a:n/ so I havn't been on for a while so here's some kinda angsty kinda fluff yay

Sometimes silence is a comforting thing, it's something you enjoy with a mug of hot cocoa after a day at work. It encourages you to actually pick up the book you've been meaning to read for over a year. It envelopes you in peace as you fall asleep, oblivious to the world around you. Although sometimes silence is a menacing evil thing, that fills you with embarrassment when you tell a joke that no one laughs at. It mocks you when you feel lonely and just want to feel someone close to you. Silence laughs in your face and makes you feel anxious of yourself. It makes you sink deeper and deeper into a constant roundabout of unknown feelings. It gets to the point where silence is no longer silent, but is filled with your pessimistic thoughts that pull you into a constant state of sadness. It's something you want to avoid but can't, all because you feel too awkward to ask someone to 'stay'.

The silence I hear at the moment is the latter. Living this long wasn't on my schedule. Hell, learning wasn't on my schedule. Helping my past crew always came first, although I was never technically part of the crew I considered our small group a family.

But here I was, I made it to the age of 19, the war was over and a new generation has taken over our spots as heroes. I had moved to Italy a year ago to attend a specific college and worked as a waiter in reasonably posh restaurant, also earning me a reasonably good pay.

Despite frequently sending iris messages to Hazel I haven't really kept in touch with anyone. I occasionally talked to Frank or Leo due to the three attending the same college and they tended to 'wreak havoc' in Hazels room, as she described it anyway. But apart from that I hadn't talked to the rest of the crew in a good 9 months.

I used to spend my days with another 8 people (a:n/including Reyna) sailing the seas In a giant mechanical boat which on more than several occasions, flied us to our destinations. If we weren't fighting monsters we were sleeping or eating, and if we weren't doing that we were planning our next attack or defence moves. Silence was a rare thing that was filled with complete relief. The relief of not having to hear Leo's jokes or Franks complaints, following all of Pipers orders just because you were basically forced to do it. Not having to feel Jason nudge me every time I was on night watch with Percy, or having to put up with Annabeth's know it all attitude. Silence was like a gift from the Gods and if you had the chance you would take it by its shoulders and keep it close to you for as long as possible.

But now silence was something I dreaded. It haunted me, mocked me. However I never did anything about it, I let it be. I allowed the silence to completely over take my body and turn my heart into a emotionless void. So obviously I did what any other college student would do in a situation like this. I drank to my heart's content. I turned up at parties and wandered into bars, always silently thanking the legal age of 16 so I was never thrown into a prison cell. Whenever I woke up I had missed class, or my half a day of work, but I carelessly threw them a cursed jewel so I could keep my job. In my half drunken state I didn't comprehend that I had just cursed an innocent man for life.

I stopped sending Iris messages.

I eventually lost my job.

I never paid my bills.

I was in a state. I had dug myself so deep that I would never be able to recover on my own. And the reason for this whole mess was because I was lonely. So why would I have someone now.

I believe that it was the 3rd of April. I had eventually been evicted by my extremely angry landlord after not paying the bills for 4 months and I was sat outside my small, old and rusty house. I had a blanket around me and everything I hadn't lost or broken in the past 7 months was in my small suitcase that sat next to me. I had hit an all time low. My body was twitching from lack of alcohol, my skin had turned a sickly pale yellow and I was so tired. I felt cold as I sat under the 64oF sun and I knew I definitely looked like a homeless alcoholic. And it took my brain a while to comprehend that I now was, in fact, a homeless alcoholic.

I probably sat in the same cross-legged position for hours. I watched as the sun slowly started to sink into the ground and I knew Apollo was most likely having a lazy day as it was probably around 5 o'clock.

Just as I was about to stand up I felt a familiar presence near me. I shuffled my hand cautiously to my boots and pulled out the small knife I kept in my shoes for an emergency. Not that I'd need it as being an alcoholic doesn't really refine your fighting skills. Despite that I unsheathed it and pointed it in the direction of the presence.

I watched in horror as a familiar bronze sword easily knocked it out of my hand. I didn't dare look up at the figure that now stood only a few inches above me.

'you know, I've definitely seen you worse but this still isn't good' the voice sounded full of humour but I knew if I looked up I would only see worry.

It was silent for a few minutes and if we hadn't known each other for around 9 years it would've been awkward.

'you know we're worried about you, right?' to answer his question I just looked to the side.

'you're just going to be awkward with me aren't you?' I again ignored his question and looked back down at my feet.

'look at me?' at first it was a friendly inquiry and I just clenched my fists. But what happened next was surprising.

'I said look at me!' He shouted it directly into my face, while forcing my head up so we were only a few centimetres away. If I wasn't so empty at the moment I probably would have blushed. His eyes were full of worry and confusion, his green eyes were dull and tearful, his hair was greasy and uncared for. He had a recent scar along his cheek and looked completely furious.

That's when my barriers collapsed on me, all I felt was pain and 7 months of pure misery as I sobbed onto Percy's shirt. My hands could have reached each-other but I chose to scratch and tug violently on the back of his hoodie. I was completely pathetic as I blubbered and whimpered into his shirt, grabbing onto anything that could show me that I was still alive. All I could concentrate on was Percy's reassuring sentences and strong grip around my back. I felt a few tears on my neck and it only made me feel worse at the thought that I'd made him worry. I repeated his name for reassurance that he was actually there and he just nodded into my neck.

I was still crying silently but I recall being held bridal-style. I was exhausted, and I slowly felt myself lose consciousness. The last thing I remember hearing as I slipped into sleep was a simple and heart-breaking

'I need someone too'.