So, I have to finish Happiness, I know. But this hit me and kept hitting me until it was written and posted.
Just to clarify, I WANT CAL AND GILLIAN TOGETHER.
But not for the purposes of this fic.
;)
You weren't shocked exactly when she told you. You had known for a long time how she felt. You had just assumed… hoped that she wouldn't act on it.
But she did and, well, what could you do? What could you say? How could youturn away those big blue eyes staring into yours; saying the words you never wanted to hear.
"I love you."
You tried to hide the panic on your face. The sadness. The realisation that everything you ever had with her was over.
"I love you too, Gillian."
She may or may not have seen the deceptive markers. She may have seen the fact that your hand was balled up in a fist at your side. She may have seen the downwards glance after you said the words. Either way she didn't acknowledge it and neither did you.
For the simple reason that you do love her. Just not the way she wants you to love her. Not the way she needs you to love her.
So she pretends not to see the signs she points out daily. She pretends that everything is ok. You watch her pretend to be satisfied. She smiles her beautiful smile that she makes sure reaches her eyes. She walks away and to anyone else would seem happy. Except you know the difference.
You ignore it.
This is what, you think, lets her know you don't feel it. Whatever it is. She knows it's not there for you. She doesn't care; as long as you keep pretending for her sake she doesn't mind.
You lie in her bed while she sleeps. You watch her chest rising and falling slowly; trail your fingers down her arm. She shivers a little and turns into you. You hold her. You do it because she needs it, you need it. Even if you don't want it with her, she wants it with you. Who are you to take that away from her? Your hand rubs small circles into her back and she sighs softly. She sounds content.
And, under false pretences or not, you just want her to be happy.
BAM.
Yeah, so R&R and I might get the next chap of Happiness up quicker. Just sayin' ;)