This is complete fluff. I shall not reveal whether or not alcohol was involved in the writing thereof, but the title is a colloquialism for being drunk. :) Please review. Please?

"Hic," said Pippin, tilting slightly to the side and bumping shoulders with Merry. Merry grabbed Pip's elbow, allowing his cousin to lean into him, and he wrapped his other arm around Pippin's shoulders. Pippin stumbled once, stubbing a toe against the cobblestones, and he hissed a curse.

"Your mum would souse your mouth with soap 'f she heard that one, Pip," slurred Merry, lightly chucking Pippin in the arm with his fist. "And then she'd lecture me 'bout letting you run amok. 'm supposed to be keeping you in order, you know?"

Pippin blew a sloppy raspberry. "Pssht." He tipped sideways again, his weight falling all the more heavily against Merry. "'f anything, I'm the one who keeps you from trouble."

"The only trouble you've kept me from tonight is Ms. Ruby Sandhill," Merry sniffed. "And I'd thank you to keep your nose to yourself wh'n it comes to my affairs." Pippin stumbled again and Merry looped a hand under his cousin's elbow. "You never could hold your beer, Pip."

Pippin just giggled, his head tipping to the side and bumping on Merry's shoulder. "Don' need to, Mer'. 've got you to watch over me, like always."

"You'll feel it tomorrow, mark my words," warned Merry, but there was no condemnation in his words. "You'll regret your gluttony, just like always."

"You're just angry that you didn't have as much fun as I," protested Pippin. He hiccupped again. "'sides, you should have stopped me, 'f you were so worried."

Merry chuckled. "Sometimes learning lessons on your own is th' best way, Pip." Pippin tripped again and nearly fell, so Merry led him off the path and leaned him on a battered split-rail fence. "Take a few breaths, cousin, and then we'll set off again. At this rate we should make it to the Smials by second breakfast."

"'S a good thing we're not headed for Buckland," snorted Pippin, tipping sideways a bit and then catching himself with a hand on the rough wood. "Your da' would hide you if he saw you in your cups again."

Witha grimace, Merry grabbed Pippin's elbow a little more tightly then necessary and hoisted him to his feet. "My da' would hide me for looking cross-eyed," he muttered. "If I roll out of the bed on the wrong side, if I don't greet him with enough respect, if I drop a fork…" He trailed off, shaking his head slightly as he led Pippin back toward the path. "At any rate you're right, Pip. The best place for us is the Smials, for now."

"Don' worry, Mer'," murmured Pippin, laying his cheek on Merry's shoulder. "I'll take care 'f you. I won't let anyone hurt you." He sighed heavily, his beery breath tickling Merry's face. "You'll be safe with me."

Merry rested his own cheek against the top of Pippin's head. "I know, Pip," he agreed, and inhaled the scent of his cousin and closest friend, the faint smell of burning leaves and ripe apples. "Let's get home."