Disclaimer: I do not own GSD or anything in this story including the characters except Lilly O'Connell.
"I'm tired," complained Josie, "Can we rest for a little bit
"I'm tired," complained Josie, "Can we rest for a little bit?" I looked down into her pleading face. "No, Josie. We have to keep running. If we stop, we'll end up like mummy and daddy." Her face twisted in confusion, "What happened to mummy and daddy?" I knew this was coming, so I steeled my voice and said, "They're dead."
Josie's eyes widened in shock at my words. "Dead? I want mummy and daddy! Onee-san, where are you taking me?" I had no time to answer as I spotted the ocean port where the Minerva stood. I pointed towards the ocean, "Josie, we're going into that ship, 'kay?" At that point, Josie let go of my hand. However, I did not realize it until a few steps later. I whipped around to face Josie.
"Josie is scared of water, Josie don't want to go on that ship. It's scary." Josie looked up at me tearfully. I sighed. "Look Josie, I'm walking towards the water and it won't hurt me." To prove my point, I took a few steps backwards, not once taking my eyes of Josie. Just my luck, as the distance between me and Josie increased, shots from an overhead gundam rained down on us.
"JOSIE!!" My screams echoed throughout the whole port but everyone was too preoccupied to notice me. The blast from the shots threw me towards the ocean. I slammed mercilessly onto the ceramic tiles of the ORB port and using any last strength I had, I prevented myself from falling into the water.
As I slowly opened my eyes, I found that I was staring into crimson eyes. "Josie!" I sat up all of a sudden, thinking of my sweet little baby sister. The boy that woke me spoke, "Um, I think you should follow me to the ship." I barely heard the poor guy. As I turned to face where Josie should have been standing, all I saw was debris and fallen trees.
I clawed desperately at the debris, hoping to find Josie. To my utmost surprise, the boy with crimson eyes helped. Shocked, I said, "What're you doing?" He gave a half-smile. "I'm helping you find Josie, silly." I was touched but at that time, finding Josie was more important than showing gratitude. Soon, we unmasked Josie's face and one of her hand. She was covered in blood, but not dead. Yet.
"Josie?" Josie smiled at me, and used her free hand to wipe away my tear. Her lips moved for the very last time, "Don't cry, onee-sama." And with that, she fell limp in my arms, her eyes wide open and staring into space. I was heart broken. I was on my own now.
"Josie, no!" I cried in disbelief. The boy pulled at my hand, "We've got to get moving." I shook him away. "She's dead. My sister, she's dead. First my parents, now her! I'm alone now!" I broke down into uncontrollable sobs. The boy pulled me up and turned me around so that I was looking into his eyes. "I lost my whole family in the previous war at ORB too. I know how it's like, so I'll be here for you."
I blinked in disbelief. "You'll be here? For me?" The boy smiled and nodded. "Let's go," he told me. I held up one finger, hoping he would understand. He did. I ran back to where Josie was. "Goodbye," I said as I slid my hand over her face, shutting her innocent eyes.
As I sat in the lounge with the boy, Shinn's jacket over me, people stared at my bloody clothes. I shivered under their glances. Shinn gave my hand a little squeeze, as if saying "Hang in there." Suddenly, a girl with magenta haired appeared beside me. "Who've you got there Shinn?" she asked. Shinn gave a sheepish grin, "I don't know her name." That was when I realized that I hadn't introduced myself yet, so I spoke up.
"I'm so sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Lilly O'Connell, I graduated from Military School as a red coat but I wasn't assigned to any ship. I am 16 years old. I had a gundam stored in the hanger at my house but it was destroyed a while ago along with my house which my parents were in. And, who are you?" The girl with magenta hair took a few seconds to realize that I was referring to her. She grinned at me.
"I'm Lunamaria Hawke but please call me Luna. Me and Shinn here are 16 turning 17 soon." I smiled back. Luna turned to Shinn, "Why her?" Shinn seemed confused but I understood what Luna was saying. "She's asking why you saved me out of the hundreds out there." I enlightened him. He shrugged. "I guess she was special. She lost her sister right as they were approaching safety. She reminded me a bit of myself." Luna nodded. "Now, Lilly, let's take you to the captain."
Captain Gladys looked at me and said, "A red coat huh?" I nodded, "Yes, but my uniform and all my belongings were destroyed along with my house." The captain smiled at me, "I'm sure Lunamaria wouldn't mind sharing her room and clothes with you. And as for your uniform, I'll issue you a new one." As I opened my mouth to say thank you, the captain held up her hand, "It's my job."
As I entered Luna's room, I saw a girl with fiery red hair similar but not quite the same as mine sitting on one of the beds. Her hair was also tied up in two ponytails just like mine, except that my hair was straight and hers curly. "Hi, I'm Lilly O'Connell, your new room mate." She smiled at me. "I'm Meyrin Hawke, Luna's sister." While waiting for Luna to return, Meyrin told me everything there was to know about the Minerva. Surprisingly, she did not seem to care about my blood-stained clothes. Just then, Luna arrived with my new uniform. I tried it on. "Ugh! I hate this stupid skirt, hey Luna, do you have another skirt like the one you're wearing except in black?" I waited as Luna rummaged through her wardrobe. Five minutes later, she threw me a black miniskirt. "Thanks!"
As I tried on the skirt, I was oblivious to the fact that Meyrin was repeating "Don't fit, don't fit," under her breath. However, despite Meyrin's chants, the skirt fitted me perfectly. "My bra size is 70C, what's yours?" Luna asked me. "I'm only 75B." Meyrin's eyes lit up at that comment. "I'm 75B too, I could share with you." She told me. I winked.
"What happened?" Meyrin asked in a small voice, turning the happy atmosphere of the room chilly. Luna glared at her sister, "Mey! Lilly, don't listen to her." I shook my head defiantly.
"You guys have to know. Well, it started like this. For the hundredth time today, Josie begged me to let her see my gundam. I was irritated and so I took her to the private hanger. Just then, shots rang. When we ran out to check, our house was in ruins and the glass fragments in front of my feet were drenched in blood.
I knew my parents were dead and had I been alone, I would have stood there and await death. But, I had Josie with me and so I decided to get to the Minerva. We were a few feet away from the port when I told Josie that we would board the Minerva. After hearing that, she refused to move as Josie was always afraid of the water. I took a few steps backwards to try and prove that nothing would happen to me. It was then that more rounds of gunfire rang. She died because of me; I was the one that had let go of her hand! If I had persisted and dragged her to the ship, she would be safe, alive! She was only eight, she didn't deserve to die."
My voice cracked at the end but I didn't let my tears flow. There was a knock on the door, it was Shinn. "Lunch anyone?" he asked, poking his head through a gap in the door. Despite being distraught over the death of my family, I could not help but laugh at Shinn's antics. I looked at everyone fondly, Shinn, Luna and Meyrin. I had just met them but we were already so close, and we were about to get closer still.
The four of us left the room together but we encountered trouble not long after. Some guys came up to me and said, "Hey, newbie, heard you were rich. What are you doing here? Mummy and daddy don't want you anymore?" After hearing their words, I saw red. "Don't talk about my parents like that! Money can't buy me back my family!" I screamed at them. I was so angry and hurt, I was positive that had I been in battle, I definitely would have gone into SEED mode. Tears streaming down my face, I did the only thing that came to mind. I ran. Shinn ran after me.
"Lilly! Wait!" By the time he caught up with me, we had already vanished from the others' sight. Shinn pulled me into a hug. He stroked my hair, "Lilly, don't cry. They're idiots so don't listen to them. I promised to be here for you didn't I?" His words made me cry even harder, so now my tears were a mixture of sorrow, angst and happiness. "T-thanks for lending me your chest. Sorry I got it wet," I said in between sobs. Shinn smiled, "Shhh… You're safe now." Little did we know that there was someone intruding upon this private moment and she wasn't too happy about it.
Meanwhile
The guys were laughing away. "What's up with her?" Luna's fist clenched in anger. "She lost her family in the war, damn you! After her parents died, she had to leave the scene immediately as she was with her little sister. Just as they were approaching safety, her sister got hit. Her little sister died right in front of her. She abandoned her parents for her sister's safety but her sister died too, how do you think she's feeling now??" The laughter ceased at once.
x . x . x
As Shinn and I made our way back to where Luna and Meyrin were, he whispered in my ear, "Tomorrow, we'll arrive at Carpentaria. It's off day, lets go into town?" I smiled and nodded.
The next day
I wore a white blouse and the usual black miniskirt. My hair was in two ponytails as usual and I slid a black and white bracelet up my forearm. Boots that stopped at mid-calf were fitted over thigh high black socks. I wore a red belt loosely around my skirt. A gold cross dangled from the side of the belt. Overall, I looked like a gothic ninja doll. I chuckled as I remembered my parents nagging at me about the clothes I wear. They seemed to think it was inappropriate for a 'young lady' like me. "Wow, you look good," Meyrin breathed.
"You know, I just noticed. You and Meyrin look quite alike, except for the fact that Meyrin has curly hair and you have straight hair. I mean, your eyes are grey just like hers." Luna stated. "Oh yea," Meyrin and I said simultaneously as we noticed each other's eye colour for the first time. We exchanged looks, and then burst into hysterical laughter.
There was a knock on the door. "Lilly, you ready?" A voice, Shinn's, called out. Stifling my giggles, I replied, "I'm coming!"
Together with Shinn, we went to a cliff famous for its view. I sat with my legs dangling over the edge, enjoying the light breeze that was blowing. "You better hope that there's no one down there or they'll be able to see your panties," Shinn joked. I rolled my eyes. "I know you wish you were the one looking up," I retorted. Shinn laughed. "You wish!"
Just then, a girl appeared on the cliff. She was twirling in circles while singing. She reminded me a bit of Josie. Suddenly, her song came to an abrupt stop and was replaced by a scream. When Shinn and I looked up, she was nowhere to be seen. "Don't tell me… She fell off?" I asked unsteadily. Both of us removed our shoes and socks and dove off the cliff into the water.
Once in the water, Shinn said to me, "Go to the shore and start a fire, I'll get the girl." I nodded and swam to the shore. It wasn't long before I reached it. I collected some washed away twigs that were dry and stacked them together. Then, I rubbed two of the twigs against each other until a spark lit the bonfire. From where I was, I could hear Shinn and the girl's conversation clearly. "Do you want to die?!" That was Shinn.
After hearing what Shinn had to say, a look of panic flashed across her face. She muttered, "No! Stellar don't want to die!" My heart skipped a beat. This Stellar referred to herself as a third person, just like my Josie. Just like… her… However, I was torn from my thoughts and I heard water splashing. Stellar, in panic at Shinn's words, started wading into the deep water, muttering, "Stellar don't want to die."
Shinn caught up with her and grabbed her by the waist. She elbowed Shinn but he refused to let go. Moreover, he turned her around so that they were facing each other. He pulled her into a hug, saying, "It's okay now, because I'm here for you and I'll protect you." My eyes widened. "I lost my whole family in the previous war at ORB too. I know how it's like, so I'll be here for you." Those words he said to Stellar were similar to those he said to me at ORB. I brushed a few angry tears away. How could he?! When he said those words t me, I thought that he had meant it. I was so wrong.
While Shinn and Stellar were drying their clothes, Shinn asked me, "Aren't you going to dry out your clothes? You might catch a cold." A sneered at him and replied, "Why do you care? Anyway, I'm gonna take a look around to see if there's any way we can get outta here." As I stood up, Shinn said, "I already called the guys on the Minerva." However, I pretended that I did not hear him.
Just as I got back, a ship was approaching the shore we were stranded on. As we got into a car, a blunette, Athrun, that Meyrin had a crush on, asked Shinn, "Why are you and Stellar dry while Lilly is wet?" I opened my mouth to explain, "While they were drying their clothes, I went exploring and I got back just as you guys arrived." Shinn furrowed his eyebrows. I shivered. I was wet and cold.
As I got out of the car, having arrived back at the Minerva, I made my way quickly towards my room to avoid Shinn's questioning gaze. But, I wasn't fast enough. He caught up with me just as I was outside my room door. "Lilly," he said, "You're angry with me. I can tell. Tell me why." I shook my head. Tears were threatening to spill from my eyes. "Those words you said to Stellar were the very same words you said to me! You didn't mean it when you said it to me did you?" I retorted.
Shinn grabbed my hand, "Lilly, I only said it to Stellar because she was in a state of panic and I wanted to calm her down." I looked up at him. "I was in a state of panic at that time too. Did you say those words to me just to calm me down?!" I felt a hard slap on my face. "Why do you care so much?!" Shinn hollered at me. Tears were streaming down my pale face. "Because I've fallen in love with you." Having said that, I ran into my room, one hand holding the cheek where he had slapped me.
Shinn's P.O.V
Did she say because she was in love with me? I am such an idiot. But, do I love her? All along, I thought my feelings for her were just as friends, but, what is this weird feeling in my chest when I see her and what is the weird feeling I'm feeling right now after hitting her? Was this guilt? Was this love?
When I entered the door, Luna and Meyrin were looking at me from their beds. "Did you hear that all?" I asked them. They nodded guiltily. Both of them walked towards me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Come on, change into your PJ and get some rest, we'll talk tomorrow okay?" Luna told me warmly.
The next day, the first thing both Luna and Meyrin asked me was, "Are you alright?" I smiled and nodded. And then, Meyrin asked something unexpected. "Who's Lavi?" She asked. I tried hard to keep my voice steady, "Where did you hear that name?" She looked down, embarrassed that she asked a personal question. "You were moaning in your sleep last night. You kept repeating, 'Lavi, don't leave me.'" She said softly.
"Lavi is my ex-boyfriend. He was an exorcist." I told them. "What do you mean he was an exorcist? Don't you mean he is an exorcist?" Luna pointed out. I shook my head sadly. "No, I mean was. He died in the exorcist's final battle." I said, so soft that it was almost a whisper, "Shinn reminds me of him." At this point, Meyrin was confused, "You mean Lavi looks like Shinn?" I cracked a faint smile, "No, Shinn sounds just like Lavi, listen to this."
I pulled out my phone and played a voice recording named 'Lavi' for them. The voice went, "Lilly, I love you!" The weird thing was, the voice sounded exactly like Shinn. Luna and Meyrin stared at the phone, shocked. "Can we see his photo?" Luna asked. I showed them my wallpaper. I was on tip-toes, kissing the cheek of a surprised and blushing red-head. The red-head had a patch on one eye and wore a green head band around his head.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and Shinn entered the room. I turned away from him. Meyrin grabbed my phone and rushed to Shinn. "Listen to Lilly's ex-boyfriend's voice! It sounds just like you!" Meyrin breathed but Shinn was not listening, he was simply staring at my phone. He snatched the phone from Meyrin. And then, he pulled out another phone similar to mine from his pocket. "Oh my god, Lilly, your phone is the same as Mayu's." Luna told me. I nodded. Meyrin had told me that Mayu was Shinn's deceased sister. "Mayu…" I whispered to myself.
Sadness flashed in Shinn's eyes before turning into anger! "Why?! Lilly, do you have to remind me of the things I want to forget?! Why?" Shinn shouted. And while he was at it, he threw my phone onto the floor, so hard, that my phone broke into two. "No!" I rushed to where my broken phone lay and I picked up the scattered pieces and sobbed on them. "What's wrong? Did your dear parents buy you that phone? Was it expensive?" Shinn, who was still angry, mocked.
I shook my head. "Lavi...gave it to me… back at the orphanage." I muttered softly. Shinn's eyes softened. "Orphanage?" He repeated. I nodded. "Josie isn't my real sister, although I love her as if she was. I had a sister. Our parents were killed in the first war. They captured my sister. Shinn, remember that girl from the cliff? The girl you like? She was my sister. And I was sent to the orphanage alone. And that was where I met Lavi. He had no parents either but he assured me he didn't need them as he was an exorcist going for missions. He encouraged me to join the military. We became very close and soon, we became an item. One week before my birthday, one week before the exorcist's final battle and one week before my adoption, Lavi gave me this phone to hold our memories. As we parted ways, his last words to me were, 'Lilly, be strong. I'll come back' But he never did."
By the time I finished my story, I was sobbing even harder. Shinn placed a hand on my shoulder, "Lilly, I understand how that feels." He told me. I shook him away. "No you don't! Sure you lost your family but I lost my family TWICE! Do you know how that feels? Losing your family, picking up your life again and then losing your whole family all over again? And don't call me Lilly anymore. My name is Mayu, Mayu Loussier." Shinn held my shoulder even harder and said to me, "You'll always be my Lilly. I'm sorry I lost my temper. It's just that when I see you, I get mixed feelings. You remind me of sad emotions but your determination and the will to keep on living inspires me. I hadn't noticed it but Lilly, I'm in love with you."
I looked up at Shinn with tearful eyes. I bit my lip. And without warning, I threw myself onto Shinn's chest and sobbed. Shinn placed his lips on my forehead. I froze for a second. That was how Lavi used to cheer me up when I was down. I stopped crying and smiled. "Shinn, daisuki!"
x. x. x
(After Sellar died In this story, Shinn never liked Stellar)
Shinn walked into the lobby just as Luna, Rey and I finished our discussion. I went up to Shinn and hugged him and nestled my face into his neck. Shinn pulled me away and placed something pink in my hand. It was my broken cell phone! Except, now it had been fixed. "Shinn," I cried, my voice cracking. Teas glistened in my eyes. He looked at me worriedly. "Lilly, what's wrong? Don't cry, I'm here. Lilly, I hate to see you hurt." A single solitary tear rolled down my cheek. "I-I'm going. I'm going to the stars, to see mum, dad, Stellar and Josie again." I told him sadly yet with a tint of happiness. "Lilly, what do you mean?" Shinn looked confused. Luna spoke up for me, "One of us has to be sacrificed in order to end this war. Lilly chose to go." Shinn slammed his fist on the coffee table after sitting down. "Doushite?! Doushite?! Why does it have to be Lilly?" He hollered. I sat down next to Shinn. "Shinn, Luna has Meyrin to take care of. Rey is needed by the Chairman. We are the only two without families but you're the ace pilot of the Minerva. They can't lose you. However, I'm nothing." I said. Shinn wrapped his arms around me. "Why do you have to be so noble? You're not nothing. You're everything to me. But, I understand this is the way you want things and I won't stop you." Shinn whispered in my ear, still holding me close. I kissed him on the lips. As we drew apart, I said, "As human beings, we live and we die. We die after we have served out purpose in this world. My time has come. By sacrificing myself, I will ensure the safety of many others." Saying that, I pushed my newly-fixed cell phone onto Shinn's palm. "Remember me, don't forget me, but don't dwell on the past," I touched his chest, where his heart should have been, "You see, I'll live in here. After this war is over, you will start a new life, without me. You won't forget but you won't dwell. Those are the conditions I have before I go." Shinn managed to smile. "I don't need your cell phone to remember you but if it that's what you want, I'll take it." I was touched by his words and actions. I kissed him once more, threw myself into his arms once more, and enjoyed our last kiss and embrace. "Goodbye Shinn," I whispered only loud enough for him to hear before stepping away to the hangars. I saw Shinn fighting to keep his tears under control as I stole a peek at him. I didn't say anything. I was having enough trouble holding my own.
A year after the death of Lilly… (After the war) Shinn's P.O.V
I held two identical pink cell phones in both my palms. I placed one gently on the table beside me. Mayu… I looked at the tiny pink clamshell phone on my palm. Lilly… It was the first year anniversary of her death. Luna and I had arranged to meet Meyrin, Athrun, Kira, whom I heard was the pilot of the Strike Freedom and Lacus Clyne. I flipped the phone open. The wallpaper was basically the same. Except… The victim was different. It was a certain raven-haired boy, me. A pretty girl with magenta hair walked through the door. "Shinn dear?" She called. "Yes Luna?" I replied while looking at her lovingly. Luna smiled. "Come on, get ready. Lilly won't like it if you're late," she teased. I smiled. I had done as Lilly had told me. I continued with life, with Luna while Lilly never left my heart. Luna could never be Lilly but she was special in her own way and I loved her just as I loved Lilly.
At the memorial, Luna and I stood silently side-by-side with Meyrin, Athrun, Kira, the pilot of the Strike Freedom and Lacus Clyne. Nobody said a word and I thought of Lilly, her smiling face, her nobility and tears found their way to my eyes. I loved Luna but no one could ever be my Lilly. My one and only Lilly. Not Mayu Loussier but my first and true love Lilly O'Connell. I smiled through my tears. I closed my eyes and saw her smiling face once more. Standing with my eyes closed, I reflected on my feelings for the past year.Lilly… I hope that you're safe and happy now. A year has passed since you left me. The pain isn't so bad anymore. Luna helped me. You were right. I was able to live a new life even after you were gone, simply by telling myself that you were alive in my heart. I was never lonely, Luna was always with me. And when she wasn't, I would see your smiling face and hear your cute voice calling 'Shinn, daisuki!' and every time I got depressed and got into a bad pitch, again I would see your face and hear your voice telling me 'Zettai daijoubu dayo!'. And everything would be alright again. Luna can never replace you, who was my true love, but she held a special place all the same in my heart. Rest in peace now Lilly, I'll see you when my time is up. So goodbye… For now. My one and only Lilly.