Prank Call
-Green Beast of Oita
AN/ A while back I said that my story 'Geeks get the Girls? Since When?!' was the stupidest thing I've ever written. Well, that's about to change. THIS is by far the stupidest thing I've ever written. This was written quite a while ago and I only just found it in my documents folder. I think I'd seen a video with this idea…? Anyway, this could be considered GaaLee, but not likely.
Disclaimer/ I don't own Naruto, and most likely never will.
--x
The phone rang, and all hell broke loose.
"Gaara! Answer the phone!"
"No! Kankuro, you do it!"
"Bushy-brow, grab the phone!"
"I cannot, Temari, you get it!"
"GAARA!"
"FINE!"
Gaara stomped over to the wall phone, his sand swirling around him in an angry storm. He yanked the phone from the wall and held it up to his head, forcing his voice to a normal volume.
"Sabaku residence. What is it now?"
"Kazekage-sama? I'd like to file a report for--"
"This is a private line. I'll put you through to the Civic Center. Hold please." Gaara recited the line that he had repeated countless times that week, and punched in the ever-familiar number to the Center. When he heard the phone click, he hung up and walked into the family room, where the residents of the household were already gathered.
"Who was it this time?" Kankuro asked, a scowl on his face, obviously unhappy about being disturbed from whatever it was he was doing.
"Some civilian wanting to file a report. I transferred it." Gaara said through clenched teeth. This was one of the many annoyances that came with being a Kaze.
"How do they even get our number?" Lee asked, a curious expression on his face,
"It doesn't matter, this is getting on my nerves." Temari said, looking towards Kankuro for reassurance.
"Hey, I have an idea." Kankuro said, a smile forming on his face. "Listen to this."
--x
The phone rang for the second time that day, and this time Lee stood up to answer it. He looked back at Kankuro, who nodded, then he pressed the speaker button on the phone.
"Hello?"
"Oh, may I speak to Kazekage-sama? I need to file my registration." The woman's voice said clearly through the room. Kankuro smiled and Temari rolled her eyes.
"Who is calling?"
"My name is Kasumi Itsuwa; may I speak to Kazekage-sama?" The caller, Kasumi, asked.
"Let me ask you something. Did you know the Kazekage? Were you a friend of his?" Lee asked, trying to remain serious. Temari rolled her eyes again.
"Um.. No, I'm not. I'm just calling to--"
"Hold that thought, one moment." Lee said into the phone, then said loud enough that Kasumi could hear, "Be sure to search the body thoroughly, don't miss any details!"
"Okay, Kasumi, you there?" Lee said into the phone again.
"…Yeah." Kasumi answered after a moment, confusion in her voice.
"Okay, let me bring you up to speed. You have called a murder scene. Kazekage-sama is no longer with us. I am with the Investigation Squad and we are conducting a homicide investigation. I want to ask you a series of questions. First, what was the nature of the business you had with the Kazekage?" Lee said in his most serious voice.
Kankuro held his breath and Gaara could feel a smile tugging at his mouth.
"I… I had no business with him. I'm sorry to have bothered--" Kasumi said with shock.
"I am going to have to ask you to stay on the phone, this call has already been traced and we may need you to come in for further questioning." Lee said, trying not to laugh.
"You don't understand, I was just calling to--" Kasumi stuttered.
"No, you do not understand. Unless you want to be charged with obstruction of justice it is imperative that you stay on the phone Miss…?"
"Kasumi, and how about you just talk to my supervisor?" She said, sounding desperate to be off the phone.
"We will talk to your supervisor in a moment, but first I need to know your location." Lee said, looking over to the rest of the household.
"I'm at work." Kasumi stated.
"You are at work?" Lee looked over to Kankuro, who nodded.
"Yes."
"You being a smart ass?" Lee said, flinching at the word. Gaara tried not to double over in a mixture of shock and laughter.
"Um.. No sir." Kasumi said hesitantly.
"Let me put it to you this way, Kasumi. Say I wanted to mail you a letter. What would I have to write on the outside of the envelope to ensure that it would be delivered right to you? Geographically speaking, Kasumi, where is work?!" Lee said the last part loudly, smiling to himself.
"40 West Street, sir." Kasumi said, and Lee was sure she probably saluted as well.
"So that's in Suna?"
"Yes, sir."
"Hold on one second." Lee pretended to put down the phone. "Get the Suna ANBU Department, Homicide Division on the phone. Give them this information. Tell them she is being sought in connection with a murder and aggravated robbery." He pretended to pick the phone back up. "How did you know the Kazekage again?"
"Wait, you're calling the ANBU? I didn't even know the Kazekage!" Kasumi exclaimed in fear.
"Do not let that scare you, it is just a formality. Have you ever been to his place of residence?" Lee asked, deciding to kill two birds with one stone.
"No! I don't feel comfortable with this…"
"Miss, are you aware that this is a private line? Where did you get this number?" Lee asked and Kankuro smiled as he realized where this was going.
"Um.. A girl, the Kazekage's student. Matsuri, I think." Kasumi said, after thinking for a moment.
Gaara's eyes flashed while Kankuro and Temari growled a bit. Lee's eyes widened and he smiled.
"Thank you for your time, Miss Kasumi." Lee said politely before hanging up.
Lee spun around and sat down next to Gaara. Gaara turned and looked into Lee's serious expression. Temari and Kankuro feel silent and stared at the two. Gaara smiled and kissed Lee quickly before falling onto the couch with laughter. As if on cue, everyone else started laughing as well.
"I guess I'll have to talk with Matsuri." Gaara said when he was finished laughing.
Kankuro and Lee shrugged, while Temari stifled another laugh.
And then the phone rang.
--x
AN/ Dang, I must have written that, like, a year ago. It's amazing how much my writing style has changed… Anyway, this is one of the stories in a comedy folder I wrote a while back about the OOC adventures Rock Lee and the Sand Siblings have. Maybe expect more.