Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, have no relations with Marvel and whatsoever. If I did, there would already be a Clintasha movie out there (how I wish).
A/N: Hey guys, this is the first fanfic I've ever written. It's well obviously a Clintasha / Blackhawk one, they are my OTP. This is unfinished, tell me if I should continue, feedbacks and reviews are appreciated, much :)
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12 November 2012
Hey Clint,
It's me, Natasha. You've been unconscious for two whole weeks already. Everyone's worried sick about you - by everyone I mean Hill and Fury and of course the whole Avengers team. I'm sure Coulson would be, if he was still here. Don't worry, you're not in S.H.E.I.L.D medical, I know that'd be the worst place you'd like to wake up in.
Please don't leave me yet, will you?
I've never opened up myself to you enough, always shutting everyone out, occasionally letting you in, I'm sorry about that, I really am. I shouldn't really blame anyone or anything but the fact is I had been brought up that way - the Black Widow with no emotions, heartless, frightening and traumatizing.
I'm going to write to you everyday (at least as much I can) till you wake up. I really never talked to you properly enough, I hope you get up one day and read these letters.
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15 November 2012
Hey Clint,
Do men even like receiving get-well-soon bouquets? Pepper and Jane sent you a bouquet of forget-me-nots when they heard about the incident.
I can't stop replaying the incident in my mind. Why were you so stupid? Why did you save me? Why sacrifice your life for a person like me? You know I won't forgive myself for this right? I'm sure you do. You shouldn't have saved me, you shouldn't have taken the bullet that was meant to end my pathetic life. I have a dripping red ledger that will never be wiped clear of, so why not just let me live a shorter life?
Tears are swelling up in my eyes now. You know I never cry, but I feel so guilty - I should've been the one lying on our bed unconscious. It hurts so much just to look at you. I've never felt this way before, I guess you really changed me, gave me back some emotions.
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21 November 2012
Hey Clint,
I have been trying so hard not to think about revenge.
Hill came around to our apartment yesterday and told us that they suspect it's the Red Room coming back for me again. I knew the bullet was for me. Maybe they heard about us leaving S.H.I.E.L.D for a vacation and thought it was the best time to kill me. Thank them for ruining our holiday. If you weren't unconscious now, we'd probably be hunting down that assassin already. But I can't do it without you, I'll turn mad and torture him like a psychopath. I don't want to do that cus I know you would never want me to, but part of me is aching for vengeance.
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26 November 2012
Hey Clint,
The S.H.I.E.L.D medical team came this morning. They said you still have some chance to wake up from your coma but the possibility is really slim. Please wake up, for me, just for me, please? Oh, now I even sound like you, this is just terrible.
I can't believe you took the bullet in your chest. Did you seriously have to?
I still remember so very vividly how we were kissing, you pushing me against a stony wall of a grey building and I spun us around till you were the one being pushed up against the wall. You leaning your head against mine while your lips mumbled how sorry you were for spilling my secrets to Loki again and again. Then something caught your eye and you instantly pushed me away so fiercely. I stood there frozen with shock and when I finally digested all that happened you were already bleeding so severely. 'Little help here, Tasha?' you said, whimpering, clutching your chest then falling to your knees.
I'm sorry I can't finish this letter today, my eyes are blurred by tears, my brain is flooded with memories, my heart is aching and racing.
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1 December 2012
Hey Clint,
It's been one month and two days since we last spoke, I miss your annoying voice so much. See how screwed up I am? There I said it, I miss you, and I mean it.
I can't sit beside you everyday waiting for you to wake up, Fury told me that I'll have to go back to S.H.I.E.L.D by next Monday, even if it means leaving you alone, and that's only two days away. Please wake up, I'm begging you.
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6 December 2012
Hey Clint,
I'm going on my first mission as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent without you tomorrow. No more stupid ass jokes, flirty stares and annoying lectures from you. Honestly, those are the parts of you that I miss most, except your touch of course.
I'm going to Romania, as a spy, I need to seduce some guy for some information I really don't care about. I don't feel like seducing anyone now, just you, if only I could. The Black Widow, the best spy and seductress in the world, now tired of her job, can you believe it? It's almost ironic.
Please wake up, Barton, please wake up, Clint.
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19 December 2012
Hey Clint,
Yes it's me again, wake up already will you? You know I'm not a person with everlasting patience. I came back from my solo mission and obviously did more than Fury expected. The med team came around again today and Banner did too. He said your brain has started showing symptoms of recovery but that I shouldn't get my hopes up yet.
Will you wake up already? This waiting is killing me inside. I hope what they said is true.
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24 December 2012
Hey Clint,
You know what? I just realized that I have never written to someone because I want to at all. You're the first, you're the first in so many things, the first who I really trusted, the first who I kiss because I want to, the first partner who survived the wrath of the Black Widow. I can go on, but I won't, the list is too long.
It's Christmas eve. Stark invited all of us to his building for a feast. I had declined his invitation at first, I didn't want to spoil the festival mood, but Pepper talked me through it, so I'm dressing up while writing this letter, yes literally, it's a pity you can't see me. It's time to wake up little Hawk.
I'm wearing the purple dress - the first dress you ever saw me in. It reminds me of our first dance, even if it was a cover, it's still something. I wish you could come with me tonight.
Wake up Clint, it'd be the best Christmas surprise ever.
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25 December 2012
Hey Clint,
Merry Christmas, I've been sitting beside you all day waiting for a miracle, that maybe, you would get up, call my name, kiss the breath out of me. You know, all those times I said love was for children, I meant it, but maybe, we're both still kids after all - our lost childhood, I guess?
The cocktail party in Stark tower was amazing, though I really wasn't in the mood, but then masks, masks and masks right? Rogers and Banner were there, even Thor and of course he brought Jane with him. They were so sweet, every time I looked at them my heart ached, if only you were there.
The med team will be here again on Monday. Please wake up before they come? I really hate putting up with them, even though I know they're just here to help. Don't leave me alone, Clint, don't leave me yet.
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29 December 2012
Hey Clint,
As I said, the med team came. The doctors said your brain has been recovering quite quickly and your blood circulation has stabilized, some sign of hope, they said. Prove them wrong and just wake up already will you? This waiting is driving me in sane. I've decided that if you leave me, I'll quit S.H.I.E.L.D, I don't even know what I'll do with my life anymore.
Don't die yet. You're stronger than you think you are, I know that.
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1 January 2013
Hey Clint,
Happy new year, though I'm siting beside you alone, writing letters again.
Nothing much happened, I might be sent off to another mission without you, this time maybe with Rogers. I don't think I'm ready for another partner yet..if only they understood.
I really hated how you could read me like a book, you know? But then you were the only one who ever cared to spend so much time trying and trying even though I keep on putting up walls. I miss you Clint, I miss our stupid banters, your stare, your touch, your voice, I miss how you look at me like I'm the whole world to you. I miss everything about you.
Please just give me one last smile, one last hug, one last kiss before you leave me, if you really have to. One is enough, just one.
I wonder what I'll do with these letters if you wake up. Maybe I'll tell you about them some day, maybe I'll burn them in the fireplace in our living room, maybe I'll just let you find them yourself. I don't know, but please, just wake up from your coma, Clint.
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Tell me what you think and how the story should continue!