Sophie/Sian.
Warning: Some strong language.
I own nothing.
"You running away again ?" I heard her whisper sadly. I jumped slightly not knowing I'd woken her.
I turned around, clothes in hand to look at her. God, she's so beautiful. What the hell am I doing? Her dark hair covered the pillow she lay on and she clutched the covers to her body.
"Yes." I finally whisper. I was. Running again. Always running.
My heart was breaking and she knew it. She knew this was killing me. This was fucking killing me...
"I..." I began not knowing at all what I was planning to say. I could say I was sorry because I was. I was so sorry for doing this to her, for making her feel this way. I knew it was breaking her heart too.
Sophie sat up, still holding the covers to her tightly and switched on the small lamp on the table beside the bed. The room was flooded with the light and we both had to blink a few times to adjust to it. She was crying. I always make her cry... I... I always make her cry. I hate it. So much, I hate it.
"Soph..." I manage to choke out. And she gets that face she gets everytime I'm with her because somehow I always manage to fuck something up. There are tears streaming down her cheeks but she's screaming inside. She's holding everything inside because she doesn't want me to see what I do to her because she knows it'll kill me. And that's exactly what I deserve.
Shaking her head, Sophie looks away from me and down at the bed covers.
"Soph..." I say and I cry. My body shakes a few times first as I desperately try to hold it together but as soon as a tear slips from my eye I start sobbing. My arm flies up to cover my mouth and I drop the t-shirt I had picked up from the floor a few minutes ago.
Sophie hears me sobbing and looks over at me in the same state I'm in but somehow she still looks beautiful. I don't go to her and she doesn't come to me. We watch each other sob knowing if either of us said anything or tried to comfort the other, one of us would break and Sophie knew just as well as I did that it would have been me although I'd never admit it to her and she'd never say it.
Eventually the crying stopped. Of course, Sophie was able to regain her composure first. She was so much stronger than me.
"Don't say it, Sian." She begged me as I bent down to pick up my t-shirt. "Don't say it."
She couldn't understand what I was doing - I sometimes couldn't either - and she didn't belive a word I said to her anymore. Sophie made the face she made when she was about to cry and I had to stop myself from going to her.
"Don't say it." She sobbed.
I shook my head as more tears spilled from my eyes.
"I love you, Soph." I say and I weep. I turn to leave.
"Liar!" She screams then begins sobbing again.
I can't look back at her. Shame and guilt overcome me and as soon as the door shuts softly behind me, and I slump to the floor not able to breathe for the cries that are coming from me.