A/N: This is some shameless parody I came up with when I was high- if you're a serious reader then this story isn't for you so I'd suggest you click that pretty red 'x' button on your screen, but otherwise, read on and let me know if I should continue it or not.
Obviously I've altered cannon ages. Theon, Robb, Jon, Margaery etc. are all in the same grade. They're around 15-16.
"You two broke up?" Theon was officially astounded. Quentyn and Margaery have been on a steady relationship for over a year now—well steadier than any of his awry escapades anyway—and, truth to be told, he could clearly, begrudgingly imagine these two marrying and living happily together.
Quentyn and Margaery Martell. Yippee.
"Yeah… Yesterday…" Quentyn muttered, fixating his gaze on the floor; he looked so miserable that Theon almost felt bad for killing him in the books. Almost.
"Man, I'm sorry bro… Look's like I shouldn't have killed you—"
"Don't," Quentyn interjected him abruptly. "This was the—what?—twentieth time you've said this. Really."
"Wait, hang on Quentyn, why did you break up again?"
"Why? Theon, she's a lovely girl but her family is nuts," Quentyn shook his head in an exasperated manner and dug his face into his palms. "I went to her house for dinner last week and her family, especially that scary grandmother of hers, kept accusing me of keeping multiple girlfriends and asked me whether I've slept with anyone…"
Hearing this, Theon snickered a little, typical Quentyn, forever sensitive on the subject of his virginity.
"…when I said no, she snorted, saying that I'm a Martell, as if it were some prerequisite of being a notorious Casanova manwhore and that obviously, I should go cavorting after the next girl with a hole between her legs. Then her dad kept on talking business with me, stuff about a possible co-operation with Tyrell Corps now that Margaery and I are dating, even when I clearly stated my inactive status on the matters of my family's enterprise—what? given my age, Theon stop giving me that look as if I'm some sort of dweeb!— and her brothers Loras and Garlan were constantly threatening to castrate me should any harm come to their sister. Mind you, Willas was the only decent one of the lot! "
Theon had always been slightly envious of his friend, after he snagged up with Margaery Tyrell, one of the hottest chicks in the year, undeniably, and as a result, depicted Quentyn as a peripheral character.
Then, after his partner/ assistant/ minion Jon Snow's insistence that Quentyn be included as a point-of-view, Theon had decided to butcher the guy with dragon fire at the end of the book Ouch. But it complemented with the whole "everybody dies" idea so no one bothered much anyway, aside from Quentyn of course. But now poor Quentyn just needed a hug, there's nothing more frustrating than dealing with your girlfriend's insufferable family.
The first week or two after the publication of the fifth installment, his friend had campaigned outside his house furiously, along with his sister Asha (who demanded more screen time) and Jon Snow (who was incensed at having been stabbed repeatedly by mutineers of the Night's Watch, without foreknowledge, since Theon wanted it to be a surprise—although it was a form of indirect revenge after Jon's emo-esque chapters about him as some Gollum-like creature stripped away of sanity).
Yes, Theon had received massive help from his rather reluctant friend Jon Snow and despite their disparity in ideas and beliefs, his best-friend's half-brother did prove to be an effective partner, seeing how their books became known as the renowned bestselling series: A Song of Ice and Fire.
But of course, they published it under the name of GRRM because the lads were hoping that such pseudonyms would give them a sense of anonymity, which was proven false after poor Joffrey Baratheon had cabbage hurled at his face by an enraged cashier at the supermarket and how the new students of Westeros High cowered at the mention of Ramsay Bolton. Not to mention the occasional sneers that Theon himself received, dubbing him "turncloak" and "traitor" et cetera.
It all started a few years ago, after Theon's third year at Westeros High, the trifling affairs over there were simply too amusing, even entrancing, for him to observe idly as an inert spectator—he had to write something based on it. He started off with pages and pages of vapid (according to Jon Snow), lighthearted fluff with Sansa being shrilly yet sweet princess and Joffrey as a contemptible, arrogant little prick.
Afterwards he sent a few copies around his inner circle and Jon had somehow gotten hold of one, possibly from Robb, no definitely from Robb now that he thought of it. The boy's first reaction… well, Jon did say it had "potential", though he did shrivel up a little at the blatantly graphic scenes and subsequently, offered some advice on the plot and description here and there.
In retrospect, Jon Snow's involvement had been a blessing, Emo Snow's dark, gory writing style did manage to make everything much more readable and appealing whilst whenever things got too gruesome, Theon would lighten the tone with his rather crude (Jon's opinion) nonetheless immensely satiable humor. Without notice, Jon and Theon had become remarkable writing partners and begrudging friends.