Ch 1
Gone
Tongues of flame licked hungrily along the walls and floor, their eerie light throwing the smoke filled room into high relief. Out of the door way ran a young woman. Painful red burns on her feet and arms impeded her movement. Her long midnight black hair seemed to mirror the flames, reflecting a strange orange cast as it snaked about her slim form.
A single word burst from her throat,
"Kenshin!"
She screamed, the burning smoke and hot ash singing her lungs. She ran forward searching desperately. The ceiling groaned and she knew she had only moments before their home collapsed.
Crying out she fell to her knees as she heard a sharp crack! Time seemed to slow as one of the large ceiling beams collapsed, crashing to the floor just inches from her body. Hot burning embers sprayed out over her back as she scrambled away.
Hardly able to see through the thick black smoke, Kaoru stumbled forward, her once bright sapphire eyes stinging from the heat and smoke, trying desperately to get out. Her voice no more than a pained croak as she called out his name. 'I'm going to die here.' She thought as she fell once more, 'No, I can't it would kill him.' Forcing herself to stand she moved forward, her severely burned feet and legs protesting her efforts.
Some how Kaoru managed to escape the burning house, the cold night air filling her oxygen starved lungs. Unable to continue she slumped against the damp wall of the building behind her home.
Adrenaline faded from her system, bringing the pain of her burns to the forefront of her mind. Darkness beckoned but Kaoru clung grimly to her last shreds of awareness. Her vision dimmed and blurred. Dark figures loomed before her, obscuring her sight of the fire.
Harsh whispers barely discernable over the roar of the fire met her ears. For a moment she thought she saw the flash of steel, before rough hands grabbed her and she fell into the welcome embrace of healing darkness.
Kaoru felt numb. Crystalline tears slid silently down her cheeks, droplets of moisture falling steadily into the loosely packed earth before her. A plain wooden marker stood at the head of the grave.
He couldn't be gone, her protector, her savior, 'no…No!' she wanted to scream, 'it's not true. It can't be.' And she had. Temple initiates had merely looked at her pityingly. She had demanded to see the body. Not able to believe he was gone.
Reluctant they had shown her the body… barely recognizable as human, nothing more than a burnt husk. Seeing him… it had broken something deep inside her. Her outrage, disbelief, anger… it was gone, only an aching void remained an aching hole in her heart.
Unseeing her gray blue eyes stared unblinkingly at the heavy bandages covering her arms and feet. When her eyes had changed color many thought the fire had blinded her. Kaoru knew the truth her vision was unimpaired, but what was the point of any of it now. Her legs had also sustained sever burns as well as much of her back. Dull gray blue eyes now graced her features and her hair hung in dull strands down her back.
Lover, guardian… husband. A voice in the back of her mind supplied one word…
Gone
Widowed at only eighteen Kaoru found the thought of remarriage repulsive, she would not dishonor him in such a way. Instead she turned to the temple her injured and burned form had been left at after the fire.
Ishtar, goddess of love, beauty and war, her many scars and smoke ruined voice had designated her for the sword dance. Now at twenty-two she would achieve the rank of full priestess.
Her once lithe and untouched form now bore the scars of her ordeal with ageless grace. Her high lilting voice reduced to a low murmur, and old sorrow burned in the depths eyes the color of gray blue steel.
Most initiates to Ishtar's temple are lovely women, whose skill in music, dance or song has brought them to the goddess. For a few it is the sword, a dance of steel and death. Every day must begin and end by the sword and you must trust your partner with your life.
Most priestesses chose a permanent partner, a male swordsman with whom she could perform her dance. This man was given the title of Ishtar's consort. A "consort's" life was very closely tied to his priestesses' often acting as her sponsor, protector, even lover in some cases.
A rarity, Kaoru had never taken a consort. Though she was now twenty-five and well on her way to joining the ranks of high priestesses, she choose to complete her dance with younger, less experienced swordsmen, often still in training.
Never becoming attached to anyone in particular, Kaoru often sent her more promising "students" ,as she called them, to other priestesses, with whom they would have a chance at making consort. Aoshi had been one such example. A quiet, stoic man he had been a good match to her young friend Misao's colorful, happy temperament. Her fiery temperament and his somewhat icy demeanor seemed to complement each other well.
At the moment she worked with Yahiko, a young pick pocket the temple had taken in. he was not quite ready to complete a sword dance with her, so at dusk and dawn she completed her customary sword dance with Enishi.
As Kaoru watched Yahiko move slowly through one of the more difficult stanzas of the dance she chewed her full lower lip thoughtfully. Enishi was becoming attached to her. Though an accomplished swordsman she had yet to find a priestess who would take him…
Well, speak of the devil, she could sense his ki as he walked toward the training room she and Yahiko currently occupied. Gesturing shortly to Yahiko she turned to face the door, her simple training hakama swirling about her legs. Then the door opened revealing a tall young man, whose shock of white hair made him look older than he possibly could be.
"Ah! Kaoru, I was just looking for you. Would you like to have dinner with me now?" his tone was warm and overly familiar, as if he already held the title consort. Forcing a smile onto her face Kaoru reached behind her pulling Yahiko to her side. He struggled a bit muttering,
"What do ya think your doin' busu?"
Ignoring him she threw an arm about his shoulders and stepped inconspicuously on his foot hoping he would play along. When a forced smile plastered itself on his face she replied, her low voice pitched sugary sweet.
"I'm so sorry Enishi; I told Yahiko here, I'd help him with his kata. Isn't that right?" she said, nudging Yahiko lightly in the ribs.
"Uh, yeah…I needed some help with the um… third pass…" he managed to get out awkwardly. Kaoru winced internally, 'we need to work on his acting skills.' Enishi's eyes took on a flinty quality and his smile hardened a bit as he said,
"That's fine, next time then." He walked out before Kaoru could respond. For a moment Kaoru glared after him fuming, before Yahiko brought her back to the present,
"Let go of me busu," removing her arm she smacked him lightly on the side of the head, "Hey! What was that for busu?!" he yelped. She glared at him.
"Third pass? Was that really all you could come up with? Sheesh! Yahiko-chan why don't you just tell him I'm avoiding him?"
"Don't call me little! Anyways, why don't you just tell him off? Don't know what he sees in you anyway busu-" his rant was cut off as Kaoru said,
"If you're still stuck on that pass Yahiko-chan, why don't you practice it now… hmm… give me 150 repetitions."
"Aww! C'mon busu!" he complained loudly and Kaoru replied,
"200." Glaring at her he began slipping smoothly into the moves of the dance while she watched, grinning slightly. He would soon be ready to practice with live steel.
Slipping out of the room, she left. Confident Yahiko would finish his kata. Moving silently toward her quarters in the temple she opened the door to her room. It was very austere, a small table and chairs stood to the side. Her futon was rolled neatly in the corner beside her clothing chest. The stone walls unadorned save her katana.
It was a beautiful sword. Its ebony sheath had an eerie obsidian-liked quality. Iridescent greens, blues, and lavenders, glistened just below the polished surface. Elegant scrolling designs were etched lightly into the otherwise unmarred metal.
Walking up to her clothing chest she reverently removed her ceremonial clothes. A simple face veil revealed only her storm blue eyes. The fabric of the entire outfit was comprised of a white and faintly luminescent silver material.
The bodice was elegant accenting her figure to flow gracefully into a skirt, her disfigured arms exposed. The skirt held only the illusion of delicacy. It was in reality an artfully disguised pair of hakama, which cascaded about her form like true dress, but retained the versatility and freedom of the practical split legged pants. Her scarred feet she left bare, as was customary.
Securing her katana to her side she gently fingered the dagger she wore at the small of her back. Its simple silver sheath held a lovely blade of smoke gray steel. A curling pattern of delicate vines wound about the hilt which was topped by a single sapphire. The blade had a single word etched into it. Live. Kaoru never began a dance without it. One of her last connections to the past she fingered the sapphire gently.
"Koishii, please wear this." Kenshin had pled his violet eyes lit hopefully. "It matches your eyes." He had murmured. She had laughed but humoring him, she had agreed to wear it. Kaoru had kept the small blade with her almost constantly.
It was not until after the fire that she had discovered the message on the blade. Removing her hand from the hilt she noticed absently that her white knuckled grip had left the meandering imprint of a vine across her palm. 'Yes, I will live…' She thought as she felt the ache of her empty heart. She had become used to the fact that some part of her soul had died when she had buried her red haired swordsman.
Suddenly she became aware of a brash and untamed ki that startled her from her painful reflections. A few quick calculations had her scurrying toward the inconspicuous door at the side of her room. As she slipped through she heard a knock on her door. Ignoring it she walked quickly through the empty room.
It was traditionally given to her consort. No matter their relationship with the priestess it was a matter of both tradition and convenience for the pair's rooms to adjoin. The necessity of the dawn and sunset dances made this a very practical arrangement.
Kaoru frowned, Enishi had been bothering her about the impracticality of her dawn dance, suggesting that he could take the adjoining room… perhaps she should send him on… but Yahiko was not yet ready to perform the full dance… she brushed the thoughts aside as she heard the door to her room open.
Running out into the hall she slipped inside the room across the hall before even knocking. Carefully closing shutting the door she said,
"Sorry Misao, Enishi's being a pain. Can I-" her words died on her lips as she turned and instead of meeting the emerald green eyes of her tiny, hyperactive friend she stared at a wide expanse of someone's chest. Slowly, she raised her head to meet calm storm gray eyes. He was already dressed in the traditional midnight blue and gold of a consort.
"Opps! Sorry Aoshi, wrong room. If you don't mind, I'll just go now." She said embarrassedly, opening the door, but Aoshi's smooth voice stopped her,
"Is Yukishiro bothering you?" Kaoru forced a smile, shaking her head she replied,
"No, no it's fine, really." Aoshi eyed her silently for a moment,
"I will speak to him if you wish, Kaoru." But she shook her head.
"Don't worry; I'll take care of it." Aoshi nodded once but surprisingly, as she made to exit the room he steered her toward the door connecting to Misao's room.
A happy squeal was all the warning she got before a small body hurtled toward her, throwing her off her feet to fall against Aoshi's strong chest. A startled
"Omph!" escaping her at Misao's enthusiastic greeting. Then Misao exclaimed,
"Sorry! Hi Kaoru, what're you doing in Aoshi's room?" her voice a happy chirp, laughing Kaoru disentangled herself from Misao's hug and said,
"I was hoping to wait for sunset in your room, but Enishi was early this evening, so I had to use an alternate exit. I thought it was your room." Both women smiled apologetically at the tall silent man who watched them, a bemused expression in his usually unreadable gaze. Misao shook her head
"We need to get you a permanent consort. Then you wouldn't have these problems." Misao's tone was light and joking, but Kaoru felt dull ache in her chest intensify and had to work to keep a pained expression from reaching her face. Misao meant well.
"Misao! I've already told you, I like helping the trainees." Thankfully Misao accepted the feeble excuse and turned the conversation to lighter topics.
Soon the deep toll of a bell was heard and the three stood, walking toward the temple courtyard. Misao and Aoshi heading for their position on the wings, and Kaoru walking toward her spot near the center where Enishi already stood.
As she walked over Kaoru nodded to each of the priestesses and their consorts, bowing respectfully to the two high priestesses. Kotari Miyaki and Natoma Ariya nodded politely to her from their position at the center of the dance. They were soon joined by their consorts Hatashi Kieve and Onimara Hiwatari.
Walking up to Enishi, Kaoru noticed his ki was more agitated than usual, but she brushed it aside; there was no room for distraction during the dance. Suddenly, the peal of the bell was heard again and the pairs separated, facing each other, swords drawn. As the sound of the bell died the high quavering notes of a flute were heard and the dance began.
This is what Kaoru relished, the knowledge that a single mistake or moment of hesitation would place her in the path of her partner's blade. Both must move in perfect synchronization with the other to succeed.
The closer you stood to the center of the formation, the less room there was for error. Those on the edge of the formation were more or less stationary, while the center pairs actually rotated about one another in a ceaseless blur of moment, both about their partner and among other pairs.
The dance was a true tribute to their goddess, the beauty and grace of their dance with the elegant brutality of the sword. As she finished the last thrust, Kaoru spun to face Enishi, bowing in the customary end of the dance.
Straightening she meant to go directly to her rooms, when she heard her name. Turning to see how called, she was mildly surprised to see Miyaki and Ariya beckoning her. Walking over she bowed politely, Miyaki smiled warmly at her saying,
"Kaoru, you know of the spring on the far side of the city, correct?" Kaoru nodded, "Recently it has been dedicated to Ishtar and a pair was requested. Would you be willing to perform a noon dance?" Kaoru smiled saying,
"I would be honored to. If I may, who will be playing flute?"
"We planned on sending Tae." Ariya replied and Kaoru nodded pleased. She was well acquainted with the musician and knew the warm and friendly woman was a good choice for a public ceremony.
"Thank you Miyaki-san, Ariya-san, I'm glad Tae will play flute, if you would excuse me?" They nodded to her and she dipped a quick bow as she hurried off to find Misao. Turning, Kaoru just barely managed to avoid barreling straight into Enishi.
Glaring up at him she wondered why he was standing so close in the first place.
"Where should I meet you after the dawn dance?" He asked as though he hadn't just been eaves dropping on her conversation. She sighed. Aoshi's calm and collected professionalism had spoiled her, though she was even beginning to miss Souji's ever smiling, unperturbable optimism at this point, so maybe it was just Enishi, with his tones and implications and awkward invasions of her personal space. In a clipped voice she replied,
"Around ten, in the courtyard. Good evening Enishi." An obvious dismissal.
As she began to turn away he said,
"Let me walk you to your room, Kaoru." Enishi placed a hand at the small of her back, Kaoru immediately dug in her heels. Mentally she reined in her desire to smack the over bearing young man in the head… repeatedly, with her sheathed katana. Perhaps a minor concussion would take his mind off of romantic advances.
Instead, a well placed grip on his wrist forced him to remove his hand form her person and step away. So quickly, Kaoru doubted he even realized what exactly she had done.
"I'm sorry Enishi I'm meeting with Misao soon. So I will just be off now."
Hurrying toward the baths Kaoru scowled. It wasn't even his touch that bothered her. It was his arrogant assumption that she wanted, even needed him. Despite, or perhaps in spite of her very clear statements to the effect of- You are in training and are not to become romantically attached to me. Ever.
He acted as though she, with her disfigured form, would be lucky to find anyone, much less an accomplished and well off man such as himself that would have her. Idly she contemplated setting Aoshi on him, but dismissed the plan. She wanted him to back off, not beaten and disposed of in an out of the way location, beyond even Megumi's aid.
Kaoru grinned thinking of the couple. Megumi had been a sword dancer, but she had quickly given it up in favor of becoming the temple healer. She found the healing more rewarding even if it had mellowed her none at all.
Kaoru was nearing the baths. Slipping into the women's changing rooms she snagged a robe and towel. Shrugging out of her ceremonial clothing she folded it placing her katana and dagger underneath her clothes on a bench.
Pulling on a bathing robe she walked out into the large women's bathing pool. Smiling, she nodded politely to a few of the women, before making her way toward Misao, where she sat in a quiet corner of the pool.
Joining her Kaoru slid happily into the steaming water and wet her long waist length hair. Turning as Misao said,
"What took you so long, Kaoru?" Misao's grin nearly taking off her ears as Kaoru replied,
"Miyaki-san and Ariya-san chose me to do a noon dedication dance." Misao's excited squeal echoed loudly through the stone chamber, drawing everyone's attention to the pair. Misao smiled apologetically at Kaoru whispering,
"Sorry, that was loud." Kaoru just grinned. Grabbing a handful of soap sand and beginning to wash she listened to Misao's happy chatter. Scrubbing her hair she rinsed quickly and the two stepped out of the water. Wrapping in bath robes both women grabbed their things and hurried to Kaoru's room.
"Wow! I can't believe you'll get to do a public dedication ceremony. That's so cool." Misao said as she gently helped Kaoru rub a thick cream onto her scars. Megumi had created it specifically to help Kaoru keep the large areas of scar tissue on her body from toughening and restricting her movement.
At one time Kaoru had hoped that her scars might heal, but she knew now that they were permanent, irrevocable reminders of his death and her grief. They might be softened or smoothed but nothing would ever heal the damage done to her body. Her scars were as much a part of her as her black hair or gray blue eyes.
"I know I couldn't believe it either. Oh, and Tae will be playing flute." Kaoru said
"I'm telling you, you'll make high priestess soon." Misao said a sly look coming into her emerald eyes as she continued, "You know, once you make high priestess it will be very hard to take on students. You'll have so many other duties and your part in the dance will be much more complex." But Kaoru was shaking her head.
"Misao, I can't. I don't need a consort." For a moment Misao gazed sadly at her ad seriously said,
"He would have wanted you to be happy." Kaoru shook her head slowly,
"I know Misao, and I am… but I can't betray his memory like that…"
Unshed tears glistened in her steel blue eyes and Misao pulled the older women into a hug."You're right, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up." Pulling back Kaoru smiled sadly at her, saying,
"I know you mean well, maybe one day I'll find the right someone." Misao nodded flopping happily on the futon the two sat on.
"Just as long as it isn't Enishi I solemnly swear, I'll be the one who helps you find your special someone, eventually. You helped me find Aoshi, one day I'll return the favor."
Kaoru smiled at her friend's light hearted tone. She refrained from mentioning that she had already found that person… fate had just taken him away all too soon.
Misao had gone to her room a while ago and it was nearing midnight as Kaoru quietly slipped into the inner rooms of the temple. Her bare feet padding silently over cool stone, Kaoru moved quietly toward the inner sanctuary.
A single shaft of silvery moonlight illuminated the low alter at the center of the room. A statue stood upon the alter. Made of pure white marble the feminine figure held a sword in one hand the other placed demurely at her side.
Slowly Kaoru knelt before the alter. She liked to think that even in death her violet eyes swordsman held a place in her fearsome goddess' heart. Kenshin had been a warrior in the truest sense of the word. Loyal, brave, honorable he had killed to protect his actions never tainted with malice. He had lived to protect the innocent and he had died no doubt searching for her, just as desperately as she had searched for him.
Again Kaoru felt a pang of guilt. As her sorrow crashed over her in waves she pressed her forehead to the cool stone floors. She felt a few tears escape her lids dripping silently to the floor. Softly she began to speak,
"You know Kenshin, I still miss you. They say time will heal all hurts, but it's been seven years…I want you to know when you left, I think you took something of mine… but even if I never get it back, my time with you was worth all the pain…" her voice trailed off and for a long time she knelt in silence. Then she began to speak her voice stronger,
"Misao's been so kind lately; I think you would have liked her. I don't know what I'd do without her." a small smile crossed her face, "She's so happy and cheerful. It reminds me of you on one of your good days." Sitting up, Kaoru bowed her head reaching out to touch the feet of her goddess.
"Oh, goddess! I've missed you Kenshin, but tomorrow I'm going to perform a noon dance. It's a wonderful opportunity… I have to go now but I'll come again and tell you how it goes." Rising to her feet she moved away from the alter slipping out of the sanctuary toward her room.
Strangely she failed to notice she was not alone. A tall figure stood just outside the sanctuary, shaking in silent rage.
Hey, what are you doing? (Author back slowly away from torch and pitchfork wielding mob) Ack! Don't hurt me! I promise it's not as bad as it sounds. (Skitters away from a particularly menacing fan girl) Wah! If you kill me, I'll never get the next chapter up. (Rabid fans hesitate for a moment.)
Ok, good see we can all work out our differences in a peaceable manner. Yikes! (Ducks to avoid rotten tomato,) Fine, just bear with me for one more chapter. Things will get better, you'll see. (Author shakes fist at mob) Sorry, sorry please don't hurt me! (Author grabs laptop and hides underneath a convenient rock)
Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin (Author rocks back and forth making small mewling cries)
Please review! (even if only so you can berate me for such a depressing plot line)