Hurt
Lexie had been admitted to the Psych Ward on Tuesday night and Mark hated himself or it. He hated how he had to admit her in the first place. He hated how he had to leave her in the hospital bed, heavily sedated, because he wasn't family. He rang Meredith as soon as he'd pulled himself away from Lexie's bedside. She told him that she'd sit with her and make sure she wasn't alone.
He didn't leave the hospital. He checked on his patients and stayed in the On-Call Room. He couldn't bear to be too far away from her. As he lay awake in the dark staring at the ceiling he thought about how much he wanted to punch Karev. He is supposed to be Lexie's boyfriend and he stood by as she had a breakdown in the middle of the ER. The entire time she was throwing the contents of the tray's on the floor Mark's heart broke a little bit more. He knew she was hurting and he was completely hopeless. He was suturing and couldn't get away, but Karev could. He could have done something to help her but he walked away. He could have done anything but he just walked away. He was a coward and Mark wanted to punch him.
His ringtone sliced the silence that the room held while Mark mentally thought about the many ways in which he could cause Karev bodily harm. He quickly answered squeezing his eyes shut.
"Sloan." He stated into the phone.
"Mark ? It's Meredith." Mark swung his legs over the side of the small bed.
"How is she ?" He asked his best friend's wife.
"Sleeping. I think she'll feel better after some rest." Meredith told him.
Mark sighed and put his head in his hands.
"I think you did the right thing, she needs some help Mark." She told him.
"Yeah." He replied then abruptly hung up.
He pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes trying to stop them from burning. He let out a shaky breath. All he could think about was Lexie shouting and screaming at him to not take her to the 5th floor. He didn't know how he did it. How he could practically throw the only woman he ever truly loved to a place where they have arm restraints and strait jackets. He felt like he betrayed her. He felt like he was hurting her. He tried to convince himself that he did it for the right reasons and that it was a good call but every nerve in his body was screaming at him to go and drag her out of there.
He should never have let her go to get the supplies for Karev. He should have gone, practicality be dammed. He should have been the one with a gun in his face, not her. She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve any of it. She didn't deserve him . He'd cheated on his best friend with his wife, paid off a woman to abandon his child and pushed Lexie into being a step-grandmother without even asking her ! She definitely did not deserve him.
He stretched out on the bed and placed his arm over his forehead. He missed her. He missed her so much it hurt. It broke his heart when he saw the bags under her eyes, he just wanted to put his arms around her and comfort her, but he couldn't.
His eyes started to sting when he remembered how she had objected to her admission, the look in her eyes when the elevator stopped on the 5th floor. He didn't think she'd ever forgive him. And it killed him.
His watch told him that it was early hours of the morning and that he had been in the small room for hours. Swiftly climbing off bed he opened the door to the bright hospital hallway. Adjusting his eyes to the to the glare of the fluorescent lights he marched through the corridor to the elevator.
He stepped out onto the fifth floor. There was one night nurse scribbling at a chart on the desk.
He strode to the room where they had taken Lexie and stopped outside the door. She was asleep . She looked so peaceful. More content than she had looked in months. Her hands were, to Mark's relief, not strapped down and instead were limp in her lap. Meredith was curled in the corner on the only chair, with her coat as a makeshift blanket.
Mark slowly approached the bed. He carefully moved Lexie to the left and climbed in next to her. He began to stroke her hair, because that's what she liked done to her when she's hurt.