadn't taken his sight away from the horizon, not even once. She felt her cheeks warm up as the forming tears started blurring her vision. She didn't want Jason to see her cry. She sat on a wooden bench behind him, facing down at her rocking feet then went on talking.
"They never cared about me. I mistook their interest in my personal life for love and concern when all along it was all about them and the family image." It was always easy to talk to Jason. They hadn't seen each other in two years but she still felt comfortable enough with him to open up and talk about her feelings. Something Elizabeth Webber rarely did.
"I've since broken all ties with all of them. Grams was the only one I remained in contact with. She would come visit me at the studio or I'll go to her house, making sure that she was alone of course. Now that she is gone, I'm by myself. A little like you actually, when I think about it."
She paused. "It was always you against the world, and I loved that about you, you were alone but never lost. I wish I could be like that, I could be strong and not let my emotions get the best of me."
Jason broke his silence. "You are strong."
Elizabeth simply shook her head from side to side to contest Jason's words. "If I was strong I would have fought them harder, I wouldn't have fallen in their trap like a naïve twit! We were happy damn it! And I threw it all out the window for what?"
She stopped as more uncontrollable tears rolled down her cheeks.
"You know, it wasn't only because of them, I was young and so much was happening between us, so quickly. We were so happy that I kept waiting for the day when it would all fall apart. Sometimes I think that it's the reason why I gave in to their demands and unconsciously believed them."
The young woman closed her eyes trying to remember the happy memories of her lost relationship with Jason. "I wish I could just go back in time. So I would avoid the mistakes, so you wouldn't have stopped loving me and we could be what we used to be. But I know it is a crazy thought, I don't even know why I'm here."
She rose to her feet, and walked towards Jason who remained stoic, eyes locked on the horizon. "I am not asking you to miraculously forgive me and forget everything that happened. I just thought that maybe, if we talked, we could take this first step to at least being civil to each other and maybe being friends someday." She paused, awaiting a reaction from Jason. As none came, she went on. "Anyway, I should probably go and leave you alone."
She turned around and slowly started walking, with each step building up a higher wall between her and the man she was in love with. Elizabeth couldn't get the tears to stop trickling down her face. It was just too much to feel at the same time, she needed to get away.
But Jason's deep voice stopped her straight in her tracks. "I never stopped."
"What?" She asked, frozen.
"Loving you, I never stopped. I was devastated when you left, some of the things you said to me still ring in my mind… but I was never able to forget you."
He left the young woman wordless.
"I tried; I wanted to hate you, especially when I learned about Lucky." His eyes darkened at the thought of the other man, the same way it had when he had read about what the bastard had put Elizabeth through. "But I couldn't, because it didn't make any sense to me. I struggled with it. I don't completely understand but at least now I know why you left, I know that it wasn't about something I did or my line of work." He took a deep breath. "I missed you."
Elizabeth's eyes opened wide at Jason's declaration. She thought she had been reduced to a painful memory in his mind and had forgotten her long ago; a part of her was relieved he still had feelings for her but knowing that he had suffered for that long added to her guilt.
Jason turned around and his eyes finally met the brunette's damp gaze. Seeing her cry always broke his heart; she was never supposed to shed a tear, especially not because of him. She was beautiful, he thought, prettier than he remembered; even the puffy eyes didn't take anything away from her. But Jason noticed something was different in her, maybe it was a maturity that the years of battling with her family and herself had forged.
The young man walked up to her and took her two soft hands in his.
"Elizabeth, I don't think I can be friends with you."
She felt her heart sink at his words.
"I would always feel more, want more from you. You already walked out on me once Elizabeth..."
"Jason, you don't have to…"
"You are not the only one who has grown. I should have fought harder for you. I knew that something was wrong but I just chose to let you go because I thought it was what you wanted. I'm not about to make the same mistake."
"It wasn't you, it was my fault, I…"
"Don't say anything!" The blond man interrupted her. "Don't say anything." He repeated while slowly trailing his rough hands up her thin arms until finally cupping her neck. His crystal blue eyes were locked on her sapphire orbs which went from expressing sadness to desire.
Jason ran his thumbs back and forth caressing her jaw line as he lowered his face to hers. He remembered her taste by heart; her lips, warm and soft. Her scent; sweet and alluring. His body reacted to her touch by sending a sharp shiver through him.
Elizabeth was surprised by the swift change in pace, but her lips welcomed his openly and they kissed fiercely, eager to revive what they had missed these past two years. It's their eyes closed that the two savored each other, exploring every inch of their mouths. It was only them in this moment, no one else, nothing else mattered.
Jason gently lowered his hands to her waist caressing her figure on the way. He lightly gripped her shirt on both sides while Elizabeth cradled his face; never breaking the kiss. The blond man pushed his taller body on hers, causing her back to press against the brick wall behind. A loud moan escaped her as she came in contact with the cold surface.
All of Jason's muscles tightened as he heard her and a pull in his pants made him realize that it would be very hard for him to stop himself if he didn't do it now. But he couldn't stop, he had missed her so much, he needed her and could hardly wait any longer.
Elizabeth felt Jason's growing arousal press against her lower abdomen. A voice in her head told her that the place wasn't appropriate and that she should stop before they couldn't think straight anymore; but she had missed him so much and needed him against her.
Their breathing started to accelerate but they hardly broke away for air and kept kissing like they would never get enough. Elizabeth rocked her hips against his body, provoking his pants to thug stronger. Without thinking, Jason lifted one of Elizabeth's thighs; he held her leg up while pressing himself harder on her. She was about to loose it, she needed more, more of him. She dug her fingers in the back of his shoulders, pulling him closer to her until a sharp light blinded her eyes.
"Hey! What do you two think you're doing?" A man yelled, waving a flashlight at them.
Jason hastily dropped her leg back on the ground frustrated before turning around to face the interruption. Elizabeth flushed in embarrassment which got worse when she realized the stranger was a cop.
"God! Get a room! Anybody could be walking down here! I should book both of you for indecent misconduct!"
Elizabeth tried apologizing nicely to appease the situation. "Sorry, we didn't mean to offend anyone, we were just kissing and it's so late, we thought we were alone."
Jason placed a hand on the small of her back in support thinking that the Port Charles Police had better things to worry about than two lovers making out. The man in uniform flashed the light in each of their busted faces once more; causing them to cringe.
"Alright, you're lucky I'm in a good mood today. Tomorrow's Valentine's Day and I'm getting my wife diamonds; her first ever. You guys kind of remind me of us a few years back; couldn't keep our hands off each other." The older man said, waving the lamp torch in his hand as he spoke.
The couple faced each other with a delicate smile while the man went on with his tale. "Anyway, I better not catch you here again or I will lock you up."
"Happy Valentine's day!" Elizabeth told the man who was already back patrolling the dark streets of Port Charles.
"Yeah yeah… thanks!" The officer mumbled walking away. "God! New lovers I bet…"
Elizabeth's eyes met Jason's once more then she buried her flushed face in his strong built chest. The young man took her in his arms, back to the place where she belonged all along.
~ The End ~