J. Edgar Hoover FBI Building
March 21, 2001
When Agent John Doggett heard Dana Scully's
footsteps in the hallway outside his door, he
sighed heavily for the fifth time that
morning. The night before, Doggett had
dreamed, very vividly, that Mulder would be
back that day. He hoped it was only a dream,
for Scully's sake.
When she finally burst into the office, her
face was a mask, but her eyes sparkled
hopefully. "Agent Doggett," she said, her
voice betraying some of her excitement.
"Yes?" he asked, hoping it wasn't true.
"They just found Agent Mulder."
Georgetown Memorial Hospital
"He just showed up in the hospital Miss
Scully," said the ICU doctor. "He doesn't
show signs of physical trauma, but he seems
distant and distracted. You may like to speak
with him yourself, so that you will
understand what I mean."
Scully nodded, trying to keep the impending
tears from her eyes. Damn pregnancy, she
thought. Her hormone levels were all screwed
up; her doctors said it might have something
to do with the fact that she had been
effectively barren before......well, before
CSM took her.
She walked into his room to find him sitting
on his bed, staring into space. "Mulder?" she
whispered, her voice cracking.
"Scully!" When Fox Mulder saw his partner for
the first time in months, he swore to himself
that he had never seen anything so beautiful.
He jumped up from his bed and wrapped his
arms around her. Her body shook with sobs,
and he held her tightly. "Scully, oh God
Scully.." he whispered into her hair,
dropping butterfly kisses all over her face
and neck.
"Mulder.." she whispered through her tears.
Oh thank God, she thought. At least he
recognizes me. "Oh my God."
They stood like that for a few moments, and
then Mulder pulled away and held her at arms
length. He saw a change in her face. Her
normally rather round face seemed to have
gotten larger, but he attributed it to her
tears and ignored it for the moment. "I
um....Scully, I don't remember any of it. I
can't... I just can't remember anything past
the forest in Oregon."
Scully saw the pain in his eyes. "It's
alright Mulder, it's okay." She hugged him
again, briefly, and then said, "I have to sit
down." She walked over to a chair and plopped
down in it, sighing with relief as the
tension on her ankles subsided. Her blood
pressure was way up, and her ankles
frequently swelled. Thankfully, Mulder hadn't
noticed yet.
Mulder looked at her and decided that she
definitely had gained weight. Her face was
rounder, and she just seemed....softer. Maybe
she was...
"Agent Mulder," Doggett said as he walked
into the room. He extended a hand, and Mulder
took it warily.
"Oh, Mulder this is.." Scully started.
"Agent John Doggett," Doggett finished. "I
was assigned to the X-Files right after you
disappeared. It's good to see you looking
healthy."
Scully noticed that Mulder had started to
tune Doggett out. He seemed more distant now,
as the doctor had said. "Agent Doggett, could
we be alone for a moment?" she said,
indicating Mulder as the other half of 'we.'
She had decided that Mulder's distance was
probably due to the fact that his partner had
gained at least ten pounds since the last
time he had seen her.
Doggett noticed that it seemed very important
to Scully that he leave, so he did so without
asking questions.
When they were alone again, Scully stood up
again, and walked over to Mulder. "Mulder I
need to talk to you about something that's
becoming harder and harder for me to ignore,"
she started. "I um...well, right after you
disappeared, I was hospitalized when I
fainted during one of those dizzy spells I
had been having."
Mulder's face took on a look of extreme
concern. "Was it serious?" he asked, hoping
that she wasn't about to tell him that her
cancer had relapsed. But weight gain wasn't
consistent with the progression of cancer,
was it? Other illnesses that cause dizzy
spells... he thought.
"Well, yes and no." Scully said. It was
becoming harder and harder by the minute to
tell him the news.
"What do you mean Scully?"
She lowered her eyes momentarily, gathering
her strength."I'm pregnant."
Mulder's mouth dropped open in shock. "Say
that again?" he squeaked.
She looked back up at him, eyes full of
tears. "I'm pregnant," she said, louder.
Mulder backed up and fumbled onto his bed.
"How...?"
She laughed mirthlessly, her eyes dark. "The
good old fashioned way, Mulder." She knew
that wasn't what he meant, but it seemed to
answer the question of paternity.
Mulder's eyes met hers. "Mine?"
"Yours."
Dana Scully's Apartment
11:21 PM that evening
Scully sat on her couch, going over Mulder's
medical records. The facts that Doggett had
brought to light at the beginning of the
search for Mulder glared up at her, daring
her to ignore them. She tried desperately,
but in the end, all she could do was cry.
Mulder would die, likely before their
daughter was born. Last week her OBGYN had
told her the sex of the baby. She was going
to have a baby girl. But would her daughter's
father be there for her?
Scully put her head in her hands as deep,
wracking sobs shook her body. In her bedroom,
she could hear Mulder's quiet breathing, and
it made her want to die with him. She
wouldn't accept his fate until the moment of
its realization, she decided.
Pulling herself up from the couch, Scully
lumbered slowly into the bedroom. Mulder's
little snores comforted her; he wasn't dead
yet, and, knowing him, he would go out
fighting. She smiled, and curled up in a ball
against his front. His arms came around her
automatically--one hand on her swelling
belly, one under her face--and she fell into
the rhythm of his heartbeat. Almost
immediately, she fell asleep.
Mulder was awakened the next morning by an
annoying alarm clock, which rang out at
six-thirty. Scully was still sleeping
peacefully in his arms, and he quickly
reached over with his freer hand and swatted
the clock until it turned off. His hand
returned to her belly, and he sighed happily
as he felt their daughter move against him.
His eyes closed lazily, but his happiness
was short lived. A cutting headache
interrupted his relaxation, and the pain was
so intense that he gasped. Scully was awake
in an instant.
"Mulder what's wrong?" she asked, scared for
his safety.
"My head..." he gasped out. "Oh my God,
Scully..."
She looked at his eyes, but they were glazed
with pain. "Mulder I'm gonna call an
ambulance. Your temporal lobe may be flaring
up."
He tried to protest, but he couldn't form
words right. He gave in to the pain, and let
it carry him away.
Georgetown Memorial Hospital
A Few Days Later
Dana Scully held her head in her hands as she
paced back and forth down the hallway next to
Mulder's room. He had been admitted to the ER
in critical condition after a PET scan
indicated that the temporal lobe area
was in fact showing more electrical energy
than when he had first been diagnosed with
the rare condition. Scully knew it didn't
look good. They were attempting to lower the
electrical charge in the brain by injecting
him with high doses of phenatoin. He
responded to the treatment, but he could
still hear the voices. The only voice he
could hear above the rest was Scully's. Her
thoughts came easily to him; she was thinking
about him, about his "condition," about a
treatment. Many of the words he heard were
complicated medical terms that he would
normally ask her to explain. He was content
just to hear the murmur of her thoughts
inside his head, but one day he heard
something that knocked the fight back into
him.
He was listening in on her latest treatment
plan for him when he saw Doggett walk into
the room. He couldn't read Doggett's mind
very well; the man was rather difficult to
read as it was. But what he said to Scully
obviously upset her. Her thoughts became a
jumbled, angry mess. All he could hear was "I
can't.." and "I won't....up on...." He filled
in the blanks with "do that" and "give
....Mulder." He hoped he was right. As he
tried to disassemble her thoughts, they
suddenly stopped. She kept repeating one
phrase inside her head; "What will we do
without you?"
You'll have me Scully, he promised. He felt
something like Rose on Titanic; he knew he'd
never let go of that promise.
X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
Scully tried to comprehend what Doggett had
just told her. "Agent Mulder's doctor says
that he will not be able to continue
phenatoin treatments without killing him."
Her face clouded over, and she was silent for
a moment. Then she exploded with anger. She
screamed "I won't give up on him! Do you hear
me?" Everyone in the room and down the
hallway had turned and stared at her, but she
didn't care. "Agent Doggett I know that you
never really had any respect for Agent
Mulder, but you never knew him like I did.
And God dammit Doggett he has to get through
this! He WILL!!! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!!!
ALL OF YOU LISTEN TO ME!! AGENT MULDER WILL
LIVE, IF I HAVE TO KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF
YOU TO ACHIEVE THAT GOAL!! Got it?"
She was still trying to digest what Doggett
had told her. She knew that he couldn't take
any more phenatoin, but she didn't know what
else to do. She put her head in her hands as
her their daughter kicked at her womb.
"Shhhhhh, it's alright sweetheart, it's
okay Samantha..." Oh my God, she thought.
I just named her. Tears came to her eyes;
tears of both joy and despair. Skinner came
over to her just as the first escaped down
her cheek.
"Agent Scully?" he began. "Agent Scully?"
She hadn't heard him the first time because
of the mantra she was repeating in her head;
What will we do without him? What will we do
without him?
Skinner became concerned when Scully didn't
respond to him. "Agent," he said, touching
her shoulder.
"Huh!" she started. The tears were streaming
furiously down her face, and she made a
desperate attempt to wipe them away. "Sir,
I'm sorry....What is it?"
"Are you alright Agent Scully?" he asked,
concern making deep lines on his forehead and
around his mouth.
"Yes sir," she confirmed, although she wasn't
sure if she was at all.
"Agent Scully, everyone here thinks you
should go home and get some rest," Skinner
started.
"Sir," Scully interrupted. "Sir, I'm not
going home. And I'm not going to sleep." She
turned on her heel and returned to her chair
by Mulder's bedside. Taking his limp hand in
hers, she tried, for the fourth time in the
last hour, to squeeze the life back into him.
Tears were becoming a constant, but she got
no satisfaction from crying; only a sickening
sense that she was giving up.
X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
When Mulder heard Scully name their daughter
Samantha, he wanted to laugh, cry, and take
her into his arms and kiss her hard. He knew
that Samantha had become Scully's sister as
well, maybe like a daughter to her even
because they were so much alike. Sam had
always been an inquisitive girl; even the
night she was taken she had shown her
tendency towards science. She refused to
watch the magic show that he had wanted so
desperately to see because she believed that
it was all bogus. When she had first heard
the story of Santa Claus, she took one look
at Mom and said, "Mommy, that's impossible."
She was only three years old!
Scully looked at Mulder's face and thought
she saw him smile slightly. "Mulder?" she
whispered, touching his face. "Mulder?" He
didn't move, but she was sure that she hadn't
imagined the momentary upward twitch turn
of his lip. Her resolve not to give up
strengthened.
Suddenly, the door to the room burst open,
admitting Alex Krycek. "Hello everybody," he
said as he clicked off the safety on his 9
mm. "Nice to see y'all are doing well."
Scully wheeled around and stared him in the
eye. "What the hell are you doing here?" she
hissed, eyes blazing.
"Ooohhh, I'm intimidated," Krycek said
mockingly. He pointed the gun at Scully's
head. "Not so confident now, are we Agent
Scully."
Krycek walked casually over to Scully, gun
leading. "I hope you were enjoying
lover-boy's company, 'cause that's all going
straight to hell." He turned the gun
to Mulder's head, and said, "Don't even think
about pulling your weapon Scully; I'm not in
a merciful mood."
"Put it down Krycek!" Skinner yelled from the
doorway. He pointed his gun at Krycek, who
immediately moved to kill Mulder. A gun went
off; Scully couldn't tell which. Suddenly,
Krycek fell back against her, his limp body
weighing down on her. "Jesus Christ," she
whispered.
The medical staff sprung into action, lifting
Krycek's limp body onto a gurney to take him
to the OR. One of the nurses got on the phone
and warned the on call ER doc that he had a
man coming in with extreme trauma and an
operation in his near future. Scully ran with
the gurney as it was transported down the
hall. She was pregnant, but in great shape
due to her obsessive compulsive running. She
felt wrong if she didn't run every day, so
she ran three miles daily.
When they arrived in the OR, the on call
doctor had assembled a surgical team, who
immediately put Krycek under and began
working to stabilize his vitals and extricate
the bullet from his side. As she watched,
Scully tried to decide whether she wanted him
to live so that she could beat the hell out
of him, or if she wanted him to die so that
she didn't have to. Why was he here in the
first place? she suddenly thought.
The surgical team had stripped him of his
clothes before they began operating, and a
nurse had taken them to a room not far from
there. Scully left the operating room,
hurriedly washing her hands on the way out.
She rushed down to the room where Krycek's
clothes had been deposited, and frantically
searched all of his pockets. In one she found
a small syringe and a vial of clear fluid.
Wrapped around it was a small piece of paper
with unfamiliar writing on it.
"4 mg into the left temple."
She looked disbelievingly at the vial for
several seconds, then rushed back to Mulder's
room.
Somewhere in the forests of Virginia
Marita Covarrubius sat at her desk, typing up
a journal entry. "March 28, 2001. Today I
saved Agent Mulder's life."
She stopped and reread the brief sentence she
had wrote, then deleted it and started again.
"March 28, 2001. Today I put Agent Mulder's
life in the hands of the most untrustworthy
man in the world." Once again she reread her
statement, and decided it fit much better
with what she was trying to say. She
continued her entry.
"I put Alex Krycek in charge of saving
Agent Mulder's life by delivering a 'cure'
for his mysterious illness to Agent Scully. I
must say I feel sorry for Agent Scully. She
carries his child inside of her, and there
will be nothing unnatural done to terminate
the pregnancy. On the contrary, measures have
already been taken to speed it up. The child
is all-important to the Project; without her
it will go up in flames. Lighter fluid has
already been poured over the Project; the
death of CGB Spender creating this downpour
of Zippy's Accelerant. The death of Agent
Mulder will be more than enough to expose our
work and everything that we have tried to
create, effectively burning it to the ground.
I hope Krycek doesn't try anything funny."
Georgetown Memorial Hospital
Dana Scully rushed into Mulder's room,
clutching the precious vial to her chest.
Skinner rushed over to her. "Agent Scully
where have you been?" he asked, a sense of
urgency she couldn't deny in his voice.
"I was checking in on Krycek. It doesn't look
like he'll make it out of the woods." She
showed him the antidote. "I found this in
Krycek's coat pocket. I believe that it can
save Mulder's life."
Skinner looked down at the floor. "Agent
Scully," he whispered. "Agent Scully, he's
slipped into a coma. They don't think he'll
wake up. He may have only hours left to
live."
Inside her head, Scully started to scream
loud and long. All she could manage to choke
out was, "He's not going to die."
Skinner watched her as she turned and walked
back to Mulder's side. He saw her take his
hand and stroke it tenderly, whispering to
him. He couldn't look at them like this, and
he turned away.
Scully took Mulder's hand and ran her thumb
gently across the back of it. "Mulder, I
found something in Krycek's coat pocket that
might save your life," she whispered, one
perfect tear sliding down her cheek and
landing on his hand. She knew he couldn't
hear her, he was in a coma for God's sake,
but she had to tell him anyway. "I'm trying
to save your life, okay?"
She took out the syringe, sobs shaking her
body. She filled it to exactly 4 ccs, and
drew a deep breath. Before she injected it
into him, she leaned down and whispered into
his ear, "I love you Mulder." Another tear
drop landed on his cheek, and she lovingly
brushed it away. Then, inhaling sharply, she
injected the liquid into his left temple as
instructed.
Almost instantly, his eyes fluttered open.
"Scully?" he whispered through cracked lips.
"Mulder!" she sobbed, leaning down and
holding him tight. "Oh God."
She stood up and pressed a kiss against his
dry lips, some of her Vaseline rubbing off on
him. "That's better," he mumbled, smiling
faintly.
He tried to sit up, but Scully laid a hand on
his shoulder to push him back down. "Mulder
you're sick. Get some rest okay?"
He smiled faintly. "Yes Dr. Scully," he
quipped.
Her half smile lightened his heart, and he
smiled back. "Looks like I'm laid up for
days, huh."
"Yep. Days Mulder. Days."
A Few Hours Later
"Mulder?" Scully cooed softly. His eyes
slowly opened.
"Scully?"
"Mmmm."
"How am I doing?" Mulder sat up in bed. By
now Scully had given up on making him lie
down; deciding that it really wasn't worth
the effort.
"Your vitals are all okay. I checked with
your doctors; they're going to run a PET scan
today to make sure that your temporal lobe
activity is normal." Scully sighed and sat
down.
Mulder took her hand. "How are you doing?" he
asked quietly.
Scully looked down at the floor. "I have an
appointment with my OB-GYN later today. I
feel fine; a little sick, perhaps, but
nothing serious or unexpected." She looked
back up at him. "I um...I named her."
Mulder nodded, as his eyes filled with tears.
"I know."
Scully was shocked. "How?" she asked,
unbelieving. Kritschgau had said that he
could read minds, but she hadn't believed
him. Now, his statement came as a shock.
"When I started getting headaches; when this
first started, I would hear voices in my
head. I thought I was crazy, but I was able
to read thoughts." Mulder looked over at
Scully's incredulous expression and pleaded,
"Don't dismiss the facts Scully; I didn't
believe it any more than you do. But how
would I know that you named our daughter
Samantha?"
Scully gasped. "Oh my God," she whispered.
The tears that she was now constantly on the
verge of spilled out yet again, but this
time, Mulder could take her into his arms.
How she loved him. It was overwhelming, this
feeling. Her stomach fluttered; butterflies
lending her their grace. Samantha kicked
happily, and Scully was almost sure she'd
heard a little gurgle. She smiled despite her
tears, feeling Mulder's strong hand on her
stomach and Samantha kicking her daddy.
Mulder chuckled. "I never realized how much
life was worth," he said over Scully's
shoulder. "I always felt it was expendable;
not worth much in the grand scheme of things.
There was the Truth, that was my life. I had
no real appreciation for everything that I
saw around me. Did you know, Scully, that I
never stopped to smell a flower as a kid?
Samantha.....Samantha used to smell all kinds
of flowers." He began to cry on her shoulder.
She could feel his salty tears through her
white maternity blouse and she tightened her
hold on him; mothered him. Sam kicked against
her again, and she shushed her daughter and
her lover alike.
"Shhhhh, it's alright Mulder. You're not gone
yet," Scully assured him. "Hush...shhh," she
cooed.
"Scully," he whispered, pulling back and
looking into her eyes. They were an amazingly
bright shade of green; Mulder noticed that
her normally blue eyes turned green when she
was angry or upset. "Scully, I want to take
advantage of life with you and Sam. Please,
please help me to live again," he said.
His pleading expression broke Scully's heart,
but he gave her no time to confirm her
agreement. Taking her face in his hands, he
crushed his lips to hers, his tongue firmly
but gently taking control of her mouth.
Scully's strangled sigh turned a few heads,
but they all quickly turned away when they
realized what was going on. The only one who
couldn't turn away was Skinner, whose shocked
expression would have given Mulder a fatal
attack of hysterical laughter, had his eyes
not been closed in concentration. He wanted
to drive Scully mad, even if it was in the
middle of a crowded hospital room. Hey, ever
since he was a kid he had wanted to kiss
someone passionately in a crowded room like
they did on TV.
Scully's rational mind had been thrown to the
wind as soon as her hormone levels had
freaked out, so she was thoroughly enjoying
this...what did Trent call it?...PDA: Public
Display of Affection. She almost chuckled to
herself thinking of her godson. She
remembered his sixth birthday party in '93;
the one where she had met that God-awful
divorced father who couldn't even carry on a
conversation over dinner. And now, this year
he would be turning 14. It was amazing
watching him grow up; watching him struggle
through seventh grade. His girlfriend, a girl
name Maggie whom Dana had never met in
person, was big on PDAs.
When they finally broke apart, she smiled at
him and kissed his forehead. The head doctor
approached them rather uncomfortably and
said, "Mr. Mulder, we'll be taking you down
for a PET scan now. We're hoping the activity
in your brain has calmed down."
"I have to go to my appointment Mulder, but
I'll be right back if everything's alright."
She squeezed his hand. "Good luck."
He smiled after her as she left, and he was
wheeled off down the hall.
Somewhere in the forests of Virginia
Marita Covarrubius had received some
information from an unknown source that Alex
Krycek was in critical condition. Her mind
told her not to care; that it was
inconsequential to her. But her heart, which
he had broken then stomped all over, still
belonged to him. Oh hell, she thought. I
might as well tell him, even though he's
selfish, unfeeling bastard.
Out the door she went.
Georgetown Memorial Hospital
That night
Scully walked into the lab, a growing sense
of apprehension in her belly. "What did you
find?" she asked the doctor who greeted her.
"Well," the doctor said, "We couldn't
finished the battery of tests because Agent
Mulder started to fight us. When he had
calmed down, he told us he didn't remember
any of his strange actions. I had him put in
restraints; he attacked an orderly a few
hours ago."
Scully's face turned pale. "Any indication of
increased electrical activity in his temporal
lobe?" she asked, hoping the answer was no.
"Yes and no. From the images we got, we were
able only to see his temporal lobe from one
side; the right. Now I don't want to jump to
any conclusions, but it looks as if he may
have an advanced growth in his right temporal
lobe."
Scully's face fell. "A tumor?" she managed to
squeak out.
The doctor nodded slowly. "You should take a
look at the images yourself. We're having
some difficulty determining what it is; we'll
have to get some X-rays to better determine
the placement." He walked over to the
computer, pulled up a file, and beckoned
Scully to come see.
Her heart fell to the floor. There was an
area of highly increased electrical activity
in his temporal lobe, just as the doctor had
said. But instead of it being everywhere as
before, it was in a mass about 2 centimeters
in diameter, indicating a brain tumor. "Well
we'll have to run some tests," Scully
conceded. "The placement of the tumor
suggests that it may be operable."
The doctor looked at her strangely. "Miss
Scully, the placement of the tumor makes it
nearly impossible without severe
consequences. It's right next to the limbic
system. We couldn't remove it without
damaging his hippocampus."
Scully sighed. "I know, I'm sorry. I feel
trapped. My um...my daughter won't have a
father if we can't get rid of this thing."
Before she burst into tears, Scully left the
room to regain her composure. Then she
started down the hall towards Mulder's room.
Alex Krycek's ICU bed
Marita Covarrubius looked down at Krycek's
unmoving form. He was in a coma, and it
didn't look like he'd make it out of the
woods. Tears formed in her eyes, but she
brushed them away impatiently. "Selfish
bastard," she whispered.
Mulder's room
"Scully?" he asked pitifully. "Why are they
restraining me?"
She sighed. "Mulder you attacked an orderly
earlier today."
"What?" he asked, disbelieving.
"Dr. Kaiser told me. He said that you didn't
remember anything afterwards."
"That's ridiculous, Scully."
She averted her eyes, then met his again.
"Mulder you may have a brain tumor."
"What?" he exclaimed.
"I confirmed it myself Mulder; we hadn't seen
it before because of your other condition."
"Is it operable?" he asked, still shocked.
She looked up at him. "Not without serious
consequences."
"But it can be done." It was a statement, not
a question.
"Mulder I'm not sure. Speak with your doctor
about it. We're going to run some X-rays
tomorrow, and maybe we'll have a better idea
of what it is that we're looking at here."
She got up to go, but Mulder stopped her.
"Scully what did your doctor say?"
Scully shivered slightly. "She said that
Samantha has been showing signs of rapid
growth, and that she would be a healthy baby,
but that I'll be delivering within two months
if Sam follows the grow pattern she's been
following."
Mulder blinked back tears. "They couldn't
just leave us alone, could They Scully."
She nodded slowly, then left for her
apartment.
Georgetown Memorial Hospital
X-ray room
The Next Day
Scully watched Mulder get the X-rays taken
through the glass window in the room. Her
face was a mask of professionalism. Skinner
was amazed at her newly regained composure
despite her hormone levels. He had always
known that Scully would never be the same
after Mulder' return; her professional
reputation was already irreparably damaged,
and the rest of her life would be very
strange, with her daughter never meeting her
father. He didn't even want to think about
it.
Scully's professional facade was what she
called auto piolet. She hadn't kept her
emotions in check during her search for
Mulder because they seemed to help her out
when dealing with some of the idiots she was
forced to del with on a regular basis. They
also worked on John Doggett; she thought she
had lost all sex appeal when the rumors about
herself and Mulder had begun in their first
year together, but John Doggett was still
reduced to a pitiful little man when she
cried or went off on him. It was interesting
the way he reacted to her; as if he felt
inferior. Suffer, victim, she thought.
Mulder wore a mask of indifference, but
behind it he showed all the signs of becoming
a raving lunatic. It was very likely, he
concluded, that he would die before Sam was
born; before he got a chance to see his
sister in the form of his daughter. Knowing
this added an extra burden to an already
heavy bundle. He wanted so badly for
everything to be alright, but he knew that it
couldn't as long as he was who he was.
When the X-ray battery was complete, Scully
waited impatiently for the images to be
developed. When they were, she saw confirmed
what she had already suspected: Mulder had a
brain tumor. It was a large mass between his
limbic system and the right portion of his
cortex. There seemed to be no way to operate
without severely damaging the limbic system,
effectively rendering Mulder without short-
term memory.
Mulder walked in as Scully continued to stare
disbelievingly at the X-ray. "Scully?"
"Mulder. It's confirmed, I guess," she said
quietly. Scully had a very strong sense of
deja-vu, and remembered that this was the
same room where she had told Mulder about her
own cancer. But you lived, Dana, she
thought bitterly.
Mulder had very bad memories of this room.
Scully's announcement four years ago still
haunted him, especially because she seemed so
calm while he was crumbling inside. "Well,
what are the risks of an operation?" he
asked. His sense of urgency had increased,
because of Scully's....condition. It was
becoming very obvious that Sam was growing
much, much faster than normal. Scully had
started buying her new maternity clothes in
nine month size because she knew they would
fit her in about a week. Every day she looked
bigger. She was lucky that she was in such
good shape; any other woman would have been
bedridden.
"Mulder, I won't risk an operation. It would
cause permanent damage to your short term
memory banks, and to your emotional centers.
The only way we can try to treat this is with
radiation and chemotherapy, and I don't even
know how well we'll do!" She realized that
she was shouting at him, and bit her lip to
keep her voice in check. "I'm sorry. Damn
hormones," she mumbled.
Mulder took a step towards her and placed his
hand on her expanding stomach. He could swear
he could almost feel it getting bigger.
"Scully, I would walk through hell to survive
this thing. Tell me what I need to do; I'll
do it."
"Mulder, you have cancer. Cancer can't be
cured like a cold; there's nothing we can do
that's certain." She felt Samantha moving
within her, and decided that she definitely
was getting big. This is going to get
painful, she thought. Her sharp remark had
hurt Mulder, she saw, but Sam's movement had
dulled the pain. He was fascinated with the
life they had created.
"Scully, I will be there when she's born, I
promise," he said quietly.
"I know Mulder," Scully sighed. "But what
about after that?"
A Month Later
Scully had decided that chemotherapy wasn't
going to help Mulder very much, so she had
the doctors use a high-density radiation
treatment which singled out the tumor. The
idea was to concentrate a thin but extremely
"toxic" beam of radiation into the tumor. It
was more precise than conventional radiation,
and required only two treatments. The first
time he received showed him how painful it
could be, but the treatment seemed to have an
effect; after a week, the tumor began to
shrink.
At her next appointment, Scully was told by
her doctor that Samantha would be fully
developed and turned in about a week,
consistent with the original projection.
Meaning that Scully and Mulder were prepared
at any time for Scully to go into labor.
Scully called her mom and informed her of the
events of the past month, and told her that
she was due in only a week.
Mulder convinced her to go to a class for new
parents, and it turned out to be a welcome
break from the hospital room. They also
learned some good delivery tips, which Scully
took with a grain of salt. She wasn't sure if
she wanted an epidural, but with Samantha
being a big baby, Mulder was convinced that
she should have one. He said that if she was
in too much pain, his own pain would double.
She had smiled at that remark; cancer had
made him a much more sentimental person. His
quest had been put on hold until he could
recover, and it forced him to find things to
do with himself.
He had been put in a nice, sunny private
room; partly due to the fact that the medical
staff knew them so well. It was,
coincidently, only a two minute walk from
there to the maternity ward.
Skinner checked in on them every day, usually
after work. He told Mulder repeatedly that he
was sorry about the way he had treated him,
as if he was dead already. Scully had taken
him aside and reminded him that her partner
was very much alive, and that if the tumor
kept responding to the radiation, he would be
fine.
Mulder had lost a lot of weight because of
his treatments, but he always joked that the
extra twenty Scully had added to her small
frame made up for the ten that he had lost.
Scully almost punched him for that remark;
instead she just said, "It's not fair!"
A week after Mulder's radiation treatments,
Scully was taking a shower in the hospital
bathroom when her water broke. "Oh God." She
was more exasperated than anything else.
"Mulder, my water broke!" she called.
He was by her side when the first real
contraction started. "Oh owww!" she gasped,
doubled over. Poor Mulder was in a panic. He
wasn't used to seeing Scully reacting to pain
unless it was really bad, and apparently he
had missed the part of pregnancy that
included a painful delivery process.
"Okay Scully, let's go; walk slowly now..."
Apparently he had forgotten the part about
putting on clothes before you exit the
bathroom and wander down the hallway, which
Scully had to remind him about. He was
envious of her coolness, even as another
contraction hit her as she tried to pull on
her skirt.
"Ouch!" she cried, laughing. "Sam, come on,
Mommy's gotta get dressed first."
Mulder watched his partner with disbelief.
The poor woman was going through some pretty
painful contractions, and yet she was
laughing and looked better than he'd seen her
in years. He himself didn't feel so good
anyway lately, the radiation treatment wasn't
exactly wonderful for what remained of his
headaches. And here he was, trying to help
his wife (he had already started to think of
her as such) get through labor, and she was
doing a better job herself!
When Scully finally got dressed, she and
Mulder walked relatively quickly down the
hall to the maternity ward.
Later that night
Mulder called Maggie Scully from Scully's
bedside, telling her the news. "Yeah, she's
not really proceeding to quickly right now,
but she wants both of us here before the
thick of it."
"Let me talk to her," Maggie asked, pride in
her eyes.
Mulder handed the phone to his partner, who
he was walking up and down the hall. "Scully,
your mom."
She smiled and took the phone from him. "Hi
mom," she said, grateful to hear her mom's
voice.
"How are you doing Dana?" Maggie asked.
"Well, as of right now, not to bad all things
OW! considered," she gasped. "Ouch!" she
exclaimed. "Mom, you better get down here
double time."
"I'm coming Dana. Hold on sweetheart."
Maggie hung up, Mulder took Scully's arm, and
they resumed their pacing.
An Hour Later
Maggie had been at the hospital for almost
forty five minutes, but Dana hadn't seemed to
make any progress while she was there. Dana
was now lying down, a cup of ice on her
stomach. When a contraction hit she would
squeeze Mulder's hand as if her life depended
on it, and he would lean down and kiss her
forehead, then pretend to scold Samantha for
hurting her mom. "As soon as you're born
you're going into a year-long time out!" he
would scold, directing his comments at
Scully's burgeoning belly.
Maggie watched the couple happily, helping
Dana when she needed it. However she had
begun to worry. Because of the lack of
progress, Dana was extremely tired already,
and she was going to have no energy left for
the actual birth.
Under cover of getting more ice (which she
did anyway) Maggie went to talk to Dana's
doctor about giving her something to speed up
her labor. She had reasonably concluded that
Dana's body wasn't entirely ready to go
through with the labor because of the
decreased gestation time of her daughter. The
doctor had already warned Dana about this
complication, so she agreed to have it done.
Mulder couldn't understand why they had to
drug Scully so that her labor would proceed
faster. She was already in enough pain!
"Scully why are they drugging you up, huh?"
he said, only half joking.
"Mulder I'm not quite going as fast as OW!!!"
she screamed, grabbing his hand in a death
grip. "Jesus! Ouch!"
Poor Mulder. Having never had the opportunity
to see a woman give birth, he was terrified
that Scully was being hurt more than
necessary. "Scully," he asked, somewhat
sheepishly. "Is it supposed to hurt this
much?"
His lost expression made her smile. "Mulder,
I'm doing a lot better than some, trust OW!!!
sorry, trust me." She squeezed his hand
again. "But I'll tell you this; I'll never
again complain about having a cold."
Mulder smiled. Scully thought it was normal,
therefore, he believed it was normal too. And
it was.
An Hour Later
"Alright let's get her to delivery," the
doctor said. Scully smiled at her partner,
even though she couldn't really concentrate
on anything but how much her bottom half
hurt.
"Here we go," Mulder whispered to her as he
followed them down the hall. Her hand
remained clamped over his left; before it had
been his right, but she had squeezed it so
hard that three of his fingers were broken
and bent in various unnatural directions. It
hurt, but he wasn't willing to let it get to
him.
She nodded, unable to speak. When they
finally got into the delivery room, things
went very smoothly. It seemed like no time at
all before she was resting comfortably,
breast-feeding her daughter and crying
hysterically. She was so beautiful; even if
she did have an unruly tuft of dark hair.
Mulder's own face was covered with tears.
Mrs. Scully had held Samantha right after
Dana, because she had to get home so that
Charlie wouldn't drive up to his mom's house
empty. After she left, Mulder and Scully had
been left alone with their daughter. Watching
Scully breast-feed their baby girl was
amazing. He had never seen anything like
mother and daughter together at last. She
looked up at him, immutable joy shining
brilliantly from her eyes, and said, "She's
done. I need some sleep; will you hold her
and put her to sleep?"
Mulder smiled as she handed him their
daughter. She was beautiful, even if her nose
was slightly to large for her face. Her
mother's eyes and pale skin glowed underneath
her dad's hair and mouth. She wasn't crying
or fussing, merely enjoying being with her
parents. Mulder held her tenderly, supporting
her flimsy neck, and rocked her as he
whispered a lullaby in his low, gravely
voice. "Hushaby, don't you cry/Go to sleep
little baby/When you wake/You shall take/All
the pretty little horses/Blacks and
bays/Dapples and grays/All the pretty little
horses/Hushaby, don't you cry/Go to sleep
little baby." As her perfect little eyes
closed, he knew that he would do anything for
his daughter.
A week later
Scully stood outside the radiation therapy
room, on the radiation oncology floor. She
was holding her daughter, Samantha Ellen
Mulder, in one arm, and in the other hand she
held a large diaper bag. Watching Mulder go
through the radiation therapy was a nerve-
wracking experience; after this treatment, if
the cancer survived, they could do nothing
else for him. Samantha seemed to be
concentrating on her Daddy just as hard as
her Mommy, and the quizzical expression on
her face made Skinner smile.
Samantha was a beautiful baby, Skinner
noticed. She seemed to have inherited the
bets traits from both of her parents, and
knowing them, she would be one hell of a
student. It tore him up to see Mulder and
Scully having to go through this; both of
them had large bags under there eyes from
lack of sleep. Scully's maternity leave was
supposed to allow her some time to relax, but
with Mulder in the hospital it just ended up
taking more out of her. Bill's son was in the
hospital with meningitis, so Mrs. Scully
wasn't available for baby-sitting. They were
going to release Mulder from the hospital
after this treatment, so he could hopefully
go home and help Scully out.
As the large machine circled around his head,
Mulder felt a tremendous sense of foreboding.
Scully had told him that if this treatment
failed, the cancer would progressively invade
his body and eventually kill him. She said
that if the tumor responded as well to the
treatment this time around as last time, then
there should be no problem, but what if it
didn't? How was Scully going to explain to
Sam what had happened to her father? He had
made out his will and left everything of
sentimental value to Scully, and everything
of value to his work to the Gunmen with
strict instructions NOT to look at it until
Scully had seen it and felt confident that
she knew the information.
Finally, the machine stopped moving, and the
nausea he always experienced after therapy
took over. He nodded towards the bathroom,
and Scully nodded back, as a sort of "We'll
meet you there." She walked over to the
bathroom and walked in to change Sam's
diaper. Mulder joined them a minute later,
and his vomiting into the toilet made the
baby cry. "Shhh, it's okay Sam, shhh, don't
worry." A little lullaby came to mind.
"Lullaby
And goodnight
In the sky stars are bright
Round your head
Flowers gay
Set your slumbers till day
"Lullaby
And goodnight
In the sky stars are bright
Round your head
Flowers gay
Set your slumbers till day
"Close your eyes
Now and rest
May these hours be blessed
Close your eyes
Now and rest
May these hours be blessed."
Sam's eyes drifted closed as Scully hummed to
tune softly. Mulder watched, entranced, as
his normally professional partner lulled
their daughter to sleep. He had never really
thought about the wonderful nature of
parenthood, he had only considered the
screaming, the whining, crying, boo boos,
Halloween costumes; everything that could
possibly go wrong. He had never seen the
beautiful side of it. Oh well, he'd get to
know it well, he hoped.
Dana Scully's Apartment
She couldn't believe it. She had just
received the X-rays in the mail, and her
mouth had fallen open in shock. The tumor was
getting bigger. It wasn't going into
remission as they had hoped; Mulder's night
sweats and frequent headaches were due to the
tumor's rapid growth. There was nothing they
could do, no treatment in site. He was going
to die.
She expected tears, hoped for them, but all
she could feel was dull shock. Sam could feel
the change in her mom, Scully had become more
automatic, fulfilling her duties as a mother
without any emotion. Samantha had become more
irritable, more easily excited. Mulder had
just started to wither. He lost weight at an
amazing pace; his thick, strong arms went
limp. He became a ghost of his former self; a
haunted shell.
Scully had become her worst fear: a women in
extreme shock. There's nothing, it's over,
she screamed inside her head. Mrs. Scully
came over to take care of the baby, and
Scully just lay next to Mulder all day,
feeling her life leave with his. Months
passed, but all she could do was lay beside
him and feel his pain.
The days passed slowly, without end, but one
day her mother came to the house with someone
else. "Dana!" she called, in a falsely
cheerful voice. "Dana, I'm here! I've brought
someone to see you and Fox!"
Dana Scully pulled herself out of bed,
realizing that the twenty pounds she had
gained during her pregnancy had vanished,
along with an added fifteen. She was down to
an extremely unhealthy weight of 90 pounds;
her skin clung to her bones, making her
sunken face and defeated eyes stand out;
making her a skeleton. She walked out to the
front hall slowly, feeling how much her
nightgown sagged off of her skin. Standing
behind her mother in the door was Father
McCue.
"Dana, I went out and bought two rings, one
in your size and one in Fox's. I brought
Father McCue along to ah, to marry you." She
looked at her defeated daughter, her eyes
reflecting Dana's own hopelessness.
Father McCue stepped in, his kind face not
betraying his shock at seeing Dana Scully,
the strong one, like this. Her eyes filed
with tears when her mother told her why he
was here, and he could barely escape crying
himself.
"Oh Mom," Dana whispered, falling into her
mother's arms. "Mom, I'm so scared."
Maggie felt her daughter's tears on her
shoulder, and wet herself. "I am too Dana. I
am too."
Somehow, Mulder had managed to pull his shell
of a self out of bed, and was walking with
some difficulty down the hall. He saw Scully
and her mother crying together, and felt more
hopeless than ever. He knew that he was
dying; he could feel it. He had known it that
morning.
When he woke up to find Scully gone, he
crawled out of bed and limped over to
Samantha's crib. He had intended to pick her
up and hold her close, just as he had wanted
to do for so long. But when she opened her
eyes and saw him, she let out a scream of
terror. He was so far gone that his own
daughter was frightened of him. That had
broken his heart; had killed any spark that
was still living inside of him. His own
daughter, the daughter he had pledged his
life too, was afraid of him. His whole world
fell apart that morning; his heart had died
and his soul along with it.
Samantha didn't know him anymore; Samantha
couldn't see that he couldn't live without
her love. He was lost, a hopeless wanderer on
a barren plain. His heart and soul torn from
his shell of a body, all he had left was his
impending death. He had gone to find Scully,
to tell her that he had nothing left, when he
saw her crying with her mother in the hall.
"Scully?" he had whispered, his once smooth
voice ravaged by pain and knowledge of his
fate.
She turned and saw him standing there, a
hopeless look in his eyes. All she could see
was him, her partner, her lover, and her best
friend. All she could see was all those
things being stolen from her, like precious
gems from the mine of her now fragile heart.
"Mulder," she replied, walking over to him.
She stood on tip toe and placed a gentle kiss
on his mouth; the mouth once so beautiful and
now so shriveled and hopeless. "Mulder, Mom
brought the man who you met earlier, Father
McCue. She um, she also brought rings and a
marriage license."
Mulder realized what she was trying to say,
and some hope returned. "Scully, I would be
honored," he whispered, his lip trembling. He
was becoming extremely tired standing on his
feet, but he held out for Scully's sake.
"Mulder I love you," she whispered back, her
tears not able to hide her small smile from
Mulder. He collapsed into her arms, eyes
closed happily. His headache was constant
now, but he tried not to pay attention to it
during this sacred moment. Father McCue took
Mrs. Scully's hand as she burst into tears,
and he let her take some comfort in his
strong facade.
Finally he said to Mulder and Scully, "I know
that this may not seem conventional but um,
would you" -he nodded towards Mulder -"like
to hold your daughter during your marriage?"
Mulder's eyes filled with tears, and he
turned to Scully. "Samantha's afraid of me,"
he confessed to Scully. "I wanted to hold her
this morning, but she was afraid of me."
His tears spilled over, and Scully stood up
and kissed them away. "Mulder, you're her
father. She will never, ever forget you; I
won't let her, okay?" With one final kiss,
she walked over to Samantha's room. Mulder
could hear her cooing softly to her baby as
she (presumably) dressed her up and quickly
fed her.
During this time, Mrs. Scully took the
opportunity to give Fox a big hug and a kiss.
"Fox, you have always been my son. Never,
ever will that change."
He smiled at her, wishing that his own Mother
had felt the same way. "Thank you Mom," he
said. The title lit up Maggie's face, and,
frankly, Mulder felt better too.
Scully carried Sam into the room. Sam's smile
at seeing her grandma was short lived, when
she saw Mulder she screamed again. "Shhh,
it's alright Sam," Dana cooed. She handed the
baby to Mulder. She screamed even more, and
Mulder's expression broke everyone's heart.
"Sam, it's Daddy Samantha. Shhhh," she cooed,
more softly.
"Samantha," Mulder whispered, his voice
cracking. She stopped wailing abruptly, as if
she had heard something in the distance. He
saw his advantage, and started to rack her as
he sang.
"Hushaby, don't you cry
Go to sleep little baby
When you wake
You shall take
All the pretty little horses
"Blacks and bays
Dapples and grays
All the pretty little horses
"Hushaby, don't you cry
Go to sleep little baby."
He was relieved and overjoyed when Sam looked
up at him, an expression of understanding on
her face, and gurgled, "Dada." The fingers
that had been in her mouth came out and
grabbed her Dada's nose.
He smiled at her, his happiness apparent, and
leaned in and gave her an Eskimo kiss. "Right
back atcha'," he whispered.
Sam giggled at him, and Scully saw Mulder's
pitifully shriveled, defeated face light up
joyfully. He balanced the baby on his right
hip, and said, "Father, I believe I have been
blessed."
With that, Dana Scully and Fox Mulder were
married. The short little ceremony fulfilled
Dana's hope that they would be bound for
eternity, and Mulder felt like the luckiest
man alive. Shortly afterward, however, he had
to give in to his fatigue and fell asleep on
the couch, Sam asleep on his chest.
Scully looked lovingly at the pair, both
drooling and snoring, and then thanked her
mom and Father McCue for their genius. She
also sent her mother home for a much-needed
break, and decided that she was going to
start eating again, even though food didn't
really appeal to her.
A Week Later
11:21 P.M.
Dana Scully woke up with a sickening feeling
that something was very wrong. When she awoke
she immediately checked on Sam, but her
daughter was sleeping peacefully. As she
crawled back into bed, she realized that
Mulder was struggling to breathe. "Mulder!"
she said, her voice conveying her panic.
"Mulder!" she said louder, shaking him in a
desperate attempt to stop the horrible sounds
he was making.
"Scully," he rasped, his mouth barely moving.
"Scully, please help Sam remember me," he
pleaded. "Please don't let her forget me."
Her heart stopped, then began again at a rate
of about 8,000 beats per millisecond. "Mulder
listen to me. You're not going to die now, do
you hear me Fox? YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DIE!"
she screamed, losing all control. Sam started
to cry hysterically, but all she could do was
shake him more. "Mulder?" she pleaded, choked
with sobs. "Mulder!"
He nodded, his breath slowing. "Bring Sam,
the baby's crying," he whispered, eyes
fluttering helplessly. "Let me say goodbye,
please."
The horror that overtook her was beyond
anything she ever felt capable of feeling. It
blinded her with age and sorrow. She tried to
comply, but her legs didn't seem to be
working. His shaking hands were increasing
her sense of urgency, and finally she
frantically scrambled out of bed. Running
down the hall she picked her screaming
daughter up from her crib and raced back to
her dying husband's bedside. On the way into
the room she reflexively turned the lights
on, revealing Mulder's bluish tint.
"Mulder?" she whispered, running over to the
bedside. Shaking, she started mouth to mouth.
He started breathing again, but she knew he
wasn't going to make it through the night.
Placing Sam down beside him, she started to
sob when she heard Sam whisper, "Dada?"
softly, her little eyes full of tears.
Somehow she knew what was happening to her
Daddy, and she understood that there was
nothing to be done. He looked over at his
daughter and smiled faintly. "Hi Sam," he
managed. "Daddy won't see you again for a
while, but I promise that I'll be watching
you. On your first day of preschool until you
graduate with high honors, I'll watch over
you. When you..." He paused for air, then
continued. "When you get married, get
pregnant, all through your life I'll watch
over you and your children, guard you all
from harm. And take care of your mommy, okay
Sam? Don't let anyone hurt your mommy,
because she's the best person alive, and
you're so lucky that she's your mom."
Tears flowed down Scully's face, her eyes
brilliantly green, as Samantha laid down on
her fathers chest and listened to his
heartbeat. In minutes she was asleep.
Scully laid down next to Mulder, tears
flowing with complete abandon. "Mulder,
please don't leave me Mulder. Please, please
hold on," she whispered, choking. "I can't do
this without you Mulder, I can't take care of
my baby if all I can think of is killing
myself."
He grabbed her hand with surprising strength,
and his eyes flashed briefly. "Dana Katherine
Scully," he wheezed, trying to breathe. "You
are the most capable, loving, wonderful
person I have ever known in my entire life,
and I will die all over again if you stop
now. Listen to me," he said, wincing. "I love
you. I love you more than life itself. You
are my life. And now I can die with you by my
side, to hold me and comfort me while my mind
slips away. I'll look in on you too, where
ever I go. I can't imagine not seeing you
until you join me in whatever lies beyond.
That's why you have to hold on," he wheezed.
"Please, please hold on for me Scully."
She nodded, mute. Finally she choked out,
"Fox, I love you."
And as Mulder's eyes closed for the final
time, he whispered, "I love you, I love you,
I love you.." He trailed off, and she could
barely hear the last words. "I love you,
goodbye."