She knew this would happen from the very beginning-she just couldn't bring herself to believe
She knew this would happen from the very beginning-she just couldn't bring herself to believe. Right after she heard, she sobbed and sobbed but she didn't feel the pain at all. She just cried and even knowing the reason this tears were falling, it had no impact on her because her heart was already dead.
A black butterfly alights on the window. It was beautiful and so dead. Like Rukia's heart.
She still couldn't feel. Because she saw everything, she saw Ichigo being stabbed and watching from the distance, Rukia could feel everything passing through her back then. She was full of blinding anger and she was dying.
And this stupid Kuchiki mansion. She desperately wanted to go home, she wanted to sob on their bed, in their room because it was her place to shake, to hide away. All she could do right now was eat chocolate and let the damn winter sleep she was lost in kill her. Yes, Kuchiki Rukia died along with Kurosaki Ichigo.
"STOP"
Desperate cry echoed in the small hospital room. She didn't know what she was screaming for or why everyone was crying. Ichigo's body lied on the bed and made no attempt to move or speak.
When the doctors told her he isn't there anymore and that his body is dead but his soul is alive with her in her heart and some crap, she stood there dumbfounded and after a second everything went black. She couldn't remember if she cried desperately his name or if she fainted or if she just stood there like an idiot. The pain was bigger than any burden she has ever carried.
After that event, she couldn't go to the funeral. She couldn't even go to his house because everything reminded her of something connected to him. She was slowly dying and dying and no one could do anything about it.
Because she was empty.
This is how she ended up in the mansion of her cold brother who acted like nothing happened, like the man she loved with all her might didn't just die from leukemia. She didn't care for anything. Orihime would come and try talking to her and say she was killing the rest of the world this way. She didn't care. Her purpose was gone. She knew he would want her to move on, to live a normal life in his family with or without him, to marry, to have kids, to forget. This was bullshit because she would never ever forget him in million years. Because she has never felt worse in her entire life. The nightmare of a loved one dying was repeating.
To care for the rest of the world? No. She didn't even try in the first place. To talk to them? She was too selfish, she wasn't sacrificing her interests for someone else for the first time of her being. She wasn't wearing a smile or trying to hide her sobs through night.
She would wake up after a horrible nightmare and she would look at the disgustingly empty place beside her and cry and cry…
"Rukia. Oi, Rukia." She was crying in her sleep again and this scared the hell out of Ichigo. He knew she was a person with her own weakness and she wasn't emotionless or a machine but it hurt too much to watch her cry especially when she couldn't control it.
She bolted up and the scared look on her face was unmistakable.
Ichigo knew what to do. He always did. Reaching out to touch her, he pulled her into his embrace with no hesitation and she let herself be hugged. He stroked her hair, whispering comforting words. Something he doesn't usually do but when it comes to Rukia, he could be a different person. Night was the only time she showed that she isn't the strongest person on the world.
"It is alright".
Every time she saw the sun, she remembered his lines about how she made it shine. It kept coming back to her spreading across her eyes. Why didn't she just try?
"RUKIA"
No answer.
There was no reason to react because she knew what they would say, how would Renji try to comfort her, she would see his hands tightening at the sight of her and she would cry again.
"I know how you feel".
You don't.
"But…I know before his death you were both searching for the picture from the beach party. I found it. I don't expect you to speak to me, at least open and take it because I'm not the one who deserves it."
Crack. After a minute of wondering, the door was opened, the picture disappeared and Renji was standing in front of a closed door again.
Ichigo's arms were around her wrist and the blush on his face was visible and so familiar that it hurt. His dad insisted and they couldn't do anything. Besides, Isshin was supported by an excited Yuzu, mocking Karin and happy Orihime. Rukia remembered everything. She had so much fun. They played tag, splashed each other with water, they were pushed against each other while eating in order to French kiss (the idea was Isshin's)
This wasn't fair. This should have been the best day in her life and now she didn't even want to remember a single minute from it.
Putting the picture on her bad, she opened her door and she went out of the coldest place in her life.
She never came back after it. The shining photo of a blushing Ichigo and smirking Rukia stayed there for long.